Z.A.T.O. script dump
This webpage is a script dump of the free visual novel Z.A.T.O. // I Love the World and Everything In It, programmatically extracted from the game’s Ren’Py scenario files. The author of Z.A.T.O. is Ferry / Nopanamaman.
Not to state the obvious, but this webpage completely spoils the contents of the game. To avoid robbing yourself of a great experience, play the game for free on Steam or Itch.io first if you have not played it yet.
This webpage was inspired by similar ones like OneShot Dialogue Transcript and Undertale dialogue dump.
Toggle table of contents
intervening script
define a = Character("[[ASYA]", image="as", color="#ffffff",)
define i = Character("[[IRA]", color="#ffffff",)
define m = Character("[[MARINA]", color="#ffffff",)
define gr = Character("[[GIRL]", color="#ffffff",)
define g = Character("[[VADIM]", color="#ffffff",)
define tc = Character("[[TEACHER]", color="#ffffff",)
define t = Character("[[TOSYA]", color="#ffffff",)
define c = Character("[[CLASSMATE A]", color="#ffffff",)
define cb = Character("[[CLASSMATE B]", color="#ffffff",)
define cc = Character("[[CLASSMATE C]", color="#ffffff",)
define cd = Character("[[CLASSMATE D]", color="#ffffff",)
define q = Character("[[???]", color="#ffffff",)
define mm = Character("[[MOM]", color="#ffffff",)
define d = Character("[[DAD]", color="#ffffff",)
define lb = Character("[[LIBRARIAN]", color="#ffffff",)
define l = Character("[[LEV]", color="#ffffff",)
define k = Character("[[KID]", color="#ffffff",)
define w = Character("[[WOMAN]", color="#ffffff",)
define mc = Character("[[MARINA'S CLASSMATE]", color="#ffffff",)
define n = Character("", kind=nvl, color="#ffffff",)
define aa = Character("[[ME]", color="#ffffff",)
define tt = Character("[[GIRL]", color="#ffffff",)
define bb = Character("[[BOY]", color="#ffffff",)
define up = Character("[[STUDENT A]", color="#ffffff",)
define ud = Character("[[STUDENT B]", color="#ffffff",) label splashscreen
[intro] [mm_extra1]
[mm_extra2]
intervening script
image snow1 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/snow1.png", 70, xspeed=(20, 30), yspeed=(20, 30), start=50))
image snow2 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/snow2.png", 30, xspeed=(10, 20), yspeed=(40, 60), start=50))
image snowred1 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/redsnow1.png", 100, xspeed=(0, 0), yspeed=(-1000, -1500), start=50))
image snowred2 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/redsnow2.png", 100, xspeed=(0, 0), yspeed=(-2000, -1000), start=50))
image snowup1 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/snow1.png", 70, xspeed=(20, 30), yspeed=(-20, -30), start=50))
image snowup2 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/snow2.png", 30, xspeed=(10, 20), yspeed=(-40, -60), start=50))
image snowup3 = Fixed(SnowBlossom("images/sprites/snow/snowpink1.png", 70, xspeed=(10, 20), yspeed=(-20, -30), start=50)) label start
[black]
3 seconds
show snow1
show snow2 13.5 seconds intervening script
define center = Position(xalign=0.5)
define left = Position(xalign=0.25)
define right = Position(xalign=0.75) Did you know that our Sun is a very unusual star?
1 second To start with, it’s a yellow dwarf. Those constitute for just 7-10% of all stars in the universe.
It's an outlier even among those.
Most yellow dwarves are primarily covered with dark spots. The Sun isn’t.
The majority of its surface is bright – in fact, it has three times the number of light spots than it does dark spots.
Sure, its overall brightness index is nothing special. You could even call it underwhelming compared to other stars of its type.
But even so, it works harder than most to shine as bright as it can. And I find that really cute.
2 seconds [skydark]
1 second I don’t remember where I read about this. Must have been some newspaper from years ago.
But that small piece of trivia still pops in my mind whenever I look up at the morning sky.
It’s not much of a view, to be honest. Not much of a sky, not much of a sun. I guess that’s the kind of region it is.
Some people say the sun is just lazing around in our parts, what with the constant snow.
But people that go around saying that, well...
They clearly haven’t read that newspaper.
[streetlight]
1 second The more I thought about things like that and the more I learned, the more I realised how incredible everything is.
I'm not just saying that to mean “amazing”. I mean “improbable”.
You can't deny the world is full of great coincidences. It's to the point where I've begun to ask myself how much of it we can attribute to pure chance.
The universe was so kind as to give us both a star and a planet with the perfect conditions for sentient life.
Just the slightest fluctuation in the composition of our atmosphere, the size of the globe, or the distance between Earth and the Sun – and none of us, none of the beauty surrounding us, would exist.
Some would call it a miracle. And of course, that's a lovely way to put it... But isn't that giving the world we're living in too little credit?
[street2night]
1 second Ah, but it’s not that I subscribe to the anthropic principle or anything!
I'm not so arrogant as to believe the universe exists just for our sake. Or rather, I'm not so sure it exists solely to be observed.
When a baby is born, it's not preoccupied with how it is perceived. That conscious need emerges later, as the child develops self-awareness.
Until that point, its curiosity is aimed at its surroundings. So if anything, it's the opposite of what the anthropic principle entails.
We're social creatures, so the need to be observed makes sense for our survival. But to say the universe itself shares that priority... It just doesn't make sense to me.
[sch_street_night]
1 second ...
Although, you can also think about it this way.
A child is curious about the world because it perceives the world as external. But what if the child is the world? What if all that it could ever observe existed within itself?
What can the all-encompassing universe be curious about? There’s nothing but itself, so nothing but itself!
There’s nothing else to care about in the whole wide world! It is the world! Duh!
Ah, wait, now this makes perfect sense. If I put it like that... I guess the universe has no choice but to be self-centered.
[school_night]
1 second Even if this wasn’t the case when it was born... What if the universe developed a desire to be perceived by others as it matured? The same way that a child would.
And what do we do when we want others to perceive us a certain way? We try to mold ourselves accordingly.
Ah! I think I get it now!
The universe gradually felt the desire to be seen. It wanted to be admired, loved and observed, because there’s nothing more a world can do but to observe itself.
It’s the best and only pastime there is, as far as the world is concerned. And if observation is good, more observation is even better!
Of course, an endless universe can observe itself endlessly. You can say that its observation value equals infinity.
That value may seem absolute, but it isn’t really, not in mathematics. “Infinity plus one” exists.
It’s a value that the universe could never reach as a singular, albeit infinite observer.
So it had to create new, finite observers to add to its infinity - it needed to create sentient life. Sentient life is the plus one!
When I put it like that, it sounds like all of us are extras at a party... Now isn't that fun!
1 second This vast mighty universe changed itself so meticulously to make new observers possible, it fine-tuned all of its systems so precisely... just to have us here.
It worked so hard just to share its one joy with us - us, worthless insects...!
Oh no... Oh no, this can’t be...! That’s cute! That’s really cute!
Ah, I should’ve expected this. I should’ve known the infinite universe would be infinitely cute.
This world truly is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!
[classroom]
[TEACHER]
Ira Grachevskaya is missing.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Huh?
I look up from my desk.
A low hum runs through the class.
[CLASSMATE A]
Grachevskaya?
[CLASSMATE B]
What?
[CLASSMATE C]
Seriously? She’s just skipping...
[CLASSMATE D]
Nah, she ran off with that one guy.
[CLASSMATE B]
You saw?
[CLASSMATE D]
No, but come on! You know her, she's totally-
[TEACHER]
Silence!
The teacher taps her journal on the desk.
[TEACHER]
Ira’s parents filed the report yesterday night. They haven’t seen her since she left for school.
Another round of whispers. The teacher raises her voice.
[TEACHER]
So if any of you have any information that might help in finding Ira, please report it to the teacher’s office or the police after class. That is all. Onto the lesson.
A chair creaks in the back.
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Wait! You really expect us to just study like normal after hearing that?
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah!
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah!! We’re shocked, you know.
[CLASSMATE C]
We’re worried sick!
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Seriously, our classmate’s missing. Our friend, our Irochka!
The room fills with repulsive giggles.
[TEACHER]
Cut it out. Garin, sit back down.
The teacher’s voice sounds just as dry as it did when she broke the news. She turns towards the blackboard to write down the date.
[TEACHER]
We all know the situation will probably... resolve itself just fine. So let’s not act dramatic.
[TEACHER]
If you have anything valuable to say, I’ll be happy to hear it in the office.
She puts the chalk down and begins the lesson.
It’s December 19th.
A bird flies past the window.
2 seconds 1 second [sch_corridor]
2 seconds 
[guugh] [VADIM]
Disappearance, gimme a break! Aren't you supposed to wait three days or something?
[CLASSMATE A]
That’s a myth. You can file a missing report whenever, 'specially if it’s a kid.
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Oh yeah? Hey, let’s report each other as missing and see who they find first.
[CLASSMATE B]
Ha, you're on!
[CLASSMATE A]
No, but seriously... what's with the sudden hubbub? So she didn't come home - big deal! I thought wandering off was her whole thing.
[CLASSMATE B]
Right? That’s just Grachevskaya for ya. Bet her parents just want some attention.
[CLASSMATE A]
Like they need any more of that.
[CLASSMATE C]
I mean, I've heard of some weird cases...
[guneutral] [VADIM]
Yeah, never say never, crazy is genetic. You think she’s in some crackhouse now?
[CLASSMATE B]
Haha, no way. Do we even have any?
[VADIM]
I wish. At least there’d be something fun to do.
[CLASSMATE B]
Hahaha!
[CLASSMATE C]
Honestly...
[CLASSMATE A]
Hey, hey. But she's, like, for sure with the guy, right?
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
The guy?
[CLASSMATE A]
You don’t know?
[CLASSMATE A]
Buncha people have seen them together. It’s some older dude, he’s like... thirty or something.
[CLASSMATE B]
Ew! You serious?
[CLASSMATE C]
Yeah, it’s so trashy.
I slowly walk behind my classmates as we head to the next lesson.
It’s irritating. Their conversation is ticking me off, I’m not sure why.
It’s not as if they aren’t making sense. It's not unusual for Ira to wander off somewhere on her own. I'm not treating this news with any real gravity.
Really, I'm no better than them. There is a trace of worry in my head, but it isn't directed towards Ira. Instead...
When I first heard about her disappearance, the thought that flashed into my mind was rather ugly.
1 second Now nobody will come to save me.
1 second [sch_corridor] 1 second Gross.
But regardless of what people are saying... and regardless of what I personally think, that's still a missing person.
Her poor parents must be so worried. Just picturing it makes me feel glum.
I'm not surprised Ira would just run off somewhere without telling anybody, but still... still...
[sch_window]
1 second ...
It's not like we’ve ever been friends. It would be stranger if I acted all torn up about it, right?
She’s just that kind of person. Always getting herself in trouble, always hanging out in places she’s not supposed to be at.
They’re right, this wouldn’t be the first time Ira left for god knows where.
But is it really true? The stuff they said about that older man...
I’ve never even... I've never seen or heard anything like that. Even though this whole time...
[sch_corridor] 1 second ...I suppose it’s plausible, knowing how some girls are. Even so, I’d never have thought Ira would be the type to be lovestruck like that.
Lovestruck, huh... When I put it that way, then it’s almost... Yeah, it’s most definitely cute.
Ira in love... Forbidden love, too!
Wow, I’d never have guessed. I never took that girl for a romantic. But she is a girl at the end of the day. And she does like those types of books... So perhaps...
She was planning to elope all along?!
Augh, crap! Crap, crap, it’s all so complicated...!
I’m really torn on this, I really am.
On one hand, it’s super romantic. Such beautiful young love with no regard for what anyone thinks... It’s so incredible! It’s incredibly cute!
1 second But on the other hand, I'm really... sad.
It's selfish and it's dumb, but if Ira is really gone... It's like I've got nothing to hope for anymore.
1 second [classroom] 1 second [VADIM]
Hey, Shubina.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah?
[guneutral] [VADIM]
You know anything about this?
[ASYA]
[troubled] N-no... Why would I?
[VADIM]
Well, you two were pretty close, right?
Their whole group chuckles.
[ASYA]
[um] We weren't...
[VADIM]
No?
[ASYA]
[um] No, not at all.
[VADIM]
Really? I thought you two were dykes.
[gusmirk] [ASYA]
[ah] Wha-
They all erupt in laughter.
[ASYA]
[ramble] We weren't, I... We didn't even talk!
[CLASSMATE A]
Gahaha, Vadim, you dumbass! Grachevskaya's screwing the old guy, she ain't like that.
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
I dunno, some chicks swing both ways. You never know these days, hahaha!
[ASYA]
[concern] I don't, it's...
[CLASSMATE A]
Haha, look at her face! Chill out, Shubina, we're just kidding, geez.
[VADIM]
Why are you getting so scared anyways? You really a lesbo or something?
[ASYA]
[ramble] I'm not...!!
They just keep laughing.
What can I even say to that? No matter what I do they just keep laughing.
If Ira came in through the door right now and heard what they were saying... Hehe, all hell would break loose.
I mean, she only “disappeared” a day ago. She's probably just coming late today. She doesn't even know there's a missing report.
Maybe she has already left her lover’s place. Maybe she's trudging through our snowy schoolyard as we speak. No, no, she's already inside!
She's already left her wet puffy jacket in the cloakroom. And now she's going down the corridor. Up the stairs, to the left...
That's right, she's coming! She's gonna storm in any minute now! Right, right, that's it! I hear her, I can hear her footsteps! She's coming! Ira’s coming!!
2 seconds [gusmirk] 1 second [VADIM]
What's with that face? You look like you're holding in a shit.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahaha, she's totally a lesbo.
[ASYA]
[concern] I'm- I’m not!!
[sadaway] (cont'd) I've never talked to her, I told
you...
The steps walk past the classroom. Now that they're closer, they don't sound like her at all. They never sounded like her in the first place.
[VADIM]
Well maybe not with her, but like in general.
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, you don't have a boyfriend, right, Shubina? Why's that?
[ASYA]
[ehh] Huh?! I don't know...
[troubled] (cont'd) I just-
[VADIM]
Dude, look at her. Be real.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahaha! Come on, don't say that...
[VADIM]
What, you wanna be her boyfriend? Hey, Shubina, wanna go out with Igor?
[gulaugh] [CLASSMATE A]
Oi!!
[ASYA]
[concern] W-what...?
[VADIM]
Come on, he's a great guy. Right, Igor? You'd treat her right.
[CLASSMATE A]
Piss off, man! I'm not doing this!
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
Gahahaha!
[ASYA]
[um] ...
I bite my tongue.
Tsk. There I go again. Bad habit. It's not like it works anyway, so why do I keep doing it?
I plop down at my desk and start mindlessly flipping through the textbook. I need to stop indulging fantasies like that. It just makes me feel stupid every time.
If Ira came in through that door and beat them up right then and there, would it really help my case?
They'd probably keep saying those same things behind her back. And to my face...
I guess it really would be for the worse. Yeah, I shouldn't have wished for that. If Ira saw that, it would just add fuel to the fire.
So it's a good thing that she didn't interfere.
It's a good thing, it's a really great thing.
1 second Hah...
At least these guys don’t bother me for the rest of the day. Everyone's too preoccupied with gossip.
I can’t focus on studying either. I keep thinking...
[skyblue]
1 second The last time I saw Ira...
The teacher says her parents saw her leaving in the morning. But she didn’t show up to class.
That part's nothing new. Ira has always had a bad attendance record.
So I assume she skipped as usual... and went to see that man they talked about? Did she go to him right away?
Because in that case... in that case, yesterday evening...
1 second “Go home, Asya.”
2 seconds [sch_corridor] 2 seconds The teacher’s office, was it...?
I’m kinda scared of going straight to the police. But I should... I should probably report that.
Not sure if it will be of any help. And for some reason the idea of telling anyone what I saw... something about it just doesn’t sit right with me.
But there's no logical reason for that. I need to get over myself.
Sure, she’s probably fine - I know that, freaking everyone knows that! But if she’s not, well...
I’m gonna regret it big time!
Oh, but I might also be tearing star-crossed lovers apart...
If Ira really ran away to be with someone that she cares about so deeply, away from society’s ridicule, would it really be right to ruin it?
...Crap. I have to admit... I’m also a little judgemental.
I mean, it’s really beautiful, I do believe that judging love like that is ugly, ugly, ugly, but whenever I start to consider it closely, I just can’t brush off how much older that man is, I just can’t.
Ugh, I’m really no better than the rest...
Wait! That's it! So that’s why I don’t want to tell anyone about what I saw!
It must be the good in me screaming, “Don’t ruin their good fortune! They’re probably so happy together right now! It’s none of your business!”
Gosh, yes, that must be it. That explains everything.
Should I follow my heart then? Should I keep silent?
It’s not as if what I had seen will make a difference. It was kind of inconsequential. There’s no point in telling anyone about it at all.
It's not the kind of information that points to any particular location or culprit. Not that there is one.
So let’s keep silent and everyone will be happy! I’ll be happy, the good irrational me will be happy, and the cold reasonable me will be happy as well. Yup, yup!
Good job, Asya, you solved it. Ah, it sure is nice to have a clean conscience.
Welp, no need to loaf around here any longer! Guess I better head home!
[sch_window] Counterpoooooint!!
Counterpoint, counterpoint!
What if, and bear with me here, what if Ira is actually missing? Despite all odds, there’s always a possibility that she is in danger.
If there’s even the tiniest chance that my report will help in finding her, then that info is worth providing!
And if she really did elope with her beloved, then my testimony won't change a thing. It's worthless at worst!
...That’s true.
If I carefully weigh the pros and cons, that off chance of Ira being in danger and my words being the key to saving her makes for a strong argument.
Woah... “My words being the key to saving her”...
Wow, yeah! That would be so amazing!
[hospi]
And then I’d come and visit her in the hospital, and she wouldn’t know how to thank me. She’d say I shouldn’t have, she’d say, “I told you to leave me alone, dummy”.
But then I’d just shake my head and respond, “It’s nothing. I was just doing what I was supposed to...”
Hm, no, I gotta come up with something cooler. I’ll need to think about that...
[sch_window] Wait, wait, why is she in the hospital?!
Do I hope Ira ends up in the hospital? Geez, of course not!
I don’t need my freaking testimony to save her. I hope my testimony is useless because she’s already home. Or is calling home, telling her parents how happy she is with the love of her life. That’s what I hope for.
Ugh, I just keep having stupid thoughts today.
[sch_corridor] At least I know what I should do now. I’ve made my decision.
I’m going to the teacher’s office. Where was it again?
I doubt they expect anyone to come. I’ll probably look kind of silly... Wouldn’t be the first time.
Well, who cares.
Walking, walking. Down the staircase, to the right, down the hall.
There, that’s the teacher’s office!
1 second [sch_stand]
1 second ...Oh?
[muneutral] A girl. There’s a girl standing there, right by the door.
I think I’ve seen her before... Is she an upperclassman?
Our town is really tiny, and so is our school – if I were a better person, I would know her name.
[???]
Hm?
She turns to look at me. I’m not sure what she is expecting so I nod a little.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... Is there a queue?
[muhuh] [???]
A queue?
[ASYA]
[neutral] To the office.
[???]
Oh... Oh, no! I’m just waiting for someone.
[muyay] [ASYA]
[neutral] Ah, okay.
[muneutral] [???]
Hey.
[ASYA]
[neutral] What?
[???]
You’re Asya, right?
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah- Yes! How did you know?
[muhmm] [???]
That's kind of a loaded question. How do we know anything?
[ASYA]
[pout] Er...?
[muyay] [???]
I mean, it’s not like we have lotsa faces to remember here. You know me too, right?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Umm...
[uff] (cont'd) Sorry.
[muehh] [???]
Really...?
Guh, that’s what I was talking about...!
It’s not that I don’t care to remember everyone’s names. I just don’t know where other people get them from.
They say that in tiny cities like this everyone knows each other, but that’s just not true.
We learn about the people outside of our immediate circle through gossip or common friends. But I haven’t made any new ones since the day Tosya left. And gossip...
Sure, sometimes I overhear my classmates chatting about this and that.
But I don’t like listening to them, I don’t like their voices, so I try not to pay them too much attention.
Wait... When I put it like that, it kinda does sound like my fault...
My point is, when people regurgitate that idea of “everyone knows everyone”, the word “everyone” doesn’t include me.
[muneutral] [???]
The name’s Marina.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Oh! Nice to meet you.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Nice to meet ya too. You got something to share about Grachevskaya?
[ASYA]
[surprised] H-how did you know?!
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Whadya mean, how? We had an announcement, same as you. They told us to report to the teachers and all.
[muneutral] [ASYA]
[hmm] Ah. I see...
For some reason I thought they only broke the news to us, Ira’s classmates. But it makes sense they’d at least give the upperclassmen a heads up, just in case they happened to know her.
Which means...
[ASYA]
[neutral] You also know something about Ira?
[MARINA]
Yup.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah! That’s... That’s great!
[ASYA]
[neutral] S-so you talked to the teachers already?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Sure did!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Wow... Um.
[awkward] (cont'd) A-and what did you tell them...?
[mulearn] [MARINA]
Tsk-tsk-tsk. That's between me and the investigation. You can't just spout info like that out in the open, Asya. The walls got ears!
[muserious] [ASYA]
[concern] O-oh... I-I understand...
[troubled] (cont'd) Sorry.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Okay, well, you don't have to apologise...
Crap, crap. I'm making an awful first impression.
Not only did I not know her name like I was supposed to, but now I look like I don't know the first thing about vigilance...
Aaagh, who am I kidding!! I really don't!!!
[ASYA]
[awkward] U-um! I’ll just go in then...!
Marina suddenly blocks my path.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Haha, no you won’t.
[ASYA]
[pout] ...I’m sorry?
[mulearn] [MARINA]
You’re not telling them a-ny-thing.
She gestures with her finger to the tact of each syllable.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um... Why?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Because...
A bad feeling stirs up in my chest. Please, don’t tell me it’s gonna be the same thing as my classmates.
Is this because I acted rude? I didn’t mean to. Well, I never mean to.
Ah, I just can’t help it, can I? We just met, and I’ve already managed to mess everything up. Damn it, damn it, damn it!
I desperately search her face for signs of mockery. But... weirdly, I can’t find any.
[muyay] [MARINA]
I’ve been waiting for you.
[ASYA]
[woah] ...Huh?
[MARINA]
Hehehe! Surprised?
Of course I am!
...No, wait. This has to be some stupid ruse. I'm going to believe this girl and then she'll just laugh in my face about it.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
I'm serious. Ira told me about you.
[ASYA]
[woah] R-really?
[MARINA]
Yeah!
Oh gosh, they talked about me? Wow...
I’m shocked Marina is being as friendly as she is, considering the kind of description Ira could give...
Wait, does this mean she is a friend of Ira's? For some reason I never thought about her having any, at least not at school. That was really presumptuous of me.
I wonder what Ira is like when she’s with friends.
[muchallenge] [MARINA]
I know you saw her yesterday.
[ASYA]
[sus] !...
[MARINA]
I figured you’d want to report it, so I ran here as soon as classes ended! I guess it’d be easier to catch you between lessons, but, haha...
[muehh] [muyay] [MARINA]
I got so caught up in all of those stupid rumours! It kinda slipped my mind.
She knows...?
[MARINA]
But hey, what matters is that it all worked out!
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um...
[um] (cont'd) So why are you stopping me?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Aha. Well...
Marina looks around the empty corridor before lowering her voice.
[mustern] [MARINA]
If you tell them about yesterday, you'll make everything worse.
[ASYA]
[concern] Huh?
[MARINA]
Let’s not talk about this in front of the office, okay? Come on, let’s go.
She takes a step back and beckons me with her hand. I’m not sure what she has in mind, but it doesn’t seem like a prank. Still...
[ASYA]
[ehh] Wait!
[mumbub] [ASYA]
[troubled] I know Ira's probably fine, but...
[concern] (cont'd) i-isn't it
better to play it safe? The faster we share
all we know with everyone, the-
[mushock] [MARINA]
Quieeet, you! I just said that we shouldn’t talk about this stuff where the adults can hear!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Wah!
[sch_corridor] Marina grabs my hand and starts dragging me down the corridor. She’s not exactly being quiet either!
All of my stumbled protests sound so weak they might as well be white noise to the other girl.
Yes, I spent half the day doubting whether I should report at all! So what?
I carefully examined my options and came to my own conclusion! I deserve to see it though! I deserve to testify!!
...But some part of me is relieved that the ultimate choice was made for me. I mean, that silly gut feeling I thought I overcame with reason has come out on top.
So there was something to it in the end! So I was right, my heart was right!
Sure, I can’t actually know that, since I’m yet to hear what Marina has to say. But this can’t be pure chance, can it? And if it’s not, what does it actually hinge on?
Did Marina show up because the world needed to stop me for the sake of something more important? Or did Marina show up because I subconsciously wished for something, for anything to stop me?
Whatever it was, I guess I don’t mind this after all.
1 second Hm...
I think I’ll stick to the grander narrative angle for the time being. The world bending itself to the will of some worthless gnat is a preposterous idea.
But it wouldn’t be the first time for me, would it?
And the fact that the world, for any reason, has decided to guide me towards the right path... That’s so endlessly sweet.
Down the stairs, to the lobby, to the coatroom.
I don’t resist anymore. Marina drags me along, and I can feel my doubt turning to excitement.
This is definitely the right path.
This girl knows about Ira.
I want to know more about Ira, too.
The whole wide world wants me to know.
10 seconds label ep1
3.9 seconds [zatotitle]
5 seconds [ep1]
5 seconds 3 seconds [black] 1.5 seconds intervening script
$ quick_menu = False
$ quick_menu = True [VADIM]
Wh-what the hell is your problem?!
[classroom] 
[gupanic] Everyone is looking from Ira, to Garin, to the chair that just crashed on the floor next to the boy, barely missing him.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah- Huh?!
[CLASSMATE A]
Grachevskaya, the fuck?!
[CLASSMATE B]
Is she insane...
[CLASSMATE C]
Somebody call the teacher!
[gupanic] 
[iuglare] Not paying any mind to the commotion that has filled the classroom, Ira storms towards Garin. Her face is contorted with rage.
Before he can react, she rips the notepad from his hand and slams it on my desk. I hastily grab onto it.
[iuyell] [IRA]
Read that again and I’ll kick your teeth in.
[VADIM]
Huh?! Are you nuts?
Ira doesn’t respond. For a second, she just glares at him, then turns around and stomps back to her desk.
The classmates who were caught up in a laughing fit just a moment ago are now watching her in silent bewilderment.
They scoot out of her way as she retreives her bag, then heads towards the door.
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Crazy bitch!
She ignores him.
[TEACHER]
Ah! Grachevskaya, where are you going?
[IRA]
...
Bump!
[TEACHER]
Hey!
Ira forcefully pushes past the teacher.
[TEACHER]
You- Grachevskaya! What... What do you think you’re doing?! Your parents will hear about this!
Her threat falls on deaf ears.
4 seconds 1 second Everyone knew Grachevskaya. She’s always been like that, I think. No, not throwing chairs around...
Ira had no regard for the rules that everyone's supposed to follow. I guess they call someone like her a “problem child”.
Her parents got a lot of flak for it. It’s only normal in a town like ours. Not just because of its small size, but because of its... let’s say, exclusivity.
1 second [photos]
1 second Vorkuta-5 prides itself on its virtually nonexistent crime rate. That’s the natural consequence of nobody being allowed to enter or exit without a permit.
You’re lucky to be here, to have a salary higher than the national average, to have access to goods people in the neighbouring towns can’t even dream of.
Few get afforded such a privilege. Last time I checked, our population hasn’t even hit 6000.
[iugray] So when someone like Ira appears on this tiny society’s radar, she’s not just seen as a delinquent. She’s a puzzling stain on a community that's meant to be spotless.
Like a weed that sprouted in a painstakingly maintained flower garden.
Of course, it’s not as if she had appeared out of thin air. It’s all in the family, they say. The blame falls on the people responsible - that is, on Ira's parents.
And questions begin to arise.
Why is Grachevsky's daughter behaving like this? Is there trouble at home? Do they believe this is acceptable? Do they not teach her discipline?
Do they not understand how fortunate they are? They’ve been granted so much, yet they can’t do the bare minimum in raising their own child.
Do they really want to be here?
Do we want them to be here?
1 second I’ve heard a lot of talks like that. I’ve heard more after Ira threw the chair at Garin.
I didn’t get why. Everyone was just having fun. And it was my fault for bringing the notebook anyway.
I was hoping to write a little in the library once school was done, but my bag slipped and all of the contents scattered on the floor.
Of course they would get curious about it. Of course they’d want to read the silly things I wrote.
It’s not a big deal, it’s not like I’ve ever taken poetry or drawing very seriously. Those are just fun distractions, nothing more.
If people laugh, well, what’s it matter to me?
I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I couldn’t, but I still wanted to thank Ira somehow.
3 seconds [sch_corridor] She rarely shows up to school. And even when she does, she can just leave at random.
I couldn’t get a hold of her for a long time because of that. Well, that... And also I was really scared.
Ira has never as much as looked at me. Even when she lashed out at Garin, it was like I weren’t even there.
But two weeks after the incident, it finally happened.
We crossed paths.
I went to the bathroom during some lesson, I think it was Math. I came in through the door...
[is_bored]
2 seconds And there she was, blowing white smoke through the half-open window. I didn’t even know she was at school.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh. Hi...
Ira shot me a disinterested look.
[is_soft]
[IRA]
...Hi.
I awkwardly scuttled past her to one of the stalls.
intervening script
$ persistent.isbored_unlocked = True
$ persistent.issoft_unlocked = True After closing the door, I realised I was so nervous, I couldn’t do any of my business. So I just sat there, thinking about how I should approach her.
It’s not like I had some long conversation or formalities in mind. I just wanted to say thanks – in theory, it should’ve been easy.
But wouldn’t that make me look like a weirdo, too? Assuming she did all of that for me... That would just make me look self-centered.
I had no idea how much time had passed while I was in the stall. Maybe five minutes, maybe twenty seconds. But when I heard what sounded like her getting off the windowsill, I swung open the door.
[toilet_girls]
[ASYA]
[kya] Waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!
[iusurprise] [IRA]
Huh?!
[ASYA]
[ehh] U-um...
I froze up. She stood next to the window, bag in hand. The cold draft wafted through her hair.
I had to say something. I got this rare chance, the world gave me this rare chance to tell her what I wanted.
But what am I supposed to say? “Thank you”? After I just tumbled out of a toilet stall?
[iuflip] [IRA]
...What?
[ASYA]
[awkward] Uh...
She raised an eyebrow.
I just stood there with my mouth helplessly open, as if I’d just gone mute, as if every word in the Russian dictionary got wiped from my brain.
[IRA]
...Whatever.
[iuaway] [ASYA]
[ehh] No, wait!
[concern] (cont'd) Please.
I took a step towards her and she jolted away like I were a leper.
I didn’t know what I should say or ask, I just knew I had to say something, even if it was the first thing that popped to mind.
[iuyell] [IRA]
What? What the hell do you want?
[ASYA]
[kya] I-isn’t it cold?
[iucringe] [IRA]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[awkward] The... The windowsill.
[um] (cont'd) When you sat smoking
there, right by the window...
[concern] (cont'd) I thought,
weren’t you cold like that?
[iupuzzled] [IRA]
Eh?
She blinks.
[IRA]
Not really.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[iuehh] [IRA]
...Maybe a little.
[iustare] [ASYA]
[awkward] Ah... Thought so.
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[IRA]
Anything else?
[ASYA]
[um] N-no...
[woah] (cont'd) I mean, yes. I’m...
[troubled] (cont'd) I’m sorry that you
got in trouble.
[iupuzzled] [IRA]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Well, I figured you...
[um] (cont'd) I heard you got into
a lot of trouble after that. You know, when
Garin read my stupid poetry.
[ASYA]
[pout] I’m sorry for that.
[iustare] [IRA]
...
She eyed me for several seconds, which to me felt like an eternity. She then sighed and slowly flipped her hair back.
[iuaway] [IRA]
And why are you apologising? That had nothing to do with you.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah?
[um] (cont'd) W-well... I guess not...
[iuflip] [IRA]
His voice was getting on my nerves.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[um] (cont'd) I see.
I looked down at the tiled floor. I knew that was the case, of course. It’s not like I was hoping Ira jumped in to defend my honour or anything of the sort.
I wanted to thank her regardless of intent – but no matter how hard I thought and tried to word it, everything just came out sounding awkward or wrong.
Why does this always happen?
The soles of her boots squeaked against the floor. She spun around and walked towards the door, and this time I made no attempt to stop her.
[IRA]
Your poetry isn’t stupid.
[ASYA]
[woah] Huh?
SLAM!
[toilet_girls] ...
I stood there, dumbfounded. Did she just say that? Did I hear it right?
“Your poetry isn’t stupid.”
Does that mean she likes it? Ira likes my poetry? Ira Grachevskaya?
2 seconds The bell rang and snapped me out of my short-term stupor. I shook my head.
Right, I needed to get back to the classroom. I doubted Ira was going to be at the next lesson.
I washed my hands from nothing in particular.
7 seconds Weeks passed. My life didn’t exactly change.
I went to school the same way, I sat through the lessons, then went to the store, then to the library or for a walk, and then, when it got dark, I headed home.
Day after day.
[classroom] [ASYA]
[neutral] Huh? My notebook...
I just left to get a snack from the cafeteria. Where did it go...?
[VADIM]
Oh, Shubina. We borrowed your homework for a second... You don’t mind, right?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...It’s fine.
[VADIM]
Thanks! By the way, is this supposed to be you?
He lifts a scrap of paper up to me. Oh no. I forgot I left it in there...
[ASYA]
[troubled] N-no. It’s just a drawing.
[VADIM]
Yeah? You sure? It really looks like you if you were pretty.
[ASYA]
[um] ...It’s not me.
[VADIM]
Haha, whatever ya say.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
Sometimes my classmates joked around with me. Whenever that happened, my thoughts involuntarily drifted to Ira.
She still attended classes, albeit irregularly. She always vanished during breaks - I don’t know where to, and I wouldn’t dare ask.
Something told me she’d say, “None of your business!” if I did. And she'd be right.
But even so, I kept imagining those scenarios in my head. Not just when I was being laughed at. I started doing it when I was walking home from school, or to the store, or just wandering the streets, killing time.
I kept thinking about how funny it would be if I bumped into Ira. I thought how interesting it would be if we talked. I even tried to stay out longer, I started to take new routes. It’s embarrassing to think about it now.
But...
[sch_corridor] [iustare] [ASYA]
[woah] Ah... Ira-
She just walks past me in the corridor. Not even a nod, not even a look in my direction. I guess I don’t exactly stand out in a crowd, but...
No, it’s my fault for mumbling. I should’ve spoken louder. Even though it took all of my courage just to muster that much. Even though I think... I definitely think she should’ve heard it.
[classroom] [ASYA]
[neutral] Hey, Vadim.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
What?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... Remember when I gave you fifty kopecks?
Can I have it back?
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Huh, fifty kopecks? When was that again?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Last friday.
[guugh] [VADIM]
Jesus. You remember things like that?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Can I have it back?
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Man, I don’t even remember taking it. You sure you’re not making this up? Maybe you gave it to someone else.
[ASYA]
[um] I...
[troubled] (cont'd) No, it was you.
[VADIM]
Geez... I don’t freaking know. It’s half a ruble, Shubina, who gives a shit?
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, why do you care so much?
[CLASSMATE B]
So petty...
[CLASSMATE C]
You probably just lost it or something.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
My eyes keep snapping to the doorway. It’s empty, of course.
What am I waiting for? Even if she showed up, what would she do? Mug him in front of everyone?
...Hehe. That would be really funny...
Hey! Stop thinking that! Maybe he really did forget. Who knows?
I really shouldn’t be upset, it’s not that much. You could go grocery shopping with that, but... It’s not the end of the world.
I’m not exactly starving. Lately I’ve been eating too much junk anyways... Yeah. Maybe if I eat less of this stuff, my skin will clear up. That’d be nice...
[classroom] [CLASSMATE A]
Asya, you don’t use makeup at all, right?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No, I don’t... We’re not allowed to, though.
[CLASSMATE B]
What are you saying? They allowed it last year.
[ASYA]
[neutral] R-really?
[CLASSMATE A]
Nobody’s gonna send you home for it, haha.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Oh! That’s good, I guess...
These girls rarely talk to me. They’re usually pretty nice, though... At least when they’re not joking along with the guys.
I think one of them likes Vadim? She laughs a lot whenever he says anything to me. I suppose we have very different senses of humor.
[CLASSMATE B]
But you never tried it before, yeah?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Makeup...? No, never.
[CLASSMATE A]
Seriously? You’re like fifteen already!
[ASYA]
[pout] Fourteen...
[CLASSMATE A]
Same thing. You gotta learn to do it at some point. Especially with that... complexion.
[ASYA]
[pout] Well, um, I’m not really-
[CLASSMATE A]
Hey, hey, how about we help you out?
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah! Just some light makeup, you’ll see what it’s like!
[ASYA]
[troubled] I... I don’t know...
[CLASSMATE A]
Come on, it’s gonna be fun!
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah, you're gonna love it!
[ASYA]
[woah] Uh... um...
[awkward] (cont'd) a-alright, but...
[CLASSMATE A]
Yaaay! Come here then...!
1 second I don’t think people do unpleasant things on purpose. Nobody wakes up in the morning with the goal to make somebody feel bad.
I really believe that... if someone is doing something hurtful, they don’t fully understand it.
So I shouldn’t wish bad things on people who don’t really know they’re being mean. I shouldn’t wish for Ira to appear and interrupt them, or to scream at them, or punish them, or... or anything.
1 second [sch_corridor] I can still hear everyone laughing as I run out to the corridor. I’m covering my face, I don’t need any teachers seeing me like that.
At least the toilet’s close, so I can wash this mess off quickly... Buh... I should stop falling for these pranks, but-
Bump!
[ASYA]
[ramble] Ah! S-sorry...
I lift my face up without thinking. Oh no.
[iucringe] [IRA]
Ugh! The hell...?
Ira jerks away from me. I can’t blame her. I must look like an insane person. Yeah, I look awful...
God... I... I can’t handle her looking at me like that.
[ASYA]
[ramble] I-I’m sorry!
[iupuzzled] [IRA]
Huh?
I run past her. Run, run, run...
I just need to get to the restroom. I just need to wash it off.
2 seconds After about a month reality had dawned on me. I kept telling myself that Ira’s actions had nothing to do with me – she told me that much, and in no uncertain terms. She said that, and I kept repeating it again, and again, and again, and again... But I didn’t believe it.
On some level, I still held onto the faint hope that Ira pitied me, that she cared about me for god knows what reason. No, really, what was the reason? Her lashing out at a classmate she found annoying – one who just so happened to make fun of me? Her not joining in? Her telling me she liked my writings? She didn’t even say that much. She said they weren’t stupid.
1 second [VADIM]
Oi.
[classroom] [ASYA]
[hmm] Hm?
Three coins clink against my desk.
Twenty... twenty... ten.
So he remembered...?
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
There. Thanks for the unforgettable night.
Everyone around erupts in snickers.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hey, you’re a cheap deal!
[CLASSMATE B]
Ya free later?
[CLASSMATE C]
Nahaha!
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Very funny.
[VADIM]
Oh please, Shubina, get a sense of humor. Your face is dragging down the class morale.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahahaha, that's right!
[CLASSMATE B]
You're doing us all a disservice.
[CLASSMATE C]
Think of your classmates for once!
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...
1 second I let myself believe something would change. I thought about it as if I deserved it. As if I didn’t have it good enough before. As if my life had any real problems. I was just being greedy, plain and simple. Getting my hopes up over some silly coincidence... It's all so stupid, I can't help but laugh. A-ha-ha...
But that's okay. I know better now. I was being ridiculous. It's shameful to admit to, but, uh... Better late than never, right? I got a little too caught up in my own little world.
And hey! Even if they didn't amount to anything, I can still appreciate those little encounters with Ira for what they were: brief, but wonderful moments. I could reminisce fondly about the one time I lucked out and saw Garin all scared and confused. Or that one time somebody gave my work a compliment, backhanded as it was. I could do that, because everyone does that. Everyone has those little things that they look back on with a smile. It’s beautiful in its own way, is it not?
Our whole lives are a series of episodes, both good and bad. It doesn't matter if they grow into a bigger story. Because each moment has a lot of merit of its own. It’s something I should learn to be content with. It’s something I’ve been perfectly content with until now. Until I... Until I decided that what I had wasn't enough.
Speaking objectively, what is there to complain about? No, seriously. I live in the prettiest part of our vast country. I have a comfortable roof over my head and even my own room. I have two living parents. I have wonderful hobbies to enjoy, paper to write on, books to read, TV to watch. I buy myself treats almost every day after I'm done with school. I have good grades, and teachers tell me I have great potential. My classmates also recognise how studious I am. I help them with their studies when they ask me to... That's right! I've got classmates that I can always talk to! Guys I can laugh along with, even if their jokes don't always land. Even if my sense of humour isn't the best...
All of this, I have all of this. Right here, right now. Everything that a girl my age could ever ask for. So why did I act as if that weren't enough? Why the hell did I even-
[IRA]
You idiot!!!
[ASYA]
[concern] A...
[surprised] (cont'd) Wha?
[sch_back_night]
[ijyell] [IRA]
Why the hell do you always go along with some bullshit?! I’m so-
[ijglare] Ira looks like she’s going to slap me, but instead swings her boot against a snowhill. She then turns to me and starts roughly swiping clumps of snow stuck to my coat.
My whole body feels slightly numb. When I start to speak, my voice comes out weaker than expected.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ira... How did you know I was here?
[IRA]
Doesn’t matter. I heard that asshole Garin giggling about it. Can you stand?
[ijtense] [ASYA]
[um] Yeah...
I clumsily get up – my limbs feel rigid. I know you shouldn’t sit on concrete when it’s cold. I wouldn’t normally.
But there was nowhere else to sit near the school’s back entrance, and my legs were starting to get tired.
I half-heartedly shake the snow off my skirt and tights. The flakes fall gently on the ground below.
[ASYA]
[hmm] ...
I look at Ira. Her face is... Huh.
The word “concern” flashed in my head, but I’ve already learned I’m no good at judgements like that. I shouldn’t be presumptuous, it’s a bad habit of mine.
I shouldn’t flatter myself. I shouldn’t, I shouldn't, I shouldn’t, but the question escapes before I manage to cut myself short.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... So why are you here?
[ijcringe] [IRA]
What do you mean, why? I told you, Garin was bragging about slipping you that stupid letter.
[ASYA]
[troubled] No, that’s not what I'm talking about...
[ijpuzzled] [IRA]
Hm?
[ASYA]
[um] Well... Uh...
[troubled] (cont'd) This doesn’t have anything
to do with you, does it?
[ijflip] As soon as I say that out loud, I realise I messed up. I really did. Now she’s going to punch me. Ira’s going to punch me for real. She’s going to punch me and then never speak to me again.
I don’t even say sorry, I just brace myself for the incoming blow – physical, verbal, I don’t care. I’ve earned it.
[ijaway] [IRA]
...No, not really.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...?
[IRA]
It doesn’t concern me at all. It’s just annoying.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I-is that so...
[ijflip] [IRA]
Yeah. He pissed me off. And you pissed me off, too.
[ASYA]
[um] Ah...
[ijglare] [IRA]
I don’t freaking get you. You knew it wasn’t real. There’s no way you believed that, right?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[ijtense] [IRA]
...Right?
[ijstare] [ASYA]
[bitter] I didn’t believe it.
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] I’m not... that stupid.
I look down at the moist and crumpled letter I forgot I was still holding. It’s the oldest trick in the book. A love letter prank? Really? Who would fall for that?
I stare at that shriveled up piece of paper and something about its whole existence feels extremely sad to me.
[ijneutral] [IRA]
You wanna burn it?
[ASYA]
[woah] Huh?
[IRA]
I have matches.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Oh. No, thanks. It’s wet anyway.
I fold the letter and shove it into my pocket. It will get damp inside, but I don’t care. I can’t throw it away.
A fake confession is still a confession in the end. Those words didn’t choose to be written insincerely.
It’s okay. Even if this whole thing isn't real... I met Ira today.
Ira came. After all these weeks of praying. Ira came...!
[ASYA]
[yay] Thank you.
[ijsurprise] [IRA]
Eh?
I smile at her. Even after I said I had come to terms with it - no, right as I was saying it to you, to myself, to the world - I knew that I was lying.
I couldn’t throw away that last dumb scrap of hope I had. That small involuntary thought that crept into my mind whenever I felt slightly lonelier than usual.
Even if it took so long, she finally came.
[IRA]
I... I didn’t do anything, really...
[ijshy] Ah...!
Flustered... Ira’s flustered. Is she flustered? Really?
...Haha. Hahaha. That’s cute. That’s just so cute!
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Huh? What’s with you?
Ah, right. I’m grinning like an idiot.
[ASYA]
[yay] Sorry.
[smile] (cont'd) I’m fine.
[ijehh] [IRA]
...Whatever. I’m going home.
Wha- Already?
Ira gives me a quick once-over.
[ijflip] [IRA]
You... Take care.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah... Yeah, o-okay.
[surprised] (cont'd) Bye-bye!
We wave at each other and I watch her disappear behind the corner. I hesitate.
Maybe I shouldn’t... It feels like there’s still so much I want to say to her. I don’t know what or why, but I just know that it’s a lot.
I turn and walk a couple steps in the direction of my home.
No. Changed my mind. I run back.
[sch_back_night] [sch_street_night] Crap, my legs are still so stiff... I turn the same corner Ira passed not even a minute ago. And-
She’s already gone. I sigh. The snow here isn’t deep enough to leave clear footprints.
...Not that I'd be desperate enough to follow.
Hah... Why does she always leave in such a rush?
7 seconds It's okay. My life didn’t exactly change.
I went to school the same way, I sat through the lessons, then went to the store, then to the library or for a walk, and then, when it got dark, I headed home. Day after day.
Sometimes my classmates joked around with me. Whenever that happened, my thoughts involuntarily drifted to Ira.
She still attended classes, albeit irregularly. She always vanished during breaks - I don’t know where to, and I wouldn’t dare ask.
Something told me she’d say, “None of your business!” if I did. And she'd be right.
But even so, I kept imagining those scenarios in my head. Not just when I was being laughed at. I did it when I was walking home from school, or to the store, or just wandering the streets, killing time.
I kept thinking about how funny it would be if I bumped into Ira. I thought how interesting it would be if we talked. I even tried to stay out longer, I started to take new routes.
And as naive as it was to behave that way, I kept doing it. Again and again. Walking and walking, praying and praying.
[IRA]
Tsk.
[classroom] [iucringe] [IRA]
Do you assholes ever shut up?
[CLASSMATE A]
Huh?
[CLASSMATE B]
Ugh, this bitch...
Nobody saw Ira enter the class - everyone was too busy whistling and laughing. Ah... And she caught me in a really dumb pose. Well, that's on me.
I wouldn't have chosen dare if I knew she'd see me like that. Though, choosing truth when playing with these guys... I'm not sure what's worse.
Oh well... I'm saying all this, but I got what was coming to me.
I chose to embarrass myself, and as I did so, I kept begging, wishing as hard as I could for Ira to appear. And so she did.
And now, despite the overwhelming shame, I feel so happy that I might explode.
Ira walks to her desk, barely paying me a passing glance. All the boys skirt out of her way - only Garin doesn't.
[iutense] [gusmirk] [IRA]
...Move.
[VADIM]
Nah. What’s the rush?
[IRA]
...
[VADIM]
Come play with us, too.
[CLASSMATE A]
Huh?!
[CLASSMATE B]
Haha, dude, you serious?
[iuglare] [IRA]
...
[VADIM]
Come on. Have some fun for a change. Look, Shubina’s having fun. Right, Shubina?
Please, don't look.
[ASYA]
[um] ...Yes.
[VADIM]
See?
Ira doesn't flinch.
[iuyell] [IRA]
Out of my way.
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
Or what, gonna throw a chair at me?
[iustare] [IRA]
...
To everyone's surprise, Ira calmly puts her bag on the nearest desk. She starts digging through it without saying a word.
Garin lets out an awkward chuckle.
[VADIM]
What, got a grenade in there or something?
She looks at him.
[VADIM]
Hm? What ar-
Swish!
[VADIM]
G-woah!!-
Garin jumps back, bumping into another student.
[classroom] [gupanic] [VADIM]
Wh– What the fuck?!
Everyone shifts away. What was that? Huh?
[VADIM]
What the hell... you...
[iucompass] Something silvery shines in Ira’s hand.
It's... a bow compass.
[IRA]
...
[gudoubt] 1 second [VADIM]
...Is that... Haha, you serious?
[gusmirk] She doesn't say anything. The room fills with low murmurs that quickly turn into jeers. Psycho, nutcase, crazy bitch.
Ira lowers the compass and makes her way to her desk, looking unbothered.
Ah... it's just like the last time. Ira saves me without acknowledging my existence.
Maybe some onlookers – no, most people will think she didn’t plan on helping me at all. And that's what I'm inclined to think as well.
Yet... my unreasonable heart is still elated. And I'm getting some really silly thoughts.
The two times when Ira lashed out at Garin were the two times she saw him laughing at my expense. That can’t be a coincidence, right? Of course it can. It was only two times. Two times – and weeks apart. You'd be an idiot to think otherwise. I... Yes, I guess you're right. It's the only logical train of thought. I should agree. I would agree. If only...
1 second “I didn’t do anything, really...”
1 second If only Ira didn’t show up that day. It’s been two weeks since then and I haven’t stopped replaying that moment in my mind. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over. I didn’t get sad about Ira ignoring me at school or anywhere anymore. Because in that moment I got all the justification I could ask for. It was everything that I could’ve hoped for.
...But... I’m still a very greedy person. It’s still not good enough.
[street]
1 second I still keep looking for her when I’m out. It’s almost ridiculous how hard it can be to catch a person in a town this small...
So at some point I started to wonder.
I saw my classmates regularly just out and about. Strolling along the main street, at the courtyards, at the community centre, at the store, at the cafe – they weren’t hard to run into.
But it was as if Ira spent all of her free time at home. Which could be the case, but didn’t sound like something she would do.
From what I heard and could assume, she didn’t have the best relationship with her parents. Spending hours on end in a home like that, every day... No, I really doubt that.
[barracks day]
The other, more probable option was that she preferred the outskirts. Maybe she didn’t want to be bothered?
That sounded like her.
Well... Despite that being highly likely, I was hoping to do just that - bother the heck out of her. Haha...
I felt almost brave about it. Ira could totally get pissed. She could push me away. She could even attack me! Woah!
...
But for some reason, I really didn’t think she would.
[nii]
1 second [vents]
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
My breath halted.
[ijsurprise] [IRA]
...Oh. Hey.
[ASYA]
[surprised] H-hi!
The vents near the research institute expel hot air. Nobody really goes here, aside from the staff coming out for a smoke.
I never ran into any, but the ground here is littered with cigarette buds, so that's a safe bet in my book.
Why is Ira here of all places?
[ijtense] [IRA]
...Again?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm?
[ijglare] [IRA]
How many times can you buy into stupid pranks? They seriously sent you all the way here...
[ASYA]
[concern] What...
[surprised] (cont'd) Ah, no!
[woah] (cont'd) I didn’t get any letters after
that!
[neutral] (cont'd) I’m just taking a stroll.
[ijpuzzled] [IRA]
A stroll? Here?
[ASYA]
[pout] Y-yes...
[ijehh] [IRA]
...Okay.
Ira gives me an incredulous look.
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Do you, like... smoke?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No, I don’t. Why?
[IRA]
It’s a smoking area.
[ASYA]
[awkward] Ah. Y-yes... I know that.
[ijehh] [IRA]
...You wanna try then?
[ijstare] [ASYA]
[woah] Wha? Smoking?
[IRA]
Mhm.
[ASYA]
[awkward] No, thank you.
[ijaway] [IRA]
Mkay.
She shrugs. Buh... Awkward start.
I can't let it end here. I need to just...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... And what about you, Ira?
[ijflip] [IRA]
What about me?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Why are you here? ...Were you at the institute?
[ijaway] [IRA]
...Yeah. Something like that.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Something like that?
[ijflip] [IRA]
My mom works here. She forgets her lunch sometimes.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Oh...
[woah] (cont'd) Oh! You bring her lunch?
[ijaway] [IRA]
That’s what I said.
[ASYA]
[surprised] That’s so sweet!
[ijsurprise] [IRA]
Eh?
[ASYA]
[woah] I mean... Um.
[smile] (cont'd) It’s really nice you look out
for your mom!
[ijehh] [IRA]
...It’s whatever.
It’s not. I know it’s not.
With all I’ve heard about her family, the fact that she still goes out of her way like that... It’s really amazing.
The thought of doing something like that for my parents has never crossed my mind. I mean, if I were told to deliver something, I would.
But Ira’s different. She wouldn’t do something just because she was ordered to. She’d have to really care about it.
Haha, crap... That proves it.
Ira and I weren’t cut from the same cloth. When I spend my days looking for excuses to stave off the minute I have to come home, Ira is cooking, packing lunch, and carrying it to the edge of town.
That goes against everything I've heard... But it makes so much sense.
That’s why I never see her on the street. That’s why she doesn’t have the time to sit at the cafe. That’s why she doesn’t idle away at the community centre. That’s why she’s such a caring person.
That’s why I’m such a piece of trash.
[vents_red]
[ijehh_red] No. She only said her mom forgets her lunches sometimes. Lunches are prepared in advance.
It doesn’t take long to get to the institute, even if you walk from the other side of town. Hm, yes, that’s true. She’d still have plenty of spare time.
This doesn’t work. This explanation doesn’t work.
3 seconds Ira walks back into the building.
4 seconds 2 seconds 1 second Do I really need an explanation?
It’s none of my business. I’m not so delusional as to believe we’re close enough to share something like that. That’d be nice, but it’s not how things work.
Things work like this: when Ira’s in the room, Garin doesn’t talk to me as much. When she isn’t, I wish she would be.
[classroom] [gusmirk] [VADIM]
Your friend’s not here today.
[ASYA]
[sus] Who?
[VADIM]
Who do you think?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh. She’s not really my friend...
[VADIM]
Your pitbull then.
[ASYA]
[ehh] P-pitbull?!
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahahaha!!
[CLASSMATE B]
Hey, that’s spot on!
[VADIM]
You can’t make a harmless joke around that chick without her throwing a conniption fit. It’s annoying as shit.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
They think we’re friends? Well, not really. But looks like they’ve picked up on it... On Ira reacting like that to me being used as a laughingstock.
So it wasn’t just me? It’s not just my wishful thinking?
...Haha. That’s nice to hear. Even if I still don’t know for sure... It’s the most comforting thing I’ve heard out of Garin’s mouth to date.
[CLASSMATE A]
At least she barely shows up.
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah. They’ll probably kick her out before New Years with that attendance record.
[CLASSMATE A]
Good riddance.
...
That’s right. Ira can’t possibly be meeting the minimal attendance requirements. I don’t know about her grades, but...
[CLASSMATE C]
Wait, I don’t think they can expel her.
[CLASSMATE B]
Huh? Why not?
[CLASSMATE C]
We’re the only school in town. Where else is she going to go?
[CLASSMATE B]
Damn. Good point.
Phew...
[VADIM]
Well, her parents can just send her away.
[CLASSMATE A]
You mean to another town?
[VADIM]
Yeah. To a relative or something.
Wh- No!
[CLASSMATE A]
Oh man, now that you say that...
[VADIM]
Everyone, pretend to be surprised when that happens.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahaha!
No! No, no, no... I hate how they’re right. I hate that I can see that happening.
Everyone talks about it. How Ira’s a nuisance to her household. It’s been like that for a long time. But still, I...
“She forgets her lunch sometimes.”
[classroom] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaragh!!
That can’t happen! No! It can’t, it can’t, it can’t! It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair!! They can’t send her away...!
She can’t go. She’s so nice. She cares. She does. Maybe not for me, but for her family. Why would they send her away? That’s just too cruel. They can’t do that. If they do, then it will all be over.
If they do, then I won’t...
...
1 second We just started... I don’t know what. I can’t even call it talking. I don’t know what it is, but that doesn’t matter.
Even if she just tolerates me, even if she doesn’t want anything to do with me, I don’t care. This can’t happen. This physically cannot happen.
[branch]
1 second I raise my head and look out through the window. The snow is falling lightly on the yard. The dark pine branches sway under its weight. The long gray clouds glide placidly across the tundra.
Far past the fences. Past the mountain ridge. So far away that I can’t picture it. So far away that my mind circles twice around the Earth and comes back to the spot I’m sitting in.
This world is way too gentle. It’s been too kind to an ungrateful brat like me.
So if I’ve earned this world’s good graces, why can’t a person so much more deserving do the same? What does a person like that have to do?
And is there anything that I can do?
1 second ...
A bird flies past the window.
2 seconds [ASYA]
[pout] Ira...
[is_bored] 1 second [IRA]
What?
I’m really using up all of my luck these days.
Ira sits smoking in the girl's bathroom, just like she did when I first talked to her. Some snowflakes blow into the room and stick in her hair.
[ASYA]
[pout] Um... It’s gotten colder. Maybe you shouldn’t
sit so close...
[is_neutral]
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] Uh... I...
[troubled] (cont'd) I know you don’t like going to
classes much, but... you can really get kicked
out like that.
[IRA]
...Is that why you came here? To tell me that?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
intervening script
$ persistent.isneutral_unlocked = True
[IRA]
I know that. I’m not stupid.
[ASYA]
[concern] I don’t think you are.
[troubled] (cont'd) Do you just... really
not care?
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] Everyone says that you’ll get sent away. That
your parents will send you to live with a
relative. Is that true?
[IRA]
Probably, yeah.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] Gh...
Of course it’s true. I knew it was true when I asked the question.
[ASYA]
[ramble] Maybe... Maybe if you just cleaned up...
[um] (cont'd) If you
stop skipping now, then maybe...
Maybe you won’t have to go.
[ASYA]
[awkward] A-and if you’re having a hard time with studies,
I can help. W-we could go to the library or
something, and... And then...
[IRA]
There’s one month left.
[ASYA]
[sad] ...
[IRA]
It’s not gonna work.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[sadaway] (cont'd) I get it.
My voice is shaking. It’s better if I keep staring at my shoes. It’s okay. That’s about what I expected.
Of course I knew it’s pointless to cram at this point. It was just an excuse. A selfish ploy to get some scraps of Ira’s time before she goes.
I wonder, did I do the same when Tosya moved away? It’s only been three years. But now that I think back to it... It’s all so hazy.
I was a very different person then, I’m sure. At least, I probably didn’t humiliate myself like this.
[is_soft] [IRA]
Hey.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Hm?
[IRA]
Thanks.
[ASYA]
[concern] A-ah...
[um] (cont'd) N-no, I didn’t do anything. It was a
dumb suggestion.
[IRA]
It was nice of you.
...Haha. “Nice”. Right.
She doesn’t know. She thinks I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart. It’s just not fair. She really is too good of a person.
[IRA]
...Are you not going to the toilet?
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh! Erm...
[neutral] (cont'd) Actually, since you’re here...
Have you seen anyone hiding a diary nearby?
[is_soft] [IRA]
Diary?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes. You know, the one we use for classes.
Maybe you’ve seen something like that lying
around?
[is_neutral] Ira’s expression darkens.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah, d-don’t worry, we were just playing a game!
I guess the guys got a little carried away.
[ASYA]
[hmm] I’ve checked the whole class and the
corridors. It’s probably somewhere really
obvious, but...
[ASYA]
[awkward] I-I’m just no good at that kind of stuff.
When I hid Igor's pencil case, they found it
right away...
She throws the cigarette bud out the window and hops off the windowsill.
Without saying a word, Ira storms past me – but I grab onto the edge of her dress just as she’s about to leave.
[toilet_girls] [ASYA]
[ehh] Wait!
[concern] (cont'd) I said, it’s fine! We were playing a game.
Really.
[iuglare] [IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] Please.
[um] (cont'd) Don’t get into more trouble because
of me.
[iutense] [IRA]
I wasn’t going to.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Huh?
[IRA]
I have an idea where it is. It was Garin, right?
[ASYA]
[troubled] No, Shurikov...
[IRA]
Same difference.
[sch_corridor] She walks out to the corridor, I tag behind. I’m not sure what place Ira has in mind, but it becomes immediately clear when she makes a sharp turn to the right.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Wait, serious-
She swings open the door to the boys’ restroom and loudly marches in.
[???]
Gah!
Some poor guy tumbles out, almost colliding with me.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
[kya] (cont'd) Sorry!! We’re sorry...
He turns and shakes his head at me in disbelief. I mean, what’s there to say...
[toilet_mens]
I follow Ira to the bathroom. Ugh, the smell is so much worse in this one.
I look around and see Ira’s hand reaching above one of the stalls. Ah... There it is. My diary. Right by the tiny window at the top.
Ira steps on the toilet bowl.
[ASYA]
[ehh] P-please, be careful!
[IRA]
I’m fine.
She grabs onto the flush tank secured way above. Then, using it as an anchor, she reaches for the windowsill.
[IRA]
Catch.
Pap!
I clasp the diary in my hands. It’s really been here all along... I look up at Ira, who’s now awkwardly trying to get down.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Wow, I... Thank you!!
[IRA]
Yeah, yeah... Ou-
[ASYA]
Wah-
BAM!!
Ira almost loses her balance, but jumps just in time. The bowl makes a loud clang as she hops off.
[iusurprise] [IRA]
W-woah...!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Are you okay?
[IRA]
Yeah... Uh... Let’s get out of here.
[ASYA]
[um] You think it’s broken?
[iustare] [IRA]
...Dunno, I didn't see anything.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Huh?! But-
[iuaway] [IRA]
Why would I be in a men's toilet? Gross.
1 second ...Ah. I see.
4 seconds [sch_corridor] [ASYA]
[neutral] Thank you again.
[iuehh] [IRA]
Mhm.
[ASYA]
[um] I, um...
[troubled] (cont'd) How did you know it would be in the
boys’ room?
[iucringe] [IRA]
You think Shurik would go into the ladies’ room?
[ASYA]
[uff] ...No.
[um] (cont'd) I actually... I suspected they put it
there. I just didn’t have the courage to
enter...
[iustare] [IRA]
...You can’t keep doing this.
[ASYA]
[um] I know... I should’ve checked there from the
start. Instead of running around the whole
school like a-
[iutense] [IRA]
No. You can’t keep going along with it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...It was just a game.
[IRA]
It wasn’t.
[ASYA]
[concern] No, really. We were just playing around.
[iuyell] [IRA]
Bullshit!!
[ASYA]
[sad] !...
[IRA]
You know damn well what they’re doing! They’re not your friends!
[ASYA]
[concern] I-I never said they were.
[IRA]
Then why don’t you tell them to piss off?! For once in your life!
[ASYA]
[concern] I...
[um] (cont'd) I can’t-
[IRA]
You like being a victim that much?!
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
[iuglare] [IRA]
...You...
It won’t get any better if you keep doing this. It'll only get worse.
[ASYA]
[um] ...It's not that bad... And I wouldn't...
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] I... I can’t. I can't just say something
like that to them. I'm sorry...
[IRA]
Why the hell not?
[ASYA]
[concern] Well...
[um] (cont'd) I... It wouldn't be right, and...
[iuehh] [IRA]
For the love of...
[ASYA]
[concern] I-it's not like I never tried it before...!
[sadaway] (cont'd)
But when I say something, they just make fun
of me. And nothing changes...
[iuglare] [IRA]
So freakin' what? Who cares what they say, just don't bother with 'em.
[ASYA]
[ramble] I-I’m not like you! I can't just do that!
[bitter] (cont'd)
I can’t act like I don’t care when everybody’s
laughing. I can’t look people in the eye
like that...
[iutense] [IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[bitter] And when I go along with it, at least...
[sadaway] (cont'd)
At least they talk to me. And...
[ASYA]
[um] I know you’re okay on your own, but...
but I...
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
[iuflip] [IRA]
So what’s your plan?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Huh?
[IRA]
That’s it? You’re gonna spend the next three years like that?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[iuaway] [IRA]
...Seriously.
She exhales sharply. She doesn’t even look annoyed anymore. I get that. I’m also disappointed in myself.
[iustare] [IRA]
Asya.
[ASYA]
[um] Yes?
[IRA]
You know I'm leaving soon.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
That’s right. I understand what she is getting at. The unspoken rule Garin and his friends have been sticking to – holding themselves back when Ira’s around...
The real, cowardly reason I’m so terrified of her going away.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] I... I don’t know what to do.
[IRA]
...
Why can’t I stop? The hand she’s been dealt is much worse than mine. But here I am, whining and clinging to her like a leech.
I should be the one helping. I should be the one telling Ira to get her act together. And yet... I can’t think of a single thing to give her.
[iuneutral] [IRA]
Write me a poem.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[troubled] (cont'd) Huh?
[IRA]
A poem.
[ASYA]
[concern] Um...
[troubled] (cont'd) Why?
[iushy] [IRA]
...What kinda question is that? 'Cause I liked 'em.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh, uh...! R-really?
[surprised] (cont'd)
You liked them? You liked my poems?
[iutsun] [IRA]
Why else would I ask?!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah, that's-
[kya] (cont'd) T-thank you very much!!
I mean...
[ASYA]
[kya] Y-yes, of course! I'll write one, um...!
Do you want it to be about something or...?
M-maybe in a specific metre?
[iuflip] [IRA]
I don’t care. Anything.
[ASYA]
[kya] A-alright!
[surprised] (cont'd) I’ll think of something then...!
[kya] (cont'd)
I’ll try!
[iusmile] [IRA]
Yeah. You do that.
1 second [iuaway] Ira checks her wristwatch.
[IRA]
I gotta go. Uh...
See you around, I guess.
Already...?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Ah... Y-yeah, alright.
[smile] (cont'd)
See you around!
She waves her hand and leaves. I watch her walking down the empty corridor.
Empty...
I’ve really stayed in school for way too long. The shadows stretch along the hallway, tall and dark. My heart is pounding.
I should get going too.
5 seconds 2 seconds 1 second My life didn’t exactly change.
I went to school the same way, I sat through the lessons, then went to the store, then to the library or for a walk, and then, when it got dark, I headed home.
Day after day.
Sometimes my classmates joked around with me. Whenever that happened, my thoughts involuntarily drifted to Ira.
She still attended classes. She vanished during breaks.
I never asked where to.
I kept imagining scenarios in my head. Not just when I was being laughed at. I did it when I was walking home from school, or to the store, or just wandering the streets, killing time.
I kept thinking about how funny it would be if I bumped into Ira. I thought how interesting it would be if we talked. I even tried to stay out longer, I started to take new routes.
And as naive as it was to behave that way, I kept doing it.
[dk]
[ASYA]
[ah2] Ah!
[ijsurprise] [IRA]
Oh?
[ASYA]
[surprised] I-Ira!
[smile] (cont'd) Hi! What are you doing here?
[ijneutral] Ira points to her cigarette.
[ASYA]
[smile] O-oh no, I mean... What are you doing at the
centre?
[IRA]
Came to return some books.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh! So you go to the library...!
[smile] (cont'd) What were you
reading?
[ijehh] [IRA]
Um... Stuff.
[ASYA]
[pout] ...You don’t wanna say?
[IRA]
I’m... You won't like it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Huh? Why not?
[IRA]
...
Ira looks like she’s really weighing down the pros and cons of exposing me to her taste in literature.
Did she read something she shouldn’t? Maybe she thinks it’s too dark or crass for someone like me. That’s kind of unfair, though, isn’t it?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Um...
[smile] (cont'd) You know, the other week I finished
the Plague! By Camus.
[ijstare] [IRA]
...Never read it.
[ASYA]
[neutral] It’s about a physician trying to save a town
from an epidemic.
[annoyed] (cont'd) It’s very... visceral!
But I enjoyed it a lot!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Not sure I agree with the message, though...
[ijneutral] [IRA]
Yeah? What was it?
[ASYA]
[hmm] It was, um...
[neutral] (cont'd) Basically, it’s that evil is
an inherent part of life.
[ASYA]
[neutral] You can try warding it off, but it'll never
be for good.
[ASYA]
[neutral] And even if you do good things in times
of crisis, there will always be some greater
force spiking your guns.
[ijaway] [IRA]
Yeah, sounds about right.
[ASYA]
[troubled] H-huh?
[IRA]
I guess there are some okay people in the world. But there’s a lot more dirtbags.
[ASYA]
[pout] Really? That’s a pretty depressing way to look
at it...
[IRA]
That’s how it is.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I... don't know if I agree.
[hmm] (cont'd) At least I've
never met someone I’d call a “dirtbag”.
[ijcringe] [IRA]
You serious? Garin’s right there.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Garin?! W-well... He’s not that bad...
[IRA]
Uh-huh.
[ASYA]
[concern] Really, I don’t think he means it...
[um] (cont'd) Um.
[troubled] (cont'd) I’m
sure everyone is trying the best they can...
[ASYA]
[concern] Most people wouldn't want to cause anyone
pain, right?
[ASYA]
[neutral] I actually, uh...
[smile] (cont'd) I think that’s something
Camus and I can agree on.
[ijehh] [IRA]
...Hmpf. Yeah, right.
[ijflip] [IRA]
If everyone's so nice, where’s all that greater evil coming from? You think it's some natural phenomenon?
[ASYA]
[woah] N-no, of course not!
[ASYA]
[um] There are things we perceive as painful in
the moment, and there are really horrible,
awful things happening every day...
[ASYA]
[troubled] But I don't think it's right to call
them evil.
[um] (cont'd) Evil's intentional.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Those things don't come from bad intentions.
Sadness, loneliness, misunderstanding,
fear... but not evil.
[ASYA]
[hmm] U-um, there was this famous judge, Dyonysius-
something...
[uff] (cont'd) From ancient Greece,
I think...? A-anyway!
[ASYA]
[annoyed] He said, “Evil is not a being. For if it were,
it wouldn't be totally evil. Evil has no place
among being!”
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Okay. So Hitler’s not evil?
[ASYA]
[ramble] E-eh?!! Um. Uh... Th-that’s a rather
extreme example... But...
[ASYA]
[ehh] It’s not like he was born that way, was he?
[ramble] (cont'd)
I mean...
[um] (cont'd) It wasn't his natural quality,
I don’t think...
[ijaway] [IRA]
So? The point still stands. He grew up and became evil as hell.
[ijflip] [IRA]
Evil exists, it's freaking everywhere. Just 'cause there’s a reason for it doesn’t make it better.
[ASYA]
[concern] O-of course not! I just don’t like when it's
described as something...
[troubled] (cont'd) omnipresent.
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Omni-what...?
[ASYA]
[awkward] U-um, it's like...
[uff] (cont'd) D-doesn't matter!
[um] (cont'd)
What I'm trying to say is...
[ASYA]
[neutral] We aren't born with some big evil force
inside us. I doubt the universe is any
different.
[ijpuzzled] [IRA]
Uh... What? The universe ain't a person, 'course it's different.
[ASYA]
[awkward] W-well, yes, it's not, I know that...
But it is a kind of being, right?
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Err...
[ASYA]
[awkward] Um... I mean, since every being is pure by
default... So is the universe! Because it's
the idea of being itself, right...?
And, um... uh...
[ASYA]
[uff] I’m not making any sense, am I?
[ijehh] [IRA]
You’re not.
[ASYA]
[um] Sorry...
[ijaway] [IRA]
It’s whatever. About what I’d expect.
[ASYA]
[pout] W-what does that mean...?
[ijneutral] [IRA]
You’re weird. You say weird things.
[ASYA]
[uff] Ah...
For a second I feel a lump rising in my throat. But then I realise something.
Ira doesn’t look annoyed with me. In fact, it’s like she's not repulsed by me at all.
[ijehh] [IRA]
I don't really get it, but... It must be nice bein' able to think that way.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm?
[IRA]
Like everyone's good deep down. Like nobody would ever hurt someone on purpose.
[ijflip] [IRA]
That's a sweet world you're living in.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[ijaway] [IRA]
How do you do it? If I were you, I’d be angry as hell.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Aren’t you pretty angry already...?
[IRA]
...Angrier.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Woah... Even angrier...
[IRA]
Yes. I’d be a hundred times as pissed.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Scary.
[ijsmile] [IRA]
You bet.
I imagined Ira throwing a hundred chairs. A hundred chairs flying towards a hundred Garins. Chairs flying, bow compasses swinging...
Ira is like a bodhisattva. Dozens of hands, half are for holding furniture, half are for stationary.
A halo of chairs and compasses. A halo drawn with a compass. Every new compass draws another halo. A hundred times more compasses, a hundred times more halos.
Ira surrounded by a hundred halos...
1 second We talk for a little while longer. Just idle chatter while she finishes her smoke.
I tell her about some of the books I’ve recently read.
My impressions, my interpretations.
I’m not exactly used to sharing those, so my thoughts come out sounding dumb and crumpled. She keeps listening, though.
Every time I say something I search Ira’s face for signs of boredom. Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough, but I can’t find anything of the sort.
Oh geez. I feel so happy I might die.
[ijaway] [IRA]
I gotta go.
She puts out her cigarette bud.
[ASYA]
[pout] Oh... Really?
[IRA]
Yeah, plans.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Ah. I understand...
[ijneutral] [IRA]
But, uh... Some of those novels sounded kinda interesting. I’ll check ‘em out if I don't forget.
[ASYA]
[woah] R-really? Please let me know if you do!
And, um...
[uff] (cont'd) Sorry for that stupid plilosophy
talk.
[ijcringe] [IRA]
Can you shut up with the freaking apologies? I just said thanks.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah, I... Sor-
Ira gives me a look so threatening I cut myself off.
[ASYA]
[pout] R-right.
[um] (cont'd) Er...
[hmm] (cont'd) I...
[awkward] (cont'd) I hope you enjoy them?
[ijneutral] [IRA]
...
She nods in approval. Phew.
[ijehh] [IRA]
...Oh, and... The books I read...
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...!
[IRA]
They were, um...
[ASYA]
[woah] Yes?
[ijshy] [IRA]
...Angelique.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Eh?
[IRA]
By Anne Golon.
An...
Angelique?!!
[ASYA]
[surprised] The romance series?!!
[ijtsun] [IRA]
Y... It’s... It’s historical! It’s not just lovey-dovey stuff, you know!
[ASYA]
[surprised] I... I know, my mom really liked them! They
seem wonderful!
[ASYA]
[surprised] I just... I never got to reading them, and,
um... I didn’t really expect you to be into-
[ijyell] [IRA]
They’re fine!! It’s not like I’m a huge fan or anything!
[ASYA]
[concern] Y-you’re not?
[ijtsun] [IRA]
It’s just that... If you wanna read something historical or whatever... They’re alright.
[ASYA]
[woah] I’ll...
[yay] (cont'd) Okay! I’ll remember that!
[ijshy] [IRA]
...
Ira looks like she’s about to say something else, but then turns on her heels and stomps away.
[IRA]
See you.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
[surprised] (cont'd) Y-yes, see you around...!
...
Ira disappears down the street. There she goes again...
My body leans against the frigid wall. My legs are weak.
We talked. Ira and I really talked. I never would’ve guessed... It was even nicer than I imagined.
And I had no idea... So she likes books like that, huh. Ira likes novels like that... It’s so wonderful. It’s really, really wonderful.
Every new thing I learn about her is more wonderful than the last. I need to meet with her again. I want to talk more.
Maybe next time she’ll tell me a little more about herself. It kind of feels like I hogged the entire conversation, now that I think back to it.
That was really self-centered of me... Next time, I’ll have to ask Ira more questions.
I’ll ask her more about the books she likes. Maybe we could talk about movies? I wonder what her favourites are. Does she also like romance films? That would be cute...
I usually prefer detective films. But I really enjoy all kinds of movies. So if she wanted to watch something...
Maybe we could even go to the cinema? That could be so much fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone there.
I need to see her again.
4 seconds 2 seconds She skips even more often than before.
No point in keeping up with classes if you’re getting expelled anyway – I guess that's Ira's modus operandi.
To some degree, I understand it... but I still wish she showed her face from time to time, if only for one lesson.
We probably wouldn’t talk even if she came. It's not something we ever do in class, so I don’t expect anything in that regard.
Just seeing the back of her head would be enough.
[classroom] [gudoubt] [VADIM]
What’s with ya, Shubina?
[ASYA]
[smile] Huh?
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
You’re all smiles. Finally taking my advice to heart?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Uh... What advice?
[VADIM]
Not looking like you’re boutta hang yourself for a change. It’s great to see, really.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[smile] (cont'd) Yes. It is great.
[VADIM]
We’re so proud of you. How 'bout brushing your hair next? That grin makes you look like a basket case.
[ASYA]
[yay] Thanks, Vadim. I’ll do that.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...Hm. You’re welcome.
He grabs my English notebook off the table.
[VADIM]
Payment for my services.
His friends chuckle along. I couldn’t care less about that.
Even though she isn’t here today... I don’t mind. I know we’re going to see each other soon. I’m going to do everything to bump into Ira again.
I’ll walk the whole town up and down so that we see each other. I’ll scour every corner of this place to find her.
Perhaps I’m being overly reliant on the universe’s kindness. At the end of the day, even if I walk all the possible routes, there’s no guarantee I’ll run into Ira. But I want to believe... No, I’m convinced the world is merciful. So if I try my hardest, maybe my efforts will be rewarded!
Of course, it’s an entitled way of thinking. But there's so little time left. Too little time. I need to make the most of it. I’ll make as many memorable moments as I can while Ira's here. I’ll make every encounter count. I’ll fill this measly scrap of time with wonderful things.
[garages]
[ASYA]
[yay] Ira! Hi.
[ijsurprise] [IRA]
Gah?! ...Oh Jesus, it’s you.
[ijehh] She sighs with a mixture of relief and irritation. I barely hold in a giggle, I’m so glad to see her. It worked, it worked, it really worked...!
I spotted Ira between the rows of garages on the edge of town. She was crouching down by the wooden wall, hugging a thermos with one hand and holding a cigarette in another.
[ASYA]
[smile] Um... What are you doing here?
[ijcringe] [IRA]
What does it look like?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um...
[hmm] (cont'd) Meditating?
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Wrong answer?
Ira shakes her head and looks back at the ground. Huh...
The rush of joy that had washed over me when I first noticed her began to dwindle. Now that I take a closer look, I don’t think I’ve seen Ira curled up in this way before.
Everything about her posture screams exhausted. But why, out here...?
[ASYA]
[pout] Um... Are you okay?
She mutters something.
[ASYA]
[concern] Huh?
[IRA]
...ing on me...
What was that? I didn’t quite catch it... I take a tentative step towards her, but Ira’s scowl stops me dead in my tracks.
[ijtense] [ASYA]
[shock] Eh-
[IRA]
You spying on me now?
[ASYA]
[ramble] Wh... N-no!
[concern] (cont'd) No.
[troubled] (cont'd) I was just walking here...
[IRA]
At a garage lot?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Y-yes...
[ijglare] She gives me a look of such contempt, it sends a shiver down my spine. I... Why...?
[ASYA]
[ehh] I... I’m not lying! Really!
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[ramble] I’m... I always take these walks after school.
[concern] (cont'd)
And going the same route gets boring over time,
so I, um...
[ASYA]
[um] Sometimes I go through here. O-or through the
barracks.
[awkward] (cont'd) Or a couple times, um, a couple times
I even went to the helipad. You know, the one
that’s over there...
[ijflip] As I speak, I see Ira’s expression slowly change from disdain to confusion. Agh... This isn’t right. We talked so nicely just a few days prior. Why then...
Did she hear something bad about me? From who? I don’t think she’d believe a word of Garin’s.
[ASYA]
[awkward] I mean, I usually stroll along the main
street... O-or near the community center.
But it'll get colder soon, you know?
[ASYA]
[um] So, um...
[awkward] (cont'd) I-it’s better to enjoy the outdoors
while you can, right?
I just keep speaking, hoping she’ll stop being mad at me. I need to keep going, I need to keep talking, because that’s what I wanted to do with her. I wanted to talk, and so I have to, because I can’t waste this moment.
We can recover from this, I can cheer her up, and we will clear everything up, and she won’t think that I’m some creep. I just can’t stand it, I can’t bear having her glare at me in silence.
[ASYA]
[awkward] And you know, um, the views are really great
here on the outskirts. The sky is bigger, and
you can see way into the tundra, and...
[ASYA]
[concern] Ah, w-what I mean is, I didn’t think you’d
be here.
That’s a lie. Well, more of a half-truth. I hoped she’d be here, like I hoped she’d be wherever I went.
It’s just that... this isn’t what I imagined at all. Not after our last meeting. Not after everything.
[IRA]
...
She’s just staring at me. For a moment, her eyes soften. But then she closes them, as if just looking at me was wearing her out. She takes a drag and turns away from me.
[ijaway] [IRA]
God...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[IRA]
Can’t I be alone for five minutes?
[ASYA]
[sad] !...
[ASYA]
[sadaway] I’m sorry.
[IRA]
...
I wait for her to respond with something like “Why are you apologising again? Cut it out.” Or even just “Whatever. It’s fine.” But she doesn’t say anything.
[ASYA]
[sad] Um... I... I'm sorry...
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...I... I'll be going then.
[IRA]
.........................
[ASYA]
[sadaway] Goodbye.
.........................................................
Silence. I walk away.
[skygray]
Cold wind blows in my face. The mounds of snow on garage roofs look smooth and soft. When blizzards hit, they'll get completely buried.
I’d like to have a snow hill form over me, too.
They look cozy.
Ah, actually. I wonder what Ira carries in her thermos.
I guess tea would be the obvious answer, but what if she’s one of those people that like to have some warm soup with them? That would be cute. I should’ve asked her about it.
2 seconds I feel like I’m going to cry.
7 seconds 2 seconds [classroom] [CLASSMATE A]
Hey, ya got any plans for New Years?
[VADIM]
What plans? I’ll be with my folks.
[CLASSMATE A]
No, I mean after that. My sister’s going to a party with other upperclassmen.
[VADIM]
Oh, you serious? Think we could sneak in?
[CLASSMATE A]
No way, I don’t wanna hang out with her.
[VADIM]
Man, come on... They're gonna have those older girls there, too, right? The ones from grade ten.
[CLASSMATE B]
Oh, I bet Mishina will be there.
[VADIM]
Like she'd talk to you.
[CLASSMATE B]
H-hey! You don't know tha-
[CLASSMATE A]
I said, we're not crashing anything! They won't let us in anyway.
[CLASSMATE B]
Ugh. That’s true...
[VADIM]
Tsk. Where are we going then? Whose place?
[CLASSMATE A]
Not mine. We've got grandma coming over, I can't host. You?
[CLASSMATE B]
Me neither... Vadim?
[VADIM]
No way. Dad’s been... He’s kinda tired recently.
[CLASSMATE B]
Ah, really?
[VADIM]
Yeah. It’s whatever, though. Work stuff, I guess.
[CLASSMATE A]
I hear ya. My mom’s also out of it... All the adults are pretty stressed, huh...?
[VADIM]
Figures. It’s the end of the year.
1 second ...Right. It's almost New Year’s.
It’s a shame, but I don't feel festive at all. I’ll need to help mom decorate the house. Should I remind her about that?
It feels like all of us kind of forgot about the holidays. At least I did...
Well, maybe I didn’t really forget. The end of the year has been looming in the back of my mind, but not as a cause for celebration.
All I could think about were the days counting down to the moment Ira would move away.
Ira... She's absent again. I'm not surprised. I just really... I wish that I could clear things up with her. I’m not sure how, but I have to. Maybe I should apologise again? What for? Did I really do something so wrong...? I guess I’ve been pretty annoying, but... Buh, I don’t know anymore.
I need to think of something that could cheer her up next time we meet. Will more apologies really cut it? Probably not. She’ll just get more annoyed... Then maybe a small gift? That might be weird, though... And I won’t get any more allowance until next week. What could I even buy with this spare change? Hm... Maybe a little treat will do? Uhhh... A waffle? Would she like a waffle...?
Aaaaaaargh!! What the hell?! She’s not a freaking dog! Why, why, why does my mind always go to some weird place with her?! Guh, I should just shut up. Focus on something else. It’s just so difficult to do these days. Difficult, difficult... But I’ve got to try. ... Inhale... ... Exhale.
1 second [barracks night]
...
There. A little clearer.
I see the sidewalk a little bit better, the buildings, the sky, the lights. Everything around is friendly. Everything is beautiful.
That’s great. Those are great things to look at and think about.
Though, perhaps I shouldn’t breathe so deeply. You can really get sick from this...
It has been getting colder after all. My usual routes have been getting harder and harder to finish.
And it’s not just the temperature. The paths on the outskirts get snowed over, so trudging through them tires me out really quickly.
The winds are picking up, too. Even when I cover myself up with a scarf, it feels as if my face is being pelted.
[street2night] I’m not meeting anyone out here in this weather. Ah, I should’ve gone to the library today... What time is it? Maybe I can still make it.
It closes at six, so... No, for sure not. Oh well.
[streetnightedit]
They've already begun putting up New Years' decorations. Everything’s lined with lights...
Oh! And there’s a pinetree near the community centre!
It’s so tall... and bare for now. Well, I like it as is. The way that snow rests on its branches makes it look so mighty.
...Hehe, alright, I’m getting into a bit of a festive mood! Wish the frost weren’t so prickly, then I’d look around some more.
[skydark] The streets are empty, save for a couple of adults I saw walking down to the bar. Hard to imagine there would be a lot of people out on an evening like this.
So why have I been meandering around like I’ve got nothing better to do?
...Every answer to this is embarrassing.
[streetlight] 2 seconds [podyezdasya1]
The inside of our apartment block is warm and muddy orange. There’s no elevator, but then again, it’s only five floors. I make my way upstairs.
An idea is forming in my head. An obvious solution to the problem I've been having. It's perfect. I have the perfect plan for the evening.
[podyezdasya]
1 second There’s our door. It’s kind of uninviting.
But that's just my opinion. I bet dad's guests find it quite welcoming. Though, judging by how quiet it is...
I turn the key and enter.
4 seconds The only sound is the faint muttering of the TV coming from the living room. Yes. Thank god, no visitors today.
I hang my wet coat up to dry, take off my shoes, and quietly go down the corridor.
[tvroom]
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hi, dad.
[DAD]
Hello.
I don’t even stop to peek into the room. I won’t see anything I haven’t seen before. At least tonight seems like it will be calm.
1 second I wash my hands. When I exit the bathroom, I hear a soft voice from the kitchen.
[MOM]
Out with friends again?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Mhm. Hi.
Mom nods her head, staring in front of her. She’s smoking again. I go in and open the window, then turn on the light.
[asyakitchen]
She squints from the sudden brightness.
[ASYA]
[neutral] You want some tea? I’m setting the kettle.
She shakes her head.
1 second I sit opposite her and wait for the water to boil. She’s not saying anything and neither am I.
It’s not awkward per se. I just pick at the oilcloth and swat away the smoke that occasionally drifts in my direction.
We’re both used to this kind of thing in our own way. Even so, I go to my room as soon as I fill up the teapot.
3 seconds [asyaroomnight]
1 second I don’t like locking myself in here. I do it every time, and every time I’m swarmed with nasty thoughts.
Can't even spend some time with your own mother? You run away from her, even though she has it so hard, so hard. You traitor. Brat. Ungrateful filth.
It's the kind of self-flagellation that goes nowhere. Do I think that if I badmouth myself enough I’ll be forgiven?
This happens every time and changes nothing. It's pointless. So I direct my attention elsewhere.
What was I going to do... What was I... Oh, right!
I pick up a pen and start flipping through my notebooks.
Ira asked me to write a poem. Ah... Just thinking back to it makes me so giddy.
She said it. She told me she liked it. Ira likes my poems. Haha... Hahahahaha!
Nobody has ever said that to me before...! Well, Tosya did. But that was years ago.
That poem... The one that Garin read. What did she like about it? Maybe I should’ve asked.
Where was it... Ah. That’s it.
1 second Сырая чёрная земля, Не обнимай меня так нежно, Не рви наряд свой белоснежный, И спи спокойно. Только я Буду царапаться и биться, А иней пусть себе искрится, И пусть летят по небу птицы, И светит бледная заря.
1 second O damp black earth, Do not hold me so tenderly, Do not tear your snow-white attire, And sleep peacefully. I will scratch and I will beat, But frost will still glimmer, And birds will still fly across the sky, And a pale dawn will still shine.
1 second [asyaroomnight] Gah!! It’s so lame! I can’t blame them for laughing...! If anything, Garin was too nice...
But at least she liked it. For some freaking reason Ira liked it, so maybe it’s not all bad.
Maybe I can make something worthwhile. At least worthwhile in Ira's eyes. That's all I really need.
She got angry at me the last time I saw her. I don’t know why. I mess up a lot. I really mess up a lot...
I doubt she was a bad mood because of me. But, um...
I definitely didn’t help.
But now I will! Maybe if I do this, she won't be so mad anymore.
I’ve been really trying since that day. The day she helped me with the diary, I mean. I’ve been trying, but I just can’t get the words to flow right.
Today, though... I really want to do this today. I think I can do it.
Ha. I’m like a kid that only does their homework when their parents yell at them.
I don’t even know when she will show up to school again. Bumping into her on the street is a tough bet, especially with this weather.
Hm. Well. I’ll try anyway. I’ve got nothing to lose. What’s the worst case scenario? Appreciating gorgeous scenery? Oh, heaven forbid!
I’m gonna enjoy this to hell and back. And when I hand that poem to Ira, then... then...
It will all be worth it.
7 seconds 5 seconds [classroom] 2 seconds Ow. My wrist is tired.
I'm gonna totally wear down this poor eraser at this rate. I've got to remember to buy a new one.
It's just a bit annoying. Even though I ask my classmates to be more careful, they always forget about it...
I didn't use to do that before. But now, whenever I lend a textbook to someone, I specifically ask them not to doodle in it. Despite that, they always come back with crude drawings all over.
I can't hand them back to the library like that...
and I'll get in trouble if a teacher sees it.
Sigh... I lean back in my chair.
2 seconds A week. That's how long it has been since I've last seen her.
It’s not exactly new for her to skip for several days at a time, but a whole week... Nobody else seems to be bothered, though. I shouldn’t be either.
It’s not her job to be my, uh. I don’t wanna call her “pitbull”.
Either way, it’s nothing new. Nothing new, nothing bad.
Maybe Ira is taking in the town she’s grown to love? Who knows when she’ll return here after she moves out.
I get that... I would do the same. But still...
I just wish I could see her.
Is she still mad at me? I really hope not... But if she is, I have just the thing to help it.
That’s right! It’s done! I wrote Ira a poem. I wonder how she’ll react. I wonder if she’ll like it. I really hope she likes it.
Maybe she’ll smile. Or what if she gets flustered... That would be so cute. I want to see her make that face again.
show snow1
show snow2 1 second [streetlight] 1 second I keep walking around. I don’t really expect to see her at this point.
It just feels like a duty I need to fulfil. Like a soldier patrolling the streets.
W-woah, that sounds pretty cool...!
And it’s not like the weather is harsh all the time. Real colds will settle in a couple of weeks.
The wind can get annoying after a few hours, but aside from that... it’s bearable. It's pretty. It's all good.
[skydark] 1 second The main road. The two residential streets. The community centre. The helipad. The garages. The parking lot. The school. The stadium. The research centre. The kindergartens. The barracks.
I’ve seen it all a thousand times. Perhaps somewhere deep down I am a little tired of this view.
But I can't hate it.
And I can't pretend like I won't miss it when it ceases to exist.
[roofsnight]
1 second When I finish school, I’ll go to university. I’ll tell everyone I’m from Vorkuta, not Vorkuta-5.
Because Vorkuta-5 does not exist. People from Vorkuta-5 do not exist.
The ones outside will ask me something about Vorkuta, the real Vorkuta, and I’ll answer with zero hesitation. If I couldn't do that, I wouldn't be allowed to leave at all.
To leave Vorkuta-5, you have to deny its existence. I have to deny its existence no matter how much I want it to exist. I have to deny. I have to... I have to...
1 second ...But it's tough. So tough that I'm not sure I'll ever manage.
Realistically, I’ll probably slip up and blurt out something incongruent. I do slip up a lot...
I hope I'll get better at it by then.
[barracks night] 2 seconds Maybe I should stop. I lower my scarf and take a big breath.
...Ouch! I'm seriously gonna catch a cold from this. Buh... At least my head feels really clear.
I look up and see the familiar purple gray of Northern twilight. No... Not twilight.
Today is the first day of this year’s polar night. So I won’t see the sun until the tail end of December...
It’s nothing too bad. Personally, I don't mind the dark. Some people seem to get really depressed during this time, but I'm not one of those.
Ah... If I stay out for just a little longer and wait for the clouds to clear, I’ll see the stars come fully into view.
It’s a beautiful sight, especially from here, from the barracks – far better than that dinky sliver of the sky I’d see from my apartment windows.
I wish that I could stick around for longer. But it’s getting too cold.
1 second I start making my way back. Decrepit rows of worker housing disappear behind bigger and better homes.
[playground]
1 second There’s that old playground just around the corner. That’s right, we used to go there all the time with Tosya.
Even back then it was kind of unpopular – they built a newer one just five minutes away, so... We often got to have the whole thing to ourselves.
I guess that’s why we liked the place.
...Somehow today feels quieter than ever. I can hear a faint clinking sound as the wind passes through the swing set chains.
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
I slow down. There is a figure sitting on the frozen merry-go-round.
A drunkard? No, we don’t have those kinds of people here. At least not out and about on the streets... And the frame doesn’t seem like it belongs to a man either.
I approach, gently making my way through the snow. My valenki sink into it with almost no resistance, almost zero sound. When was the last time we’ve had snow this soft? I don’t remember.
But perhaps I’ve stopped noticing the crunch of ice under my feet. Perhaps it’s me being too focused on the person I’ve now recognised. It’s Ira.
[sit]
2 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.sit_unlocked = True
She’s hunched over, elbows on her knees, hood down despite the cold. Her hair is tangled, half-wet from the snow. What is she doing out here? Smoking or...?
[IRA]
...
Huh?
[IRA]
... ..... ...
I stop a few metres away.
Ira is letting out quiet, gasping sobs.
[ASYA]
[concern] ...Ira?
[sit2]
intervening script
$ persistent.sit2_unlocked = True
She looks up fast, as if jolted awake. Eyes red and puffy, face raw from wiping at it with her sleeves. There’s a bit of snot on her upper lip.
[IRA]
What- What do you want.
I don’t know what to answer. What do I want? All I can think about is how I’ve never seen a person look so small.
show snow1
show snow2 [playground] Ira swipes at her eyes again, then stands. She stumbles a little, trying to regain her usual posture.
[ijglarec] [IRA]
What, another one of your hangout spots? Damn creep...
Her voice cracks halfway through.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[IRA]
...Well? Enjoying the show?
[ijyellc] I slowly shake my head.
[ASYA]
[troubled] No. I just...
[um] (cont'd) saw you.
Ira rubs her nose on her sleeve again. Her hands are shaking.
[IRA]
Then go back to wherever the hell you came from...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[IRA]
Go home... Asya. This isn’t for you.
I take a small step forward. I want to say something, anything – but my head draws a blank.
Before I can squeeze out a single word, Ira turns around and stumbles through the snow, away from the playground. I can’t even muster the courage to call out to her, let alone follow.
I simply watch as Ira vanishes into the alley. If not for her footprints, I’d believe she was never even there.
1 second The snow keeps falling. A feeling I’ve long forgotten swells inside me. I’ve learned to not acknowledge it, so it got buried many layers deep.
1 second The hollow space inside my chest grows darker.
...
[skydark] The sky is full of pinpricks. The world is looking down on me, but not in the way other people do. It’s kind and gentle, and I don’t feel small under its gaze.
Its eyes are pure and tender.
10 seconds label ep2d1
3.9 seconds [ep1end]
5 seconds [ep2]
5 seconds 3 seconds [cafe1]
2 seconds screen date1
DECEMBER 19TH
intervening script
$ quick_menu = False
$ quick_menu = True The inside of the Zvezdochka cafe is warm.
It looked that way whenever I walked past its huge glass windows, the whole interior basked in golden light.
I did feel tempted to enter a couple times. But whenever I saw my classmates there and realised they’d see me sitting at the table all alone, I just kept walking.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
You’ve really never been here before?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Mhm.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Woah... Well, there’s a first time for everything. You gotta try their Bird’s Milk soufflé! So good.
[muyay] [ASYA]
[hmm] A-alright.
I think my mom brought something home from this cafe a couple of times. Eclairs, medovik, some other sweets... I don't remember much, but they must've been good.
I always buy my own treats at the store. They’re cheap and tasty. Yeah, cheaper than these for sure...
[cafe2]
[ASYA]
[hmm] Oh...
[neutral] (cont'd) You got something else.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
I like kartoshka more.
[ASYA]
[ehh] W-why didn’t you recommend it then?!
[mumbub] [MARINA]
They only had one left...
[ASYA]
[uff] Seriously...?
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Hey, hey, don't misunderstand! You just look like a Bird’s Milk kinda person, ya know?
[ASYA]
[troubled] What's that supposed to mean...
[muyay] [MARINA]
Don't worry 'bout it! Just take a bite, take a bite. D'ya like it?
[ASYA]
[calm] ...
[uff] (cont'd) It’s wonderful.
[MARINA]
Hehe, see?
1 second Marina is drinking coffee. She seems like a nice girl. At first I thought she was trying to mess with me or play some sort of prank, but now it doesn’t seem so.
When she pulled me all the way down the stairs, I thought she’d want to talk outside our school.
”No way, it’s cold as hell! Let’s go somewhere comfy.”
So she said.
I glance around. I suppose it is pretty comfy. Most of the customers seem to be other schoolkids. Though, the adults are probably at work.
We sat at a table in the very corner, nestled just behind the window panes and a good distance away from everyone else.
I look back at my teacup. I wonder what Ira would order here.
...Right.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Marina.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Mmf?
[ASYA]
[neutral] So you know I met Ira yesterday?
Did you see us?
She chews and shakes her head.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Nope.
[ASYA]
[sus] Then...
[MARINA]
She told me about it.
[ASYA]
[woah] H-huh?!
[mustern] [MARINA]
So yesterday... As far as I know, I’m the last person to have seen her. You met Ira... when, exactly?
[ASYA]
[um] I’m not sure.
[neutral] (cont'd) Around 8 in the evening, I think.
[MARINA]
Yeah, that lines up. She rang my intercom at half past that.
[ASYA]
[sus] She came to your house?
[MARINA]
Yes.
She asked me to come out and... her voice sounded distressed.
I invited her to come inside, but she refused. ”No, no, please, just come down. I need to talk.”
So I ran down. And...
[irahug]
2 seconds She looked so shaken. I’ve never seen her like that before. Not in a long time, at least...
intervening script
$ persistent.hug_unlocked = True
[ASYA]
[um] ...Yes, she, um.
[sus] (cont'd) She looked rough when I saw
her, too.
Right? I tried to calm her down, but she kept sobbing.
[IRA]
Hic! I can’t... You were right, I shouldn’t have... I think, hic...
[IRA]
I don’t know... I don’t think I can help it anymore.
I don’t want to go...
[MARINA]
It’s okay... It’s okay. You won’t go. Ira, you won’t go.
[IRA]
No, I... hic! I know. There’s no more time left... That’s- Hic! That’s it...
[IRA]
I’m out, Marina.
[MARINA]
...Don’t say that. We can fix this. You can still...
[IRA]
No. I can’t, nobody can... Sniff!
[IRA]
I... can't even write anymore... I can't write anything...!!
[MARINA]
Ira...
[streetlightg]
1 second I held her while she stood there, weeping. I kept saying the same stuff, she kept saying the same stuff. I didn’t know what to do...
Then she said...
[IRA]
She saw me. Just now... Before I came here.
[MARINA]
Huh?
[IRA]
That freaking... weirdo. Asya. She saw me like this... She saw me...
[MARINA]
...
[cafe2] [mustern] [ASYA]
[uff] Weirdo...
[muyay] [MARINA]
Her words, not mine!
She laughs.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Don’t take it personally. You know how Ira is.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[streetlightg] 1 second She seemed to cool down a little after that.
[IRA]
Sniff...
[MARINA]
Hey... You sure you don’t wanna come up? You can stay over at our place if you don’t feel right.
[IRA]
It’s fine. I’m okay. Um...
[IRA]
I’ll be going then.
[MARINA]
Wait- Come on, just like that?!
[IRA]
...Yeah. Bye.
[MARINA]
You're kidding me!
[cafe2] 
[musigh] [MARINA]
...And then she left.
[ASYA]
[sus] You didn’t try to stop her?
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Eh? I mean, I can’t like... restrain her. And hey, I could ask you the same thing! You didn't hold her down with hands behind her back, did ya?
[ASYA]
[ehh] Urk...! N-no, I didn't...
I did just watch her walk away, didn't I...?
But judging by Marina's story... looks like these two really were friends.
What did she say again? She hasn’t seen Ira like that in a while? So she’s been in a similar state before...
And now she's all messed up... all because she'll be forced to leave?
[ASYA]
[um] So...
[troubled] (cont'd) Why can’t we tell anyone about this?
[MARINA]
Well... How much do you know about Ira’s family?
[mustern] ...Admittedly, not much.
[ASYA]
[um] I know they’ve had some issues because of,
um... Ira’s behaviour.
[ASYA]
[sus] They say she'll be expelled and sent away
after this quarter. That’s about it...
[MARINA]
Hm. Well, you’re not far off. Her parents have been catching lotsa flak.
[ASYA]
[sus] Yes.
[um] (cont'd) But... I still don’t really understand it.
[mustern] [MARINA]
What do you mean?
[ASYA]
[um] I mean, even if they’re getting criticised,
sending Ira away... It just feels like they’re
giving up on her.
[muserious] [MARINA]
...Well, what do you suggest they do?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Huh?
[MARINA]
We only have one school. If Ira gets expelled, she has to study somewhere.
[ASYA]
[troubled] T-that’s true...
[um] (cont'd) But it feels wrong. There must
be other options.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
I guess some people learn at home... But I’m pretty sure you gotta be disabled to get approved for that.
[MARINA]
And who’s gonna teach her? Her dad works at the institute, her mom’s a nurse. No one has time for that.
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...
...Wait, I thought her mom was...
[musad] [MARINA]
I don’t like it either. But I can see where they're coming from.
I look down at the cake I’ve been aimlessly picking at.
She’s right. I was so quick to cast a moral judgement.
Did I expect their whole family to move just because of Ira’s poor attendance? Did I expect them to come begging on their knees for the board to keep her enrolled?
It's just so childish.
[ASYA]
[um] I understand, but...
[troubled] (cont'd) What does this have to do
with keeping silent?
[musoft] [MARINA]
Do you know Ira has a little brother?
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah...?!
A little brother?!
[ASYA]
[surprised] I-I had no clue!
[muyay] [MARINA]
Haha, she does. His name’s Tolik. Funny kid.
[ASYA]
[woah] I...
[concern] (cont'd) I really had no idea.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
That’s okay. You see... It’s true, Ira’s parents haven’t had it easy. But Tolik’s got it so much worse.
[mustern] [MARINA]
You know how when adults are cruel, they try to be subtle about it? Kids don’t.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
It’s not so bad when you’re in kindergarten.
[MARINA]
Sure, some kids won’t play with you because their mommy told them not to, but they’re still too small to really get it. It sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.
[muserious] [MARINA]
However... He’s going to school next year. So right after his sister got expelled.
[MARINA]
That’s one hell of a legacy to walk into.
[ASYA]
[um] Oh no...
[MARINA]
No pressure, right? At least nobody will expect too much from him.
[mulearn] [ASYA]
[concern] Don’t say that...!
[musigh] [MARINA]
Sorry, bad joke. But my point is, everyone knows that it’s gonna get worse.
[mustern] [ASYA]
[um] ...I can imagine.
[MARINA]
Yeah. So on top of all that... Picture how people will react if they find out his sister was unstable.
[ASYA]
[concern] Ah?
[MARINA]
Ira’s already prone to anger. You've seen it yourself, right?
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
Now imagine adding hysterics to the mix. Sobbing, panicking, acting strange. Not a great look.
[ASYA]
[um] W-well... That’s a bit crude.
[concern] (cont'd) I wouldn’t call
what Ira did ”hysterics”...
[muserious] [MARINA]
I wouldn’t either. But you know how they're going to paint this.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
Word spreads fast. You say anything to the teachers or police – the next day everyone in town will know.
[MARINA]
That’s why I think... I don’t think it will help anyone, Asya.
[ASYA]
[um] ...But...
[concern] (cont'd) Maybe it could give them a clue...
[MARINA]
What clue?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um...
[um] (cont'd) Well...
[MARINA]
If anyone should give a testimony, it’s me. I saw her last, right?
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh, right! That makes sense.
[mustern] [MARINA]
Well, I told 'em I saw Ira from our apartment window 'round that time... You know, without the part where I came down to talk.
[musad] [MARINA]
But... I dunno how helpful that'll be.
[MARINA]
She seemed to go in the direction of her house after we met. But I didn’t exactly, uh, follow her home... So not much of a pointer.
[muehh] [ASYA]
[um] Hm... At least they know she didn't leave
the city.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Eh, border control could tell 'em that much.
[ASYA]
[um] Right...
This sure is a pickle.
I’ve had my doubts about reporting from the start. And now Marina has solidified them one by one.
Tolik... This really could harm Ira’s little brother. But if that’s the case, are we really supposed to sit back and do nothing? I don’t like the idea of that.
Ah! There's one more thing I wanted to clear up. One burning question Marina must know the answer to.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh, by the way!
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Mm?
[ASYA]
[neutral] You seem to be a good friend of Ira’s...
Maybe you know something about this.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Ahaha, good friend is generous!
[ASYA]
[concern] Eh?
[MARINA]
I mean, I guess I am. Just don’t tell Ira that, she’ll break out in hives.
[ASYA]
[woah] O-oh no... really?
[MARINA]
Yup. She said my jokes get on her nerves, can you believe that?
[mumbub] [ASYA]
[hmm] Ah. Yeah, I believe that.
[mushock] [MARINA]
Wuh- Mean!
[ASYA]
[uff] Sorry.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Eh, I'm used to the abuse. Wait, that gives me an idea!
[muhuh] [ASYA]
[woah] H-huh?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Let's climb a roof and yell some crap like
”IROCHKA-MARINOCHKA BEST FRIENDS FOREVER”!
That girl will come back just to choke us.
[ASYA]
[woah] W-wow...! That's so smart!
[MARINA]
Ain't it!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah, but the roofs are slippery this time
of year.
[MARINA]
Aw, boo. We’ll tie a rope around you then.
[ASYA]
[ehh] W-why me?!
[muneutral] [MARINA]
You seem lighter.
[ASYA]
[troubled] That’s it...?
[mulearn] [MARINA]
Don’t worry, I’ll hold you real steady. I have a strong centre of gravity.
[ASYA]
[uff] So I’m doing the screaming, then...?
[muserious] [MARINA]
Exactly.
[ASYA]
[troubled] O-oh, no. I’m no good at that.
[MARINA]
Don’t worry, I'll just pretend to lose grip on the rope - you’ll shriek your lungs out.
[ASYA]
[kya] I refuse!!
[muyay] 0.5 seconds How long has it been since I last chatted with someone like this? It feels like forever.
Marina, huh...
We keep talking and I don't feel uncomfortable, not one bit. Really, I haven’t felt so carefree speaking to a person in a while.
Should conversations be this easy? It feels like I'm cheating.
Especially... considering the circumstances.
Just yesterday, we both saw Ira agitated and crying her eyes out. Today we learned she never came back home. It’s supposed to be terrifying.
But for some reason...
It’s as if both of us are certain we’ll see her again. As if there's no way things will not turn out okay. They have to.
[MARINA]
Oh, what the hell...
[ASYA]
[hmm] !...
[???]
Huh?
Crap. Why now?
[cafe1] [gusmirk] [VADIM]
So they finally let you in, huh, Shubina? This place has really gone downhill.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[gusmirk] [muserious] [MARINA]
Hey, Vadik.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
Marina.
Huh? These two know each other?!
[VADIM]
Look at you, getting a replacement already. Can’t blame ya. But come on, Shubina of all people?
He looks at me.
[VADIM]
No offence.
[MARINA]
You’re keeping tabs on all my friends? How flattering. Asya, he’s in love.
[VADIM]
Yeah, in your dreams. It’s just funny how you always gotta have someone like that around.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Someone like that...?
[muannoyed] Marina menacingly lifts her coffee cup.
[MARINA]
You want this on your pants?
[VADIM]
Oooh, scary! You want to get banned from your single hangout spot?
[musmug] [MARINA]
I won’t. It’ll just be a happy little accident.
[VADIM]
With your aim?
[MARINA]
Look who’s talking. Asya, this guy couldn't aim for the toilet 'til he was eleven. His mattress, however...
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Shut up!! That's not-
Garin makes sure none of his buddies heard that. He glances back at us, trying to look unbothered.
[VADIM]
Pha. Why am I even talking to you?
[muserious] [MARINA]
Good question.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...Wasn’t she your best friend or something?
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Hah? Geez, why does everyone keep saying that...
[VADIM]
I mean, maybe I’m wrong. You seem to be having a snazzy time without her around. Having a good laugh and all.
[mustern] [MARINA]
...And?
[ASYA]
[um] You...
[troubled] (cont'd) Y-you were joking about it too.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[troubled] In class.
[annoyed] (cont'd) You laughed when they declared Ira
was missing.
[VADIM]
Well, she ain’t my friend, is she? That bitch attacked me.
[ASYA]
[um] That’s not the point...
[MARINA]
You don’t think she’s really missing?
[VADIM]
I don’t give a damn. And you don’t really seem to either. Why should anyone?
[musigh] [MARINA]
Haaah... You’re exhausting.
[VADIM]
Don’t worry, the feeling’s mutual. Well, whatever...
[VADIM]
I just came in to check if it’s really Shubina over here. Thought I was hallucinating for a second.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[VADIM]
So what, they let you out in public now? Must be a big day for ya. Having fun?
[MARINA]
She was before you showed up.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
One, not talking to you. Two, learn to take a joke.
[VADIM]
...Eh, whatever. My boys are waiting for me. Ciao, ladies. Enjoy your evening.
[MARINA]
Why, thank you.
With a sneering grin, Garin strolls back to his friend group.
What the heck was that...?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised at running into him, other kids hang out at the cafe all the time.
Even so, it's like a bucket of cold water just got splashed over my head.
[cafe2] [mumbub] [MARINA]
Geez, can you believe this?
[ASYA]
[um] Yeah... I, um... didn’t expect that.
[mushock] [MARINA]
No, seriously! How can a man be so catty?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah... Never thought about it.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Ugh, it’s just pathetic.
She glares at the table of schoolboys from across the room.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Do you two know each other?
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Hm? Yeah. We played together as kids.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh!
[muehh] [MARINA]
It’s a boring story. We got along when we were little. Then I grew into a normal person and he grew into a jerk. So we stopped talking. The end.
[muneutral] [ASYA]
[troubled] I suppose that happens a lot...
[MARINA]
Yup. Well, I’m not exactly sad about it. It’s like, bye-bye, don't let the door hit you on the way out!
[mulearn] [muyay] [MARINA]
Speaking of which, wanna head out? No fun sitting here with those losers stinking up the place.
[ASYA]
[ah2] Ah, yes! Let’s go.
3 seconds [skydark] 1 second The cold immediately stings our noses as we step outside.
The sky is just as dark as it was when we went in an hour ago. It’s a deep violet, one of my favourites.
Marina huffs and grumpily pulls up her scarf.
[streetnightedit] 
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Man, I wish we had more cafeterias or something...
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hm? Well, there’s the pub...
[mchmm] [MARINA]
The pub... I guess we could get in. I’ve been told I look mature for my age.
[mclearn] Is she seriously considering it...
A-also, who told you that?!
[ASYA]
[neutral] If you want to sit somewhere, we can go to the,
um...
[awkward] (cont'd) library...
I realised how lame of a suggestion that was halfway through the sentence. Guh...! And here I thought I was doing alright...!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Library...? Huh, never thought of that.
[ASYA]
[awkward] W-well, it’s rather nice if you just want to,
um... Be at peace for a bit.
[MARINA]
Woah. At peace...
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Peace and quiet's important, yeah... Self-reflection... Meditation... Contemplation... Like Buddha and stuff. Yeah. I hear you, I get it.
...Buddha?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Sounds great! I’ll try it sometime. Thanks!
[ASYA]
[neutral] Uh... You’re welcome?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
I think I’ll go home for today, though.
[ASYA]
[ah2] Ah... Y-yes, that’s alright.
[neutral] (cont'd) I was thinking
the same.
[MARINA]
Cool then! It was nice talking to you, Asya. Sorry about the whole Vadik thing.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh! No-no, don’t worry!
[pout] (cont'd) It’s not your fault,
he just came up to us, so...
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Nah, I kinda made it all worse. That guy just drives me up the wall.
[ASYA]
[smile] Yeah, that’s fair.
[MARINA]
Guess Ira and I have that in common. Did she really throw a friggin' chair at him?
[ASYA]
[ah2] ...Y-
[um] (cont'd) yes. She did.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
...Hey.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Hm?
[mcsoft] [MARINA]
I’m sure she’s fine.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...You are?
[MARINA]
Yeah. This probably sounds silly... but it's like I believe in her. No way she would just go and disappear like that!
[mcyay] [ASYA]
[woah] Ah...! I-I think I get what you mean!
[annoyed] (cont'd)
Ira’s really tough.
[MARINA]
Exactly! She’s not going down that easy, yeah?
[ASYA]
[yay] Yeah!
[MARINA]
Yeah!
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Heh... Well, I’ll be going then. See ya around, Aska!
[ASYA]
[smile] Mhm, bye-bye! See you!
Marina energetically waves her mitten at me and runs off down the road. I wave back before going my own way.
I shoot a parting glance at the cafe. There’s the table occupied by Garin’s friends. And ours is... Huh.
I never paid attention to it, but the table we sat at is half-obscured, if you look at it from the outside. At this angle, only Marina’s back would be visible to passers-by. If she usually sits there, then...
Ira might’ve sat at this cafe as well. It would make sense with Garin’s comment, too. “Replacement”...
She must've only gone there when Marina dragged her in. And they sat in that same spot that made Ira invisible to anyone on the outside. I wonder if that was intentional.
I should ask Marina about it. And also about what kinds of sweets Ira liked. And whether she preferred coffee or tea.
2 seconds I can’t wait for Ira to come back.
1 second 7 seconds label ep2d2
2 seconds Aaaagh, I forgot!! I totally forgot!
Garin came up to us and it just slipped my mind. I wanted to ask Marina about the man Ira was seeing.
It doesn't feel like something she would do, but after everything I've learned...
I'm not sure if I knew Ira at all.
screen date2
DECEMBER 20TH
[asyakitchen] We don't talk much at breakfast, but I asked my parents if they heard about her disappearance in the morning. Dad said about what I'd expected.
[DAD]
Ah, Grachevsky’s daughter. Yes, we got a notice.
[ASYA]
[neutral] You know Ira’s dad? Did you see him yesterday?
[DAD]
No, we're not acquainted. I don't think he came into work.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I see...
[neutral] (cont'd) Do you think they'll find her?
[DAD]
Of course they'll find her. It's not a big city.
[ASYA]
[um] That's true. But there's still been nothing
since the news came out...
[DAD]
It's been a day. The police would know if she left through the control post.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I suppose. It just doesn't feel like
anyone's looking.
[DAD]
They are. A few of my colleagues went in for questioning.
[ASYA]
[woah] Really?!
[DAD]
Nothing came of it. It's just a big waste of time. I don't see what someone's teenage rebellion has to do with us.
Mom slowly shook her head.
[MOM]
Poor girl.
This made me feel a little more determined.
It's clear the attitude towards the case is pretty much the same between both kids and grownups. But it does sound like there's an actual investigation going on.
So the police aren't just sitting back... At least there's that.
[classroom] [VADIM]
No updates?
[CLASSMATE A]
I haven't heard anything.
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah, me neither.
[VADIM]
Boooring.
The boys at the desk next to me are copying my homework.
Everything is already back to normal. The same conversations, the same digs...
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Hey, at least Shubina here got herself a new friend.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Er...?
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, what's up with that? Got kicked out of the library?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...I can't go to a cafe now?
[VADIM]
Look who's getting sassy. We're only curious, you know. It's rare to see you crawl outside your lil’ cave.
[ASYA]
[um] And what of it...
[VADIM]
We're just so proud of you. Putting yourself out there 'n all... Wanna hang out with us, while you're at it?
[ASYA]
[concern] Eh?
[CLASSMATE A]
Man, what are you doing...
[VADIM]
What? It could be fun.
[CLASSMATE A]
No, it couldn't. Shubina, don't listen to him.
[VADIM]
Well? How about it?
[ASYA]
[troubled] I...
[VADIM]
Come on. You're probably all sad after your Irochka went MIA. You gotta cheer up a little.
[CLASSMATE A]
She's fine, leave her be.
[VADIM]
We can all go to the movies or something, hm? How's that sound?
[ASYA]
[troubled] It's...
[um] (cont'd) I don't...
[CLASSMATE A]
Geez, he's just messing with ya. Vadim, drop it already.
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
Dude, don't ruin it! She was about to agree.
[CLASSMATE A]
You're such an asshole, hahaha...!
[ASYA]
[concern] I wasn't going to...
...
I sigh. It's always gonna be like this now, huh? Ira might come back soon, but once she's transferred... That's all I'll have to look forward to every day.
Don't they get tired of this? It's always the same jokes. Although...
“It won’t get any better if you keep doing this. It will only get worse.”
1 second Worse, huh... I'm trying to imagine what that'd be like. She talked about it as if I were being bullied, but that's not really the case, is it? We've all seen Scarecrow. We know what actual bullying looks like. Nobody's hurting me or destroying my clothes. The worst I have to deal with is some tasteless jabs. If anything, I oughta grow a thicker skin...
I imagine she meant the boys would get more cruel, but... would they really? Don't guys riff on each other all the time? They always call each other names and laugh about it, right? It's just the way their friendships work. So it's not fair to assume they're trying to make me feel bad. And if they aren't really trying to be mean, what reason would they have to be more cruel? All things considered, they've been treating me rather politely. I mean, I've never been called a dumbass. Or an asshole. So...
I know it was a joke, but speaking hypothetically... Would it really be so bad if I went somewhere with them? They may be a bit rude, but I'm also, well... I'm kind of a wuss. So-
No. What are you thinking. Huh? Did you forget? ...What... Did you forget the last time they caught you all alone?
1 second ...That was a prank. That time, I... No. It was my fault. I just overreacted. I always do. You will overreact again. It will happen again. But Garin wasn't with them. It wouldn't happen now. It wouldn't be the same. That's right. He'll make it worse.
1 second ... Sorry. You're right. I understand.
2 seconds [MARINA]
Asya!
[sch_corridor] [ASYA]
[woah] Ah– Marina! Hi!
Marina runs to me across the hallway. I feel a little better right away.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Heya! Got home safe yesterday?
Isn't it obvious...?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Y-yes, thanks. You?
[mustern] [MARINA]
Almost died.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Whaaaaaa?!
[muserious] [MARINA]
Okay, so there's this hopscotch on the way to my house...
She slipped.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Can you believe that?! They didn't even sand it! That's a hazard! A deadly hazard!!
[ASYA]
[sus] Unforgivable.
[MARINA]
That's what I'm saying! I told my bro to file a complaint, but he just blew me off! Imagine that!
[ASYA]
[uff] That's so terribly rude.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
I'm basically crippled and he doesn't even care!
[ASYA]
[pout] O-oh no...! Is it that bad?
[muserious] [MARINA]
My butt hurts.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah...
[neutral] (cont'd) Get well soon.
We chat about dumb things like that for a minute or two. I still can't wrap my mind around how natural it feels. It's so much fun, but...
I can't shake off the feeling that we're trying to stave off a question no one wants to hear the answer to.
Marina has been nice enough to set an easygoing atmosphere. It's only natural that I should be the one to ruin it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um, by the way... Have you heard anything
from Ira yet?
If Marina were a dog, her ears would droop.
[musad] [MARINA]
No. You?
[ASYA]
[um] No... We never had each other's contacts.
[musigh] [MARINA]
I see. Shoulda figured.
I doubt she'd call me even if she had my number... Marina was the person Ira went to. If she did get in touch with anyone, it would have to be her. Her or...
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah...! Actually, I wanted to ask you about
something.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Oh. What is it?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Um...
I look around. The hall is rather crowded, more than I would like. I'm not sure it's a good place to discuss this.
Marina seems to understand what's on my mind.
[MARINA]
Hey. How 'bout we talk about it after school? You don't have any plans, right?
[ASYA]
[hmm] I'm free, so...
[neutral] (cont'd) yes, that would be great.
[MARINA]
Sweet! I got five lessons, so meet me right after.
[ASYA]
[woah] A-alright!
[muyay] [MARINA]
Later then! I gotta get back to my friends.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Okay, see you.
She returns to the group of girls on the other side of the hallway.
So Marina is pretty popular... Well, duh. She’s a really outgoing person. Seems like the type that can get along with just about anybody.
I’m just not used to people like that paying any attention to me. It doesn’t feel real.
As if it’s breaking some sort of unspoken rule. As if it's yet another way the universe has allowed me to cheat.
3 seconds The school day passes slowly. The boys don't talk to me after our short morning exchange. That’s good.
[classroom] The room felt like it was buzzing with gossip only yesterday, but everyone seems to have already lost interest. What more is there to say?
I figure that’s how it works when someone you don’t exactly care for leaves the picture. If Ira had never stood up for me... I’d probably feel the same.
...
The Russian lesson drags on and on. They called me to the blackboard last time, so I should be safe today.
My thoughts drift to a different place. And my eyes wander.
image inejb
[inejb1]
0.5 seconds [inejb2]
0.5 seconds [inejb3]
0.5 seconds [inejb2] 0.5 seconds repeat [inej]
Ah! The windows...
Thin frost engravings have begun appearing on the glass. Later than I expected - maybe the humidity levels haven’t been right.
They always draw it swirly in cartoons. I wonder why.
The frost I tend to see is nothing like that.
It looks a lot more like an imprint of a prickly pine or a clear surface shattered into fractals. A maze of edges expanding and folding over one another.
show inejb [inej2]
It forces you to focus and unfocus, it pulls you in like a kaleidoscope. It makes it so that you look at it, into it, and through it.
[inej3]
Into the same repeating pattern of white barbs, an ornament of needles, upon needles, upon needles, upon needles, upon needles, upon needles, upon needles.
show inejb [inej4]
A glass that's shattered without being broken. An edge without a piercing point. I think I've seen something like that before.
show inejb Right... It's just like that time. The pattern manifests itself in jagged lines. It draws closer and closer, it invites me in.
show inejb I almost understood something back then. I almost realised something very good and important. I wasn't in the right state at the time, but maybe now...
Maybe that's why I'm seeing it. Maybe it's time.
show inejb If I just look closer... Strain my vision... A-ah...
[black1]
The concentration of sharp edges is so dense, my head and skin and eyes begin to sting.
Is there a form? A shape? A sign? A number?
No...
It's not enough.
If only I-
[white]
...Ack! No, it's too much! Too bright, too beautiful - it's so overwhelming my eyes blur.
It’s so beautiful I might cry.
It's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much-
A bird flies past the window.
...Huh?
[classroom] 1 second I look around. Everyone is quietly writing in their notebooks.
Did anyone hear that...? Did anyone see...
My eyes snap back to the frost-covered window.
...
2 seconds It's lovely.
1 second 2 seconds [school]
1 second The snow is falling lightly on the yard. The long gray clouds glide placidly across the tundra. I stand by the main entrance and wait for Marina to show up.
She should be free at the same time as I. So why isn’t she here yet?
2 seconds ...
It's been a couple minutes. A thought occurs – or rather, an unpleasant memory. The letter prank from many weeks ago.
Could she have...? No, that can’t be it. Marina isn’t like that.
I walk down the steps.
She might’ve thought we’re meeting in a different spot. It’s not like either of us specified we’d be at the school gate.
It must be a misunderstanding. Maybe she had P.E. and used the back exit? I’ll scout the perimeter just in case.
[sch_street]
The snow around the yard is deep and somewhat bothersome to trudge through.
Because of that, when you see someone go behind the school, you know they're either doing sports or trying to smoke without being noticed.
I don't believe Marina smokes, though...
[sch_back]
1 second ...Oh?
I hear soft voices coming from behind the gym. Aha! Marina's class must be getting out of P.E.!
I knew it. Maybe I can catch her there-
[BOY]
Don’t mess with me!! Stop playing fucking dumb!
[GIRL]
Quiet, damn it! I told you, I don’t know... I’m sorry.
Wh-what...?
[BOY]
You... You know what's going on, don't you? Think I forgot?
[GIRL]
...
[BOY]
He’s... He’s been saying random shit. Staring at nothing. Mom's getting real worried, and... You know this, right? Right?!
The boy’s voice is so shaky, it takes me a moment to recognise him as Garin.
Wait, Garin?! This anxious?
[VADIM]
You had this. Marina.
[MARINA]
Vadik-
[VADIM]
I’m begging you. Please.
[MARINA]
...
[VADIM]
Please. I... I don’t know what to do.
[MARINA]
...I’m sorry. I don’t know. I wish I did, but-
[VADIM]
But you got better.
[MARINA]
...Listen...
[VADIM]
Don’t give me that. I have a pair of eyes, alright. I know you're not the same or whatever, I get it. But...
[VADIM]
You're functional.
[MARINA]
...
[VADIM]
So I... I need to ask you. Please-
THUD!!
[VADIM]
Wha...?
Crud!! I wanted to back off all sneaky-like! Man, did that backfire...!
Why, why, why did I have to slip?!
[mcshock] [MARINA]
A-Asya?!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
You...
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah-
[holdout]
1 second intervening script
$ persistent.holdout_unlocked = True
Before I know it, Garin pulls me up by the front of my coat.
[VADIM]
You little bitch. Think you can eavesdrop on people now, huh?
[ASYA]
[ramble] I-I didn't!!
[MARINA]
Hey, hey! Let her go!
[VADIM]
She was listening in on us!
[ASYA]
[ramble] No, I-
[MARINA]
I said, let her go!
He grimaces, but loosens his grip slightly.
[sch_back] 
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
So. Shubina.
[ASYA]
[ehh] I-I was waiting for Marina! We were supposed
to meet up after school!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
That's right, we were! Though, uh... I thought we'd meet by the gate...?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Y-you weren’t coming, so... I thought I’d
look for you.
[ASYA]
[um] A-and when I crossed the corner here,
I slipped and fell...
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Geez. Are you okay?
[ASYA]
[pout] Y-yes... I think so.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
So what, you’re saying you didn’t hear shit?
[ASYA]
[concern] N-no, nothing!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
...Yeah, right. You suck at lying, Shubina.
[ASYA]
[ehh] I’m not...!
[mcangry] [MARINA]
Dammit, Vadik! Drop it already.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
...Whatever. Sure.
[ASYA]
[kya] Wah!
He almost throws me to the side. Marina runs up and saves me from yet another humiliating fall.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
...Piece of shit. I don’t believe you for a second. Try and blabber about this to anyone. See where it gets you.
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Watch your tone. She's got nothing to do with it.
[VADIM]
You’re defending her? Why? You know she just heard all that stuff about you.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
You want help or not?
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...
Garin clenches his fist. Marina doesn’t look at him, instead helping me get the snow out of my clothes.
[VADIM]
...So you have a way.
[MARINA]
We can talk later. Oh wait, no, why not now? I mean, she totally heard everything we said, right? Might as well!
[MARINA]
Actually, why don't you do a little recap? How about it? Come on, go ahead.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Ha. Think you’re being clever? This'll come to bite you in the ass, Marina.
[MARINA]
Hm... Yeah, I think I’ve had enough of you today. Asya, let’s go.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
She grabs me by the arm and pulls in the direction of the school yard. Does she just like dragging people around...?
[VADIM]
Hey! Marina-
[MARINA]
You know where to find me.
Marina doesn’t turn around to see Garin’s barely hidden pained expression.
He glares at me. For some reason it doesn’t scare me at all.
4 seconds [sch_close]
Before long, we’re out on the street. Marina runs her hand across her face with a frustrated moan.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Ugh, what a mess... Sorry you got dragged into that, Aska.
[ASYA]
[concern] Ah- No, no, I’m alright!
[pout] (cont'd) I should be
the one apologising.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
Man, I knew I should’ve brushed him off! That jerk came up to me and said he needed to ask something real quick.
[ASYA]
[troubled] R-really...
[MARINA]
Mhm. I thought, well, if it’s only for a minute... Worst mistake of my life.
[ASYA]
[um] I'm sorry... Maybe if I came faster...
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Ack, cut it out. That’s what I get for entertaining him.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
So... Uh. How much did you actually hear?
[ASYA]
[woah] Huh?
[concern] (cont'd) I... I-it’s like I told you!
[um] (cont'd) I didn’t
catch anything, I just slipped...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Really? You can be honest, I won’t bite.
[ASYA]
[troubled] N-no, I’m serious.
[um] (cont'd) I only heard some muffled
voices. I didn't know it was you.
[MARINA]
...Okay. That's cool then.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[pout] (cont'd) So, um... Is everything fine?
[um] (cont'd) He was in a
really bad mood...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ahaha, no kidding! Been a while since I last saw this guy so cranky. I'm all good, though.
[ASYA]
[pout] If you say so... Please be safe.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Ha, tell that to Vadik! That squirt better watch out.
She proudly slaps her bicep.
[MARINA]
I've been to the gym. I've held weights. Ten-kilo deadlift! That bum doesn't know who he's messing with.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Woah... I'll let him know.
Marina’s voice sounds so carefree. Does she really believe me? If Garin's right about one thing, it's that I'm just no good at lying.
But you know what? That doesn't matter.
Marina would be happiest if I forgot about it all, so that's what I will do. And then my lie will circle back to being true! Betcha didn't think of that, huh?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Anyways, I'm hungry as hell. You wanna grab a bite? We can go hang at Zvezdochka again.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah, um...
[neutral] (cont'd) Zvezdochka’s nice, but I don’t have
that much allowance left...
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Ooh, I hear ya. Wait, don’t tell me I made you empty your pockets yesterday?! I didn’t know you were running short!
[mcmbub] [ASYA]
[woah] No-no, don’t worry! I’m glad we went.
[neutral] (cont'd) I’ve
been looking for an excuse to eat there
anyway...
[ASYA]
[neutral] We could get something from the store this
time, if you don’t mind.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Sure thing. I was just thinking, wow, it's perfect walking weather!
[ASYA]
[smile] It really is.
[street] We leisurely make our way down the street, chatting about this and that.
Turns out Marina goes to the cafe several times a week with different people. Classmate A on Monday, classmates B and C on Wednesday, classmates D, E and F on Friday, and so on.
Sounds fun in theory, but I'd probably die if I had to live like that...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Haha, it’s not that bad. If I really don’t wanna go, I don’t.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Still, it must cost you quite a lot...
[mchmm] [MARINA]
I guess...? I get plenty of allowance, so it’s whatever.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh, I see. That's nice then. It's good when
parents are so understanding.
Though, I wasn't really talking about money...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ha! I wouldn't know, I live with my big brother.
[MARINA]
He doesn’t care as long as I don’t bother him. And I don’t bother him as long as I have cash! It’s like we have a contract, hehe.
[ASYA]
[hmm] O-oh, wow... That’s pretty cool.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Ya think?
[ASYA]
[ah2] Yes!
[neutral] (cont'd) I mean, it sounds fun living with your
sibling... And you get to eat treats at the
cafe all the time.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
N-not all the time! You think that I'm some sorta sugar addict?
[ASYA]
[hmm] So that’s where you get all that energy.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Now, listen here-
[ASYA]
[ehh] I-I’m joking!
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Wahaha! No, I'm serious, though! I don’t just stuff my face there every day.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
We go to the movies pretty often. You know, at the community centre? You could tag along sometime, if you want.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Ah-
[woah] (cont'd) Um.
[pout] (cont'd) You mean it?
[MARINA]
‘Course! The more the merrier. Though, I dunno when we’ll get any new films over here...
[mchmm] [mcyay] [MARINA]
Oh! I heard they’re bringing in an American flick next week. We have to go!
[ASYA]
[surprised] R-really? I'd love to!
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Then it's settled.
[store]
The whole time Marina and I are browsing through the aisles of the department store, I can't get this invitation out of my head.
We'll go to the movies... We'll go to the movies! To a Hollywood film, no less! I'm so happy it's Saturday. A new week can't come soon enough.
Ah... Isn't that funny.
I got the same kind of invite just earlier this morning...
But everything about that – even if those boys were only joking – everything about that made me feel disgusting.
Funny that... Funny that.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Man, I can’t wait to get out of here.
[ASYA]
[pout] T-the store?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
The city, dummy.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah...!
[neutral] (cont'd) Hooh. Really?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
What, you don’t?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Well, um... I like it here.
[neutral] (cont'd) I think it’s
very pretty.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ahaha, can’t argue with that. I just wish there was more to do, I guess.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
I know they’re planning to expand the place. They’ll take the barracks down in spring to build new blocks. And then there’s talks about a new sports complex...
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
But that stuff will take freaking years. I’m bored now.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Oh, I... I had no idea about the barracks.
[MARINA]
Really?! You really live under a rock, don’t ya.
[mchmm] [ASYA]
[uff] It sure seems like it...
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Well, now you know. Point is, there's jack all to do here! Can't wait until I'm done with school. Ah, just a year and a half left...!
[mcyay] [ASYA]
[neutral] Do you know where you’ll study already?
[MARINA]
No clue.
[ASYA]
[awkward] Ah.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
I’ll see where life takes me. I’m a person of countless talents - who knows which one'll be my calling?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Woah, really...? That’s pretty amazing.
I don't have that many skills, I think...
[MARINA]
Well, it's all about the mindset. I'll make bank anywhere if I just put my mind to it. As long as it’s not Math. Or Bio. Or English. Or Chemistry. Or Physics. Or Russian. Or History. Or Lit.
Wait a second...
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
So how about you? Got any plans yet?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah, well...
[neutral] (cont'd) I’m only good at writing essays.
So probably something in the arts.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Oh. I thought you were like a top student or something.
[ASYA]
[neutral] No, not at all. I do my homework, but when
the teacher asks me something in front of the
class, it’s like my head goes empty. I don’t do
very well on tests, either.
[MARINA]
Huuuh, that’s surprising. You look pretty brainy.
[ASYA]
[pout] Um... Thanks?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
No problem!
Both of us end up getting fruit juice and sausage rolls. For a while, we walk down the main street and I listen to Marina tell me funny stories. I don’t contribute much, but at least she seems to enjoy making me laugh. I probably come across as boring. Perhaps, I’m way too easily impressed by mundane things.
[mubw] I look into her smile. It’s lovely, and I’m not sure I see anything behind it. But Marina is a very nice person. With nice people like that, it’s hard to tell. Maybe she thinks I’m lame but doesn’t realise it. Maybe she’s stifling that feeling down out of the goodness of her heart. Maybe one day it will become too heavy, too unbearable, and that’s when she’ll explode at me for all the times I’ve acted strange or looked too ugly next to her. That day is getting closer with each passing minute. It’s rapidly approaching and she's none the wiser.
But that’s fine. I know it’s coming, so I will prepare. Until that day, I’ll enjoy my time with Marina to the fullest. This small repose didn't come out of nowhere. I understand. Ira, who was supposed to be here until the tail end of December, went away – the same Ira that came as an answer to all my prayers. Bringing her to me probably cost the world a lot of effort. And when all of that effort was cut short... Well...
Garin called me a replacement at the cafe. Maybe that’s true from his perspective, maybe even from Marina’s. But from where I’m standing, Marina is the substitute for everything that Ira stood for. My hope, my shield, my happiness. It makes sense she appeared as soon as Ira vanished. In fact, it all lines up so perfectly, I’m surprised I didn't notice it right away. Of course... That’s what it is.
But then... Then I’m not certain why it isn’t working like it should. It’s not Marina’s fault. It’s not the fault of the universe, either. That leaves only one other suspect. Me.
Something in my brain just refuses to connect. It feels amazing to have someone like Marina go out of her way to talk to me, even if it’s only because Ira is missing. Nevertheless, I can’t appreciate it fully, I can’t get lost in it the way I’m clearly meant to. As if it's not enough. As if...
I still keep thinking about Ira all the time. It’s only been two days since I last met her. Two days are no reason to panic. Of course, I saw her crying, but it’s probably okay, right? Her taking some time for herself is nothing new. And she's really tough, so... she'll be fine. Of course she will. Everyone being so blasé about her vanishment seems vapid, but when you look at it objectively, the situation isn't that alarming. I'm just being a crybaby like always.
1 second [skyblue] Then again, that is a harmful way of thinking.
If I believe the universe has let something bad happen to someone like Ira, then I'd be doubting the world's sense of justice.
Not only that... but I would also be rejecting the privilege I've been given.
I want to draw an apt comparison, but all my metaphors are falling short. Maybe...
I’m like a child who was gifted a doll, lost it, and then started to pout when the replacement wasn’t identical to the- No.
See? That’s what happens. I start comparing wonderful people to toys.
What’s wrong with me?
Even when trying to explain how ungrateful I'm being, I find the most despicable way to do so.
I really don’t know if I have a soul at all.
[vents] [mcmbub] [MARINA]
Are you okay?
Marina looks at me expectantly, holding her hands up to the hot air stream.
In our aimless strolling, we’ve reached the warm vents next to the back entrance of the research centre.
The snow around the chutes has melted, forming uneven splashes of dark soil lovingly sprinkled with months-old cigarette buds.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah?
[neutral] (cont'd) Y-yes, why?
[MARINA]
You look kinda down... If you’re tired of my blabbering, you can just say so! I can get a bit carried away.
[mcyay] [ASYA]
[woah] No, no, I was listening, really!
[MARINA]
Yeah, yeah. I just figured you’re too polite to tell me to shut up, haha.
[ASYA]
[pout] I wouldn’t! I like listening to you.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Honest?
[ASYA]
[woah] Yes, honest!
[neutral] (cont'd) Your stories are fun. And you have
so many friends, I’m surprised that, um...
[concern] (cont'd)
I appreciate you making time for me at all.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Please. Am I supposed to sit on my butt eating cake while Ira’s gone?
I mean, just yesterday...
[MARINA]
We actually have important stuff to talk about. And heck, it’s nice to break off from the schedule every once in a while. Variety is the spice of life, yeah?
[mcyay] [ASYA]
[neutral] Ah, right.
[um] (cont'd) I kind of put a damper on your
plans... Sorry.
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Dude, I just said it’s cool. I like talking to you.
It’s, like... relaxing.
[mcneutral] [ASYA]
[neutral] R-relaxing?
[MARINA]
Yep! It’s weird saying that with the disappearance and all, haha... But when I discuss this stuff with you, it doesn’t feel so scary.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Ah...! T-that’s amazing!
[woah] (cont'd) I've actually felt
that way since yesterday.
[ASYA]
[hmm] I thought talking about such things should
make you anxious...
[smile] (cont'd) But it doesn't feel that
way at all.
[MARINA]
Right? Now that’s scary. What kinda therapy is that?
[ASYA]
[yay] It’s pretty strange, hehe.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Speaking of which. You wanted to ask something?
[ASYA]
[woah] Right, yes!
[hmm] (cont'd) There's this rumour going around,
and I don't know if I believe it...
[neutral] (cont'd) Maybe you
know.
[MARINA]
Hm?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Was Ira seeing some, um... older man?
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Ack, this... Figures you’d hear it eventually.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Yes, um... I thought it might be true at
first.
[um] (cont'd) That Ira could have eloped with that
person or something like that.
[ASYA]
[awkward] But you never mentioned anything of the sort,
so it’s probably just gossip...
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Elope?! Eww!
[ASYA]
[woah] Ew?! Why?
[pout] (cont'd) I thought it sounded quite
romantic...
[MARINA]
Romantic? The guy is like 35!
[ASYA]
[ehh] W-well, love has no age, right...?
[MARINA]
Yuck! Don’t go around saying stuff like that, it’s dangerous!
My face goes red. Did I really say something that embarrassing...?
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Uh... Haha, okay, well.
[mcehh] [MARINA]
I don’t usually say anything when others bring this up.
[MARINA]
Like, if somebody asks me about it, I go, ”Man, I’ve never seen her do anything like that, what a load of crap!”
[mcstern] [MARINA]
But you... I think you’ll understand.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Eh?
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
That’s my brother.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Oh...
[surprised] (cont'd) H-huh?!
[MARINA]
That guy. The old guy. It’s my bro.
[ASYA]
[woah] S-so... So Ira and your brother are-
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Noooo, no-no-no, they’re not like that at all!! Gross.
She sticks her tongue out as if she’s about to gag.
[ASYA]
[concern] T-that bad?
[MARINA]
I would literally die.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Oh no...
[um] (cont'd) But, um.
[concern] (cont'd) What’s going on then...?
If you don’t mind telling me.
[MARINA]
It’s fine. I think if anyone should know, it’s you.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Ah, really?
[MARINA]
I can trust you, right? You’re not gonna run and tittle-tattle the first chance you get, yeah?
[ASYA]
[concern] O-of course-
[ehh] (cont'd) I mean, of course not!!
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Haha, thought so. Anyways.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
My brother, Lev... He works in the labs. Like, the ones at the research complex. He’s been helping Ira.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Helping...? With what?
[mcstern] [MARINA]
I guess you could call it managing her stress.
[ASYA]
[concern] H-huh.
[MARINA]
She has a kind of neurotic condition. Sometimes her head just goes haywire and there’s nothing she can do.
[MARINA]
Lev says it’s some brain chemistry stuff... I can’t say anything more than that.
[ASYA]
[wtf] ...
[um] (cont'd) So when she got angry at our classmates...
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
No, that’s Ira at her soundest, if you can believe it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Oh.
[MARINA]
You know it when you see it.
[MARINA]
Sometimes she just can’t focus on anything, any sound, any person. Sometimes her mind gets tangled and she starts to panic... Things like that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I... I see.
[um] (cont'd) You think she was, uh...
[concern] (cont'd)
Tangled up the day we saw her?
[mcserious] [MARINA]
Yes, absolutely. It hasn't been that bad in a long while. Not even a year ago, when she just started treatment.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
All along... This whole time, I had zero clue.
The more I learn, the stupider I feel.
Just picturing her going through all of that makes my heart ache. Poor Ira...
[MARINA]
We’re lucky, really. I mean... I don’t know where she'd be if Lev refused to help.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
There's only so much I could do. But he...
He got Ira the meds.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Meds?
[MARINA]
Some pills to keep her head in check. They're not the type you can get from a pharmacy.
[ASYA]
[shock] Y-you mean... illegal drugs?!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
What? No! Don't make it sound so scary!
[ASYA]
[awkward] S-sorry, maybe I misunderstood...!
[MARINA]
Geez, it's nothing that bad... It's just a new type of pill, so it's hard to come by.
[ASYA]
[ah2] Oh, w-wow...
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Well anyway, I doubt Ira followed Lev's recommendations to a T. But at least she got better for a while.
[ASYA]
[um] ...That’s incredible. Your brother must be an
amazing person.
[troubled] (cont'd) Both of you.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Yehaha, stop it! I didn’t do much. Probably annoyed her more than anything...
[mcehh] [ASYA]
[troubled] I’m sure you were important to her, too.
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Eh? Ahaha, ya think so...?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Mhm.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Well, who knows, who knows... Ira rejected the therapy, after all.
[mcserious] [ASYA]
[wtf] What...?
[MARINA]
She just flat out refused a month ago. Stopped taking her pills, stopped coming to our place.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
And, well... You saw what happened.
[ASYA]
[wtf] I- But...
[concern] (cont'd) Why...? She was feeling better,
right? You said it helped.
Marina solemnly shrugs.
[MARINA]
She just decided that she didn’t want it anymore. Meds can have some awful side effects, so I can’t really blame her. Still, I wish she talked it out with us.
[MARINA]
Without the pills, those little states will only worsen.
[ASYA]
[bitter] Why didn’t you say any of this earlier...
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[ramble] W-why would you keep this to yourself?! Why
wouldn’t you tell anyone, she... She might be
in danger!
[ASYA]
[ramble] What if she gets injured when she's
in that state?
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Are you seriously asking me that? I told you why we can’t go around telling people she had issues like that! Think about her kid brother for a second!
[ASYA]
[ramble] Think about Ira for a second!! You really
think their family reputation is worth more
than her safety? That’s not right at all!
[mcangry] [MARINA]
Jesus, Asya, I’m not saying that! Look...
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Let’s say I told the police about Ira’s problem. Let’s say I told them Lev was helping her. What then? What would that change?
[MARINA]
Would it point them towards a location? A culprit? Maybe it’d give them a motive – yeah, I guess there’s that. But so what?
[ASYA]
[bitter] What do you mean, “so what”?! They’ll know she
didn’t run away just because she was rebelling,
or throwing a fit, or anything silly like
that...
[ASYA]
[ramble] Then everyone will understand it’s serious,
everyone will work hard to find her!
Maybe the whole city will band together and-
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ghahahahahahahahahaahha!
Marina’s bitter laugh is sharp enough to sting.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
“They’ll take it seriously”? “Band together”?! Hahahaha!! Asya, you should be on TV or somethin’!
[mcyay] [ASYA]
[wtf] !...
[MARINA]
Haha... Listen... Asya. Asyenka. That’s not how it works at all.
[mcneutral] [ASYA]
[troubled] You mean the police?
[MARINA]
The world. You think everyone will suddenly feel bad for her? That’s cute. Lemme tell you what people will actually say.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
People will say, “Oh. That makes sense. I always thought there was something off with her.” “That’s right! She was totally messed up in the head!” “Yeah, this was bound to happen.” “Sick people can just snap.”
[MARINA]
“It’s sad, but what can you do? No point in looking now.” “Betting a 10 she killed herself in a ditch.” “Betting a 100 she froze to death.”
[mcannoyed] [ASYA]
[ramble] Shut up!!! Don’t say that!!
[shock] (cont'd) Stop lying to me!
[mcangry] [MARINA]
I’m not lying, damn it!!! That’s how it’s gonna go and you know it!
[MARINA]
They’ll turn it into an excuse to gossip more. They’ll turn it into an excuse to brush her off. Her life, her choices, her disappearance – everything!
[MARINA]
Even if... Even if Ira’s really gone, everyone will remember her as that. She’ll be the basket case that always had it coming. Does that have a nice ring to you?
[ASYA]
[bitter] Gh... That’s... That’s just not right!
[sadaway] (cont'd) That
can’t be right, it’s...
[MARINA]
A hard pill to swallow?
[ASYA]
[sadaway] Marina...
[MARINA]
...Be mad at me all you want. I’m also... You have no idea how mad I am.
[MARINA]
But if I betrayed Ira’s trust like that, I'd never live it down. I’d hate myself for the rest of my life.
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...So why are you telling me this?
[mcstern] [MARINA]
Because she told me you looked up to her. So I believed you'd understand. Maybe I was wrong.
[ASYA]
[sad] !...
[MARINA]
You think Ira would want us to tell everyone about this? Think she’d come back and thank us? Send a blessing from beyond the grave?
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...Don’t talk about her like that.
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Huh? Come on now. Aska. You... You gotta face reality. You know how everybody will react when-
[mcsad] [ASYA]
[um] No.
[sadaway] (cont'd) That’s not what I mean- *sniff*...
I wipe the tears and snot that have apparently been pouring down my face.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] Don’t talk about her like she’s dead.
[mcsad] 0.5 seconds [mcannoyed] [MARINA]
...
Marina’s lip trembles. She quickly sniffs her nose and fixes her collar.
[MARINA]
...I don’t really believe she’s dead, you know.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
[MARINA]
I just... I want you to understand, alright?
[MARINA]
Ira kept silent for a reason. I don’t know if she’s right or wrong for that, but... I get it.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
When people learn about those things, it never turns out good. It’s just degrading.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I understand.
[MARINA]
Do you?
[ASYA]
[um] Yes. It’s... You’re probably right. Not about
everything, but about Ira... I can understand
that.
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] But Marina...
[troubled] (cont'd) You’re also afraid, aren’t you?
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[sus] If everyone learns about your family helping
Ira with her condition... they’ll suspect Lev.
Right?
[mcshock] [MARINA]
A-ah! Well...
[ASYA]
[um] You said he got her this rare medication.
Did Ira's parents know about that?
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Er... N-no, but...
[ASYA]
[calm] I don’t think you’re allowed to do that.
Are you?
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm.
[serene] (cont'd) Marina, you’re a little selfish, huh?
[MARINA]
I... No, I’m just...
[ASYA]
[neutral] It’s okay. I know you’re worried about Ira.
[troubled] (cont'd)
Really.
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] You helped her because you cared about her,
right? Your brother, too.
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
...’Course we did.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Yeah. So please, don’t pretend... Don’t
pretend you’re keeping quiet only for her sake.
Or for the sake of Tolik.
[um] (cont'd) I mean, um...
[mcangry] [MARINA]
I-I’m not pretending!
[ASYA]
[concern] I know! I know.
[troubled] (cont'd) I just wanted to say...
I don’t think it’s bad that you’re also worried
for yourself.
[um] (cont'd) That’s all.
0.5 seconds [mcstern] [MARINA]
...Haha. Yeah, sure. Why not. I’m scared to get in trouble. There.
[mcyay] [mcneutral] [ASYA]
[pout] ...You don’t have to say it like that.
[MARINA]
What? I’m saying it. I’m putting it out there.
[MARINA]
I don’t want to get in trouble. I don’t want my brother to get in trouble. I don’t want him to lose his job.
Is that what you want to hear, Asya?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Marina... Please.
I don’t want to fight with you.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
!...
[MARINA]
You’re the one who started screaming at me... I don’t wanna fight either, you know.
[ASYA]
[um] I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.
Please, forgive me.
[MARINA]
I, um... Geez, haha. Why so serious all of a sudden... It’s not a big deal.
[mcehh] [ASYA]
[troubled] Ah... Maybe. I thought it was important.
[um] (cont'd)
Sorry.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Gah, don’t apologise! I feel like a total bully now.
[ASYA]
[pout] Oh, um... Sorry, I’ll stop.
[MARINA]
Nooo, cut it out! Don’t look at me like that!! Don’t look at me with those puppy dog eyes!
[ASYA]
[ehh] A-alright, I’ll look away!
[MARINA]
You- Geh. For crying out loud...
Marina chuckles and lowers her head. Her smile is wry and tired, but for some reason I don’t feel sad looking at it.
Something about her defeated expression makes me feel hopeful.
That doesn’t sound very nice when I put it like that...
[MARINA]
Sorry. I, uh... I got carried away as well.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm?
[concern] (cont'd) Oh... Oh no, not at all. You weren’t
rude or anything...
[mcsad] [MARINA]
No, really. I’m not usually like that... I don’t talk like that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I... I know.
[MARINA]
Um. And you’re right. I said it in a nasty way, but... You’re right.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
I can come up with a hundred of these noble excuses. But they're just that, excuses.
[mcsoft] [MARINA]
I'm just trying to keep my nose clean in the end. It's really lame, haha.
[ASYA]
[concern] T-that's not true! You need to look out for
your own family, too...
[ASYA]
[troubled] All of the good you did for Ira's sake still
matters. Please don't belittle it like that...
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Maybe it does... Bleh, I don’t know anymore.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Everyone’s just looking to save their own skin at the end of the day. Every man’s an animal, yeah?
[ASYA]
[um] ...That’s not what I meant at all.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
No?
[ASYA]
[pout] I think you’re still a very good person,
Marina.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
...Aha.
[mcehh] [ASYA]
[pout] ...?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Hahahahaha...! You’re a funny girl, Asya.
[ASYA]
[concern] Wha...?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Really, I don’t know what to make of you.
[ASYA]
[pout] ...Um.
[MARINA]
I don’t know how it works, but I just wanna trust you. How to explain...
[MARINA]
It kinda... It feels like you’d never judge a person.
[ASYA]
[woah] R-really?
[MARINA]
Mhm. At first I thought you were, like, really innocent. Not dumb, but...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Maybe a little dumb, haha. Sorry.
[ASYA]
[pout] ...
[MARINA]
I don’t think that’s really true, though. I don’t think you’re naive.
[MARINA]
You know, I can usually make an easy read on people. With you, though... Well, maybe it’s because I only met you yesterday.
[mcyay] [mcsoft] [MARINA]
But you’re really nice, Asya. Nicer than I could ever hope to be.
...No. Please don’t say that.
“Nice” is meaningless when applied to me. I’m not really charitable. I’m not really kind. I’m not really honest.
I’ve been nothing but a hypocrite this whole conversation.
But Marina says all of these things so genuinely, I don’t have the strength to shut them down. It’s like that love letter, only the other way around.
Her kind words aren’t really true – this time I am aware of that, while Marina herself has no idea.
Does that diminish the value of those words? No. Marina didn’t choose to be wrong. Kindness can be misguided, but it still deserves appreciation.
Real or not... It deserves gratitude.
[ASYA]
[um] ...Thank you.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ehe, I’m not sure if what I said counts as a compliment.
Of course it does.
2 seconds I look into the world. A world where everyone is kind to me. A world where every sight I see is beautiful. An unjust, lovely world. Its kindness is misguided on a scale that I can’t even fathom. But calling it misguided is an insult to the universe itself. What do I know about what’s worthy and what isn’t? At most, I’m a conceited gnat. I shouldn’t even try to understand the whats and whys. The only thing I have the right to do... The only reasonable thing for me to do is to say thank you.
So I will do just that. I'll say it. I'll say it as many times as it takes to get my feelings across. In other words... I'll say it endlessly.
2 seconds intervening script
$ quick_menu = False
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
2 seconds 1 second intervening script
$ quick_menu = True
It’s not enough. My life is finite, and so is my gratitude. It will never be enough, even if I keep living until our dying Sun swallows the Earth. It’s a promise I will never fulfil. So I’ll retract it. I apologise.
1 second I need to try a different approach. The number of gratitudes I can express will always be finite and meager. But what if the gratitude itself becomes infinite? An expression of endless gratitude... Is that possible? Does it sound right?
I can repeat my thanks for as long as I live, like a pulsar emitting wave after wave of electromagnetic radiation. Yes, just like that. A pulsar's radiation travels endlessly inside a vacuum. Mine should be able to do the same. But right now, my signals keep getting buried under the 10,000 kilometres of our planet’s atmosphere. They’re too weak, they dissipate under the weight of over 5 quadrillion tons of air. Well, not as much if they travel straight up... But I’m not good enough at math to do the numbers. All I that know is, my signal isn’t strong enough.
So then, what can I do? I could become an astronaut and fire off my messages from orbit. That has to work... Except I don’t have anything it takes to be an astronaut. The next best thing would be to send a strong radio signal from the surface. But sending a transmission powerful enough to break through the Earth’s atmosphere requires equipment that’s way out of my reach. It’s in the same realm of possibility as me actually travelling to space.
But then, what other options are there? How can my broadcast persevere...? ...Ah. Right. Isn’t it obvious?
Of course, it’s so much like me to rely on others. It’s so much like me to look for external means of getting what I want. The answer is right there, right in front of my nose. The answer is in my reflection. It’s staring at me from the bathroom mirror.
[mirror]
2 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.mirror_unlocked = True
Me. It’s all about me.
I am my own parabolic antenna. The strength of my signal is decided by my own level of gratitude. It’s a matter of my resolve. It’s a matter of admiration. It’s a matter of dedication.
If my signal is unable to pierce through the sky, that’s a personal failing of mine. That’s something I’m responsible for fixing. Can I do that?
I can – naturally, I can. Any point made against that will be an excuse. I just need to work hard. I need to work hard so that I will feel so much more grateful.
I need to overflow with adoration. I need to overflow with reverence. I need to overflow with love.
If I fail to do that, my voice will never make it to the cosmos.
And then, when I’m so overwhelmed with grace that I could die, I’ll get up to the highest point atop the sea level that I’m able to reach.
I’ll climb up high, and I will look into the sky, and I will angle myself so that the trajectory is just right.
Then I will start my most powerful transmission to date, I will scream “thank you” and “I love you” so loud that all of the people in the radius of 3,000 kilometres will feel it in their hearts, and bones, and muscles.
And their TV signals and radios will break. And the next day the whole world will report a radio signal of unprecedented strength blasting from the Communism Peak.
1 second Although, maybe Mount Elbrus is more realistic.
If I remember right, Dad climbed it when he was in university. At least he has a pin from there tucked away in one of the drawers. Maybe I should ask him about it...
No. Better not. He’s tired after work. I should go to my room.
Tomorrow’s the weekend, so I can stay up late. I don’t need to do any homework today, either. I have the whole evening to myself. I will rest.
And starting tomorrow, I’ll work harder than ever before. I’ll love this world with everything I’ve got.
1 second 7 seconds label ep2d3
image hands
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0.05 seconds repeat 3 seconds screen date3
DECEMBER 21ST
[dk] 4.5 seconds The world is as bright as a sunless day allows. The air is clear and soft despite the cold. The statue on the main square shines in silver.
I have already made my rounds around the city. It's been a wonderful time, as usual.
I've seen all that there is to see, I've admired all there is to admire... is what I would say, if I were
a liar!
I travel south, towards the single place I've been neglecting. It's easy to avoid, since it's right on the edge of the long residential street.
The car repair shop. There's nothing special about it at all, aside from the fact that the owner's son is a classmate of mine.
So what's my problem with it?
I suppose you can call it pettiness. Ever since that one incident, I've been avoiding the spot like the plague.
But it was never the shop's fault. It was poor luck - that, and my own overreaction. If I want to achieve my goal, I need to get over myself and face it.
That's right, I'm sticking to it! I'm sending my message to the universe!
Of course, there are requirements I have to meet. I need to take in and process the beauty of the whole entire world to achieve the right signal strength.
If I can’t find the beauty in everything this town has to offer, how can I ever grasp the grandeur of the planet, let alone the universe?
I’m well familiar with every other part of Vorkuta-5. So excluding one area because of an old joke gone wrong is just unfair.
I’m sorry, car repair shop... I’ll fix my mistake.
[street2]
Ah-
I momentarily freeze up, then scoot behind a corner. Just now...
Was it Garin walking down that side of the road? I peek out just to check.
[gjneutral] That’s right. He’s marching quickly, hands in pockets. A couple times he turns around as if to make sure he’s not being followed. Huh.
I wait until he is a good distance away before I come out of my hiding. I’d rather not encounter him after what happened yesterday...
Yeesh. He’s never been this crude with me before.
I mean, there are plenty of people on the street, so maybe I’m being overly cautious. But better safe than sorry, right?
[carfix]
The road ends. There’s the workshop.
...
It’s bathed in pure white light, almost as if it’s glowing, inviting me in.
I take a look around and don’t see anyone – just cold and empty cars, some crates stacked by the building, concrete slabs. The snow keeps softly flowing from the hills.
It’s quiet.
I take a peek through one of the windows, but the only thing I see is my reflection.
They fixed it, then...
...
Is there really nobody inside? It's not like I particularly wanted to enter, but...
I thought that might be the best way to go about it.
Have a quick glance, see how normal everything it is, then leave. Nice and simple.
It looks like they are closed today, though. I was certain they worked on Sundays, too... I should just check the schedule at the door.
Uhhh... There!
A scratched up metal plate. Let’s see...
1 second Mon: 9:00-20:00 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Wed: 9:00-20:00 Thu: 9:00-20:00 Fri: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 10:00-18:00 Sat: 10:00-18:00
[carfix] 1 second Hm. Should be open. It’s Sunday, just past 12.
I knock on the door, then give it a tug.
2 seconds ...
It won’t budge.
...Eh?
I give it another tug, and then a push. That’s strange.
Maybe it's not the time yet? But when, if not today...? Would the universe really hold me back like that?
No. Let's not jump to such conclusions.
The mechanics are probably on lunch break. Ha, of course! Though, I don’t believe they had it listed. Did I miss that?
Hm...
1 second Mon: 9:00-20:00 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 9:00-20:00 Thu: 9:00-20:00 Fri: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 10:00-18:00 Sat: 10:00-18:00
[carfix] 1 second No lunch break.
So it’s not me being inattentive! Then why... Oh.
Maybe it’s some sort of holiday today? I’m bad at keeping track of things like that. Still, shouldn’t there be a notice or-
Wait.
I look over the metal plate again.
Mon: 9:10-20:00 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 9:03-20:00 Thu: 9:12-20:00 Fri: 9:15-19:00 Sat: 10:59-18:00 Sat: 17:58-18:00
[carfix] ...Huh?
Mon: 9:10-20:59 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 9:03-20:16 Thu: 9:12-20:70 Fri: 9:15-19:33 Sat: 10:59-18:00 Sat: 17:58-18:00
[carfix] Wait-
Mom: 9:10-20:00 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 9:03-20:18 Tht: 9:12-20:42 Fri: 9:15-19:59 Sat: 10:59-18:07 Stt: 17:58-18:00
[carfix] That doesn’t seem like... What?
I rub my eyes and blink intensely. Did I not get enough sleep? I’m just not seeing straight...
Ah, I shouldn’t have read so much before I went to bed. I need to focus. Focus, focus, focus.
...
...Okay.
Monday: 19:00-9:00 Tuesday: 9:00-20:00 Waturday: 9:00-20:00 Thursday: 9:00-20:00 Saturda: 8:01-19:00 Saturday: 1o:oo-18:00 Saturdayy: 10:00-18:00
[carfix] H-huh?
Mat: 1:00-9:00 Tue: 9:00-20:00 Sat: 9:0a-20:00 Thu: 17:00-35: Sat: 8:01-19:00 Sat: 1:00-18:18 Sat: 100:90-18:0000
[carfix] I don’t...
Sat: 1:00-2:00 Sat: 3:00-4:00 Sat: 5:00-6:00 Sat: 7:00-8:00 Sat: 9:00-10:00 Sat: 11:00-12:00 Sat: 13:00-14:00
[carfix] I...
Mon-Sat: 00:00-99:99 Sun: Closed indef.
[carfix] Why does-
Mon-Sat: 0-99.99999:99.99999 Sun: [DOWN INDEFINITELY]
[carfix] Ah.
It’s okay. I got it. I know what this is.
1 second I shut my eyes.
It’s just a dream. I’ve seen these things before.
I come to my apartment door, but the number is all messed up and wrong. I need to make an urgent call, but the rotary dial wraps into a spiral.
I’m running through my school and can’t find the right classroom, because the number I need doesn’t exist.
In times like this, I need to firmly close my eyes. I need to understand this isn’t real.
Then, when my eyes open, I’ll be in my room. I’ll see the morning light beaming in through the window, projecting a bright square on the wall.
I’ll look into the sliver of the sky outside.
And it will be a soft hue, pink and blue.
1 second [carfix] 2 seconds I open.
2 seconds Monday: 9:00-20:00 Tuesday: 9:00-20:00 Wednesday: 9:00-20:00 Thursday: 9:00-20:00 Friday: 9:00-20:00 Saturday: 10:00-18:00 Sunday: Tosya’s face issssssss ssss s s s s s
show iss 0.5 seconds [black] [ASYA]
Ah-
1 second I see.
That's what it is.
[carfix_red]
show ghost
show tface
show deface
show crack
show hands 0.45 seconds [ASYA]
[red] Ah-aa
AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAaGHHH
What? What? What? What? What?
I stumble back.
What is this? What is this? What’s going on?
My vision’s clear. I look around. It’s all the same. Is this a prank? There’s no one here. Is this a prank? Is this a prank? Garin has played a lot of those on me.
Garin. Garin, Garin, Garin. Yes. It’s him. On the way here, I saw him walking from the opposite direction.
He was nervous, he was walking from the opposite direction, he was walking from here. He was walking from here because he decided to play a prank on me.
He was looking around because he set up a little surprise for me and didn’t want to spoil the fun. Good thing I hid because otherwise it’d spoil the fun.
Wow. This is quite a prank! You sure outdid yourself! How did you set it up? How did you do this? How did you know, Garin? Tell me, how did you know? How did you know?
I wonder how you did this, Garin. Please, tell me. I’m dumb. I can’t figure it out. You must be very smart. You must be shrewd. You must be tricky.
That’s really amazing. You’re really amazing. It’s amazing how I’m surrounded by people so smart.
You’ve really helped me out today, Vadim.
Today, I’ve set out to fall deeper than before, to fall deeper in love.
Right now I’m so full of love, I feel like I’m gonna vomit.
I’m so grateful, my fingers won’t stop shaking.
Thank you, Vadim.
I won’t forget this ‘till the day I die.
show ilooked
show deface [bodyshop]
show crack 1 second The windows still won’t let me peer inside.
It’s way too bright, so all I see is my own silhouette.
The snowfall’s neither harsh nor light, because there is no snowfall, only snow. No. I misunderstood.
Who said that I can’t peer inside?
That’s me. That’s me behind the glass.
I’m looking in, and looking out at the same time.
I’m looking in and looking out the window. I see.
What do you see, Asya?
What do you see from the inside of a sealed body shop?
The same thing you see from the outside, Asya.
The same blue sky.
The same infinity.
The same unfashionable coat.
Oh! What was that...?
That's...
[JAMMED SIGNAL C]
7 seconds It smells of oil. The air is so thick I feel like I’m choking. Ah... Hah...
1 second It feels like I have grit under my nails. My hands are cold. It's dark. Am I covered in dirt? Everything's lined with sour dust. As if the void sticks to my skin and coats the inside of my mouth and lungs. It's almost enough to make me puke.
1 second “....e, com......take....y..eth..” “Sm....to...” “........nna k...a when........e that, h...?” “...He.....idd.....m ki......” ...What are they saying? Are they addressing me? Do they know that I'm here? Are they... laughing...? The voices have become completely unintelligible. The wall between us is becoming thicker by the second. I have to cry out to them. Maybe this time-
“... ....... ..” “........ .........” “...” Nothing comes out. Or does it? It’s like my words collapse against the wall before they reach them. A wall... That’s right, it’s a dark metal wall. A closed door. A lock firmly shut. I’ve been banging against it, yelling, all to no avail.
My body is too soft. My words are too weak. My outline is too blurry. Of course I can’t break through. I’m no more than a shadow. A dirty, dusty, grimy shadow that reeks of petroleum and sweat. Why is a shadow afraid of the dark? A raindrop shouldn’t fear the ocean. A fragment shouldn't fear the whole.
Perhaps, it didn’t know it was a shadow. It lived too long thinking it was something so much more solid. It believed the notion of agency existed in its world. What a naive little shadow that was.
The time has come for it to face the truth. The blurry shadow slumps down, head against the wall. The voices are a muffled mess, but there’s no need to pay it any mind. Soon, the shadow won’t have the ears to hear them with. Soon, the shadow won’t have to concern itself with anything. The smell of oil is sharp, but soon there won’t be anything to smell it. The floor is cold, but soon there won’t be anything to touch it. The pain is piercing, but soon there won’t be anything to feel it. It’s a good deal, isn't it?
1 second The shadow doesn’t resist anymore. The void opens its maw.
“GET OUT.”
...Huh? Wha- My head tilts upward. A clear voice. So clear it’s like the words were spoken right into my ear. Who... I spin around.
0.5 seconds
show windo 1 second ...! A window...! Was it always there? Pale light seeps through the frost. The thin glass barrier is impossibly far. But maybe I can... No, I have to.
I stumble and grope my way through the darkness. Ah!- My hand strikes against something cold and heavy. What’s that...? Metal? A tool? Doesn’t matter. Something to grab onto.
“Gh...” The weight steadies me. Well, this thing sure is hefty... Or maybe I’m just out of shape. ...No. That’s not true. I do have a shape. My body has a steady form. Of course it does. Because my hand is firmly clasped around the wrench. I feel its temperature, weight and texture. It’s there. I’m there.
My arm rises. If this doesn’t work, it’s gonna be really embarrassing. Embarrassing...? Who cares. You either do or don’t. It’s as simple as that. That's right. It is that simple.
1 second My arm swings down.
1 second [white] 5 seconds [ME]
You... who ar... y...
2 seconds [ME]
...sya..?
[JAMMED SIGNAL C: END]
3 seconds label ep2d4
3 seconds screen date4
DECEMBER 22ND
[sch_corridor] 2 seconds [musigh] [MARINA]
Man, the constant dark is making me depressed already... I hate this time of year!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Is it that bad...? It's not like there's
no light at all.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
You call that light? It's dingy mist all afternoon, I feel like I got shoved into a smoke stack.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Can you go crazy from vitamin D deficiency?
Do people die from that?
[ASYA]
[hmm] I don't think so...
[neutral] (cont'd) And, um... Personally,
I find it rather nice.
Everything looks so gentle.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Bleh, it just makes me all moody. The guys made fun of me for that, can you imagine?
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Ain't it normal to feel down when you're not getting any sun?
[ASYA]
[neutral] I've heard it's pretty common, yes.
[uff] (cont'd)
You wilt like a sad little flower...
[mushock] [MARINA]
Exactly!! You're so right! I am a gentle rose freezing to death! I waste away, no photosynthesis, no water, no nothing...
[musad] [ASYA]
[neutral] There, there... You'll get your sunlight
soon.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Not until the end of winter I won't...
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Anyway, I wonder how we haven’t run into you yesterday.
I thought we'd see you by the library or something.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh, I just went to the outskirts.
It's really, um... serene out there.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Serene, you say...
[ASYA]
[smile] Yes! It is a little dim right now, but...
it's very beautiful, too.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Hooh... I never thought of going there this time of year. A bit too cold for walks, ya know?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yeah, I understand...
[MARINA]
But hey, maybe I’m missing something. Like, the season's charm and all...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Hey, maybe I'll tag along sometime! I could use a change of scenery.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah! T-that would be great! Please do, whenever.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Yay! Then count me in.
Ya know, our recent hangouts have been kinda sucky...
[muehh] [ASYA]
[pout] O-oh...
[mushock] [MARINA]
Ah! Not with you, with my friends!
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Some of ‘em have these stupid curfews now. Half of us had to be home by seven. Seven! Can you believe that?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Oh! Um, wow... Why now?
[musigh] [MARINA]
Parents are worried ‘cuz of Ira being gone. I mean, I get it, but...
...
[ASYA]
[um] ...It’s been four days.
[musad] [MARINA]
Yeah... No news on your end, I figure?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Nothing...
Marina’s face darkens. She sighs.
[musigh] [MARINA]
The adults organised a search party this weekend. Maybe you’ve heard?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No... My dad was home. Mom, too.
[mustern] [MARINA]
I see. Well, my brother went.
[ASYA]
[troubled] And?
She shakes her head.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
As expected. If the search party found anything, it would already be the talk of the town.
It’s comforting, in a way. If they found Ira’s body after so long...
No, I’d rather not think about that.
[muserious] [MARINA]
You know what I’ve been thinking?
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...That she left the city?
[MARINA]
No. She has to be at someone’s place.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah...
Of course, this possibility has also crossed my mind. But all the arguments in its favour sounded either too morbid or far-fetched.
[ASYA]
[concern] Do you mean... She was kidnapped?
[MARINA]
I don’t know. She could be staying on her own accord.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...But where would that be?
[um] (cont'd) I can’t think of
anyone Ira would trust that much.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Well, there’s the two of us, for starters!
[ASYA]
[woah] Huh?!
[MARINA]
We’re the last two people that saw her, right? Who’s to say one of us ain’t guilty?
[ASYA]
[ramble] B-but... We weren’t even that close!
And Ira, she... She’s not in my apartment!
[muneutral] [MARINA]
How do I know if you’re telling the truth?
[ASYA]
[concern] I-
[pout] (cont'd) Buh. Marina... I don’t like this joke.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Haha, sorry. I’m just speaking from the point of view of the investigation.
[MARINA]
Ask me the same thing, I'll stumble the same way.
The only means to prove my innocence would be a house search.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[mustern] [MARINA]
I kinda... have a theory on what might be going on.
[ASYA]
[concern] Y-you do?
[MARINA]
Yep. It’s more of a hunch, but the more I think about it...
Marina looks around.
[MARINA]
I don’t like whispering about stuff like this at school, though. You know what? How ‘bout I call you later?
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh! Like in the evening?
[MARINA]
Yeah. Can I have your number?
[ASYA]
[woah] A-ah, yes, of course!
I pulled out a scrap of paper and scratched the digits into it with a dull pencil.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Thanks. I have some plans before that, so I’ll dial as soon as I’m back. Won’t be too late with everyone getting dragged home at baby hours.
[muehh] [MARINA]
Does eight sound good?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Sure. I’m going to the library anyway.
Have fun out there!
[muyay] [MARINA]
Ha, I’ll sure as hell try. You have... an, uh... enriching experience.
[mumbub] [ASYA]
[smile] I will, thanks.
1 second Marina runs off.
Man... Now I have to wait until evening to find out. I wanted to wind down a little after school, but now I’ll be all restless.
Well, maybe not. I haven’t visited the library in a long while.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been so stressed in the past months. It’s always nice and quiet there... I'm sure it'll help me relax.
I make my way back to class.
[classroom] [VADIM]
Hey, Shubina.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Hey.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Did we, like, have no homework? Your notebook’s empty.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh.
[hmm] (cont'd) No, we did. I’m pretty sure...
[VADIM]
Well, where is it?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Nowhere. I didn’t do it.
A surprised hum rolls through their whole group.
That’s okay, I’m also a little shocked.
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Oho. Is someone getting rebellious?
[ASYA]
[pout] No... It just slipped my mind.
[CLASSMATE A]
Ah, classic.
[VADIM]
Haha, right. Taking some time off for yourself is great ’n all, but you gotta come up with a better excuse.
[ASYA]
[um] I’m serious, though...
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Hm? Really?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Yes.
[VADIM]
Ha. Well...
[guneutral] [VADIM]
You know, that’s good. Would be pretty selfish of you to start ditching homework altogether.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Huh?
[VADIM]
We all rely on you, you know.
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, you’re the best.
[CLASSMATE B]
You're so smart.
[CLASSMATE C]
What would we do without you? Haha...
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Hear that? The people need you, Shubina.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Okay.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
We’ll forgive you this time. But don’t get used to it.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[VADIM]
Anyways. Leykin!
[guannoyed] [CLASSMATE D]
Ah? What?
[VADIM]
Pass the notes.
[CLASSMATE D]
Um, t-the Russian ones?
[VADIM]
No, fucking Japanese. You’re supposed to be smart, aren't cha?
[CLASSMATE D]
O-okay, okay, there...
...I really did forget.
After yesterday’s prank, my head was all over the place. Really, school was the last thing on my mind.
Although, that does remind me. I turn towards the boys, who are now preoccupied with copying Leykin’s homework.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... Vadim?
He clicks his tongue.
[VADIM]
You see I’m busy?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Y-yes. But-
[VADIM]
But shut up.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
He briefly glances at me.
[VADIM]
If ya want something, ask me later.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Okay.
The bell rings right as Garin finishes his notes, so I don’t get the chance to ask him – not until the lesson ends.
At least the teacher doesn’t check my homework...
She’s used to me always having it prepared.
I feel like I’ve just abused someone’s trust a little.
[sch_corridor] After the lesson is done, I catch up to Garin in the hallway.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
What?
[ASYA]
[concern] U-um...! I wanted to ask you.
About yesterday...
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Y-yesterday?!
His face twitches, he looks back at his friends.
[VADIM]
The hell are you talking about?
[ASYA]
[troubled] I, um... I saw you on the street, so...
[VADIM]
!...
[CLASSMATE A]
What’s this about?
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
A- Ah, it’s whatever. You go on ahead, guys.
[gusmirk] [CLASSMATE A]
Uh, alright. See ya.
Garin turns towards me and before I can understand what’s going on, I feel my side hitting the wall.
[ASYA]
[kya] Ow!
[holdin1]
0.5 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.holdin1_unlocked = True
[VADIM]
What the fuck did you see?
He dragged me – no, more like threw me – behind the nearest corner.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Um-
[VADIM]
What the fuck did you see, Shubina? What do you want?
[ASYA]
[ehh] I... I saw you walking from there, s-so I
know...
[VADIM]
...
[ASYA]
[um] I know you did that... The prank.
[holdin2]
intervening script
$ persistent.holdin2_unlocked = True
[VADIM]
...What?
[ASYA]
[concern] The prank at the car repair. I just wanted to
know how you, um... How you managed to do that.
And also how you knew...
[VADIM]
What... What prank? What are you on about?!
[ASYA]
[ramble] I-I know you did that! Don’t pretend! I saw you
walking, looking guilty.
[awkward] (cont'd) It’s okay, I think
that’s a pretty funny prank.
[ASYA]
[shock] I mean, I don’t, I’d rather you didn’t prank me
like that anymore, but I’ve never seen anything
like it. How did you do that? It was like a
magic trick...
[VADIM]
...Magic? The hell...
[VADIM]
Shubina, are you high? The hell do you think I did?
[ASYA]
[ramble] Changed the schedule. The one on the door of
the car repair shop, I saw it.
[VADIM]
Uh... Why would I do that?
[ASYA]
[concern] Come on, Vadim... I know it’s just one of your
jokes.
[um] (cont'd) If you don’t want me to, I won’t tell
anyone, it’s just that... It’s pretty obvious.
[ASYA]
[um] I just want to understand how you knew
about that...
[sch_corridor] Garin takes a step back, looking me up and down.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Are you... Did you have a weird dream or something?
[ASYA]
[ramble] No...!
[um] (cont'd) I-
[troubled] (cont'd) Why can’t you just answer me?
He sighs, then runs a hand through his hair.
[guugh] [VADIM]
I know you don’t get out much, but stores change their working hours all the time. It’s freaking normal.
[ASYA]
[ramble] N-no, not like that!
It’s not about the hours...!
[shock] (cont'd) I wanna know...
[ASYA]
[shock] How did you know that I’d be going there?
How did you know...
[ASYA]
[ramble] How did you know about Tosya?!
[VADIM]
...
He stares at me as if he’s so confused. As if he doesn’t get it. But I know he does, he’s just pretending not to for some reason.
...Ah! Garin’s afraid he’ll get in trouble for messing up the metal plate!
Duh, of course. That has to be it. He really didn’t think this one through, did he?
[VADIM]
Okay, uh... I dunno what happened, but you’re talking nonsense.
He turns away.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
Thanks for wasting my time, I guess.
He’s leaving. He’s going back to the hallway.
No, he can’t go!
[ASYA]
[ramble] Wait!
I grab onto his sleeve – he shakes me off.
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Damn it, get off me! I said, I have no clue what you’re babbling about!
[ASYA]
[ramble] But Tosya’s-
[VADIM]
I don’t know any fucking Tosyas!
[ASYA]
[shock] Ah...
He walks off hastily, as if I were contagious. Why... This doesn’t make sense.
[sch_window] Garin has never had any issue admitting to a prank. Didn't he take pride in pulling them off?
So if he’s managed something so elaborate... Shouldn’t he brag about it to the boys? Why is he so dead set on playing dumb?
It sure seemed like he had something in mind when I mentioned seeing him from across the street. So it’s not like I made anything up.
Even if he’s scared of being charged for defacing the timetable... He’s going a bit overboard with the whole oblivious act, isn’t he?
...No. Maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong angle. I’m being too cynical. I’m expecting too little of this kind, beautiful world. Garin might not be thinking about himself at all. I didn’t even consider this possibility... But what if what he’s feeling isn’t fear? What if it’s... regret?
It’s never happened before. He’s never been one to show remorse – and why should he? It’s all just harmless games. But... maybe he realised that yesterday was a little too much? So when he saw how scared I got, he probably... He chose not to tell anyone. He thought it would be better to act like it never happened. Just like those boys did. Of course he’d never apologise, there’s nothing to apologise for. But not gloating about it... For Garin, it's as good as saying sorry.
[gubw] Garin... It must’ve taken so much from you. Is that why you looked nervous? You were already doubting yourself, regretting your actions as you fled the crime scene. I’m sorry. I didn’t understand what you were feeling right away. I didn’t get why you denied it all so fervently. But it’s okay. I see it now.
“I didn't hear their conversation with Marina.” That's a false statement. But if I pretend it's true, if I don't do anything with that information, if I don't change the way I see either of them, then it becomes reality. It cannot be objectively disproven. “Nothing happened at the car repair shop.” If both me and Garin believe that, if both of us act like that is the truth, it will become just that. That's incredible. I never would've thought he'd do something like that. I didn't know he understood such things.
I'm still not sure how he learned about Tosya saving me. Or how he knew that I'd go there again. I'm sure he's heard about the incident, but... Ah, I suppose stuff like that is not important anymore.
You've offered me the option to undo what happened yesterday. It's very special coming from someone like you. And I appreciate the sentiment. I won't refuse. Thank you for that, Vadim. Thank you so much.
6 seconds 2 seconds [library]
The town library. It feels like it's been ages since I last visited here.
Objectively, it’s very small. My mind involuntarily compares it to the Lenin Library in Moscow.
I was so blown away by its sheer size during our sixth-grade field trip. In contrast, this tiny reading hall borders on being claustrophobic.
Its walls are the same shade of green as the school cafeteria or the corridor of a children’s clinic.
And yet... I still feel right at home.
The book selection isn't huge, and I’ve read through pretty much everything I was interested in multiple times. But it's a quality over quantity kind of thing.
We have some wonderful editions of the classics.
I’ve heard most small town libraries get low-quality prints, so I suppose that’s where our closed-town privilege comes in.
I wonder if the same applies to cinema... I’m too shy to watch movies all alone, so I don’t know a lot about the local lineup. I should ask Marina about that.
[LIBRARIAN]
Asyenka! Long time no see. Where have you been, sweetheart?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hello, Lilya Ivanovna. I’m sorry, I’ve been
going out more.
[LIBRARIAN]
Aw, that’s lovely. Don’t apologise. I always said, a young girl like you shouldn’t spend all of her days cramped up in here.
[ASYA]
[smile] But I like being cramped up in here.
I missed it.
Lilya Ivanovna smiles. She’s the librarian.
It’s not that we're particularly close, we just exchange some pleasantries whenever I come by. So I didn’t expect her to be happy to see me again.
I suppose she doesn’t get too many visitors... I feel a pang of guilt deep in my chest.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Actually... Do you have, um... Angelique by
Anne Golon?
[LIBRARIAN]
Oh dear, I'm afraid we don't. But you know, my daughter used to love those books a lot. I'll ask if I could lend you a few volumes.
[ASYA]
[pout] O-oh, y-you don't have to!
[LIBRARIAN]
Please, it's no trouble at all. You're a sweet girl, I'm sure she won't mind.
[ASYA]
[pout] I... Thank you so much.
[LIBRARIAN]
Of course.
Aw, gee... Now I feel even worse for not stopping by. Next time I'll bring Lilya Ivanovna a box of chocolates.
1 second I browse the shelves. It's a bit of a shame I can't see what Angelique's all about... But I'm not really in the mood for something like that, if I'm being honest.
I want to read something familiar. Something easy. Something like...
A Hundred Years Ahead by Kir Bulychev. Perfect.
I sit at my usual spot. It’s probably embarrassing to read children’s books at my age. But I don’t want anything heavy today. I don’t want anything sad.
I’ve read this one so many times before... If I were caught by Nazis and the only way to live was to recite a passage from this book, I’d probably survive.
Why would the Nazis want that...?
Listen, it's a hypothetical situation.
Oh right, there was this adaptation made last year. Everyone really liked it... I thought it was okay.
I mean, it wasn’t bad. I’m glad more people saw the story. But that’s not how I imagined the stuff from the book at all...
Agh, and another annoying thing: now I just keep imagining the movie version as I read! Crap.
I need to keep the way I've always pictured it in mind.
I need to really focus...
My concentration increases with each flip of the page.
I need to keep the futuristic tech in mind.
I need to keep the future world in mind.
I need to keep the present world in mind.
I need to keep the aliens in mind.
I need to keep the myelophone in mind.
I need to keep everyone’s face in mind.
I need to keep Verter’s face in mind.
I need to keep Kolya’s face in mind.
I need to keep Alice’s face in mind.
I need to keep Tosya’s face in mind.
I need to keep her face in mind. Keep it in mind.
Keep it in mind.
Keep. It. In. Mind.
...Gah!
This isn’t helping me relax at all. I shut the book and slump down on the table.
Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to read this. I wanted something I wouldn’t need to think too hard about...
Well, it’s no biggie. The kids section has plenty of other stuff.
I get up and go to grab something else.
A fairy tale will do.
1 second Morozko.
This is a really good edition. Something about it always fascinated me in a way I found hard to place. Perhaps it was the tone.
The folk version had a more morbid ending compared to the published story. That’s how it often is with fairy tales.
But this retelling... Something about it has always felt off to me, even when I read through it as a little kid.
It felt like the text was covering up something I shouldn’t see.
“Are you warm, my lass?” “I am, I am, Morozko!” Mashenka responded, shivering. Morozko leaned in lower, cracking and clicking.
[library2]
I really think children like being scared. Even when there’s no reason to, they'll try their hardest to come up with one.
You can stare at a beautiful book illustration and refuse to trust it. You can read a short and sweet cautionary tale and imagine something horrific.
“Are you warm, my lass? Are you warm, my beauty?” “I am, I am, Morozko!” Mashenka responded, teeth chattering from the cold. The frost grew stronger. The girl’s cheeks burned bright red, she breathed white mist, her fingers barely moved.
[library3]
Are we all thrill-seekers as children? Maybe it’s a simple survival instinct...
Always prepare yourself for the worst. Always imagine a scary face staring from the dark. Always think twice about what hides behind a smile.
“Are you warm, my lass? Are you warm, my beauty? Are you warm, my dear?” “Oh, so warm, Morozko,” the girl responded, her voice growing silent.
[library4]
...No, that doesn't sound right.
What a depressing life it would be if we always had to scare ourselves into experiencing its best moments.
At least I’m not like that anymore. I don’t imagine scary things where there are none.
Because I know the world better than that. I know there is way more to love than there is to despise or fear.
It’s not some impulsive emotional choice, no, it’s the only rational conclusion to everything.
Then Morozko took pity on the girl. He wrapped Mashenka in a heavy fur coat, covered her in a blanket of snow, and warmed her up.
1 second [library5]
Right.
I’m flipping through one stunning picture to another. This is far more enjoyable than the original.
The folk tale is predictable – it’s so simple and crude, it’s underwhelming.
The good girl respects the rules of the ritual and lives; the bad girl breaks the rules and rides back to her mother as a frozen corpse.
It’s an interesting piece of folklore. But the idea of it... I’m not sure what a modern kid can glean from that.
Haha. Maybe Garin was right. I am getting rebellious.
Although... If we look at Morozko, the entity, as if he were the extension of the universe’s will... Oh!
I think I'm getting it! The real meaning... Of course! That's what it is!
Morozko is the natural order! It's the will of the world!
Yes, you may fear it. You can find yourself in a situation when any positive feeling towards it may seem impossible...
But you must gather all your strength to love it still. And then, then... You will surely be rewarded.
Yes, yes, yes. How have I never noticed it before?
It's been beating me over the head all along!
Now I see... In that sense, it’s an incredible story.
In that sense, every child across the world has got to read it.
I look down at a page I’ve never seen before.
It’s Morozko and Mashenka, and every other character’s face smiling wide and looking right at me.
I did it. I got the message. The lesson you've been trying to get through to me all of these years...
I finally understood it.
This is my little celebration. This is my acknowledgement. Today I’ve realised something very good and important.
I stare at the page, this never before seen page, and I am filled with gratitude.
I know that it’s just for me and my eyes only. Nobody in the world but me has seen those smiles.
What an incredible honor. I’m such a lucky girl.
1 second [ASYA]
[yay] Goodbye, Lilya Ivanovna!
[LIBRARIAN]
Oh? Goodbye, Asya! Stay safe.
Of course I’ll be safe.
Because I’ve got this amazing blessing, this acknowledgement on my side...
I’ll be okay no matter what.
5 seconds 2 seconds 6 seconds 6 seconds [phone]
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hello?
[MARINA]
Eveniiing!
I hear Marina’s cheery voice on the other end of the phone.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Good evening, Marina. You’re late.
[MARINA]
Huuh? Whadya mean! It’s basically eight.
[ASYA]
[concern] It’s a quarter past...!
[um] (cont'd) Maybe I should’ve been
the one to call...
[MARINA]
Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t aware we’re on a timer. Being a little late is fashionable, you know.
[ASYA]
[pout] I’m not very fashionable.
[MARINA]
Well, you can always change that!
[ASYA]
[uff] And be late...?
[MARINA]
For starters. You can also make your hair all wild. Ever seen Nastya from my class? She has this craaazy perm.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I, um... I don’t know how to do that.
[um] (cont'd) Also I
think my dad would kill me.
[MARINA]
You go to a salon for it. I kinda want to get one... Lev says I’d look stupid, but what does he know! That guy dresses like a total schlub.
Isn't she worried he could hear her...?
[MARINA]
Oh, right. How was your library trip?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah, well... It’s a library trip. It was good.
[MARINA]
Come on, at least try to make it sound interesting...
[ASYA]
[um] U-um... Well...
[MARINA]
I’m kidding, you don’t have to-
[ASYA]
[annoyed] It was enlightening. Perhaps, everything I've
believed until today was wrong. But the me
you’re speaking to right now is a much wiser
and braver person than before.
[ASYA]
[wtf] That trip was pivotal. It was monumental.
[MARINA]
W-woah... Ha... Hahaha, alright, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Never underestimate the quiet types, they say...
[ASYA]
[smile] Heh... How was your hangout?
[MARINA]
Neither pivotal nor monumental, I’m afraid. Sat at the cafe, looked at some magazines... Got the new Rovesnik. You read that one?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh, no...
[hmm] (cont'd) I read, um...
[neutral] (cont'd) The Young Naturalist.
And Koster.
[MARINA]
Pha. That does sound like you.
[ASYA]
[pout] W-what’s that supposed to mean...
[MARINA]
Ah, sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean it in a bad way, haha. But I mean, aren’t you curious about something more, uh... grownup?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...I read grownup stuff all the time.
[MARINA]
Oh yeah? Like what?
[ASYA]
[sus] Books. Dad’s newspapers.
[uff] (cont'd) Um... Mom’s magazines.
[MARINA]
Oooh, so mature.
[ASYA]
[pout] Buh... Well, what mature stuff do you read,
Marina?
[MARINA]
The good stuff. Rovesnik, Work Shift, Rabotnica, Fashion of the Socialist Republics.
[ASYA]
[um] How’s the last one mature...
[MARINA]
You know what, Aska? I gotta lend you some of those. You’ll love ‘em.
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh...? I dunno, I’m not really into-
[MARINA]
No, I’m serious! You’re gonna love Work Shift.
[MARINA]
They had this crazy story ‘bout a drug dealer last month, you have to check it out. There was one about a foreign prostitute or something a couple of issues ago, too...
[MARINA]
I’ll look for it.
...Those do sound really interesting.
[ASYA]
[neutral] A-alright.
[hmm] (cont'd) I’m not sure my dad will like me
reading that, though...
[MARINA]
...That so. Well then, we can read together!
[ASYA]
[woah] Really?
[MARINA]
Yeah! I’ll bring some this week.
[ASYA]
[surprised] O-okay!
To be quite honest, I’ve been curious about those publications for a while.
Last year, I even bought myself an issue of Rovesnik.
I read all of it in one sitting.
But then dad found out, and... Well, it wasn’t worth it.
I guess I could just buy the issues and read through them right away. Then, um... I could throw them away, but that sounds really wasteful.
Oh. Maybe I could donate them to the library? That’s not a bad idea! That’s not a bad idea at all...
Although, if Marina will share her magazines with me, I might as well save my allowance.
[MARINA]
Right, so... Let’s get back on topic.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm?
[MARINA]
The reason I called you.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Yes.
There's a long pause on the other end of the phone.
Almost as if Marina was bracing herself.
[MARINA]
Remember our talk about Ira’s condition?
[ASYA]
[sus] O-of course.
[MARINA]
Of course. Well, um... Here’s the thing.
[MARINA]
I told you how Ira can get into these states when she isn’t quite... there.
[MARINA]
Usually, she could snap out of those. It took some time – maybe a couple minutes, maybe even hours. But she got over it.
[MARINA]
And... as time went on, it grew more and more difficult.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[MARINA]
The treatment helped. The pills acted as stabilisers.
So it was like...
[MARINA]
It was like the pits in her mind became more shallow. They still formed, but they became easier to manage. Easier to climb from.
[MARINA]
And when Ira stopped taking them... it was like being dropped right in the middle of a canyon.
Marina paused. The way she spoke sounded as if she had to force out every word, made worse by the muffled receiver.
[MARINA]
And that's just half the problem.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...There's more?
[MARINA]
When you stay in that state for too long, you... you begin to deteriorate.
[ASYA]
[concern] Huh?
[MARINA]
The human brain isn’t made to handle that sort of stress. So as a result... our consciousness, our higher functions start to decay.
[ASYA]
[shock] Wh...
[MARINA]
In other words, we gradually lose what makes us human. I don’t know if it’s irreversible, but... from all I've heard, that’s how it is.
[ASYA]
[wtf] ...
I feel a cold lump in my throat. Higher functions deteriorating? Losing what makes us human?!
Just what... What the hell kind of illness is that...?
[MARINA]
When we saw Ira that day... it seemed like she'd been out of it for hours.
[MARINA]
So there’s a high chance that if she didn’t snap out of it soon after, her consciousness began to fall apart.
[ASYA]
[shock] !...
[MARINA]
But here’s the thing. She couldn't have run off in such a state.
[MARINA]
Finding a place to hide would also be extremely difficult. She wouldn’t be capable of coming up with a covert hiding spot.
[MARINA]
At least not anything that multiple search parties would manage to overlook.
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...So what do you think she did?
[MARINA]
She went home.
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[MARINA]
You know how walking home can kinda feel like autopilot? It’s not something you need to actively think about.
[MARINA]
So even if Ira became completely dazed... It’s very possible she still found her way home. Although, it must've taken her a while.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I don’t get it. She was declared missing
that same evening.
[troubled] (cont'd) If she came back, why
would they file the report?
[MARINA]
I think they really did believe she disappeared. I told you, it could’ve taken her a very long time. Hours, even.
[MARINA]
Ira’s mind was in tangles. She likely had no clue how long it took.
[ASYA]
[um] S-so... What you’re saying is...
[ASYA]
[sus] Ira’s parents filed a missing report when she
didn’t come home as usual... That was probably
late at night.
[MARINA]
Yeah, the report was filed somewhere after 23:00.
[ASYA]
[sus] Mhm. Then, after they already called the
police, Ira returned.
[MARINA]
Yep.
[ASYA]
[sus] So why wouldn’t they call off the report?
She sighs.
[MARINA]
...Well, that’s the nasty part.
[ASYA]
[sus] Huh?
[MARINA]
Let’s say Ira showed up a couple hours later. At 1:00, maybe 2:00, something like that. Consider the state she would be in by that point.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[MARINA]
Consider how Ira kept her condition secret. How she avoided both her home and public places. For all we know, it was her parents’ first time seeing her like that.
[MARINA]
And if it was in that extreme a state... Head hanging low, blabbering nonsense, legs unstable... Well...
[MARINA]
At first, they probably thought she was drunk or high. They screamed at her, they demanded to know what she was doing, where, with whom.
[MARINA]
But then they'd stop. They'd realise something was wrong. Maybe they'd feel it in their gut.
[MARINA]
Something about the way she slumped against the chair, or the way that she kept muttering nonsense, or the way that her eyes seemed both glazed over and alert at the same time...
[MARINA]
It had to be unsettling. No, more like really freaking scary.
[MARINA]
So... they might have panicked.
[ASYA]
[concern] Panicked?
[MARINA]
Well, maybe that’s the wrong word. They tried to be rational. A panicked kind of “rational”...
[MARINA]
Do you remember our talk at the cafe?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Yes.
[MARINA]
Their family has a reputation to uphold. Whatever remains of it, at least.
[MARINA]
Their daughter's already the problem child. The difficult, the “unstable” one of the bunch.
[MARINA]
What do you think people would say to Ira coming home looking like she shot up god knows what substance?
[MARINA]
Or better yet, returning way past midnight, mumbling like a lunatic?
[ASYA]
[wtf] You’re not saying that...
[MARINA]
I’m saying that it would be inconvenient. It would exacerbate every problem the family already had.
[MARINA]
So in their minds, the best short-term solution would be to wait it out. Wait for Ira to come down from whatever “drug” she was on.
[MARINA]
They would announce that she returned only when she’s presentable.
[ASYA]
[wtf] But... If she never came down...
[MARINA]
They probably thought she’d be okay by morning. But if not, well...
[ASYA]
[shock] ...Then...
[bitter] (cont'd) wouldn’t they take Ira to the
hospital?
[MARINA]
I doubt they would. They wouldn't want the public to see her in such a state.
[MARINA]
And Ira’s mother is a nurse. She’d probably try to handle it by herself.
[ASYA]
[bitter] But that's... Wouldn't they say that she was
sick or something...? Why keep the report?
[MARINA]
She still came home under suspicious circumstances. Perhaps, they thought it would be better to come up with something first.
[MARINA]
They thought they'd let her recover and then declare she's back. But before they knew it, a couple days have already passed.
[MARINA]
Calling off a report like that so quick would also be pretty embarrassing, you know.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I...
[um] (cont'd) that's still...
This all sounds a little far-fetched. But also...
I can't deny the possibility.
I don't know Ira's parents personally.
But even I'm aware of how dire their reputation is.
Would they really go this far to protect it?
Are people really capable of things like that...?
[ASYA]
[um] Crap...
[MARINA]
Hah... Crap indeed.
[ASYA]
[um] But if...
[wtf] (cont'd) If everything is as you said it is,
and Ira still hasn’t come down, that means...
[MARINA]
Yes. Her condition is only getting worse.
[ASYA]
[ramble] W-we have to do something!! Ah-
I look around. The TV is still playing in the living room. For a couple of seconds, I stare at the door, holding my breath.
[MARINA]
...Asya? You good there?
[ASYA]
[shock] ...
[um] (cont'd) Yes... Yes, sorry. It’s okay.
I just need to be quieter.
[MARINA]
Oh, I see...
[MARINA]
But yeah, I agree. I’ve tried calling their place before, but it's either no response or one of her parents. So that’s useless.
[MARINA]
I also thought we could ask Tolik, but we gotta skip school for that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Why?
[MARINA]
He goes to kindergarten. The only time that we could talk to him alone would be when the kids are let out to play. But that would overlap with our lessons.
[ASYA]
[um] Hm... I can’t really... skip.
[MARINA]
That’s fine. I can.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Really?
[MARINA]
Sure. Lev will get a call, but it’s no biggie.
[ASYA]
[um] If you say so...
[MARINA]
Yeah, I’ll go there. Still, there’s no guarantee that asking him will work. So I’d like to go to Ira’s place, see how things are with my own eyes.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah! Y-yes, I that would be smart!
[MARINA]
Mhm. But I think it might work better if I’m not alone.
[ASYA]
[sus] You want me to tag along?
[MARINA]
If you don’t mind. We can meet up after your classes end. You have how many lessons...?
[ASYA]
[sus] Five.
[MARINA]
Okay, great. 12:30 at the gate, then. You in?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Of course, I’m in!
[MARINA]
Awesome. Then I’ll see you there?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Yes, see you...!
[woah] (cont'd) Ah, wait.
[neutral] (cont'd) Can I write your
number down as well?
[MARINA]
Uh, yeah, of course.
I mark it down on the notepad I've been doodling in.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Okay, got it.
[MARINA]
Now you can annoy my brother all you want.
[ASYA]
[pout] I'd never!
[MARINA]
Ahaha. I'm just joshin'. Goodnight, Asya.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Goodnight!
Beep!
2 seconds 2 seconds ...
The handset gently clicks against the cradle.
I’m home again. The clock is softly ticking from the hallway. The TV continues to mutter from the living room.
2 seconds I look down at the shapes I’ve scribbled absent-mindedly during our conversation. The crosshatching got really dense in parts... I don’t remember focusing that much.
I don’t think I was meaning to draw anything. I don’t think I was, yet... When I look at this shape more closely... When I scan its dark blurry outline...
My eyes glide over its hunched back... then down the wave of hair... then deeper, closer, towards where its face is meant to be.
The shadows shrouding it are much too heavy. There is just one thing my mind can parse. Two things.
I smile as Ira’s frightened eyes are locked with mine.
...I miss you. I really, really miss you.
1 second 4 seconds label ep2d5
[skyblue] 3 seconds screen date5
DECEMBER 23RD
The sky hangs low.
The teacher's droning on about some historical battle by the blackboard. I can’t force myself to listen.
The only thing that matters right now is what Marina and I have set out to do.
As soon as the last bell rings, I rush out the classroom, down the corridor, down the stairs, down another corridor, then to the cloakroom, then outside.
[school] A wave of cold hits my defenceless face, so I hastily tie the scarf that I’ve left hanging loosely from my neck.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Asya!
Marina’s waving at me from the gate. I start running towards her, but-
Bap!
[ASYA]
[kya] Ow...!
[???]
Wahaha! Die, German spy!
Some kid manages to snipe me with a snowball. I wobble, feeling chunks of it falling and melting in my hair.
Woah... That was one heck of a shot.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Woah, nice throw!
Okay, maybe don’t praise it...
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
I mean- Who the hell do you think you are, aiming at ladies like that?!
[KID]
Ladies? What ladies?
[KID]
She’s with the spy! Get her!
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Huh?!
[black1] 0.2 seconds 0.2 seconds 0.2 seconds 0.2 seconds A barrage of snowballs flies at Marina, though unlike me, she successfully covers her head.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
What the hell?! Gleb, Danya, I’ll tell your moms!
[KID]
Hahaha! They don’t like you anyways!
[MARINA]
Grrr! Asya, let’s go! Grab my hand.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Y-yes, let’s!
[sch_street] We run across the yard, our poor sides catching the brunt of the artillery fire. Geez, where did they learn to throw like that...
Honestly, it’s pretty amazing. They must be great at lapta. Do children play lapta anymore...?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Gah, the hell’s that about?! Stupid kids!
When I get their asses...
Marina huffs, slapping snow off her battered coat. I do the same, until a rather unpleasant laugh sounds nearby.
[VADIM]
Nice running, ya hens.
[MARINA]
Huh...?
Garin walks through the schoolyard to us, completely unphased.
[mcmbub] [gjgrin] Marina grits her teeth.
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Vadik...
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Hey! You there! Why aren't ya firing at him, huh?!
[VADIM]
Oh yeah, why aren't ya, guys? Say it loud and clear.
[KID]
‘Cuz you're our boss!
[KID]
Aye, aye!
[VADIM]
Heard that?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
What...? Are you, like, their nanny?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Their boss. Clean your ears.
[ASYA]
[neutral] A boss? What does that mean...?
[VADIM]
We have a contract going is what I mean. A mutually beneficial agreement.
[mcserious] [MARINA]
Capitalist pig. Asya, let's report him.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Contract...?
[VADIM]
It's simple. I let them see some of my hotties card deck. In exchange, they give you two a little workout every time you cross the yard.
[VADIM]
Great show, by the way.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Wh-
[ASYA]
[troubled] What kind of card deck...?
[VADIM]
Wouldn't you like to know. It's like normal playing cards, but with sexy chicks printed on them.
[VADIM]
There’s naked ones, too.
[ASYA]
[woah] W-woah...!
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Eh- Huh. Where did you even get that?
[VADIM]
Found it in my brother’s room. He had it stashed in the back of a drawer.
[mcehh] [MARINA]
How classy... Show.
[mcneutral] [ASYA]
[ehh] E-eh?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Fat chance. Do I look like I'm giving out freebies?
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Psh. Bet that stuff’s all crusty anyways.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Crusty...?
[VADIM]
Nah. They’re in pristine condition. Meant only for the initiated, which you’re not.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Woow, we’ve got a secret society over here. What’s the name, Porn Poker League?
[gjlaugh] [VADIM]
Gahaha! That’s catchy, I’ll give you that.
[ASYA]
[pout] I-I don’t think we should be talking about
this...
[VADIM]
Right on, Shubina. It’s unbecoming for a woman of Komsomol to use such expressions.
Is it becoming for a man of Komsomol to carry stuff like that...?
[MARINA]
Look who’s speaking.
And anyways...
[mcmbub] [mcshock] [MARINA]
You made a dumbass deal like that just to have us bombarded with snowballs?!
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Pretty much.
[MARINA]
Are you five?! Why?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
It's payback for having me run your stupid errands.
I think it’s pretty fair, no?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Errands?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Ah, right. Forgot to tell you yesterday. I called him right after we talked.
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[MARINA]
He’s coming with us to Ira’s apartment.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh...
[ehh] (cont'd) W-Whaaaa?!!
[VADIM]
Yeah.
My eyes dart from Garin to Marina, hoping that it’s all a joke. I knew we weren’t exactly going to have fun, but... I’d really rather not talk to him longer than I have to.
[ASYA]
[concern] B-but why?
[mchmm] [MARINA]
I have a hunch that simply asking them to come inside won’t work. That’s when we’ll have a use for Vadik’s brainless brawn.
[mcchallenge] [gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Brainless? Me? Aren’t your own grades in the shitter?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Huh? They’re not, but thanks for your concern.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
And even if they were, since when are grades a mark of intellect? That’s such an outdated idea. You know, Albert Einstein got really crappy grades and he's like the father of modern physics.
[MARINA]
I’ll tell you more, the whole idea of graded academic performance reeks of classism. It goes against everything the Great Revolution stood for. If it were up to me, this whole rotten system would be abolished.
[ASYA]
[pout] Marina... Are your grades really okay?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
...Let’s go to Ira’s place.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Ghe.
3 seconds [sch_close] [ASYA]
[troubled] So, um... You know everything?
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Depends on what you mean by that.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
More or less, yes. He knows my theory.
[VADIM]
I know it’s dumb.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Didn’t ask for an opinion! We’ll just go and see if it has any ground.
[ASYA]
[concern] Wait, so...
[ramble] (cont'd) You told Vadim about Ira’s...?!
[VADIM]
What? Her illness?
[ASYA]
[wtf] !...
[mcserious] [MARINA]
...Don’t worry. He won’t tell anyone.
[ASYA]
[ehh] H-how are you so sure?!
[gjugh] [VADIM]
I won’t.
[ASYA]
[concern] Huh?
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
We have a promise. I’m not snitching.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
He owes me big time.
That’s kinda the reason he’s here at all.
[VADIM]
Don’t try and treat me like your lapdog now. I’m not doing shit for you after today.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
I look at Garin. Him knowing those things about Ira... Those really compromising, shameful things...
It just doesn’t sit right with me.
I can’t imagine the Garin I know keeping something so juicy to himself. Though, then again...
I couldn't have imagined Garin feeling self-conscious about a prank that might have gone too far. Right.
It’s not that Garin is incapable of being honorable.
It’s that I am entirely too prejudiced.
[VADIM]
And anyways, I always knew that chick was psycho. So she’s a different type of crazy now, big deal.
...Hm.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
...If that’s how you wanna spin it.
[street2] [gjneutral] [VADIM]
Oh. By the way, what’s with the kid?
[mchuh] [MARINA]
The kid?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Her brother? You said you’re gonna ask him if she’s home.
[ASYA]
[hmm] O-oh, right. How did it go?
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Ah, that. About as well as you’d imagine.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Pha. Figures.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
I mean, I saw Tolik when everyone came outside. Called him to the fence, tried asking about his sister in, like, a gentle manner. You know, not too directly.
[MARINA]
But he got all clammed up and ran away...!
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Well duh, what did ya expect? This sounds nutty as shit.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Huh?! It’s not nutty!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Oh yeah? Sneaking into a kindergarten to ask a preschooler if his parents are holding his big sister hostage is now normal? In what world?
[MARINA]
H-hey, you make it sound so much worse than it was!
I didn’t say it like that at all!
[VADIM]
Who cares how you said it? It’s the same thing.
[MARINA]
It’s not!
[VADIM]
It is!
[MARINA]
It’s obviously not!
[VADIM]
Totally is!
[MARINA]
It’s not, it's not, it's not!
[VADIM]
It is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is!
[MARINA]
It’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not-
[ASYA]
[uff] Please, stop...
[VADIM]
It i- Right, what the hell? You’re acting like a freakin’ toddler.
[gjugh] [mcmbub] [MARINA]
I’m acting like a toddler?! What about you?
[VADIM]
I’m not the one who started it. Hey, maybe you shoulda stayed back at that kindergarten. Would be more your speed.
[gjgrin] [MARINA]
Grr...! Asya, shove some snow into his collar.
[mcserious] [ASYA]
[ehh] A-ah? Um...
[VADIM]
Oh yeah? You wanna try that, Shubina?
[ASYA]
[ehh] I wasn’t going to...!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Why nooot?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
‘Cause she has a speck of common sense, unlike some people.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Tsk! Why do I hafta do everything ‘round here myself...
Marina leans down to grab a chunk of snow, then turns to Garin with a determined expression.
[mcserious] [gjannoyed] [VADIM]
H-hey, cut it out!
He starts to back off, also scooping up a handful of snow.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
What’s that? You scared?
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Scared? No. But I ain't going down without a fight.
[MARINA]
Oh, you want a fight?
I’ll give ya a fight, alright!
[mcsmug] [ASYA]
[ehh] G-guys...!
[mcyay] [gjlaugh] [gjlaugh] [mcyay] [MARINA]
Take that!
[VADIM]
Gha! Nice try.
[MARINA]
Oi, get back here!
Marina and Garin get into an awkward game of tag, trying to stuff snow into each other’s jackets.
I try to call out to them again and again, but it’s like I’m not even there...
Buh. This is already a mess...
2 seconds [blocks]
Despite that little scuffle, we reach our destination pretty quickly.
Turns out Ira’s apartment block isn't far from mine. That’s wonderful. It’s almost like we’re neighbours.
I wonder...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Marina?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Y-yeah?
Her voice is slightly shaky as she wipes off the remaining snow from her wet collar.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Have you ever been to Ira's apartment?
What’s it like?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Ah... Nope, never been there.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Aw...
[MARINA]
I told you we weren’t that close. She’s been at mine a couple times, though. It’s so unfair, right?
[mcmbub] [ASYA]
[neutral] It sure is.
[smile] (cont'd)
Maybe you'll see it when she’s back.
[MARINA]
...Maybe.
“If she’s not already home,” she wants to add.
I see it in Marina’s eyes, she’s got her mind set on finding out the truth today. She’ll peek into that flat no matter what.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
How do you know if anyone’s home?
We turn to Garin, who’s finishing his cigarette a couple metres away. He still has some snow chunks stuck to his hood.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Hehe, I’m glad you asked!
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
I had plenty of time to spare before going to kindergarten. So I stopped by the hospital and asked them about nurse Grachevskaya.
[VADIM]
Ah. So she works night shifts?
[MARINA]
Better. She hasn’t come into work since Ira disappeared.
[mcserious] [VADIM]
...Huh.
[MARINA]
Hear that? Looks like my theory isn't so stupid anymore, huh?
[mcsmug] [gjugh] [VADIM]
It’s still stupid.
Marina sticks out her tongue.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Why do you keep calling it that, Vadim?
I don’t think it’s that dumb.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
You serious? She came up with a batshit conclusion, then twisted everything else to match.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
The hell? That’s not true!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Yeah, I’ve felt a similar way...
[mcshock] [MARINA]
A-Asya!!
[ASYA]
[troubled] Sorry, Marina... But it does sound a little
bit like that.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Still, I wouldn’t call it, um, batshit. Even if
it is a little out there...
[mcehh] [MARINA]
“Out there”, huh...
[mcstern] [MARINA]
You know, if there's even a 1% chance she's in there, I have to try. I don't care how dumb it sounds.
[ASYA]
[smile] Mhm, I agree. You never know until you check.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Pfft. Shubina, you can say that about freakin’ anything.
[ASYA]
[neutral] You can. But incredible things happen all the
time. So...
[ASYA]
[neutral] I don’t believe we should be calling bold ideas
stupid or crazy, or anything like that.
[VADIM]
Bold ideas, please! Aliens crash-landing in Tunguska is a bold idea. This is some cheap twist she got from a detective novel.
[mcmbub] [ASYA]
[hmm] I think both of these are rather bold...
[neutral] (cont'd) Though,
I believe it was a remote energy transfer.
In Tunguska.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Heard that one. Seems far-fetched. I read some eyewitness reports and nothing there suggested electricity.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hm, well... Electrical explosions and fires of
that magnitude won’t look too different to an
outside observer, I think.
[ASYA]
[neutral] And it doesn’t have to be electricity, right?
There are other forms of energy out there.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Nikola Tesla could've given something else
a try...
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Please, Tesla is the electricity guy. You think he’d randomly start playing with, I dunno, plasma?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Actually, I was thinking of something like
lasers.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
Guys. What the heck are you on about?
A-ah. Right. That's not what we should be concerned with right now...
[mcshock] [MARINA]
It’s been proven to be a meteor! The thing exploded in the lower atmosphere, and that was that. They even ran, like, simulations of that stuff – everything lined up perfectly!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Geez! And I’m supposed to be the crazy one?
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Ah. Well...
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
That’s a load of crap. Think everything’s that simple?
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Occam's razor, my friend, occam's razor. And all the evidence points to a meteor anyway! You've got no case.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Well... There are some inconsistencies.
[MARINA]
Such as?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Um, like...
[neutral] (cont'd) This had to be either a meteor or
a comet, right? I think the comet theory is the
most popular. But, uh...
[ASYA]
[sus] Comets have a relatively smooth curve to their trajectories. If this was really a comet, it
would’ve burned up in the atmosphere at a much
higher altitude.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Uh. Well, it could still be an asteroid. The name’s literally the Tunguska meteor.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Then where’s the debris, genius? Where’s the crater?
[MARINA]
That... I said that it exploded in the air!
There wouldn’t be a crater.
[mcangry] [gjugh] [VADIM]
Then there would still be chunks of it scattered around. They scoured the whole area – and nada.
[MARINA]
The chunks... The debris could have disintegrated from the heat! The blast was huge, right?
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
The people in the villages nearby felt this intense heat wave! It could totally melt the thing.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Melting? Ha! I knew you sucked at Physics, but that bad?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Oh yeah, because your alien spaceship version is sooo realistic.
[ASYA]
[neutral] A-actually, there’s also the extinct comet
theory...
Our conversation continued like that for the next couple of minutes.
Wow. I'd never have guessed I could discuss a topic like that with my schoolmates... especially Garin.
Even though everyone’s opinion is so different that the exchange borders on being a full-blown argument...
I think I'm having fun. It's strange.
It wouldn’t be much of a dialogue if everyone sat nodding their heads in agreement, I suppose. That much is obvious even to me...
I just forgot how things like this are meant to feel. When was the last time that I've done this? Have I ever done this...?
Maybe I never have. Maybe I was never supposed to?
Now I'm not sure myself...
[skyblue] If I were never meant to find myself in a situation like this, then the only way this could've been made possible is through a blessing. That's the only sensible answer.
The only reason why I can enjoy things like this, despite my inadequacy... Of course. Naturally, it's a gift.
I cannot waste it.
Perhaps, that tiny part of my humanity that knows how conversations go can be restored. Is that why something so improbable has been allowed to happen?
Maybe I’m being too hopeful. In any case, it’s yet another thing I can be whole-heartedly grateful for.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Alright, enough space talk. Let’s do what we came here for, shall we?
[ASYA]
[smile] Y-yeah, let’s.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Thought you’d never ask.
Marina gives us a reassuring smile and we all head to the entrance.
It’s the same as all the other residential buildings in Vorkuta-5.
A long five-story block with evenly spaced out canopies at its base, each hiding a metal door with a code lock and a bulletin board on the side.
If someone took a photo of it and then told me it was my house in the picture, I’d believe them without a second thought. Nevertheless...
Stepping closer to it, looking at it, knowing that this is the roof under which Ira grew up, slept and dined... It almost fills me with a sense of reverence.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
You know the code?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Yeah. My classmate lives in the same building.
[VADIM]
And what if we run into her?
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Calm down, we won’t.
Marina types in the code, the lock clicks. We’re in.
[podyezdira1]
2 seconds It’s slightly dark and warm.
Now, past familiar-looking mailboxes, up a familiar-looking staircase, one familiar-looking floor after another – we make our way to Ira’s apartment.
[podyezdira]
Oh! It’s on the same floor and in the same spot as mine. That’s so cute...
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Hooh...
Marina takes a deep breath.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
Okay. I’ll do the talking. Your guys’ job is to stand next to me and look polite. Understood?
[mcneutral] [VADIM]
Yessir.
I nod.
Satisfied with the responses, our negotiator fixes her hair and rings the doorbell.
3 seconds ...
A couple seconds pass in silence.
Marina is about to reach for the button a second time, but that’s when we hear steps approaching from inside the flat. Then pause.
We stand still. I can almost feel it on my skin, the person’s gaze from the other side of the door scanning us through the peephole.
1 second Finally, there’s a snap – and the door opens in a narrow light strip.
A woman’s face peers out, looking dishevelled.
Her tangled hair is the same shade as Ira’s.
[WOMAN]
Yes?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Good afternoon! We’re Ira’s friends from class.
We nod politely.
[WOMAN]
Friends?
[MARINA]
Yes. We’ve been really worried about her... I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.
[mcsoft] [WOMAN]
...I didn’t know she had friends at school.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Why wouldn’t she? Ira’s the coolest girl I know.
Right, guys?
[VADIM]
Uh, yeah.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Y-yes. The coolest. And very kind.
[MARINA]
Agree! We went to the cafe, like, all the time.
How come she never told you?
[WOMAN]
...
[MARINA]
...Ahem. In any case...
[mcehh] [mcsoft] [MARINA]
I apologise if it’s any inconvenience, but I promise, it won’t take you long.
[MARINA]
Last Monday, I lent Ira one of my brother’s books. If it’s not too much trouble, I would like to have it back. He needs it for work.
[WOMAN]
...Sure. What’s the name?
[MARINA]
On the Stability of Closed Systems. It’s a paperback.
[WOMAN]
On the Stability of... She read things like that?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Haha, I was surprised, too. But seems like she’s been interested in structural dynamics for some time.
[MARINA]
Wish I had her passion... I’m just too dumb for stuff like that, haha. Best I can do is share some studies.
[WOMAN]
Hm. I see.
Something softens in the woman’s eyes.
[WOMAN]
Okay. I will go look.
[MARINA]
Oh, that’s alright, we can-
[mcmbub] 1 second 1 second The door slams shut and we hear the sound of a turning lock. Then the steps retreat into the apartment.
1 second [mcehh] [MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[mcehh] [gjneutral] [VADIM]
...Great job.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Shut up.
Marina hisses quietly.
[MARINA]
Don’t move yet. It’s going as planned.
[VADIM]
Is it? To me it looked like we just got the door shut in our face.
[mcstern] [MARINA]
She said she’s gonna look. Just wait. When she comes back here empty-handed, we’ll offer to search for it ourselves.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
She closed the lock just to go inside for a couple minutes. Think she’ll let us in all willy-nilly?
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
If my theory’s right, she won’t.
[mcserious] [MARINA]
That’s when we’ll have to force our way though.
I’m counting on you, Vadik.
[mcchallenge] [gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Are you serious...?!
[MARINA]
What’s that? Can’t push past a fragile little lady?
[VADIM]
‘Course not. It’s just-
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Hush! She’s here.
[mcshock] [mcneutral] The door opens again. The woman peeks out.
[WOMAN]
There you go.
[mchuh] [MARINA]
Huh?
A hand emerges from the slit holding a small softcover volume.
[WOMAN]
Your book.
Marina’s gaze slowly moves between the tome and the woman’s face. She reaches out and carefully accepts it.
[MARINA]
T-thank you.
[WOMAN]
Thank you for being friends with her.
SLAM!
The door shuts.
3 seconds [blocks] 1 second Marina flips through the book’s pages absent-mindedly.
[ASYA]
[troubled] So, um... Did you actually lend Ira that
book...?
[MARINA]
No... I don’t think so, no.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
You “don’t think so”?
She shakes her head. She gives me the tome and starts digging through her bag for what must be the fourth time already.
[MARINA]
Damn it... Where is it? What the hell...
I look down at the Stability of Closed Systems in my hand. Just like Marina said, it's a small paperback, and a worn out one at that. The year of issue says 1966.
I open the book on a random page.
1 second If we are to arrange the components in order of cognition, the list will go as follows (starting from highest): moral belief, prejudice, subjectivity, objectivity, the desire to create, the desire to change, the desire for happiness, the desire for status, ambition, confidence, self-esteem, self-image, the desire for kinship, the desire for family, the desire for intimacy, the desire for a healthy body, the desire for stable income, the desire for plentiful resources, the desire for shelter, food, water, sleep, sex, procreation, excretion, breathing, homeostasis, soul.
The exact sequence remains a subject of debate. That being said, the soul is ubiquitously accepted as the root for all cognitive function at the time of writing. Each subsequent component following the root is the result of varying degrees of deviation from the base code, which-
[blocks] [gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Are you digging for gold in there?
[MARINA]
I... I took our copy with me. To show her mom in case we ended up searching the room. But it's...
She goes silent, her movements slowing to a halt.
[ASYA]
[concern] ...Marina?
[MARINA]
...It's not here.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...
She stares into her empty bag with an expression I’ve never seen before. Then, she lifts her head and takes the book from my hands.
[gjneutral] [mcstern] The way Marina looks at it, it’s as if she’s trying to compare the item in front of her eyes to the memory of the one she held this morning.
[VADIM]
Could be a different copy.
She softly shakes her head.
[MARINA]
I... I don’t know.
[mcsad] [ASYA]
[troubled] ...Maybe you did lend it to her?
Marina doesn’t respond. I look at Garin, but find myself unsure of what to make of his expression either.
He wouldn’t miss an opportunity to make a joke about this, right? Marina looks so lost, it would be a very cruel- No. It would be a very Garin thing to do.
And this serious face... Seeing him with a face like that is oddly disconcerting.
[mchuh] [MARINA]
...So it worked...?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Huh?
Marina quickly slips the book into her messenger and turns to us, wearing her usual chipper grin.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Haha, guess old habits die hard! I’m the same ol’ airhead.
[ASYA]
[concern] Eh?
[MARINA]
You caught me, Asya, hehe. Looks like I got some things mixed up with all this weird crap going on.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Ah...
[um] (cont'd) Well, um.
[smile] (cont'd) That’s okay! It happens to me
too sometimes.
[MARINA]
Right?
[VADIM]
...Took you this long to realise that you’ve got mush for brains? I guess the people 'round you were too nice to point it out.
[gjgrin] [mcneutral] [MARINA]
Aw. Well, thank god you’re here to tell me how it is, Vadik.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
A-ny-ways! That sure was something, huh?
[mchmm] [ASYA]
[um] Yeah...
[gjugh] [VADIM]
A whole load of nothing’s what it was. We didn’t learn shit.
[MARINA]
Wrong. Did you see how her mom was acting? If you ask me, it’s a little suspicious.
[ASYA]
[concern] You think so?
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Don’t you? She was dead set on not letting us see a sliver of the flat. Why do you think that is?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Hm... I understand what you’re implying, but...
She might just be a private person.
[VADIM]
Ugh, ain’t it obvious? She’s sick of random people asking ‘bout her daughter.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
You two aren’t wrong. I’m sure both of these are big contributing factors. But even then...
[mcserious] [MARINA]
I don’t know about you, but to me, something about her behaviour seemed a little too paranoid. I doubt privacy is all there is to it.
[ASYA]
[um] I suppose... I can see what you mean.
[MARINA]
Mhm. What I’m saying is, even if it doesn’t confirm my theory, it certainly doesn’t disprove it.
[VADIM]
Uh-huh, sure. Cool. Can I go home now?
[gjneutral] [ASYA]
[awkward] Ah...
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Stop right there. Who said you’re off duty?
[VADIM]
Tsk. Man... What else is there to do?
[MARINA]
Contact Ira directly, duh. That’s what you’re here for.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Huh? I thought my job was to push past her mom or something.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Nah. I didn’t expect a direct approach to go smoothly – we just had to get that part out of the way.
[MARINA]
Now, comrades, this is where the real action begins.
[ASYA]
[woah] T-the real action?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Yup. Follow me.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
I can hear Garin sigh behind me.
[dvor]
Marina leads us right around the building, stopping on the side that looks out to the neighbouring apartment block.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
And what are we supposed to do here?
She walks to the small playground wedged between the buildings, leans down, and starts clearing the snow out with her hands.
[ASYA]
[pout] Um... Marina?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
This woman...
[MARINA]
Oi. You're gonna stand there and do nothing? Come on, help me out!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
With what?!
[gjannoyed] [mcmbub] [MARINA]
Geez, you guys. Use your heads!
[ASYA]
[pout] Uh...
[mcyay] [MARINA]
We’re throwing rocks at Ira’s window!
...
[VADIM]
You...
Garin shakes his head in disbelief.
Well... It’s a pretty normal suggestion, all things considered.
...Is what I’d like to say, but then I look up to the fifth floor, where Ira’s room is supposed to be.
[ASYA]
[hmm] But... Isn’t it a little too high?
[mcserious] [MARINA]
Asya, that’s what we call a defeatist attitude. If it were the Great Patriotic War, I’d have to shoot you on the spot.
[ASYA]
[ehh] W-wah!
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
It really is high, though. Think you can throw that far?
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
No harm in trying. And I’m kinda betting on you to make the shot.
[MARINA]
Or... will that be too hard for ya?
[mcsmug] [gjugh] [VADIM]
O-of course not. I was talking about your noodle arms, not mine.
Marina lets out a smug little laugh. Meanwhile, Garin cautiously looks over the building.
[roofs]
[VADIM]
So which window was that again?
[MARINA]
Uh... Should be the one over... there! See, with the teddy bear?
[ASYA]
[surprised] Ah...!
I frantically scan the apartment complex. A teddy? A teddy, a teddy, a teddy... Oh! Found it! Right there, right where the window to my room would be!
Ahaha, there it is. Ira’s window... That’s the window that she was looking out of every day. The window that she chose to put a plushie on.
She did that so that when she looked out of the window, she’d also see her teddy bear. Maybe sometimes she’d hold it in her hands and squeeze it.
Does the bear have a name? It has to.
I wonder if it’s something classic, like Misha or Winnie. I suppose Ira could be the type of girl to call a toy the first thing that happened to pop into her head.
That does sound like her, but...
Something tells me she didn’t do that. I really think she spent time picking a name that would be the perfect fit.
Perhaps, the name she went with in the end turned out to be a little unconventional. But it must’ve felt so right, she couldn’t imagine choosing anything else.
Ahaha, I can totally picture it!
God. That’s so cute. So freaking cute. It’s too adorable. Ira, you’re too adorable...!
[dvor] [gjneutral] [mcneutral] [VADIM]
How do you know it’s that one? You said you’ve never visited.
[MARINA]
I mean, I’ve called her outside a couple times.
[VADIM]
I see. Then...
Garin walks back, trying to calculate the best possible angle. His face doesn’t look all too confident...
Marina, having dug up some pebbles from the ground, runs up to him and drops a few into his hand. Looks like I’m next in line.
[ASYA]
[pout] Um, I don’t think I’ll be any good at this...
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Nonsense. What did I say about defeatism?
[ASYA]
[pout] Buh...
Three small rocks land into my mitten. They’re wet and dirty, and the dirt gets tangled in the wool. There’s something charming about that.
[gjneutral] I look up to see Garin tossing and catching a pebble in his hand. He’s eyeing Ira’s window with the intensity of a boxer gauging his opponent from across the ring.
[gjneutral] [mcyay] [MARINA]
Well? Whatcha waiting for?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Piss off, I need to aim.
[MARINA]
Haha, right. You’re not solving a freaking math equation. Just go for it! That’s how the pros do it.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Oh yeah? Gonna lead by example?
[mclearn] [MARINA]
With pleasure.
[mclearn] [mcchallenge] Marina gives both of us a challenging look, then turns to face the block. She takes a couple of steps back, gripping a pebble in her hand. Then, she exhales and-
1 second ...Pap!
It lands in the snow.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Eck...!
[gjlaugh] [VADIM]
Gahahhaaaaa!! That’s not even close!
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Shut up!
[ASYA]
[uff] It didn’t even reach the wall...
[mclearn] [MARINA]
H-hey, listen, it’s the spirit that matters! You think the pros get to national level without a couple of fumbles? No! It’s a rocky road.
[MARINA]
Victory starts with a mindset, a goal-oriented mindset!
[ASYA]
[woah] T-that’s true!
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Oh yeah, sure, you’re gonna go far. With a throw like that... maybe one day you’ll make it to the Paralympics.
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Geh. Big talk from the guy who’s yet to make one shot.
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Why are you still standing there anyways, huh?
Scared yours won’t even fly that far?
[VADIM]
You suck at bluffing.
With a big, almost theatrical swing, Garin shoots his pebble across the yard. It draws a rather scenic arc...
1 second ...and bounces off the wall just below the second floor.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Wahahaaaa!! That’s it?!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
B-better than your sad excuse for a throw!
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Aaah, it’s nostalgic... Years pass and you still pitch like a toddler.
[VADIM]
Zip it, Kaplan, or you're catching the next rock.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Oh no, we’re on a surname basis now. He’s serious.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
You bet your ass I am. Listen here. First one to hit the target wins. Loser buys soda.
[MARINA]
Ha! Sure, you’re on. Asya, your turn!
[mcneutral] [ASYA]
[ehh] E-eh? But... Do I have to...? It’s pretty far-
[MARINA]
Come on, it’s just for fun! Can’t do much worse than me.
[ASYA]
[pout] W-well... If all three of us are playing,
how do we choose the loser?
[ASYA]
[hmm] If the winner is the one who ends the game...
We can’t have two losers, right?
[VADIM]
Whoever hits the lowest, whatever. Just shoot already.
[ASYA]
[uff] Uhhh...
I’m really no good at this... I’m always the last one in P.E....
[roofs] I look up to the fifth floor. Man... Hanging out with Marina's really gonna run my wallet dry.
Bye-bye, allowance...
No. No, she was right. That’s a defeatist attitude!
I can’t let it bring me down!
I’ve heard stories of people lifting cars in times of crisis. When it’s do or die, us humans can pull off athletic feats that should be impossible. So can I!
I just need to channel that. I need to get in the zone. Let my inner warrior out. My inner warrior...
Yes, that's right. I come from a long lineage of humans... The blood of prehistoric hunters flows in me!! The ones that hunted mammonths, ones that chased their prey for days on end...!
Ah...! I think I’m feeling it...
I feel it, I can feel the adrenaline pumping!!
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Someone’s looking determined.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Yeah, that’s what I like to see! Show us how it’s done!
I take my swing. I’m sorry, Marina.
I may not reach the fifth floor...
But I’m not gonna come last!!
Not this time... This time, I’ll...!!
[white] 1 second Ploink!
[gjdoubt] [mcehh] 1 second [VADIM]
...
[MARINA]
...Ah.
The pebble bounced off the asphalt not even two metres away from me.
I stand frozen in place.
My... ancestry...
[MARINA]
W-Well, everyone’s off to a great start, it seems! Ahaha...
[VADIM]
This is just sad.
[ASYA]
[uff] Can I just drop out... Please...
Marina takes in my pitiful look and sighs.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
...Yeah, maybe sit this one out. Winning against you will feel kinda cheap.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Right, no fun in that. Outta the way, then. Kaplan, ready your wallet.
[gjgrin] With my olympic self-esteem in shambles, I scoot to the side. It’s okay... Some people are not made for this... It’s okay...
Whoosh – whoosh – whoosh!
One after another, Garin fires off the rest of his ammo.
Plink! Plink! Clink!
Each hits a little higher than the one before – and the last one strikes the third-floor windowpane.
[gjannoyed] [mcmbub] [VADIM]
Shit!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah-
We all freeze up. Crap...
If somebody peeks out and scolds us, we’ll draw the eyes of the whole neighbourhood. Not that we’re being all that inconspicuous to start with, but...
...
Seconds pass, nobody shows up. We let out a collective exhale.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Phew... Vadik, would it kill ya to be a smidge more careful?
[VADIM]
You told me to “just go for it”!
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Did I say that?
[ASYA]
[neutral] You did...
[MARINA]
Ah, well. You know, thoughtlessly following orders won’t get you anywhere. Some critical thinking goes a long way.
[mclearn] [ASYA]
[pout] So do we listen to you or...?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Shubina, pass the rocks. Marina, start running.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Waaah, scary, scary. Also, it’s my turn.
She pushes Garin away with her shoulder.
I shouldn’t be expecting much, considering her first shot... But even though the angle was all wrong, it was quite forceful. If she aimed it just a little better...
Marina’s pebble shoots up fast and high.
BAM!!
[mcshock] [gjdoubt] [MARINA]
Woah!
It slams dangerously close to the fourth story window – just above Garin’s strongest throw.
[VADIM]
Wh...
[ASYA]
[surprised] Ah-
For a moment, Marina looks surprised at how high she actually managed to hit. Then an arrogant smirk spreads across her face.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Hm. Yeah, Vadik, I wonder why I called you here at all. But thanks for the help, I guess. You’re free to go.
[VADIM]
H-hey...!
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um...
[troubled] (cont'd) Sorry to have dragged you out here.
[MARINA]
Oh, it’s all on me. Sorry for that. It looks like we can handle this by ourselves after all. See ya around.
[mclearn] [VADIM]
Wh- The hell do you mean, see you around?! I’m just getting started over here!
[gjannoyed] Smack!
A rock collides with the wall just above the spot Marina’s pebble hit.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Woooow.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
See that? I’m only revving up.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hey, um... Guys?
[VADIM]
Hm?
I point to the ground, where I’ve etched some lines into the snow.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Here. Scoreboard.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ooh! Nice, nice!
[VADIM]
...Hehe. Way to make yourself useful.
[MARINA]
Hey, can ya draw mine a little higher?
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Oi! No playing favourites.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yeah, sorry. No cheating, Marina.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Geez, whose side are you on...?
[ASYA]
[smile] I like fair games.
[yay] (cont'd) And I believe in you.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
...Bleh.
[throw]
1 second intervening script
$ persistent.throw_unlocked = True
Bam! Third floor. Bam! Third and a half. Bam! Second and a half. Plop! Ground. Bam! Third and a half. Bam! First floor. Bam! Second floor. Bam! Third and a half! Bam! Second! Second and a half! Third! Second!
The two keep pelting the poor building, while I keep drawing notches on the scoreboard. Sometimes I run out to collect the rocks after they’ve fallen to the bottom.
If you think about it, isn’t this game sorta like a reverse meteor shower? Rocks flying up into the heavens, never quite reaching their destination...
If we captured them with a long-exposure camera, they'd leave similar traces in the sky. A sea of dark parabolas - most are uneven, interrupted halfway through, broken-
GUH! Ouch...!
I get distracted and a pebble hits my head.
[MARINA]
Asya! I’m so sorry! A-are you okay?
[ASYA]
[kya] Ow... Y-yes, don’t worry!
Please keep going.
[VADIM]
Geez, Shubina, watch where you stand.
[ASYA]
[uff] Sorry...
[throw2]
intervening script
$ persistent.throw2_unlocked = True
Whoosh, whoosh...
Looking at it now...
Yeah, Marina’s aim isn’t the best. Really, it’s kind of a coin toss between her sending the rock really high up or straight into the snow.
Still, she puts a lot of force into those throws. Garin can see that. In spite of her flawed technique, Marina truly is a worthy opponent...
Third and a half! Fourth! Third and a half! Third and a half! Fourth! Ground! Fourth and a half! Fourth! Third and a half! Fourth! Fourth! Fourth and a half! Fourth and a half! Fourth and a half! Fourth and a half!
[dvor] [ASYA]
[surprised] Ah... Guys, you’re almost there!
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Hah... Hah... Yeah... Watch this, kid. I’m gonna knock Ira’s window right out.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Please, don’t!
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Who’re you calling “kid”?
Make waaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!
Bam!!
[VADIM]
Damn it!
[ASYA]
[woah] Woah! Y-you almost got it!
[MARINA]
Seriously...
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Next one’s gonna be it. Count your prayers, Kaplan. And your cash.
[VADIM]
I take Cream Soda, by the way.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Cream Soda? Really?
[ASYA]
[neutral] That’s pretty cute.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
How is it- Whatever.
[gjugh] [mcneutral] [MARINA]
Ah, actually. It’s not very fair to you, is it, Asya?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Huh...? What do you mean?
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
Vadik, we can’t leave the squire out.
Squire?!
[MARINA]
The loser buys two drinks. One for the winner, one for Asya.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
If you’re so eager to spend more money, be my guest.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh!
[hmm] (cont'd) Um, well...
[smile] (cont'd) I like Duchess!
[VADIM]
Heard that?
[MARINA]
Sure did. And for your information, I’ll be having Tarhun.
[mclearn] [VADIM]
‘Course you will.
Hehe... I’m so lucky.
No matter who wins, I’m getting a free soda.
Being a wimp has finally paid off.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Alright. My shot. Get going, Vadik, the store’s right around the corner.
[mcchallenge] [VADIM]
Just throw already.
Marina gets into position.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Hehe. I haven’t missed one in a while... I got a good feeling about this.
She swings her arm back.
...Wait. What did she just say? “Haven’t missed one in a while”?!
Marina’s aim is all dumb luck... Much like in gambling, it’s best to quit while you’re still riding high. Otherwise...
[ASYA]
[kya] Marina, careful!-
CRASH!!!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
O-oops...
The rock flew fast and high. It went straight into – and right through the fourth floor window.
[ASYA]
[ehh] ...
[gjugh] [VADIM]
...Bullseye.
[???]
What the fuck?!!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah-
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Everyone, run!
[ASYA]
[kya] Wah!
[blocks] Marina grabs my hand and before I can fully process the situation, all of us bolt to hide behind the nearest corner. The man’s furious voice echoes between the buildings.
[???]
You shitty brats!! Your parents will pay for this, ya hear?! Kaplan!! Don’t think I didn’t see you!!
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Shit...!
[gjlaugh] [VADIM]
Hahahahhha! You idiot! Gehahaha...
Garin leans against the wall, unable to catch his breath.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Shut up, you! This guy recognised me!
[VADIM]
Hahaha... Hey, maybe he’ll make ya famous. Freakin’... marksman of the century.
[mcyay] She punches his shoulder, but lets out a giggle nonetheless.
[MARINA]
Hehe. Well hey, at least I hit a target.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
One you weren’t aiming for?
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Details, details.
I crouch down and let out a sigh. Wow! What a doozie.
At least that man didn’t seem to know who I was. My dad would kill me if someone complained... Poor Marina.
I hope that Lev won’t be too mad. Her parents, too.
Hm... Her parents...
I don't think she ever mentioned them to me.
Do they work in a different city?
Then why does their daughter live in Vorkuta-5?
Maybe I should ask her sometime.
I look up at Marina, who’s still exchanging verbal jabs with Garin. I’m not sure if I should interrupt, but...
[ASYA]
[hmm] So, um. What do we do now?
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Ah?
Their smiles falter. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that after all.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Good question. We’re all done here, right?
[mcehh] [MARINA]
Aren’t you eager to go home. Sorry to disappoint you, but I still have my plan C.
[mclearn] [ASYA]
[neutral] Plan C?
[MARINA]
Mhm. This whole throwing rocks at a window strategy isn’t exactly foolproof. Even if we reached her floor, people don’t usually respond after just one rock, yeah?
[mchmm] [ASYA]
[woah] T-true!
[MARINA]
So we’d need to hit that high at least a couple times. That would be difficult.
[MARINA]
And even if Ira is there to hear us... who’s to say she would respond?
[MARINA]
If she’s really kept in there by force, you’d think she’d be screaming out into the street the first chance she got.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
So why the hell did we do all that in the first place?!
[mcstern] [MARINA]
There’s still a chance that we’d get some sort of reaction. Even if it’s just one to a million, it’s worth a go in my book.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
...Your whole dumb theory hinges on that percentage.
[MARINA]
Yup.
[ASYA]
[hmm] I mean... It’s not so bad.
[ASYA]
[hmm] If we believe Ira is at somebody’s house here,
then, um... It would be more like one to six
thousand, right?
[mcneutral] [gjneutral] [MARINA]
Exactly! See?
[ASYA]
[hmm] No, even less... Most of the apartments here
house two or more. So it’s at least one to
three thousand...
[VADIM]
Oh my god, Shubina, who cares? Good thing you barely talk in class.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
...Right. For a minute I forgot who Garin was. Not that I expected to hear anything nice from him, but...
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Hey. Don’t talk to her like that.
[VADIM]
Lay off me. Anyways, why do you need me still? Need to break more windows for no reason?
[gjdoubt] [mcserious] [MARINA]
No. We need to get up here.
Marina points up, towards the top of the apartment block we hid behind.
[VADIM]
Huh? The roof?
[MARINA]
Yeah. Do you still know how to climb there?
[VADIM]
Good grief... Why? You wanna flash a morse code into her apartment?
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Oh... That’s not a bad idea, actually.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
It’s a really dumb idea.
[ASYA]
[uff] That probably won’t work...
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Come on, people, there’s no harm in trying. Any of you got a flashlight?
[ASYA]
[neutral] I don’t.
[VADIM]
Like on hand? No.
[MARINA]
Seriously? Don’t all boys carry stuff like that?
[VADIM]
What boys have you been talking to?
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Ah, right, my bad. You’re the type that carries porny card decks.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Damn straight.
[mcehh] [MARINA]
What’s with the proud face...
[mchmm] [MARINA]
But whatever, I wasn’t planning on that anyway. Really, I just wanna peek inside.
[ASYA]
[concern] Like... Into Ira’s window?
[MARINA]
Yeah. Not the most ethical option, but we’re kinda short on those.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...Sure.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Oh. Just like that? No snark? No complaints?
[VADIM]
Eh, not like that’s ever worked before. Let’s just get it over with.
[mcchallenge] [MARINA]
You're right about that. Alright, let’s get going then!
[ASYA]
[neutral] Okay...
2 seconds Apparently, some years ago Garin checked the access to nearly every rooftop in the city. Not counting the barracks and garages, only a few residential blocks had theirs unlocked.
Coincidentally, the building opposite of Ira’s was one of them.
[podyezdroof]
The little door creaks open on the seventh push. We hear the howling of wind as Garin peeks his head out of the opening.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
How is it? Can you climb outside?
[VADIM]
No, better not. The slope is all slippery.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Aw, man. Can you see anything over there?
[VADIM]
Nope. The light’s not even on.
[MARINA]
Hm. Let me look.
He slides back down the ladder, Marina climbs next.
[MARINA]
Woah! What a view!
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Pretty cool, huh?
[MARINA]
No kidding... And Ira’s block looks so close.
[MARINA]
Do you think we should’ve taken some pebbles with us? Should be a pretty easy shot from here.
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh! I can go down and get some.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Stop right there, Shubina! Don’t give Pavlichenko over here any more ammo.
[MARINA]
Okay, okay. It’s just an idea.
Marina rummages through her bag and pulls out a pair of binoculars.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Well, someone came prepared.
[MARINA]
I sure did.
[ASYA]
[woah] These look so cool...!
[MARINA]
Hehe, right? You can look through them when I get down.
She sticks her head out once again and aims her sights at Ira’s room.
...
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Do you see anything?
[MARINA]
...
She hops down with a disappointed face.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Nope.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Ha. Told ya.
[MARINA]
Here you go, Asya.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah, thanks.
I take the binoculars and make my way up the ladder.
2 seconds When I peer out, a gust of wind ruffles my hair.
1 second ...
Ah. I see now.
[polarnight]
2 seconds The dusty purple sky covers the whole world like a blanket.
The cold, duvet-like fog is so low and so endless, it feels like you could touch it if you stretched your arm out far enough.
It’s nothing like the summer dome that’s so beautiful, so tall and so bright, it hurts to look at. I think I much prefer this kind of sky.
I reach my hand out.
1 second ...
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hey, Vadim?
[VADIM]
Yeah?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Is this the tallest roof that you can climb?
[VADIM]
Kinda. It’s as high as residential buildings go.
[VADIM]
The tallest one we have here is the research complex, ‘cause it has that tower at the top. But no one’s gonna let you go up there.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I see...
I put the pair of binoculars up to my eyes.
Hm... Not sure I’m seeing much.
[MARINA]
Adjust them so it’s not so blurry!
[ASYA]
[hmm] Oh, okay.
I tinker with the angle and the focus wheel, until the block in front of me becomes more clear.
[roofs] Wow! It really feels like I’m staring at it up close. Technology sure is amazing...
Nevermind that. I need to find Ira’s window.
The one with the teddy... Teddy, teddy... There!
Ahaha! There it is. Light brown, with a blue little bow... Aww, it’s so cute! Hi there, teddy!
Although... I don’t see much beyond that. The room is pitch dark.
I... I wanna say I see something. A mess of tangled hair. Bright eyes, sad or angry, maybe scared. Or maybe happy, because someone out there has finally seen her.
Maybe she’s looking out at me, maybe she was looking out at Marina, too, but Marina couldn’t see her. Maybe I can. So I have to try. I try really hard.
1 second [MARINA]
Well? Enjoying the view?
[ASYA]
[sus] I am...
[MARINA]
Nothing in the room?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[um] (cont'd) No.
I lower the binoculars. There’s nothing for me to look at there. Staring into that darkness feels wrong anyhow.
I climb down the ladder, still trying to understand the human shape that sat still by the curtain.
The person in that window, the one I struggled to see, the one Marina missed...
The shape of Ira’s mother sitting in her daughter’s room.
7 seconds [blocks] 2 seconds [gjugh] [VADIM]
So this was all a big waste of time.
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Weeeell... I wouldn’t say so.
[VADIM]
Oh right, your stupid theory got confirmed as stupid,
awesome. Glad I was here for it.
[mcmbub] [MARINA]
Hey now, the evidence is inconclusive at worst!
[ASYA]
[pout] I... Really don’t think it’s true, Marina.
Sorry.
[mcsad] [MARINA]
Et tu, Asya...
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Why are you so hung up on it anyways? You weren’t doing anything for days and now you’re suddenly playing detective?
[MARINA]
Hey, that’s not- It’s not like that...!
[mcsad] [MARINA]
I just got an idea in my head, so I thought, hey, maybe I’d check. And then maybe... Maybe I could help somehow...
[ASYA]
[concern] U-um...!
[troubled] (cont'd) It's true, being unable to do
anything can feel really awful...
[sus] (cont'd) She's been
very worried all week, Vadim.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Oh yeah, I bet. You know she was out yesterday?
Hanging with friends, howling like a hyena.
[ASYA]
[sus] Yes, I know that.
[mcannoyed] [MARINA]
Why the fuck do you care?
[VADIM]
Woah, okay. Calm down, I’m just telling you how it looked. I don’t give a damn either way.
[gjugh] [mcstern] [MARINA]
...Whatever. Oh. Actually. You lost.
[mcneutral] [gjdoubt] [VADIM]
...Huh?
[MARINA]
The drinks. You owe us, remember?
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
Wh- How the hell did I lose?!
[mchmm] [MARINA]
Well, the last shot was mine, so...
[VADIM]
That’s the logic you’re going with?
[MARINA]
You were also very rude. Still are. We need reparations.
[mcchallenge] [VADIM]
The only one who deserves reparations here is Shubina for getting hit with your dumb rock. And so do I for being dragged around by you two weirdos.
[mcsigh] [MARINA]
Please, not like you had anything better to do. Isn’t the company of two beautiful ladies a treat in itself?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Show me the beautiful ladies, then we’ll talk.
[VADIM]
I was planning to go to the cinema with my boys before you called. It was a US movie, too... Damn it.
[mcshock] [MARINA]
Oh, right! They’re showing it this week! I wanted to see that one.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah, I remember that...
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Hey, let’s go watch it.
[gjdoubt] [ASYA]
[woah] Huh?
[MARINA]
The movie.
[VADIM]
Like, all together?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Well, yeah. Then it won’t feel like the day is wasted, right?
[VADIM]
I guess, but with you...?
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Oh, I see. Asya, he’s never taken a girl to the cinema before. He’s shy.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Aw, really...
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
I-I’ve been to the cinema with girls, alright. I just don’t wanna be stuck in a room with you two.
I’ll catch the crazy.
[mcserious] [MARINA]
Better start avoiding your own house if that's what you're worried about.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Oi...
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Well, whatever. We’re gonna have a gay ol’ time without you. Who needs a guy who can’t stick to his word, right, Asya?
[VADIM]
What freaking word? Your win condition makes no sense!
[ASYA]
[troubled] Oh, right...
[um] (cont'd) I was really looking forward to
the soda.
[VADIM]
Yeah, I bet you were, ya freeloader! You're gettin' one no matter what, how's that fair?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[serene] (cont'd) It's not.
Marina demonstratively turns around and beckons me with her hand.
[mclearn] [MARINA]
Come on, Asya, let’s leave him to his card stash. A guy who’s too cheap to buy you a measly Duchess ain’t worth your time.
[MARINA]
Really, we should warn all the other girls about him.
[VADIM]
Hey! It’s not about money and you know it!
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Ciao, Vadik. We got a date with Hollywood.
[ASYA]
[neutral] A-ah, okay. Um, bye, Vadim!
[VADIM]
H-hey! Kaplan! That’s blatant provocation! Wait...!
Garin catches up to us.
[streetnightedit] 2 seconds We walk together down the road to the community centre. Marina and Garin keep bickering. Sometimes they laugh, and so do I.
It’s not that I have any illusions regarding this. Tomorrow things will be the same they’ve always been.
Garin will still be the same Garin. And Marina...
After the Ira situation fades from our collective mind, she’ll have no reason to talk to me anymore.
It's only natural.
I understand that the moment I’m living now, this brief glimpse into what living correctly is supposed to feel like, will soon end.
So I should appreciate it for what it is.
I'm not sure if actual friends are supposed to be this rude to each other... but this is good enough for me.
My memory will certainly cast all the interactions of today in a more favourable light. So we’ll correct the small unpleasant parts.
And what remains... What will remain is...
1 second [cinema]
[mumbub] [guannoyed] [VADIM]
Careful, don’t spill!
[MARINA]
I’m trying!
Marina passes around the package of corn puffs she's smuggled in. Garin is holding onto our communal bottle of cream soda - the result of a begrudging compromise.
I still would have preferred Duchess...
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
By the way, do you know what this one’s about?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Oh yeah. Asya, do you?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um...
[hmm] (cont'd) It’s about some superstar lady?
Judging by the poster.
[VADIM]
Hehe. You got half of that right.
Marina leans in and whispers.
[musmug] [MARINA]
It’s about... a crossdresser.
[ASYA]
[woah] O-oh...! Wow!
[muyay] [MARINA]
Hehe, cool, right?
[guugh] [VADIM]
Damn it, why are you spoiling it?
[MARINA]
That's not a spoiler! It's a taste of what's to come.
[ASYA]
[hmm] So it’s like Hello, I’m Your Aunt?
[muehh] [MARINA]
...Oh. I... I mean, I guess we already have a movie about that, huh?
[guneutral] [VADIM]
There’s Some Like It Hot, too. They ran it last year.
[mushock] [MARINA]
Agh, you’re right! Man, I wanted her to be a bit more shocked or something.
[mumbub] [gusmirk] [VADIM]
Please, guys in dresses are old news. My brother watched this movie that had a totally naked chick on screen.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
A movie, huh?
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
I’m serious! Like a real Hollywood film. They showed them doing it, too.
[muehh] [MARINA]
...Cool.
[ASYA]
[pout] That’s, um... very brave.
[guannoyed] [VADIM]
Don’t- Don’t look at me like that! You girls just don’t get it.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Haha, I get it, I get it. What was the film?
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Uh... Crap, I don’t remember. The Stunt Man? No, maybe not that...
[guugh] [ASYA]
[surprised] Ah! It’s starting!
2 seconds The light dims, and the regular pre-movie roll of Fitil starts to play. I don’t find it especially funny, but Marina’s giggling by my side makes me smile.
And then the film begins.
2 seconds 3 seconds The film... What can I say?
I've seen a couple foreign films before.
But American ones... they're in a whole different league.
So bright and shiny, like a glossy magazine. As if the fabric of that world is made from a material that's so much more refined than ours.
How much of it is real, I wonder? Maybe it's a wishful projection, like a really good kind of propaganda film.
...No, that's not it. It's not even close to something like that. It's not flat at all. It isn't stiff.
If a world this lively and colourful is truly, completely artificial, then I'm certain the people who created it didn't doubt its absolute reality for a second.
I realised this a long time ago.
A kind of rule, an axiom.
It goes like this: a fake is only truly good if its creator cannot tell it from the real thing.
This must be an exquisite fake.
[cinemahalfblur]
1 second Marina laughs, and so does Garin, and so do I, and so does every other person in the theater. My face hurts from the grin that refuses to go away.
I keep laughing along, even when I can’t see the screen. All of the colours start to blur. Even the sounds...
[cinemablur]
What are they saying? I don’t understand.
I hear everyone laughing, so I laugh along.
My cheeks feel hot. There’s music blaring.
Is there some sort of montage happening? I don’t know.
It’s all just noise. My cheeks... Ah.
No matter how much I wipe my face, it’s still wet. Even as I stare down at my knees, away from all the flashing lights, the fog in front of me won’t clear. Ah... Ah...
[MARINA]
Hey. Hey, Asya? Are you okay?
Marina.
I hear her whispering to me, I feel her gently caressing my shoulder.
For some reason, I can’t respond. My vocal cords won’t work.
She keeps asking me quiet questions and receives no answer.
She mutters something to Garin, he mumbles something back. I’m not sure if he’s saying something to her or to me.
Before long...
5 seconds [kult]
4 seconds Before long I find myself in the foyer, in Marina’s arms. She slowly pats my hair.
I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here.
By the time I hear Garin’s voice, my throat feels totally dried out.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
What’s going on? Does she feel sick?
[gudoubt] [muserious] [MARINA]
Something like that.
[VADIM]
Shubina, hey. You alright there? Something hurt?
[MARINA]
Be quiet for a minute.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...
[ASYA]
[sullen] I, uh... Hic...! I...
My voice... I can’t form a sentence. I throw a rock into a lake, but the splash makes no sound, just ripples, ripples, ripples.
[musad] [MARINA]
It’s okay. It’s okay.
I shake my head, now more violently. Marina leans away and lets me sit up properly.
Garin stands next to us, looking befuddled.
Why is he here? The movie is still going.
I sniffle in an attempt to catch my breath.
[mustern] [MARINA]
Tissue?
[ASYA]
[sullen2] No, thank you.
[VADIM]
Uh... If you want something to drink...
[ASYA]
[sullen] No, no... Hah...
[VADIM]
...
My surroundings come fully into view. The community centre. The muddy sky outside. The thin electric light.
[ASYA]
[sullen] ...
[sullen2] (cont'd) It’s been five days.
[musad] [MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[sullen2] Right now...
What do you think she’s doing now?
[VADIM]
...
[ASYA]
[sullen2] ...Do you think she wants to go home?
Do you think she misses her mom?
[MARINA]
Asya...
[ASYA]
[um] Do you think she’s crying?
[sullen2] (cont'd)
...No, probably not.
[ASYA]
[sullen] It’s been too long.
Even I couldn’t cry for so long.
[ASYA]
[sullen2] After so long, I’d think that everyone
I knew had just forgotten me.
[VADIM]
...They’ll find her. The investigation’s still ongoing. So, you know...
[ASYA]
[sullen2] No. That’s not what I mean.
[sullen] (cont'd)
Even if they found Ira today...
I sniff again – and before I can refuse, Marina shoves a paper napkin in my hand. I crumple it thoughtlessly.
[ASYA]
[sad] ...How can we do this?
[MARINA]
Do what?
[ASYA]
[bitter] Everything. Watching some movie... Laughing.
Making jokes.
[sadaway] (cont'd) All the while Ira is...
[MARINA]
...
[VADIM]
So what, you want us to just sit around and cry until she magically shows up?
[mustern] [MARINA]
Vadim.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] I... No, I know that’s impossible.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Then what? What are we supposed to do?
[ASYA]
[um] ...I don’t know.
[sadaway] (cont'd) But this... It makes me feel
all rotten.
[musad] [MARINA]
No, Asya...
Marina tries to hug me again, but I push her away.
[MARINA]
!...
[ASYA]
[sadaway] Sorry.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...Listen, it’s not your freaking fault. It’s not ours, either.
[guugh] [VADIM]
If you want to beat yourself up over it, sure, go ahead. But you acting like she’s dead won’t help her feel less sad or whatever.
[guannoyed] [mustern] [VADIM]
Ow!- What?!
[muannoyed] Marina pinches Garin’s hand and mouths “shut up”.
But the thing is, I know he isn’t wrong. That's just how his world operates.
The reality that Garin knows, and the Ira that Garin knows... I’d believe the same thing if I were in his shoes.
0.5 seconds Sadly, that’s not the world I live in.
There are things I'm allowed and not allowed to do.
I am a swine that wandered out its pigsty to the grassland. It’s not a world that I was ever meant to see.
I can enjoy the view, and thank almighty heavens for the chance to do so. But I can’t call it home. I have to know my place.
When a pig frolics through the field, it looks ridiculous. When a pig frolics through the field and the horse lays in a ravine with broken legs, it looks repugnant.
0.5 seconds [ASYA]
[sullen2] I...
[sullen] (cont'd) understand what you’re saying, Vadim.
But it’s impossible for me to think like that.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Why?
[ASYA]
[sullen] You...
[sullen2] (cont'd) I know Ira wasn’t very polite to you.
Or anyone, really... So I don't expect you to
feel bad. I understand.
[sullen] (cont'd) But...
[ASYA]
[sullen2] I don’t know how I’m supposed to live anymore.
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...You didn’t even know her that well.
[ASYA]
[shock] !...
1 second ...
Ha. Haha... Hahahahahaha.
That’s right. He’s absolutely right. Ahaha...
Well, isn’t this embarrassing. I have no argument.
You’ve done it again, Garin. You’ve driven me into a corner, and now I don’t know how to respond without making myself look like a fool.
Feel free to laugh, you’ve earned it. It’s a good one. Come on.
...Why aren’t you laughing?
[guneutral] [mustern] [MARINA]
Go back to the theater.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
What?
[MARINA]
You heard me. Leave us alone, okay?
[VADIM]
...Alright. Whatever.
He puts the soda bottle next to me and throws his jacket on.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Huh? You’re not finishing the film?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
With a mood like that? I’ll pass.
[ASYA]
[shock] Oh no... I’m sorry.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Forget it.
He walks out into the snow. Marina and I stare at the door in silence.
After a couple seconds, Marina picks up the cream soda and takes a big swig.
[musigh] [MARINA]
Ahh, damn it!
She smacks it on the bench the same way a middle aged man would slam an emptied glass of vodka on the table.
[MARINA]
Haa... And here I thought that I was onto something.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Huh?
[musad] [MARINA]
Forgive me, Asya. I’m an idiot.
[ASYA]
[concern] N-no, you’re not! Don’t say that.
[musoft] [MARINA]
It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have dragged everyone out here.
[ASYA]
[um] No. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.
I... I just ruined it for everyone.
[MARINA]
You didn’t. I felt the same way.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
I know it’s all stupid. I just thought... Wouldn’t it be great if I could change something? Or do something that really helped, you know?
[MARINA]
I knew I had no chance from the start, but... I kept telling myself, hey, what if it works?
[muyay] [MARINA]
...Ahaha. It’s dumb as hell.
Sorry for pulling you along like that.
[ASYA]
[shock] N-no! Please don’t be, I really...
[concern] (cont'd) Even if it
turned out like this, I still, um...
[troubled] (cont'd)
I still had fun today.
[MARINA]
Oh, so fun's allowed now?
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah, uh...! I-I mean...
[musoft] [MARINA]
I’m just messing with you.
Marina sighs. She gets up and loosens her ponytail.
[MARINA]
You’re a very forgiving person, Asya. I can’t imagine living like that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
Please don’t get me wrong. It’s a wonderful thing.
I wish I could forgive myself this easily. But...
[MARINA]
I should’ve known better. I’m too old to play pretend.
She turns to me.
[MARINA]
You wanna go home? Or will you finish the film?
[ASYA]
[um] I’ll go home.
[MARINA]
Thought so.
3 seconds The day that seemed to have gone on forever finally came to a close. That's putting it nicely. It came to a screeching halt. Not that I’m sad. I knew what it was from the start – a nice illusion, a peek at something distant and unattainable, an American film. A dream you will inevitably wake up from. But... Did it really have to end that way?
If only I didn’t get unreasonable... Maybe then...? No. The next scene stays the same, no matter when you cut the one that comes before. We could sit through the movie. We could even go to Zvezdochka right after. We could walk around all evening, and talk, and have fun. But tomorrow, I’ll be the same old me. Tomorrow, Garin will be the same old Garin. Tomorrow, he'll find a new reason to make fun of me. Tomorrow, I’ll hear the same old jokes from my classmates. Tomorrow, I’ll look at the ceiling and pray for Ira to come. She won’t.
0.5 seconds Ira... She could probably throw a pebble up to the fifth floor no problem. Well, maybe not completely without effort, but... She threw a chair! That’s not as easy to do as it looks, you know. She’d totally win. And then she’d get a free drink from Marina. Oh! What would her favourite flavor be? Maybe, um... Baikal? I can see that. I like Baikal, too!
And then we’d all go to the movies. Ira has probably seen a bunch of American films already. I can imagine her going to the cinema all alone. She’d have no qualms about that... Ah, going together would be so much fun. Today’s film was hilarious. I bet she’d be laughing all the way through... Hehe. I’d like to see that.
1 second [skydark] 1 second Ah... I think I got some snow in my boots. Crud.
It’s my fault for coming up with the idea so late.
Well, in all honesty, I thought of it when looking down from the roof opposite to Ira’s. I just got swept up in the conversation and forgot to share.
Also dragging Marina back there after she got noticed would be rather risky.
It’s nothing I can’t handle by myself, though.
[roofsnight] I don’t exactly believe Marina’s theory. Even Marina herself never actually believed in it.
Frankly, that kind of speculation was plain disrespectful. But even then...
There was something I still wanted to do.
[dvornight]
0.5 seconds Snow piles on fast, so the lines need to be as deep as I can make them. I dig all the way to the ground.
As far as legibility goes, nothing beats black text on a pure white canvas. By the time morning comes, it won't look nearly as striking. But it should still be readable.
I climb the little play ladder to check if everything’s okay. Hm... Yeah. Should be good enough.
Good enough for who? Ira’s mother?
Ahaha. Yeah, I’m just being tasteless.
It’s an offensive thing to write – acknowledging that won’t make it any better.
And I’m not so principled as to erase it.
I’m selfish. And I need today to end a certain way.
This end makes me content. I climb down from the frozen ladder and head home.
A message sprawls across the playground under Ira’s window.
1 second SWITCH TOY IF YOU’RE THERE
5 seconds [JAMMED SIGNAL B]
3 seconds 4 seconds [street] 2 seconds [IRA]
You're late.
[mcyay] [MARINA]
Sorry, sorry. You coulda waited inside, you know.
[IRA]
I was smoking.
Marina was out with friends again.
Doesn't she get sick of that?
She looks around, then conspicuously slips something into my pocket. I don't need to check to know what that is.
[mcneutral] [MARINA]
Next one will be in two weeks. So use sparingly, ‘kay?
[IRA]
You think I’m popping these like candy?
[mcyay] [MARINA]
I dunno. You’re the one with an addictive personality.
She points to my cig.
[IRA]
I can quit whenever I want.
[mcsmug] [MARINA]
Suuuure.
I puff a cloud at her.
[mcshock] Marina grumbles and frantically waves her arms around. Heh.
She ends up stealing a couple of drags before I finish.
[cafe1] 1 second [cafe2] 1 second [muneutral] [MARINA]
Oh yeah. Is it true you threw a friggin' chair at Vadik? The heck’s that about?
[muyay] [IRA]
Ugh... Can we not talk about that?
[MARINA]
Ahaha, no way, I wanna know! What happened?
[IRA]
Nothing. He was obnoxious.
[MARINA]
Ain’t that the norm?
I sigh. I hate these stupid interrogations of hers. What’s there to explain? He was just irritating, end of story.
[muhuh] [MARINA]
Oh... Oooh, don’t tell me...!
Did he try hittin’ on you?!
[mushock] [IRA]
No. Gross.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Yeah, my bad. They'd be gathering money for a wake if that were true.
[IRA]
Don’t make me dream.
[MARINA]
Wahaahha!
This stupid incident... It happened what, two weeks ago? Two and a half?
It feels like it's been months.
Time hasn't felt right for a while, though.
[IRA]
...
The pill bottle weighs heavy in my pocket.
[IRA]
He was just picking on this girl. What’s-her-face... Asya.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Huh?
[IRA]
Resident doormat. She's whatever.
[muhuh] [MARINA]
...Oh. Huh. You always stand up for her like that?
[muneutral] [IRA]
'Course not. It’s not my problem.
[MARINA]
...Hm. Why now, then?
[IRA]
It’s got nothing to do with her.
Those pricks were being extra loud, it ticked me off.
[MARINA]
Aha... I see. If you say so.
[muyay] ...Can she stop doing that?
[IRA]
What’s with that look?
[MARINA]
What?
[IRA]
Tsk. You people...
[muyay] [MARINA]
Haha, no really, what?
[IRA]
You’re not subtle. First that weirdo, now you...
Why is everyone treating this like some big deal?
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Eh? What did she do?
[IRA]
Ugh... Just today... Or yesterday, I dunno.
She caught me in the toilet to apologise.
[MARINA]
Whaaaaaaat? What for?
[IRA]
For nothing. She acted like it was all her fault.
Like she's the prime reason I'm getting so much shit.
[IRA]
Gimme a break, we never even talked...
[muyay] [MARINA]
Ahaha, wow! Not even a thank you, but a sorry?
[IRA]
I don’t need thanks. It wasn’t about her.
[MARINA]
Haha, well... I guess it would be pretty big for someone in her situation. People like that are starved for any sort of kindness, y’know?
[muneutral] [IRA]
I wasn’t kind at all!
[muyay] [MARINA]
It’s a matter of contrast, dummy!
Like, if something like that happened to me...
[mulearn] [muhmm] [MARINA]
I wouldn’t think too much about it now, but back in middle school it would be a whole 'nother story.
Like, a huuuge deal!
I raise an eyebrow.
What's she talking about, exactly?
Marina smiles and shrugs.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Well, no one reached out to me back when my life was all messed up. But I know that I’d cherish it a lot if someone did!
[IRA]
I wasn’t reaching out to anybody, though...
[muyay] [MARINA]
That doesn’t matter.
If you helped, you helped! Who cares why you did it?
[IRA]
...
I lean back in the chair. This is all so confusing.
What she says makes sense on the surface, sure. But then that logic should apply to me as well.
No matter how you look at it, it doesn't.
Because then that would mean...
that would mean that Marina...
[IRA]
I don’t get people like that. She’s not a massive tool like the rest of the class, but...
[IRA]
Ugh, whatever. I don’t wanna talk about it.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Heeeey, don’t just change the subject like that!
[IRA]
What? There's no more to discuss.
[MARINA]
Really? You're bein' kinda cagey...
I sigh.
[IRA]
I told you all there is to it. You can buzz off now.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Boo. And here I thought I’d get a glimpse into your stone cold heart.
[IRA]
Not happening.
I dig into my cake.
Would it kill her to be less nosy?
At least now she's the one doing the talking. Some dumb stories from school, some friend drama that I don't really care for.
[cafe5]
I'm zoning out. It's okay background noise.
1 second ...Is this unfair?
I'm not paying any attention. She knows I'm not.
Our meetings have grown rare, she must've noticed that. She's not bringing it up, though.
Ha. That's so like her.
[cafe4]
Marina talks like nothing's happening. I guess that's fair. Nothing has happened, nor will ever happen.
It's pointless. Everything's been pointless.
The pill bottle is burning through my pocket.
I don't think I can do this anymore.
[mubwclear] I listen to Marina prattle on like usual.
I thought I'd tell her that I'm done right off the bat, but she has a way of dragging you into some dumb conversation that you can't escape from.
No, at some point I could. For the longest time, I could turn around and walk away no problem.
So why the hell is it so hard today?
Why am I so weak...?
1 second Ah...
No matter how much I chew, the cake doesn't taste like anything.
3 seconds [JAMMED SIGNAL B: END]
5 seconds label ep2d6
7 seconds Imagine drawing a line. It doesn’t have to be perfectly straight – in all likelihood, it won’t be. If you go on for long enough, it will get wavy, unstable or jagged. After a certain point, even an artist’s steady hand can’t stay completely still. But let’s say you keep going on and on in one direction. You stare at the line you’ve drawn from up close and it looks like a mess. Wow! So much variety, the rises, the falls, the soft waves, the sharp edges... And then you zoom out.
The further you go, the more insignificant those little fluctuations become. Once you rise way up high, your eyesight won’t distinguish them at all. All you will see is a straight line. A single, perfect stroke.
You might say, but what if the fluctuation is so massive, it encompasses most of that line? What if the shift is so monumental, it can’t be ignored even when viewed from outer space? Easy. The line needs to be longer. And past a certain point, all deviations – even ones spanning thousands of light years – will become negligible. Do you see what I mean?
1 second [line]
1 second 1 second Now picture a line drawn across the whole entire universe. A truly endless line. What kind of curve could possibly put a dent in it? An infinite line could only be offset by an infinite curve. An infinite curve... A circle. An endless wheel. A cassette reel that plays everything that has and will ever happen. Is the song endless? Or is it stuck on loop? The reel is endless, hence there’s no need to rewind the tape. It goes on seamlessly, forever.
And it’s a beautiful song. It doesn’t need changing – not that it’s possible to change. Isn’t it silly to still yearn for it? To dream of altering something that’s already perfect? No, silly isn’t the right word. It’s blasphemous. Who are you to think you could improve a masterpiece? You, a human! Or do you seek the opposite? Do you wish to deface it? To inflict change like you’d inflict a wound upon a body? How low.
Thankfully, the body that you’re looking to destroy heals much better and faster than you could imagine. You push the knife in – and you feel it all. You feel the soft resistance of the skin, the toughness of the muscle underneath. You feel its edge hitting the bone. You see how the blood gushes out and drips down to the hilt. You blink.
1 second ...What’s that? There is no knife. There is no cut. Your hands are clean. All that remains is a faint smell of rust. You act surprised, but deep down, you knew this would happen. Because you’ve always been aware of it. Everything in this world returns to absolute.
3 seconds screen date6
DECEMBER 24TH
[classroom] The sun rises and falls somewhere my eyes can’t reach. The twilight looks down at me with a dull expression.
I feel its gaze piercing the school roof and the floor above. No doubt I'm meant to catch it.
I need to look it in the eyes and own up to my hubris.
But there’s a problem. My signal still isn’t strong enough to pierce through concrete.
I know that, because as I looked up, I felt nothing but the burn of the lamp shining straight into my eyes.
No good.
Perhaps, I could make contact through the window.
...Hm. No, doesn’t seem so. It’s too dark, I can’t make out the scenery at all.
Instead, the glass is smeared with the reflection of my face. That... I don’t want to look at that.
[VADIM]
Hey, Shubina.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[VADIM]
I said – hey!
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ow!
A mechanical pencil pokes me in the back. It hurts.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Don’t poke me like that... What is it?
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
Calm down, crybaby, it’s just a pencil. You did the English assignment, yeah?
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Yes.
[VADIM]
...So?
Garin stands with his hand expectantly outstretched.
Same pose as always. Same expression.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...Vadim.
[VADIM]
Yeah?
[ASYA]
[um] Why do you always... You guys can’t do your
own homework at all?
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...
His eyes narrow.
[VADIM]
Didn’t we tell you? We’re all busy people.
[CLASSMATE A]
Uh, yup.
[CLASSMATE B]
Haha, that’s right.
[VADIM]
We got a lot going on.
It's okay if you can’t relate.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I also have things to do.
[VADIM]
Yeah, like what? Walking alone, looking at snow 'till
you hallucinate?
[ASYA]
[wtf] Wha...?
[CLASSMATE A]
Huh? What are you talking about?
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
Oh, you don't know? This psycho cornered me the other day and started talking like I pulled some prank on her...
0.5 seconds Wait, I thought... I thought he wouldn't...
Why... Why did I think he wouldn't talk about it?
[CLASSMATE A]
Haha, what the hell...?
[CLASSMATE B]
Shubina, is that true?
[CLASSMATE C]
Not the first time she did something like this.
[CLASSMATE D]
Yeah, there was that one time in fifth grade...
[CLASSMATE C]
You mean at the car repair?
0.5 seconds But then, why now...? Why bring this up today?
...Ah! Could it be...?
[CLASSMATE A]
I mean, I always thought she was a little weird.
[CLASSMATE B]
It's kinda depressing, no?
[CLASSMATE C]
You mean scary. What if she, like, snaps someday.
[CLASSMATE A]
Hahaha, her? What's she gonna do?
[CLASSMATE C]
Dunno, if she's crazy like that...
[CLASSMATE B]
Hey, Shubina, sure you're not the one who offed Grachevskaya?
[ASYA]
[ramble] SHUT UP!!
[CLASSMATE B]
Huh?
...Huh? Was that my own voice?
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Ha... Hahaha. What the hell?
[gusmirk] [ASYA]
[shock] ...
[VADIM]
Look at you. You know what jokes are, Shubina?
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...I do. It’s not funny.
[VADIM]
So what, you’re gonna start crying now? If you don’t have a sense of humor, that’s your problem.
[ASYA]
[bitter] ...
[guneutral] [VADIM]
...Well?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] “Well” what?
[VADIM]
English.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] ...
Garin stares at me – I stare back. This is...
[ASYA]
[bitter] I’m not giving it to you.
[gudoubt] [VADIM]
Eh? Why?
[ASYA]
[um] I...
I don’t want to.
It’s as simple as that. But for some reason, the words get stuck in my throat.
[gusmirk] [VADIM]
...Hehehe. Guys, are you seeing this? Shubina’s getting greedy.
[CLASSMATE C]
Haha, what’s with her?
[VADIM]
Honestly, you’re awful unfriendly today. That’s not how you talk to your classmates.
[CLASSMATE A]
Careful, what if she bites.
[gulaugh] [VADIM]
Gahaha! Yeah, don't wanna catch what she has.
Easy, Shuba, easy.
The laughter doesn’t stop. Before I can react, Garin grabs my bag and throws it to the others.
They search through it unceremoniously. I get up and try to get it back, but I’m too weak; they push me away with zero effort.
Of course, they find what they were looking for.
They grab the homework and mess up some of my notebooks in the process.
Not in a way that looks purposeful, but I know better. Well...
At least I don’t carry my poems with me anymore.
It would’ve been worse.
Though... Maybe if something similar happened, someone... Someone like Ira would-
Stop.
Don’t even think that.
Don’t you dare.
Ira can’t be replaced. Not just because there is no other person in the world as wonderful as her.
It’s not just that.
The real reason is bigger than that, far bigger.
It's because we’ve been there already. We’ve been through all of that, and what came of it? Nothing.
Everything’s back on the same track.
Everything naturally fell back into place.
It's all according to the universal rulebook.
Any divergence will be combed into a perfectly straight line. And going by that principle...
I see why Garin had to strike that low, why it had to be done today. It was a message.
Yes, of course...
Now that I look at it... Garin’s expression isn’t quite the same. Something is off.
His smirk, his eyes, his laughter.
All of it feels a little... forced.
Oh. I get it. You’re afraid I forgot my place since yesterday. You think that I won’t let you live that down.
“That”? What’s “that”? There’s nothing to live down, what are you on about...?
Is what you might say in response.
But it’s obvious, you’re just playing dumb. Because I heard it.
I heard it when you asked why I was crying, there it was. A faint trace of concern.
And I saw it, too. That awkward look on your face when Marina sat there on the bench, comforting me.
I’m right, aren’t I? That’s what got you so scared?
That’s funny. You really think you need to draw this line? You don’t.
I’d never want to cross it in the first place.
You act as if I don’t know how everything works, as if you need to teach me. But I know, I’ve known all along. In fact, it’s you who’s in the dark.
You really think you’re acting on your own accord.
You think you’re driven by a selfish interest.
No, Vadim. It’s not so simple. You don’t even realise it, but your purpose is much bigger than that.
Right now, you are the agent of the universe’s will.
You are the force that swings back the pendulum.
You're monumental.
I can’t imagine being granted a role so tremendous while being so ignorant of it. It’s kind of beautiful.
What you’re doing right now... Or rather, what the universe is doing through you... I can’t believe I’m witnessing it with my own two eyes.
I used to pray for miraculous changes. I thanked the universe for letting me live through all of these little fluctuations in the world’s natural state.
I took them in so greedily, knowing that very soon, they’d all come to an end.
But now that the universe is finding its centre, I feel just the opposite. The process of the scales tipping back into balance is so beautiful it hurts.
[ASYA]
[neutral] It’s okay.
[VADIM]
Huh?
He looks up from the homework he’s been copying.
Yeah, now I can say for sure. I see it in his eyes, clear as day.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Don’t worry, Vadim.
[VADIM]
!...
His grip on the pen tightens for a moment.
[VADIM]
...About?
[ASYA]
[serene] Anything.
[VADIM]
...
His friends giggle. I don’t care. He forces out a scoff.
[VADIM]
Wow. Thanks, oracle.
The whole group goes on to make a few more digs at me. But they don’t phase me in the slightest. Actually, I welcome them.
It’s just another sign of the world coming to an equilibrium. What an incredible sight.
Ah... I can feel it. My gratitude, my reverence, my love.
My signal is growing stronger.
Soon, I’ll be able to send my message.
Soon, I’ll fulfil my purpose.
1 second A bird flies past the window three times in a row.
6 seconds 3 seconds [sch_corridor] She’s usually surrounded by friends or talking to someone. So I’m a bit surprised when I see her walking down the corridor all alone.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Marina!
[mdaway] [MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah- Your hair...
[MARINA]
...Oh, Asya. Hi.
[mdsurprise] 
[mdneutral] [ASYA]
[smile] Hi. Um...
...Huh.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I...
[troubled] (cont'd) I wanted to apologise again.
For yesterday.
[mdaway] [MARINA]
Oh... That. I told you, it’s fine. It all happened ‘cause of me anyways.
[mdcynical] Marina smiles weakly. It feels as if she’s looking through me.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Are you tired?
[mdsurprise] [MARINA]
Ah? Do I look tired? Crap, haha...
[mdyay] [ASYA]
[neutral] Mhm. You didn’t sleep well?
[mdehh] [MARINA]
Eh... I guess, yeah.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[troubled] (cont'd) Um. I hope you have a good rest today
then.
[mdneutral] [MARINA]
Yeah. Thanks.
...
Why is this... This doesn’t feel like our normal conversation.
Am I just not saying the right things...?
[MARINA]
Did you want something else?
[ASYA]
[awkward] A-ah.
[um] (cont'd) No, not really. Just wanted to, um...
[troubled] (cont'd)
Say hi.
[mdyay] [MARINA]
Ahaha, well, we got that covered.
[ASYA]
[awkward] Y-yeah, haha... I suppose.
Hm. Looks like yesterday left Marina feeling pretty beat.
Guh, that makes me feel really bad. But I can’t apologise again, that will just be annoying.
Should I try cheering her up?
She’s usually the one leading our conversations, so... I’m not exactly used to this.
Aaaagh, I can’t just stand there! I gotta choose a topic. But which one?
Um. Uh... What’s a fun thing to bring up...
My head is all empty. Crap, crap. Something fun? Um... What do we usually talk about...?
[ASYA]
[awkward] A-anything about Ira?
[mddepressed] [MARINA]
...No.
TERRIBLE!!!!!!
[mdaway] Marina looks away with a small sigh.
[MARINA]
You know, I think... I think it’s time we stopped asking each other that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Y-you mean... about her?
She nods, her mouth forming a thin line.
[MARINA]
I... We both know the answer.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[mdcynical] [MARINA]
Haha... I’ve been real gross to you this past week.
[ASYA]
[ehh] H-huh? Why?
[pout] (cont'd) Don’t say that...!
[mddepressed] [MARINA]
No, Asya, you don’t understand. I was just trying to...
I wanted to deny the obvious. And you...
[mdsad] [ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
I’m sorry, I’ve strung you along all this time. Not just yesterday.
[ASYA]
[concern] Eh? Strung along...?
[mdsurprise] [MARINA]
A-ahaha... I... thought it would be easier that way.
[mdehh] [mdcynical] [MARINA]
When you want to convince yourself of something, you gotta find somebody who agrees with you. Then... Even if the thing you’re trying to believe is false, at least you’re not alone in it.
[mdaway] [MARINA]
Because when you’re alone in it... you’re just delusional.
[mddepressed] [ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
You know the funny part?
[mdcynical] [MARINA]
None of it helped. I thought that if I really put my mind to it, I'd make it tangible. If I just tricked myself into believing she's okay.
[MARINA]
Maybe only at school, or out with friends, or just with you. But...
[mdaway] [MARINA]
Haha. I’m awful.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Marina...
[MARINA]
If Ira wasn’t okay, then all of it would have been my fault.
[ASYA]
[concern] W-why? For not stopping her that day?
[mddepressed] [MARINA]
For everything. And I just couldn’t bear that thought. Oh, well...
[mdsoft] [MARINA]
It’s pretty clear those are the facts I have to face.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[um] (cont'd) Please. Don’t talk about yourself like that.
It's cruel.
[mdyay] [MARINA]
Haha, geez, it’s okay! I didn’t say all that for you to reassure me. I just wanted to be honest with you.
[mdneutral] [ASYA]
[um] ...
[MARINA]
You don’t have to talk to me anymore.
[ASYA]
[um] I...
[concern] (cont'd) Huh?
[mdsoft] [MARINA]
Really. I won’t bother you again.
[ASYA]
[concern] B-but I want to talk to you!
[pout] (cont'd) I like talking
to you...
[mdcynical] [MARINA]
Phe.
I bet you do.
[ASYA]
[concern] What was that...?
[MARINA]
You’re a good girl, Asya. Don’t waste your kindness on people like that.
[ASYA]
Like what...?
[MARINA]
Like me.
She softly pats my shoulder.
At that moment, it doesn’t feel like she is looking through me anymore. Those eyes...
Maybe I’d be happier if I never caught that expression.
She walks away, and I’m left standing with a dumb face and a flat pain in my chest. It feels like I just saw something no one was ever meant to see.
Marina smiled in the same way she always had. And yet her eyes were filled with a despair I couldn’t fathom.
Not like an agonised scream, nothing like that. It was a placid, dull despair. Like a bottomless ocean stuck in a permanent calm.
Has it always been there? For how long? Could I have noticed sooner if I just looked closer?
I want to call out to her again, but she’s already gone. Ah. Ah... Haha.
So it all returns to its original form. Just as I expected, just as it’s meant to.
I’ve been prepared for this since the beginning. So why then... Why won’t this ache go away...?
Damn it. Even I’m not this selfish.
It’s not that I wish this would’ve kept on going. It was nothing but a misstep, a small irregularity that was bound to correct itself. I knew that.
So this suffocating feeling, the same feeling I had back in class...
2 seconds 5 seconds It must be the beauty of it all. I’m overwhelmed. Each piece is falling back into its place so gracefully, it’s impossible to tear your eyes away. Starting from the end, back to the beginning. Going by that order...
[gubw] The last one that started to act abnormally was Garin. It wasn’t too big of a change, all things considered, but it was unnatural. Good thing that’s already corrected. Then, Marina started talking to me. Not just that, Marina and I spent time together almost every day. Very abnormal, that was a very strong deviation. So her piece falling back into its place caused an accordingly strong emotional response. Okay, that all makes sense. Then...
[mubw] Then we have one more piece remaining. The one that started it all. The person that caused the greatest, the most unnatural shift of all. She was the first to come, she’ll be the last to go. But wait... How would that work?
[iugraygrad] Ira has already been gone for a long time. What is there left to comb? How do you flatten a curve that does not exist? No. I’m thinking about this all wrong. Ira may not occupy the same space I do, but she exists somewhere out there. Her body, whether it’s alive or dead, is still part of the world. And as long as she exists in this world, as long as there are traces of her still remaining... This abnormality won’t go away.
But which traces can be removed? What would be within reason? Ira can’t vanish from my memory. Perhaps, anyone else’s, but not mine. I’m being impudent, I know. Who am I to say what can and cannot be done? Anything’s possible. Heck, if the universe wills it, I'll get a head injury and forget my own name.
But somehow, even in that case... I’m sure I will remember her. I will remember the poem I’ve written for her. I will remember my prayers to her. Ira’s presence will linger in this world no matter what. She will exist until the day I die. And after that... After that...
I guess, the abnormality will have run its course.
4 seconds [dvornight] The message is much bleaker now. The snow is deeper, the letters are shallow. But it’s still there.
I look up to the window.
[roofsnight] ...
That’s what I thought. It’s nothing.
There’s no replacement, only empty space where the bear used to sit. How straightforward.
For some reason, I’m surprised at how brash it is. The world is so infinitely complex, yet it chooses to send its message in such a direct and simple way.
Honestly, it’s pretty cute. I appreciate that.
[skydark] 1 second So that’s how you want to be. You want to erase all that remains of her.
Every footprint she’s ever made, every word that she's ever spoken. Everything, until Ira Grachevskaya becomes nothing more than a memory.
Well, then. A memory she’ll be.
I’m looking straight at you. Do you see me?
My signal is weak, so you probably can’t hear me very well. But perhaps you feel my intent.
I said so already, haven’t I? You may cleanse all the distortion on planet Earth. You can erase everything and everyone else for good.
That’s part of why my breath halts when I think of you. That’s part of why I love you.
But I have to deny you, just this once. Okay?
1 second ...Ah? Are you mad? Sorry, I can’t tell...
But please, don’t be. It won’t change anything.
I’m a pitiful, worthless gnat. I know that nothing that I do will ever matter – not to you, not to anyone else.
But for Ira...
No, for myself. I won’t let her memory fade.
It’s the one thing I won’t concede, even to you.
...Hey, what’s that look? I’m being arrogant, I know.
So if you wish, please swat me like a fly. I’ll understand. In any way you like... at any place, at any moment... erase me from this world.
I have to be abnormal too, right? I’m part of the problem, right? Now that Ira exists within me, there’s no choice but to smite me.
So smite me. Please.
Cleanse your body of me. Cleanse yourself of this filth. Heal. Let the world return to its axis.
Make everything right. Take everything back. Make everything nice. Make everyone happy. I’m begging you. Please. Please. Please. Please.
2 seconds ...
[doit]
[ASYA]
[blank] DO IT, GOD DAMN IT!!!
1 second
show snow1
show snow2 4 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.doit_unlocked = True
My voice doesn’t echo between the buildings. Nobody there as much as looks outside.
And yet... I feel it.
The signal I just sent has reached halfway across the sky. It burned up in the atmosphere, got muffled and lost.
But if it got halfway there... then it made it past the densest layer.
The greatest obstacle is now behind me. Now all that’s left... All that’s left is to gather just a little more love. Just enough for that final push.
A little more gratitude. A little more warmth. A little more, just a tiny bit more... And then... Then...
Then you’ll know.
You’ll know how much I really love you.
7 seconds 2 seconds 6 seconds 6 seconds [phone] [???]
Yes?
[ASYA]
[hmm] G-good evening. Can I please speak to Marina?
[???]
...She's busy right now.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh. I see. Could you please ask her to call
Asya back when she's free?
[???]
Sure.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Thank you very much.
[???]
...She's not feeling too well. I don't think she'll be calling anyone today.
[???]
I can pass a message, if you want.
What's that... noise?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah, that's... That's fine. Thank you.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Goodnight to you, then.
[???]
Goodnight.
Click.
2 seconds The receiver on the other end sounded different.
4 seconds image mublur
[blur1] 0.2 seconds 
[blur3] 0.2 seconds 
[blur2] 0.2 seconds 
[blur6] 0.2 seconds 
[blur5] 0.2 seconds 
[blur4] 0.2 seconds repeat [JAMMED SIGNAL A]
3 seconds 4 seconds Ground. Ground. The ground under. The ground is firm. I feel the ground under my boots. I put my foot down firmly so I feel the ground under my boot. Stomp. Solid. Stomp. Solid. Stomp. Ah-
I fall. It's like a dream. The same as when I’m just about to fall asleep and suddenly my body drops. Or like I missed an extra step while going down a staircase. But that's unfair. I was just looking at the ground. I was looking straight down, down at the soil. Why did I fall? I was so cautious. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!! It's not fair, damn it!!!
[???]
Hey.
I'm falling.
[???]
...You hear me?
I can't stop.
[???]
Hellooooo...?
Of course I'd fall no matter what. My sad attempts to save myself were self-deception. Who am I kidding? Who am I kidding?!
[???]
Hm...
You can't prevent a fall when there's no ground below you. Why did I ever think there was? What was I trying to imagine every time I brought my foot down? What was the intended result of doing so? An impact? With what? An impact needs two objects. There are no two objects. The ground and I cannot collide, because an object cannot collide with itself. It's all one object. It's one object. Everything in the world is only one obj-
[white] [ME]
!...
I jolt and skitter away from the figure that just touched my shoulder.
[ME]
Wh... The hell you want?!
1 second [garagessummerb1]
show mublur It's blurry. Who is this?
Everything around me is a shapeless blotch.
My hands sink into something wet and brittle.
[???]
I don't want anything. Can you see me?
[ME]
Of... Of course I can! What kind of question is that...?!
My back hits something hard. Ugh.
I try to grip onto the brittle stuff below, but my unsteady hand sinks lower and scrapes against something cold and dirty.
I feel it burrowing under my fingernails.
It's gross.
[???]
Oh, you do? What do I look like?
[ME]
H-huh?!
[???]
You see me, right? Then it shouldn't be hard to answer. Um... Let’s see.
The figure inches closer. I gotta get away, but...
There's nowhere to run. My legs feel weak.
I blink and try to focus.
[garagessummerb2]
It isn't... Its shape keeps blurring with the world around.
[???]
How about... What's the colour of my hair?
[ME]
...
It has hair?! Aaaah, I really can't tell.
No, actually, I don't even care. I don't give a damn what this thing looks like.
The hell does it want with me anyway?
I dont like it. I don't like it one bit.
[???]
Well...? Maybe, um... How ‘bout the colour of my dress? That should be easier, right...? Can you answer that?
Ugh, go away. Why won't this thing leave me alone?
How do I make it leave...
I'd throw a punch, but my body feels weak and wobbly.
So I can't... Wait! No, I can throw!
I can totally throw! What do I throw? Agh, all that my hand can grab is this weird brittle stuff. But that oughta buy me some time, right? Right!
I got this. I got this. I just gotta grab a handful...
[???]
Hey... Come on, try and focus a little. Here, um. Look!
[???]
How many fingers am I holding up? Right here, see? Look- woah!
I throw.
[ME]
Take tha– Gha?!! Ack!...
A tangle of something gross flies at my face. It's moist and wiry, and-
[garagessummerb3]
[ME]
Ew!! Ptoo! Ptoo! Ptoo...!
Some of it got in my mouth!! Ew, ew, ew, eww!! Yuck!!
I spit out dirty grass that I just threw against the wind. Gross, gross...!!
[???]
Pfft... Pfffthahahaha!!
The person in front of me laughs. Grrr...
Who the hell does she think she is?!
...Right. She. That's a girl's voice. A girl...
[ME]
Ptoo...! Bleh... Y-you...
I lift my head.
[ME]
Shut the hell up!! What's so funny?!
[muyay] [garagessummer]
[???]
Wahahahaha!! Ahehe... hehe...
The girl wipes a tear from her eye. Tsk. It's really not that funny...
[???]
Ahaha, right, sorry... Sorry. Hehe...
[???]
That's one way to come to your senses, huh...? Ahehe... heh.
[muneutral] [???]
Right. So... You see me? You see me now?
[ME]
Wha? Duh, I just told... you...
Wait. I do see her.
I actually, fully see her.
Dark eyes. Hair past her shoulders, gathered in a pony. Dumb face. Dumb smile. Uniform.
[muneutral] [???]
...Okay.
She holds up two fingers.
[muyay] [???]
How many do you see?
[ME]
...Piss off.
[mumbub] [???]
Wha? Come ooon, just answer! I know you see 'em! You totally see 'em, don't you?
[ME]
Then why ask?!
I feel the cold hard soil beneath me. The grass my hand brushes against is wet. Ah... Right. It rained not long ago.
My butt must be all dirty. Crap. Mom's gonna be pissed.
[muneutral] [???]
...
The girl observes me with a strange expression. Suddenly, the weight of the situation dawns on me.
I stand up quickly. Shit!-
My legs are still unstable!
I lean on the garage wall next to me.
[mushock] [???]
H-hey! Careful there! Here, I can...
[ME]
Don't touch me!!
[muhuh] [???]
...
She steps away.
[ME]
You... Tell anyone about this and you're dead meat.
[muehh] [???]
...Pfft. “Dead meat”? Who says that?
[ME]
S-shut up! I'm... not fucking around!
[musoft] [???]
...
...Huh? What's that look? It's almost as if she's...
Damn it. Damn it!! Do I really look this pathetic...?
[mustern] [???]
Has this been going for a while?
[ME]
Huh?
[???]
These episodes.
[ME]
!...
Why would she need to know that? That's just more ammo to be used against me later.
[ME]
...It's none of your business.
I need to stabilise myself. This sucks... I hate feeling this helpless.
[ME]
The hell are you even doing out here...?
[muneutral] [???]
I followed you.
[ME]
Creepy!!
[muyay] [???]
Ahaha! I know, right?
Why would you admit to that...
It's really unnatural for a girl to be here. At least I have my reasons. These garages are where I go when I begin to feel messed up.
I can catch when an episode is coming on. As soon as I feel like the world is folding in on me, or like I'm losing myself in something I'm not supposed to see,
that's where I run.
It's a good place to hide from everyone. Not that I'm scared or anything.
I don't care if they point and stare like I'm a fly caught in their soup. But if they start looking at me with pity... then I'd rather just die.
[muneutral] Did I really look so out of it while walking here that she just had to follow me? Why? Just for a laugh?
...Well, I guess she got what she wanted.
That's one expectation I've managed to live up to.
[muyay] [???]
...Oh, right. I don't think we've ever talked before. It's Marina.
She reaches a hand out. Really? She thinks I'm gonna fall for that? Don't take me for an idiot.
I want to scoff at her. I open my mouth to speak, but when I meet her eyes, those words catch in my throat.
At first I thought she pitied me. But no, that's not it.
This girl... What's with her?
[ME]
...Ira.
[MARINA]
Yeah, I know.
...Not gonna shake my hand, are ya?
[muehh] [IRA]
No.
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Hm. You should, though.
[IRA]
Huh?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Helps you stabilise. Gripping something, feeling its texture, temperature. Good way to ground yourself.
[IRA]
...
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Ah. Though I guess you're touching that wall already... Hm. Maybe that's good enough...
[muhmm] ...The hell's her deal?
Does she not understand what she just saw? Does she not know me?
...No, she just said she does. Then why...
Why isn't she looking at me weird? Where's the disgust? The ridicule? Does she not get it?
Doesn't she know that looking at someone so weak is meant to make her feel superior? Doesn't she know this is the part where you're supposed to laugh?
[muserious] [MARINA]
Hey. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.
[IRA]
...
[mumbub] [MARINA]
I'm serious! Scout's honor!
[IRA]
I'll kill you if you do.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Wow! Better not snitch then!
The way she speaks is kinda annoying.
[mustern] [MARINA]
I can help you.
[IRA]
Eh?
[muneutral] [MARINA]
You know, with the episodes? I know how to handle ‘em.
[IRA]
...Piss off.
[mushock] [MARINA]
H-hey, I'm serious! I know what I'm talking about!
[IRA]
Like hell you do! Just shut up already and leave me alone.
Even I don't know what's wrong with me. Who does she think she is to say something like that?
I hate people who act as if they know you better than you do.
[musad] [MARINA]
N-no, really...! I get them too.
[IRA]
Huh?
[muehh] [MARINA]
I mean... You must've heard that I was pretty weird in middle school, haha...
[muyay] [IRA]
I haven't. I've never heard about you at all.
[MARINA]
Ah... Really?
What's that reaction? Does she think she's some kinda celebrity? How self-absorbed can you be...
[muhuh] [MARINA]
You've seriously never... Ahaha, well! Well, well, well! Then it's great to meet’cha, Ira!
[muyay] She suddenly beams and gets all giggly. Huh? I don't get her at all.
My head is still a little woozy, but I think I can finally stand by myself. I pull away from the wall and-
[IRA]
Ah-
Nevermind. Still unstable.
[mushock] [MARINA]
W-woah! Careful there!
1 second She catches me right as I hit ground. Some save that was.
[muhuh] [MARINA]
Don't push yourself too much, okay?
[IRA]
I told you I'm fine...
[muehh] [MARINA]
Uh-huh, I can see that.
She helps me up.
...I hate to admit it, but she's right. Having somebody hold you helps a lot.
Maybe that's why I never get this way when I'm with Tolik. That kid always hangs onto me like a koala.
Isn't he getting too old for that sort of thing...?
He's almost seven...
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Hey. You hungry?
[IRA]
Eh?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Let's go eat something. Nothin’ better than a sweet treat when you're feelin’ down!
[MARINA]
Sugar's good for the brain, yeah? And it'll be great to get more of your senses working.
A sweet treat, huh... Wait.
No. What am I thinking.
Marina? I don't even know this person! I'm not her freaking friend.
Why would anyone act like that with someone they just met? She must really take me for a moron.
[IRA]
I told you I'm fine already. Bye.
[mumbub] [MARINA]
E-eh?? Come ooooooooon! It'll be my treat! You gotta listen! Hey...!
[mushock] [skysummer]
Maybe I really am slow.
I stumbled away through the muddy grass and dirt tracks as if I could shake this feeling off. As if somebody finding me like this, as if somebody offering me help was something I could just forget.
As if this shame was something I could wash away.
...No. No, it was even worse than that.
It was so, so much dumber than that.
[MARINA]
Don't be stupid!
[IRA]
Huh?
[muangry] [MARINA]
Do you want to get better or not? I said, I can help you!
[IRA]
I'm already fine!!
[muannoyed] [MARINA]
Yeah, right! How long will that last?
[MARINA]
How long ’till you start stumbling around and crying like a baby again, huh?
[IRA]
The hell did ya just say?!
[MARINA]
It'll happen again! Don't you get it? If you keep doing nothing, it will just get worse!
[IRA]
!... It's... I'll handle it! It's none of your business!
[muannoyed] [MARINA]
You think you're being cool or something?! Hiding away and clawing at the ground? That's stupid!
[IRA]
S-shut up! You're stupid! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!!
[MARINA]
I told you I do! Were you even listening?!
[IRA]
Not really.
[mushock] [MARINA]
Rude!!
[skysummer] It really was stupid. I didn't want to accept it, and I didn't want to let it grow. But I was too feeble after all.
What was that feeling that I've denied myself for so long? It was embarrassing to even think about.
Because my future had been set out from the start.
My path kept going down, and down, and down like a straight garbage chute. And as my episodes got worse, reaching the bottom was just a matter of time.
And knowing that... still, knowing that...
I let it happen anyway. I let myself get swindled, and get stupid, and get soft.
I think that was the day when that childish feeling was born in me.
Right, on the day I met Marina... deep in my heart, hope reared its ugly head.
2 seconds [JAMMED SIGNAL A: END]
4 seconds label ep2d7
2 seconds 5 seconds screen date7
DECEMBER 25TH
[sch_corridor] [ASYA]
[sus] Sick?
[MARINA'S CLASSMATE]
Yeah. She called in this morning.
[ASYA]
[sus] I... I see. Thank you.
...
[sch_window] I’m sorry. I understand, I’m getting too cocky.
Maybe I’m getting too presumptuous because you happened to be in a charitable mood. Maybe I’m too filthy and insignificant to even swat at.
Maybe on some level, you understand that me denying you doesn’t mean that I love you any less. I prefer to think it’s the latter.
But please, correct me if I’m wrong.
I promise not to question any of your actions.
I’m just being a brat. You should never concede to haughty kids like me, we’ll get carried away.
You know that, don’t you?
You must've known I’d get ideas if you let me go scot free. How could you let that happen? Did you really not take any offence...?
Whenever I think I’ve come close to understanding you, you pull the rug from underneath my feet. It’s incredible. I adore that about you.
And I apologise, but I’ll keep testing your patience for a little longer.
[sch_street] [ASYA]
[sus] Vadim.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
What?
[ASYA]
[sus] We need to talk.
[CLASSMATE A]
Ohoho, what's that? Is Shubina going to confess?
[CLASSMATE B]
Nah, be careful. She might stab ya.
[CLASSMATE A]
Haha, are all the girls in our class like that?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] ...Vadim.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Listen, I’m kinda in the middle of something.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] It’s about Marina.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...So? I got nothing to do with her.
[CLASSMATE A]
Wait, haha, are you guys in some sorta love triangle?
[CLASSMATE B]
For real? Everyone, Vadim and Mari-
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Shut it, morons. Shubina, can you piss off? Your breath’s making me nauseous.
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[CLASSMATE B]
Come on, she was about to say she loves you, dude.
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, be nice, haha.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Are you guys her knights? Please, she’s all yours.
[CLASSMATE A]
Ahaha! No, thanks.
[CLASSMATE B]
Hey, she’s leaning in, bro, she’s going in for the kiss!
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Wha-
[ASYA]
[sus] I’ll tell them about the pills.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
!...
[gjugh] [ASYA]
[sus] ...
[VADIM]
...You bitch.
[CLASSMATE A]
Huh? Wait, you’re going?
[VADIM]
I’ll be back in a sec.
[sch_back] [gjneutral] [VADIM]
So. Think you can threaten me now?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Do you know Marina’s address?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[neutral] She called in sick today. I wanted to pay her
a visit.
[VADIM]
Sick...?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
...Shit.
[ASYA]
[sus] What?
[VADIM]
...
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Your visit... It won't change anything.
[ASYA]
[sus] Huh?
[VADIM]
It’s not necessary. Her brother’s taking care of her, she’ll be fine.
[ASYA]
[um] I...
[sus] (cont'd) I want to come anyways. She’s my friend.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Your friend? Ha!
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[VADIM]
You’ve known her for what, a week?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] ...Yes, and?
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Shubina... Jesus freakin’... You know what your problem is? You’ve got no clue how people work.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] ...
[VADIM]
You’re not a friend to her, understand? You’re the same as Grachevskaya.
[ASYA]
[sus] What are you talking about?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
I mean, do you know anything about how she used to be?
[ASYA]
[sus] Used to be...?
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Ha. Okay. So lemme get this straight.
[VADIM]
She aired all of Grachevskaya’s dirty laundry, but conveniently forgot to mention why she was involved with her at all. Is that right?
[ASYA]
[wtf] What are you saying... She wanted to help Ira.
[annoyed] (cont'd)
And her brother had access to the medication,
so...
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
That’s not what I mean. Why would he be stealing those pills in the first place?
[ASYA]
[sus] Stealing?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
You don't even know that?
[VADIM]
They're meant for high-rank researchers. I guess whatever they're doing up there is messing with their heads.
[VADIM]
The supplies don't account for more people than that. Good thing her bro works in the labs, huh?
[gjgrin] [ASYA]
[sus] ...
[VADIM]
Her brother didn't start getting those meds for Ira or whoever else. They're meant for Marina.
[VADIM]
She’s the same as Grachevskaya. Those little states, like... Mind gaps. Or seeing things that aren’t there. Crying and screaming for no reason.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
She was all about that, what, three years ago...?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
Haha... So she really didn’t tell you.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I suspected that.
[VADIM]
Yeah?
[ASYA]
[um] You two talked about it behind the school.
How she got better after a certain point...
That there had to be some sort of cure.
[ASYA]
[troubled] And then I learned she helped Ira with pills.
So... it was a reasonable guess.
[VADIM]
...Ha. Nice deduction. So you heard everything, you fucking liar.
[ASYA]
[calm] Not everything. Just the end.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Still... Well, whatever. It’s not like you’re gonna rat a friend out, right?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Why do you keep saying it like that?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Because she doesn’t freaking see you like that. You’re like... I don’t know. A counterweight.
[gjugh] [VADIM]
She needs someone who’s more messed up around to feel sane in comparison.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I don’t think it’s like that.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Think what you want, those are the facts. You think the way she acts is natural? She’s trying so hard, it makes me wanna puke.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[VADIM]
Marina likes you only ‘cause she enjoys feeling like she is “the normal one”. Not a high bar to clear, considering your everything.
[gjgrin] [VADIM]
You know how hot chicks always have one ugly friend?
[ASYA]
[ramble] Stop that!
[bitter] (cont'd) That’s... That’s an awful thing to
say!
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
Hey, truth stings. Maybe you’ll learn and grow from this experience or something.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] I don’t believe you!
[gjugh] [VADIM]
Man, I don’t care. It’s your choice, I just gave you the info.
[ASYA]
[wtf] I... I don’t get you.
[ASYA]
[sus] You come to her begging for help. And...
And she agreed to it, right? She’s bringing
you medicine, isn’t she?
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
...So?
[ASYA]
[wtf] How can you still badmouth her like that?!
She was your friend.
[bitter] (cont'd) Sure, you fell out,
but...
[annoyed] (cont'd) she still gave you a hand!
[VADIM]
...
[VADIM]
That’s...
[ASYA]
[annoyed] And those pills, they’re a limited supply,
right? She should probably be using them
herself. But she shares them with you.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Do you pay anything for them?
[VADIM]
...I don’t. But-
[ASYA]
[wtf] Don’t you feel even a little bit ashamed?
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
D-damn it, Shubina!! Don’t stick your nose into other people’s business!
[ASYA]
[sus] ...
[gjsad] [VADIM]
They... Those pills, they... They barely even work.
[ASYA]
[sus] Are they for your...?
[VADIM]
My brother. My dad, too, he... It’s all bad.
[gjannoyed] [VADIM]
I-it’s not like I ran to her at the first freakin' opportunity. I wasn’t even sure if she had meds or anything like that, I just needed something... and...
[VADIM]
A-and forcing dad to swallow is easy enough. But when my bro gets one of his turns going, I just can’t do shit. And it...
[VADIM]
It helps a bit, but the next day it starts all over again. So it’s like... What’s the point of doing anything at all?
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[VADIM]
Shit... Why am I even telling you all this...? Goddamn it...!!
[gjannoyed] [ASYA]
[calm] Can you please tell me Marina’s address?
[gjsad] [VADIM]
It's not...
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...Pha. You know what, sure. Whatever.
[gjsmile] [VADIM]
Lenina 19, 32. The entrance code is 239.
[ASYA]
[calm] ...Thank you.
[VADIM]
...
[gjsad] 1 second 1 second [skyblue] 1 second You should be stopping me, you know. I’m doing everything against your will. I’m going against the natural order.
Are you really not mad at me? Even if you’re not, I’m sorry. I’m just piling on irregularities for my own selfish whims.
It’s probably unsalvageable anyways.
Marina said it herself, she needed a distraction. Even Garin... His words might have a grain of truth to them.
But still... I can’t accept it.
I want to see her, I want to talk to her.
I’m gonna grab something on the way. Maybe some tea?
If she’s really sick... Ah. Maybe some cookies, too? Those would be good.
1 second You can still crush me, you know? It’s not too late. Please, consider this carefully. Your goodwill has to have a limit.
No, no, I mean... Of course, your kindness is limitless, but...
But I’m already coming up the stairs. Can’t you see?
I’m coming up the stairs of Marina’s apartment block.
[podyezdmarina]
I’m so close. Hey. It’s your last chance.
I’m reaching for the doorbell. Are you sure? You’re gonna let me do this...?
...Ahaha. Garin is right. I don’t understand how you work at all.
3 seconds ...
I hear some noises from beyond the door. But seconds pass, and nobody comes out.
Hey, that’s an extra opportunity for you. Come on.
...No? You sure? ...Oh well.
I ring again.
This time I hear soft, hasty footsteps on the other side.
[???]
...ing. I’m coming... Um... Huh?
[ASYA]
[neutral] !...
[mhsurprise] ...Marina opens the door. She looks even more tired than before.
[MARINA]
Asya? Hi! What are you doing here?
[ASYA]
[awkward] Hi! S-sorry, I, um...
Ah... Suddenly, I don’t feel so confident. Seems like a part of me never expected to get this far.
[mhstern] [MARINA]
...Man. It’s because I was an ass to you yesterday, isn’t it.
[mhsigh] [ASYA]
[woah] What?
[concern] (cont'd) No... No, I-I heard that you fell ill.
[pout] (cont'd)
So I thought, it would be nice to visit...
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Oh. That’s... Hahaha, that’s so nice of ya, what the heck!
[mhmbub] 
[mhyay] [ASYA]
[awkward] Haha, sorry. I didn’t want to intrude, but...
[smile] (cont'd)
I thought I’d check up on you.
[MARINA]
Aw, thank you! You don’t gotta worry, though. It’s just some stupid cold, cough-cough.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh...
[pout] (cont'd) Well, I hope you get better soon!
Sorry I dragged you out of bed.
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
Nah, it’s fine. Gimme a couple days and I’ll be doing cartwheels down the hall.
[ASYA]
[woah] You can do a cartwheel?
[mhmbub] [MARINA]
You can’t? Dude, it’s so easy.
[ASYA]
[um] It’s scary... What if I fall on my head?
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Then tape a pillow to it.
[ASYA]
[uff] You could still break your neck like that...
[mhehh] [MARINA]
Man, are you cartwheeling off a bridge...?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Cartwheeling off a bridge... Sounds pretty
flashy.
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[neutral] You know, like one of those crazy sports.
Like bungee jumping.
[MARINA]
Oooooh, you’re right! Extreme cartwheeling... Down a hill, down a bridge, down a roof... Heck, I’d watch that.
[mhyay] [ASYA]
[smile] You’d be the champion.
[MARINA]
Aw, yeah! Wait, are you tellin' me to go roll off a roof?
[mhmbub] [ASYA]
[serene] It's okay, we'll tape a pillow to your head.
[MARINA]
Ack! Think you’re so clever, huh?
She laughs. She looks like her old self, or the old self I know.
This is the fake Marina, according to Garin.
This is an act. An act...
I look at her dishevelled hair, her sweater, and her smile. I look into the dark behind her eyes.
...
I just don’t buy it. I don’t believe Garin’s words for a second.
[ASYA]
[smile] Hehe...
[neutral] (cont'd) Wait, um... Your brother isn’t home,
is he?
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
What, Lev? Yeah, he’s at work.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Did he tell you I called yesterday?
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
O-oh, right...! Geez, I was so out of it. Sorry, I should've rung you back.
[mhehh] [ASYA]
[woah] No, no, it's fine! You're ill, you shouldn't
worry about stuff like that.
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Please, it's not like I'm dying over here.
[ASYA]
[pout] Still... you’re sick and all alone.
Isn't that pretty sad?
[MARINA]
Ahaha, it’s not so bad, really.
[ASYA]
[um] Uh... I, um...
[smile] (cont'd) I brought some cookies for you.
We could drink tea together, if you want.
[mhmbub] [MARINA]
A- Aska, you shouldn’t have! Cough! Really...
I don't wanna make you sick as well.
[ASYA]
[woah] I-it's okay, I'm sure I'll be alright!
[pout] (cont'd)
I just thought it would be nice...
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
No, really, I- Cough! Ah-
She suddenly bursts into a dry coughing fit.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Ah... C-can I help? Want me to pat your
back...?
She shakes her head.
[mhsad] [MARINA]
Cough! No... No, thanks. Cough-cough! Um... Look, I really appreciate you checking up on me, but- Cough-cough...!
[ASYA]
[concern] U-um, maybe I... You sure you don’t want
any help?
[mhehh] [MARINA]
No, no... I’m contagious, so... You should be going- Cough-cough-cough!!
[ASYA]
[concern] H-huh...
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Bye, Asya! Cough-cough!! Thanks again for the visit! Cough!! Cough!!!
What...? It’s so sudden...
Marina starts closing the door in front of her. She’s coughing really loudly... I know that I should let her rest, but-
[ASYA]
[shock] Wai-
[kya] (cont'd) Ow!!
[marinadoor]
[MARINA]
Ah-
I shove my foot right in front of the door before it closes – and get promptly hit.
[MARINA]
Wha- Asya, be careful!
[ASYA]
[kya] Sorry, I just can’t-
[MARINA]
You can seriously get injured like that! Jesus.
[ASYA]
[ehh] No, ah- That doesn’t matter! I just wanted to-
5 seconds 1 second Cling-clink...! Clack...! Clink...
1 second [ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[marinadoor] [MARINA]
...
What... was that?
0.5 seconds Clink-clack...!
1 second [ASYA]
[wtf] Huh...
Clink...!
1 second [ASYA]
[troubled] Um... Marina-
[MARINA]
...
[MARINA]
Cough-cough-cough!!!
Another coughing fit. Hearing it now, it doesn’t sound all that natural.
[MARINA]
Sorry, Asya, I gotta go to bed. Cough-cough!! I really need some rest right now, so...
The door moves again. I grip the handle, pulling it back open.
[ASYA]
[concern] Wait, p-please... What was that?
[MARINA]
Cough-cough!! What? I don’t know... Cough!! What you’re... Cough-cough!! Talking about...!
She pulls the door towards herself. I pull back.
[ASYA]
[troubled] You said you were alone, right? Marina...
[MARINA]
I am! Cough-cough-cough!!! Stop pulling – Cough!!! – on the door, you’ll break the handle!
No... Despite her incessant coughing, I can hear it clearly.
Clink-clink... Cling! Clink...!
Soft rhythmic noises, like glasses clinking together or the jingling of keys. Quiet metallic sounds coming from deep inside the flat.
[ASYA]
[concern] Hey, Marina...? What’s... that? Hey...
[MARINA]
Stop pulling, damn it!!
[ASYA]
[shock] Why are you... closing... the door...?
Marina-
I can’t let it slam shut no matter what. I feel it in my gut, I need to come inside, I need to talk to her.
I’ve come this far. You’ve let me come this far.
There has to be a reason, right?
[MARINA]
Goddamnit, Asya!! It’s... It’s just my cat! Let go, you-
[ASYA]
[ramble] I can’t!! I can’t! I really want to talk to
you... Please! Ah-
The door gives in with zero warning. I tumble down to the floor like an idiot.
[podyezdmarina] [ASYA]
[kya] Ow!
It hurts...
SLAM!!
And before I know it, the door’s closed. I hear the key turning inside the lock.
[podyezdmarina1]
image ppulse
[ppulse1]
0.1 seconds [ppulse2]
0.1 seconds [ppulse3]
0.1 seconds [ppulse4]
0.1 seconds [ppulse5]
0.1 seconds [ppulse4] 0.1 seconds [ppulse3] 0.1 seconds repeat
show ppulse ...No. No, no, no. No, I can’t let it end like that. It can’t end like that.
I came here to talk to her. I came here to see her smile again. I came here to tell her it’s okay. I brought us cookies.
[ASYA]
[shock] Ah... Marina...? Marina.
[ASYA]
[awkward] Marina, please. Please, open the door. Hey.
[podyezdmarina2]
show ppulse We could drink tea and we could talk. We could talk like we used to. It will be the same, it will be even better. Why not? I just don’t understand.
[ASYA]
[concern] Please, I want to talk to you. Marina. Please.
Come out, okay?
[ramble] (cont'd) Please. Do you hear me?
You hear me, right?
[ASYA]
[ramble] Please, open the door! Please. Let's talk.
We need to talk, Marina.
[podyezdmarina3]
show ppulse So what if she strung me along? So what if it’s an act?
I don’t care who she is.
No, I do, I wanna know who she is. I want to know how she really is. Real or not, good or bad, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!!
I want to talk to Marina! I need to talk to Marina!!
[ASYA]
[babble] Marina, let's talk, please It’s okay.
I mean it. I really mean it.
[ASYA]
[babble] You don’t have to hide from me, Marina. You
don’t have to pretend with me. I don’t
mind if you want to pretend. I don’t mind
anything, okay?
[ASYA]
[ramble] I just want to talk with you. I really want to
talk with you!! Marina...!
[podyezdmarina4]
show ppulse I'll keep beating on the door. I’ll keep begging for as long as it takes.
I’m a pathetic sight. I’m sorry. I know, I’m just being an inconvenience. Arrogant, selfish, disgusting, repulsive, stubborn, stupid. I know, I know all of that, I know, I know, I know.
I have demeaned myself so much, it’s meaningless. All of my self-flagellation is just empty noise.
So I don’t understand. Why do these words, this nonsense pouring out of me... Why does it feel so humiliating?
[ASYA]
[babble] Marina, please... You are so nice to me. You’re
nice to talk to. Marina, I really wanna talk. I
had so much fun talking to you... Please.
Marina, please, let’s talk.
[ASYA]
[babble] Please. Please, open the door. Please don't
stop being nice to me. Marina, please, don't
leave. Don't leave like that, Marina. I'll do
better, I will.
[ASYA]
[ramble] I know I’m not very fun, but I’ll try to be!
I’ll try very hard! I will, I promise I won't
be a burden! Can you hear me, Marina?
Can you hear me?
[podyezdmarina5]
You haven’t given me this chance for nothing, have you? If this is all amounting to something, right? Is this a test? Or are you teaching me a lesson?
I appreciate that. You’ve always been too gentle with me. So now you want me to go through something so shameful... It’s refreshing.
Though, I have an inkling that you want me to stop. You think that after I’ve received enough humiliation, I’ll give up. That I’ll let everything go back to normal. In that case...
I’m sorry. It’s too late. You’ve spoiled me rotten.
[podyezdmarina6]
show ppulse [ASYA]
[babble] Marina, please, it’s been so long since I’ve
talked to someone like that. It’s been so long,
and talking with you, it made me so happy.
Please, Marina.
[ASYA]
[babble] I wanted to talk to Ira so badly, too. I wish
I did, and maybe then all of us could talk and
have fun together. That would be nice,
right? That would be so nice.
[ASYA]
[babble] And now I’ll never do that, but maybe with you,
maybe we could still talk and have fun, and we
could go to the cafe again, and you could
show me all those magazines.
[ASYA]
[babble] Remember? Marina, remember how you said we’d
read your magazines together? We'd share and it
would be so fun. Do you remember? You remember,
right? Remember, Marina...?
[podyezdmarina7]
The words just won’t stop pouring out. They’re like shit spewing from a leaking septic tank.
I’m sorry.
I’ve already come this far. I’ve already said too much. There’s nothing else for me to do but to push through.
[podyezdmarina8]
show ppulse [ASYA]
[ramble] I’m sorry, Marina. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel
like you’re a bad person. You’re not a bad
person at all, please, don’t think that, Marina.
[ASYA]
[ramble] Please, I really think you’re amazing, I’m so
happy you talked to me. I don’t care if I’m a
distraction, I don’t mind, I really don’t mind.
Just talking to someone so nice made me so happy.
[podyezdmarina9]
show ppulse [ASYA]
[ramble] Please, Marina, please forgive me. I’ve made
you feel so bad, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.
But I really-
[podyezdmarina10]
show ppulse [ASYA]
[ramble] Ah, Marina, I’m sorry, please, please, don’t be
mad at me. Don’t be disgusted with me. You can
laugh at me, but please, don’t be mad.
[podyezdmarina11]
show ppulse [ASYA]
[ramble] I'm sorry if I've ever been gross or awkward, I
didn't mean to be, I didn't mean to be
embarrassing. I'm sorry if I didn't talk right, I
should know how to do it by now, it's my fault.
[ASYA]
[ramble] But I'll learn everything, I'll learn how to
talk. I'll learn how to be fun. I'll learn how
to be pretty. I won't make you look bad for
talking to me. I promise, Marina!
[ASYA]
[despair] I really wanna be friends with you. I really
wanna be friends with you, Marina!! Marina,
let's be friends!! Please, be my friend, Marina!
[ASYA]
[despair] Please be my friend. Please be my friend. Please,
let's be friends. Marina, please. Please, open
the door. Please talk to me. Please don't leave
me alone. Please, Marina, please, Marina, please-
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despair] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
[ASYA]
[despairr] Marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
please marina marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
marina please marina please marina please marina
Click!
[ASYA]
[ramble] Ah-
The door opens.
1 second 
[mhdepressed] [MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[sad] ...Ma...rina...
[MARINA]
...So you think I’m a nice person?
[ASYA]
[sad] I...
[shock] (cont'd) Of course.
[MARINA]
And you wanna be my friend?
[ASYA]
[sad] ...Y-yes.
I sniffle and quickly wipe my face.
[ASYA]
[sullen] I... I really, really do...
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[sullen2] ...
[MARINA]
...Alright, then. Come in.
[ASYA]
[ramble] Ah...! Th... Thank you! Thank you so much, I-
[mhaway] [MARINA]
Yeah, yeah, be quiet. Get in.
[ASYA]
[sad] R-right, sorry...
She ushers me into the apartment and shuts the door.
3 seconds Clink-clink... Clink... Clank, clink...
1 second [clock]
The sounds quietly echo through the flat. I don’t know if rhythmical is the right word for them. No, not really...
Ah, that’s it. Intentional is what they are.
[ASYA]
[blank] Here.
[MARINA]
Hm?
[ASYA]
[blank] Cookies.
[MARINA]
...Thanks.
She waits for me to take off my clothes.
Marina’s voice, the way she looks at me... It suddenly feels very dry.
I guess I should be bothered by that, but I’m not. The overbearing shame I felt just a moment ago has dwindled to a small prickle in the back of my throat.
[ASYA]
[blank] ...So you have a cat?
[MARINA]
...
[MARINA]
Asya...
She looks down at the box in her hands.
[ASYA]
[blank] ...Yes?
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[blank] You don’t like this kind?
[MARINA]
...No. It’s okay. I like it.
[ASYA]
[blank] Ah! I’m glad.
Marina’s eyes meet mine. This time, I’m already prepared for it – that somber shadow staring back at me.
[MARINA]
When we had that argument by the research centre...
I said you were easy to trust. I wanted to trust you.
[ASYA]
[blank] I remember.
[MARINA]
...I meant it.
[ASYA]
[blank] ...
[MARINA]
I wouldn’t have let you in otherwise.
[ASYA]
[blank] ...I understand. I’m glad to hear that.
[MARINA]
...
Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
[ASYA]
[blank] ...She’s here, isn’t she?
[MARINA]
...
Marina doesn’t nod. She turns around.
[MARINA]
I’ll show you.
1 second The walk down the hallway isn’t long. It’s 10 metres at most. But every step I take feels like a thousand miles.
The clinking sounds grow louder. Marina’s apartment is a little smaller than mine. At least, that’s how it feels from the corridor. Even though her family is bigger... Ah. It must be her brother’s. Why does she live with him again? I doubt that’s a relevant thing to ask right now. I doubt that’s a relevant thing to think.
What am I supposed to think about? I’ll see her. I’ll finally see her. These words keep running through my mind, but I can’t comprehend them. I can’t comprehend anything at all. I walk behind Marina, staring at the back of her head. What am I feeling? What am I not feeling? The thorn in my throat is now a formless lump.
2 seconds The door opens. Marina walks in.
Clink-clink... Clink... Clank, clink... Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
1 second That sound... Those icy clicks. That’s where they’ve been coming from all along.
A teaspoon. And a glass. A teaspoon softly tapping on the glass, again and again.
Oh. I see. That makes sense.
It all makes sense now.
1 second [sludge]
5 seconds 1 second intervening script
$ persistent.sludge_unlocked = True
Clink...
Clink-clink... Clink... Clank, clink...
[MARINA]
Ira.
[IRA]
...
Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
[MARINA]
Asya came for a visit.
[IRA]
...
[MARINA]
Remember Asya?
[IRA]
...
Clink... Cling-clink...
[ASYA]
[blank] ...A- I... Ir... a...
I take a step forward. My legs feel weak.
[ASYA]
[blank] You... Ah...
I start to fall.
[MARINA]
Caref-
Marina throws the box onto the bed and catches me before I hit the floor.
[MARINA]
...Shhh. It’s okay... It’s okay.
[marinahome]
She guides me to the bed, helping me down. I feel a cup of water press against my mouth.
[MARINA]
There... There. It’s okay.
I gulp it down. Ah... Ah...
Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[shock] Ah...
Marina pats my hair.
[MARINA]
...It’s okay.
[ASYA]
[shock] ...
My eyes slowly refocus.
They glide over the empty bottles strewn across the carpet. They float over the olive chamber pot.
They’re drawn upwards, towards the only thing that matters.
1 second [sludge] 1 second Ira sits at the table.
...No, not quite. She’s slumped against the wall, hair draped over her face.
Clink... Cling-clink...
Her hand rests flatly on the tabletop. It twitches, and the teaspoon held so loosely it looks like it might fall out at any moment, clinks against the empty drinking glass. Again, and again, and again.
Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
It looks almost involuntary.
Marina is still sitting next to me, caressing my shoulder. Her voice comes out flat.
[MARINA]
If you think she’s communicating, she’s not.
[ASYA]
[sad] ...
[MARINA]
It’s just “Ira”.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Just Ira?
[MARINA]
Her name. Over and over again.
...
Clink-clink...
[MARINA]
Dot-dot...
Clink... Cling...
[MARINA]
Dot-pause-dot...
Clink...
[MARINA]
Dot-pause...
[MARINA]
...I, R, A.
[ASYA]
[shock] ...I see.
...Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira.
1 second [MARINA]
We gave her a morse sheet after she stopped talking.
She gave some answers for a day or so. Then it became just that.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...When?
[MARINA]
The day we went to the cinema. When I returned, she was already like that.
[ASYA]
[shock] !... Y-you... That day...
[MARINA]
The day when we went to her house, yes. Lev was with her.
[ASYA]
[shock] ...
[MARINA]
...You wanted to drink tea, didn’t you?
She stands up from the bed; the mattress creaks.
[MARINA]
Come.
[ASYA]
[sad] ...I’m not leaving her.
[MARINA]
It’s just until the water boils. We’ll drink it here.
[ASYA]
[bitter] I...
[MARINA]
She’ll be okay.
[ASYA]
[wtf] “Okay”? How can you...
[bitter] (cont'd) She’s already...
[sadaway] (cont'd) I...
Ira...
Without thinking, I reach my hand towards the figure slouched over the table.
[MARINA]
Come on.
Marina stops it, gently.
[MARINA]
Come with me.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
4 seconds [marinakitchen]
2 seconds I can still hear the clicking from the kitchen.
Marina sets the kettle. She casually moves between the counters and the stove.
If I were a slightly better person, I’d get angry.
I’m trying to, but I keep failing.
Maybe it’s because it’s Marina. Or maybe it’s because I’m not as shocked as I should be.
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
Which tea do you prefer?
[ASYA]
[bitter] I don’t care.
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Great. ‘Cause we only have one.
It’s regular black tea. She prepares three cups.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
[MARINA]
You know... A couple years ago, I wasn’t like that.
[ASYA]
[um] ...Garin told me.
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Huh? What do you mean?
[ASYA]
[um] He said you were like Ira.
[mhmbub] [MARINA]
Ack! That gasbag. Well, there goes my cool reveal.
[mhsigh] [ASYA]
[neutral] It’s okay. I already knew.
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Eh? Since when?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Since I heard you two talking. Behind the
school.
[MARINA]
Oh... Hey, so you heard everything, you freakin’ liar.
[ASYA]
[hmm] He said the same thing.
[mhehh] [MARINA]
Yuck, seriously?
[ASYA]
[calm] But Marina, you... You recovered, right?
[mhdepressed] [MARINA]
...Well...
[mhcynical] [ASYA]
[neutral] ...?
[mhaway] [MARINA]
It’s not something you can recover from. It’s not that kind of illness.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Huh?
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
It’s kinda like hypersensitivity. Some people are hypersensitive to sound. Some are hypersensitive to light.
[MARINA]
Ira and I... We’re hypersensitive to the code.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Code?
[mhdepressed] [MARINA]
The algorithm our world is built on. All of its regularities and irregularities. That’s the code.
[ASYA]
[hmm] ...Oh.
[neutral] (cont'd) I see.
[mhyay] [MARINA]
I probably sound nuts to you, haha. This thing is pretty hard to wrap your head around.
[ASYA]
[neutral] No, I understand. I know what you’re talking
about.
[mhehh] [MARINA]
Uh... Really?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes. You mean the will of the world, right?
The sum of all its probabilities and workings.
[mhcynical] [MARINA]
I... I guess you could put it like that. It’s a set of patterns ingrained into everything in existence.
[mhaway] [mhneutral] [MARINA]
It’s not something we’re supposed to comprehend or notice. But some people still do, whether they want
to or not.
[mhsoft] [MARINA]
People like Ira and I lack the barrier that keeps our mind from acknowledging it. I guess it’s like having no skin on your soul.
[ASYA]
[troubled] “No skin on your soul”...?
Is it really that painful?
[mhaway] [MARINA]
Dunno if “painful” is the right word for it...
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
You can look inside a radio and learn about its electronics. Or you can look under a person's skin and study their internal organs.
[MARINA]
That can be interesting, but who would want to walk around with constant X-ray vision?
[ASYA]
[um] I'd rather not...
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Right? That'd be so gross!
But that's pretty much our condition.
[MARINA]
Ira and I can see the values by which everything in reality moves and operates. The numbered truths that define each individual object. That is...
[mhmbub] [MARINA]
Hey, now! Ya don’t look weirded out at all!
[MARINA]
Did Vadik also spill the beans on that one?
[ASYA]
[troubled] N-no, not at all. I just know this.
[MARINA]
You just know?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes. I understand.
[mhstern] [MARINA]
...Hm.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Is Vadim also aware of the code?
[mhsigh] [MARINA]
Shouldn't be. It’s not public knowledge.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh.
[mhneutral] [MARINA]
I only know 'cause of Lev. That’s what they study over there.
[ASYA]
[troubled] You mean in the research centre...? I thought
they worked with natural resources or something
like that...
[MARINA]
That’s the official story. It’s really the algorithm and structural dynamics.
[ASYA]
[um] ...But what’s there to study?
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Huh? Like, about the code?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes.
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Well, I’d say there’s plenty. If you can figure out the patterns everything is built on, you can basically foretell the future.
[MARINA]
Plus, if you have all of the building blocks in front of you, who's to say you can't rearrange 'em?
[MARINA]
If you find a way to modify or rewrite the values assigned to everything in existence, well...
That’s basically godhood.
[MARINA]
Who wouldn’t want that?
[ASYA]
[shock] That’s...
[sullen] (cont'd) really dumb.
[mhyay] [MARINA]
Ya think?
[ASYA]
[sullen] Well...
[um] (cont'd) No, it’s worse.
[bitter] (cont'd) It’s impudent.
[MARINA]
Oho?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] It is. I can't imagine wanting to defile
something so perfect.
It's sick and pointless.
[ASYA]
[annoyed] Even if you find a way to do so...
All your efforts will have been in vain.
[ASYA]
[sus] Any attempt to change reality will barely
scrape its surface. Any small scratch you
leave will quickly heal.
[mhcynical] [MARINA]
Ah... Hahaha, that’s exactly right! A closed system needs to maintain stability, or else it falls apart. And any foreign element will be assimilated or pushed out.
[mhyay] [mhneutral] [ASYA]
[calm] Yes, something like that.
[MARINA]
Mhm. But that's not the real issue...
[mhsoft] [MARINA]
The system's very difficult to study. Because it’s not something the human mind is built to comprehend.
[MARINA]
We shouldn't know an object can’t be separated from its algorithmic action.
[MARINA]
We shouldn't know a bird is 3223412 despair, 6233322 distortion and 2311444 denial.
[MARINA]
We’re not meant to know everything in the world is inevitable. That’s why...
[MARINA]
When you realise how everything's predetermined, how everyone including you is nothing more than value strings, you start to lose your grip.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Your grip on what?
[MARINA]
On your humanity. A person’s individuality is determined by their actions, right? But if you understand how none of your actions are really yours, will you still feel like an individual?
[ASYA]
[um] Well...
[mhcynical] [MARINA]
'Cause then you’re not a person, you're just numbers.
A tiny segment of a larger value string. Which is...
[mhsurprise] [MARINA]
Ah! The kettle.
A piercing whistle fills the room. Marina turns the gas off and it stops.
The things she’s saying aren’t entirely new to me. Though, it makes me glad I’m not the only one who views the universe that way.
I always knew it in my heart, I knew it’s the objective truth. But it’s not something that I’d ever hoped others to understand.
Still... I can’t help but be confused.
Losing your sense of humanity over it? What’s wrong with humanity being defined by a string of numbers? What’s wrong with being part of a much greater whole? What’s wrong with existing within a perfect system?
I don’t really understand it.
1 second Right. We need to return.
Now that my head is clearer... I can take everything in.
1 second [sludge] 2 seconds Clang-clink... Clink... Cling, clink...
Ira. Even when she’s in this state, I can’t tear my eyes off her.
It’s Ira. It’s Ira. She says it herself.
That makes my chest feel tight. I just want to...
[ASYA]
[sullen] Um... May I?
[MARINA]
...Sure.
I reach my hand out and brush a couple of dark strands from her face. Her hair is neither dirty, nor too matted. Looks like Marina takes good care of her.
[IRA]
...
Ira doesn’t react to my touch. Her bright blue eyes stare straight ahead, expression blank. But... they’re still bright blue.
Those are her eyes. That is her nose. Those are her lips. That is her face. That’s Ira. Ira. Ira. Ira.
My hand glides along her cheek, then limply falls. A horrible emptiness swells in me.
[tea-smile]
2 seconds The three of us sit at the table with a box of cookies, a sugar bowl, a teapot and teacups at the ready. And Ira’s empty glass. She keeps tapping it with the spoon.
Marina pours the tea.
[ASYA]
[um] You don’t take it away?
[MARINA]
What? The spoon?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Yes.
[tea-yay]
[MARINA]
Ah. It’s annoying, right?
[ASYA]
[um] N-no, that’s not what I mean...
[MARINA]
It’s okay, I get it. But you get used to it pretty quickly. It’s like the clock ticking.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
Sorry. I couldn’t take it away even if I wanted to.
[ASYA]
[um] I understand.
Marina reaches into the box, grabs a cookie and bites down on it.
[tea-yayaway]
[MARINA]
Ah, so good!
[ASYA]
[um] ...I’m glad you like it.
Clink... Cling...
[MARINA]
Next time we go to Zvezdochka, it’ll be my treat.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Next time...
[MARINA]
Mhm. We can go all together.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[MARINA]
You’ll get your soufflé... Ira, you’ll get that flowery thing. What was it called again...? Ah, whatever!
[ASYA]
[um] Marina...
[MARINA]
Hey, do you know she always takes like five spoons of sugar? Like, come on, take pity on your teeth.
She says while stirring four sugar cubes into Ira’s cup.
[MARINA]
Smoking, too... Who’s gonna kiss ya when you stink like that, huh?
...Hehe, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.
[tea-yay] [MARINA]
Aska, you know, Ira hasn’t smoked for a whole week? Just quit cold turkey. Wanna bet how long she lasts?
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Marina.
[MARINA]
Hey, don’t look at me like that! I’m all for self-improvement, alright? I’m just trying to be realistic here. You gotta do it bit by bit.
[tea-learn]
[MARINA]
Ah, I’ve bore witness to so many failed attempts, you see... Poor Lev. That guy never learns.
[ASYA]
[troubled] You think she will get better?
[tea-frown]
[MARINA]
...She has to.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[MARINA]
Heck, I managed to suppress it. You don’t plan on losing to me of all people, are ya?
[tea-yayaway] She gives Ira a light poke.
[IRA]
...
[tea-frownaway]
[MARINA]
...She still won’t be the same, you know. When she gets better. I hope you understand that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] In what way?
[MARINA]
Every way. Her perception has already been altered.
It’s not something you can simply forget.
[ASYA]
[concern] But you-
[MARINA]
I haven’t. And I’ve changed as well.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[MARINA]
I think, since then... I’ve lost something that makes me human.
[ASYA]
[concern] Huh...?
[MARINA]
That part of the brain that makes you feel things.
I guess something got broken there, haha!
[tea-yay] [ASYA]
[troubled] ...But you're...
[concern] (cont'd) You’re not emotionless!
I can see that!
[MARINA]
Hehe, I’m good, aren’t I? Faking was tough at first, but hey, I learned.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[um] (cont'd) I don’t... I told you, Marina.
You don’t have to pretend. And...
[concern] (cont'd) And I don’t
think you need to.
[tea-smile] [MARINA]
‘Course I do, don’t be silly. I don’t need any more people treating me like a freak show.
[ASYA]
[um] Well, I mean...
[troubled] (cont'd) You don’t need to fake it
with us.
[tea-frown] [MARINA]
...I don’t do it as much, you know. Not like it matters at this point. It’s not something I can simply turn off.
[ASYA]
[concern] Why not?
[MARINA]
Because I’ll forget how to do it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
1 second Marina takes a sip of her tea.
[MARINA]
Okay, it’s good now...
She lifts Ira’s teacup to her mouth, carefully angling her face.
[MARINA]
Alright, open up... Easy... Yeah, like that.
...I...
Clink-clink... Clink... Clank, clink...
I can’t watch this. I can’t watch this, I can’t watch this, I can’t watch this. I need to hold my breath, I need to steady myself. Was this how I imagined it? The liquid in my teacup twists and swirls. Is this how it’s supposed to be? The steam rises up to my eyes, clouding my vision. Is this what all of this amounts to? The tea smells nice.
There was something I was going to do... Something important. If you forgot, it probably didn’t matter, right? No, I don’t think that's right. No? Then how about this. If you forgot, it probably wasn’t real. What? That doesn’t make sense. It does. It’s like a dream. Like a dream...? Yes. Exactly like a dream.
1 second [???]
Oi.
[???]
Earth to Asya.
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
1 second [teatimecafe]
3 seconds [MARINA]
You there?
[ASYA]
[woah] A-ah...
[MARINA]
Someone’s loopy today, huh.
[ASYA]
[pout] S-sorry... I didn’t get much sleep.
[cafe2] [muyay] [MARINA]
Ooh, what were you doing up so late? Secret night out on the town, huh? Barhopping 'n all?
[iuehh] [IRA]
What barhopping? We have one pub.
[muehh] [MARINA]
That’s the part that bothers you...?
[ASYA]
[ehh] N-no, no, I was home!
[um] (cont'd) I was just, um...
[uff] (cont'd)
It’s kind of embarrassing...
[musmug] [MARINA]
Ohoho... Ya hear that, Ira?
[iucringe] [IRA]
Hear what?
[MARINA]
Hehe... Sounds like our Aska was up all night reading mommy’s romance novels.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Wha- No, I-
[iushy] [IRA]
How’s that embarrassing...
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Ira...
[IRA]
W... what...?! Don’t look at me like that.
[iutsun] [MARINA]
Aw, it’s okay, you know. You’re a young lady, after all. Nothing to be shy about, right, Asya?
[ASYA]
[surprised] Y-yeah! I think romance can be, um.
Really cute!
[iuglare] [IRA]
You...
[MARINA]
What are your favourites? Gotta be fantasy, right? Ooooh, what type of guy? Werewolf? Vampire? Ah! Maybe a charming vagabond?
[ASYA]
[hmm] A vagabond, huh... Maybe someone like...
a gracious elf...?
[muhmm] [MARINA]
Are there elf romances?
[ASYA]
[annoyed] There must be!
[musmug] [MARINA]
We need an expert opinion. Hey, Ira, are elf romances a thing?
[iucringe] [IRA]
One more word and this fork’s going in your windpipe.
[muyay] [MARINA]
Waah, scary! Asya, let’s switch places.
[ASYA]
[uff] Am I your meat shield...?
[mushock] [MARINA]
How crude! You’re like a buffer zone. You see, in world politics-
[mulearn] [iustare] [IRA]
So what were you doing yesterday, Asya?
[muehh] [MARINA]
Hey, now...
[ASYA]
[woah] Oh, actually!
[neutral] (cont'd) I was, um...
[pout] (cont'd) I was...
[um] (cont'd) writing.
[muneutral] [iuneutral] [MARINA]
Oh?
[ASYA]
[awkward] I-I just got really invested, I guess...
[musigh] [MARINA]
Bleh, seriously...? After all that setup?
[ASYA]
[pout] What setup...?
[mushock] [MARINA]
That’s not embarrassing at all! I was so hoping for something gross or crazy... Or crazy gross.
Ow! My windpipe!
[mumbub] [mushock] [iucringe] [IRA]
Shut up.
[iuneutral] [mumbub] [IRA]
So? How did it go?
[ASYA]
[pout] Ah, well...
[um] (cont'd) I finished something...
[IRA]
Something?
[ASYA]
[um] Yes...
[muyay] [MARINA]
Come on, you can’t say that and not elaborate!
[ASYA]
[pout] There’s nothing to elaborate on...
[um] (cont'd) It’s a...
[uff] (cont'd)
poem.
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Oh cool!
[iustare] [IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[uff] Yeah.
[MARINA]
Ya gonna read it?
[ASYA]
[concern] N-no way!
[muyay] [MARINA]
Booo, come ooon, I like your stuff! Don’t be greedy.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Greedy?!
[iuneutral] [IRA]
I like it, too.
[MARINA]
See?
[ASYA]
[ehh] I...
[uff] (cont'd) Guh.
[um] (cont'd) You guys are gonna think it’s weird.
[MARINA]
So what? You’re kinda weird and we like you- Ouch! Again...!?
[mushock] [iucringe] [iuflip] [IRA]
Your poetry’s cool.
[MARINA]
That’s what I’m saying!
[ASYA]
[troubled] Buh... Thank you, but, um...
[uff] (cont'd) Ah, crap. It’s
just embarrassing, okay?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Yeah, we got that much.
[IRA]
What’s the point of writing something if you won’t let anyone read it?
[ASYA]
[pout] Well, I enjoy doing it... And, um...
[muneutral] [MARINA]
Hey. You were working on it all night, right? Something must’ve really inspired you.
[ASYA]
[woah] Y-yes, that’s right! Something did...
[iuneutral] [IRA]
What was it?
[ASYA]
[neutral] It was...
It was... it was....
1 second ..........................................................
...Ah. Of course.
2 seconds [ASYA]
[blank] It was you.
[cafe3]
1 second [iusurprise] [IRA]
...Eh?
[mumbub] [MARINA]
Huh? You mean-
[ASYA]
[calm] Ira. I wrote this poem to you.
[iuneutral] [mustern] [IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[calm] That day you got angry at me. You talked to me
as if I were a stranger, and I got so scared.
[ASYA]
[calm] But I had already decided I’d write you a poem.
I just knew I had to finish it that day.
[um] (cont'd) Maybe
then you wouldn’t be so mad at me. Because you
said you liked them...
[ASYA]
[um] I’m sorry. It’s a weird thing to do
without asking.
[musoft] [MARINA]
...Hey, not at all. It’s cute.
[iustare] [IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...You think?
[MARINA]
Yeah.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[calm] (cont'd) Well... then... maybe I'll read it out,
if you don’t mind?
[muyay] [MARINA]
Go right ahead.
[IRA]
...
2 seconds Чёрный день разлился кляксой По паркету, по плите. Раззадоренная масса Мажет руки в темноте. Спички чиркают о фосфор, Дым ложится на ладонь. Выгорает запах газа И в ушах трещит огонь. Как тепло, светло и мило, Хоть на коже холодок. Это добрая картина, Хоть висит наискосок.
1 second A black day splattered On the parquet, on the tiles. The roused mass Soils its hands in darkness. Matches strike at the phosphorus, Smoke lays in my palm. The smell of gas is burning out And fire crackles in my ears. It’s so warm, bright and sweet, Even as a chill runs down my skin. It’s a wholesome painting, Even if it hangs askew.
2 seconds [teai-frown]
2 seconds [MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[teai-smile]
[MARINA]
...I’ve never heard your poetry before.
[ASYA]
[um] ...Sorry. I know it’s dumb.
[MARINA]
I dunno. It suits you.
[ASYA]
[uff] Is that good or bad...
[teai-yay]
[MARINA]
Neither, haha. It’s just you.
Bit more aggressive than what I'd expect, but hey,
I like it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Aggressive...?
[wtf] (cont'd) Ah-
[teai-huh]
[MARINA]
What?
1 second intervening script
$ persistent.teasmile_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teafrown_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teafrownaway_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teayay_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teayayaway_unlocked = True
$ persistent.tealearn_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teaifrown_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teaismile_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teaiyay_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teaihuh_unlocked = True
$ persistent.teatimecafe_unlocked = True At first I couldn’t put my finger on what bothered me.
The room was quiet. Not abnormally so – there was the soft mumble of a neighbour’s television, the ticking of the clock, the slight sound of Marina shifting in her chair.
It was silent in a very normal way. I thought so for a moment, and that’s when...
[ASYA]
[blank] Ira...
[MARINA]
Huh?
Right. The tapping stopped.
[MARINA]
...Ah!
1 second [sludge2]
2 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.sludge2_unlocked = True
I draw a sharp breath.
Ira’s eyes... Those eyes that have been staring blankly all this time... are now focused directly on me.
[IRA]
...
[ASYA]
[woah] I...
[MARINA]
Ira...!
Marina stands up so sharply that the wooden chair she was sitting on almost topples over.
Ira’s head slightly shifts – but only slightly, like a small reflexive motion. A response to a signal that’s coming from very far away.
[MARINA]
Ira! Do you hear me? Do you see us?
Marina holds her by the shoulders. Ira doesn’t react.
Ah, I can’t tear my eyes away from hers. Her eyelids flutter slightly, her pupils jitter.
She’s really trying to...
[MARINA]
H-hey! Can you speak? Ira? Blink twice for yes, blink thrice for no. Okay? Ira...?
[MARINA]
Here, look, the morse sheet! Do you see it? Can you tap something? Anything? Look-
Marina’s arms are shaking, so is her voice.
Ira’s eyes... I...
I look at Ira’s hand, the one that held the spoon. Her fingers are twitching... Such tiny movements.
If you told me I was imagining them, I would believe you. Maybe I am. It doesn’t matter.
Marina keeps speaking, almost shouting at her, trying to get through. Ira’s slender hand looks so small.
When I saw her last, there, on the playground... I felt just the same.
Ira looked so helplessly frail. I wanted to reach out.
I wanted to hug her so badly.
But I was too much of a coward.
[MARINA]
Ira... Ah, maybe... Maybe one more pill-
Marina drops to the floor and starts shuffling through all the scattered bottles.
[MARINA]
Has to be... They can’t all be empty... I remember, there was still some left, I... D-damn it...!!
I hold Ira’s hand. It’s warm. I feel her fingers lightly moving – then they stop.
I raise my eyes.
[sludge3]
2 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.sludge3_unlocked = True
!...
...Ah... She did it.
[MARINA]
Where...?! It has to- No, no... Oh! Here... Here, it has to be-
Ira is looking at me. Not looking through me, not trying to focus on some object in front of her.
She sees me. Ira sees me.
[ASYA]
[ah2] ...I...
[IRA]
...
[MARINA]
Found it!! A pill, there’s one more left! Ahaha, okay, alright... Here, I- Huh...?
[IRA]
...
Marina freezes with a pill clenched in her hand. I can’t see her expression. I’m not allowed to look away from Ira.
Because this is everything I’ve prayed for. Because Ira is looking at me, and she sees me, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
[ASYA]
[soft] ...
[yay] (cont'd) Thank you so much.
[IRA]
...
I blink.
2 seconds And when I open my eyes...
[sludge4]
1 second intervening script
$ persistent.sludge4_unlocked = True
Ira is gone.
1 second [ASYA]
[woah] Ah...
Thump!
[marinahome] I turn my head. Marina’s knees buckled. She's on the floor, wordlessly staring at the empty space where Ira used to be.
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Marina...
She lowers her head. Then the rest of her body follows.
Marina sits hunched over in the sea of pill bottles.
I watch her shudder quietly.
1 second 8 seconds [???]
Have you noticed any changes in how you perceive time or space?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No.
[???]
Are you experiencing any unusual patterns in your thoughts or dreams?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No.
[???]
Do you ever feel like you're watching yourself from outside your own body?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No.
[???]
Have you found yourself remembering things that didn’t happen to you?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No.
[???]
Have you seen anything lately that no one else seemed to notice?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No.
[???]
Are you being honest with me?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes.
[???]
...Okay. Are there any places, people, or ideas you're fixated on lately?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes.
[???]
Can you name them?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ira. Sending my message to the universe.
[???]
What message?
[ASYA]
[neutral] A love confession.
[???]
A... love confession?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes. I will confess my love to the world.
I’m very close to achieving the right
signal strength.
[???]
Signal strength? Are you using a radio?
[ASYA]
[neutral] No, I don’t need one. My will is enough.
[???]
...I see. Let’s continue, then.
[???]
Does the world around you feel balanced, or like it's trying to become balanced?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Yes.
[???]
Why do you feel that?
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[calm] (cont'd) Isn’t it obvious?
[???]
Please elaborate.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[marinakitchen] 
[lev1] 1 second I sigh. Lev pops a pill into his mouth while waiting for my answer.
[ASYA]
[calm] Ira. Everything that she’s gone though...
It’s the result of the world correcting itself.
[ASYA]
[calm] She caused a shift in my predetermined path.
Then, when she disappeared from school,
irregularities kept building up.
[ASYA]
[calm] In me, in Marina... In her own family.
And many... many other people.
[ASYA]
[calm] She caused a huge distortion in the world.
So... she had to be assimilated into the
greater stream.
[ASYA]
[um] She had to... before any more damage could
be caused.
My voice isn’t as stable as it should be.
I glance in the corner. Marina’s sitting there, expressionless.
When Lev came home, he found both of us in the bedroom. I don’t know how much time had passed by then. This questioning I’m in the middle of right now has been going on for a while.
[LEV]
...So that’s how you see it.
The way he talks is very monotone. I’m not bothered by that. Perhaps, I’m also being a little too calm.
[ASYA]
[calm] Is that wrong?
[LEV]
Not entirely.
He runs a hand through his hair, looking down at his notes.
[LEV]
You’re correct in that reality is always pursuing the status quo. But what happened to Ira is not directly related to the system rebalancing itself... Not in response to her, at least.
[ASYA]
[neutral] What do you mean?
[LEV]
It’s the unfortunate result of her condition. She's been deteriorating for some time. The process has simply accelerated as of recent.
[lev2] [LEV]
Our efforts...
He shoots a weary look at his sister.
[LEV]
We were only delaying the inevitable.
[ASYA]
[sus] Actually, I've been meaning to ask you.
This medicine, what does it do exactly?
[lev1] [LEV]
It’s a kind of downer. It dulls pattern recognition and placates emotional responses.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Emotional responses?
[LEV]
You can’t unsee what you’ve already noticed. The parts of yourself that have already degraded won’t recover.
[LEV]
But the drug will prevent you from spotting new patterns, or at least lower their prominence. It also dulls the stress you feel from observing such things.
[ASYA]
[hmm] ...Sounds rather useful.
[sus] (cont'd) Why would Ira stop
taking it, then?
[LEV]
She had her reasons. Ira believed that what she saw in the code was the truth, unpleasant as it was. Not being able to perceive that information felt like going blind.
[LEV]
There's also the emotional factor. The medicine doesn’t just dull negative feelings, it dulls all of them.
[LEV]
You can’t remove intense despair without removing intense joy or happiness. It’s a double-edged sword. You can imagine why she wouldn't want that.
[ASYA]
[um] ...Ah. But Marina, you said...
[sus] (cont'd) Marina said she
stopped feeling emotions due to her condition.
So all along, it was the drug...?
[LEV]
It’s not so simple. Marina’s psyche really did change irreversibly. Sadly, the pills have just solidified certain side-effects.
[LEV]
How much of it is one or the other... I can’t tell you.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[annoyed] (cont'd) Do you really believe it’s irreversible?
[LEV]
Nothing to suggest otherwise.
[ASYA]
[um] Hm. Well, actually...
[sus] (cont'd) Right before Ira
disappeared, she... She came back for a moment.
[LEV]
Meaning?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Her eyes, everything about her... It’s like
she managed to bring back her old self for a
second.
[ASYA]
[sus] It was Ira, the one I knew. The person.
She was looking right at me.
[lev2] [LEV]
...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...You don’t believe me?
[LEV]
It’s not that I think you’re lying... But... what you perceived might not have been the objective reality.
[lev1] [ASYA]
[troubled] Why... Why wouldn't it be?
[LEV]
I’m just making assumptions based on your answers, however... there’s a high probability you possess a similar level of code sensitivity to Marina and Ira.
[ASYA]
[concern] I... Huh?
[LEV]
But it’s a strange case. Despite everything pointing to you having high pattern awareness... you don’t seem mentally distraught.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
[lev2] [LEV]
Perhaps... your willingness to indulge in delusions has something to do with it.
[ASYA]
[wtf] D-delusions?
[lev1] [LEV]
Don’t be alarmed. It’s pretty common among those susceptible to the code. Though, whether they manifest into actual distortions varies from case to case...
[ASYA]
[wtf] I-I’m sorry, but...
[annoyed] (cont'd) you’re deciding this based
on some questionnaire...?
[LEV]
Based on your answers to the 140 questions defined by the protocol. Namely the questions relating to your childhood.
[LEV]
It’s true that faulty memory might be to blame... But there are some... inconsistencies, let’s call ‘em that.
[lev2] [ASYA]
[wtf] !... You don’t... You can’t know that. With
all due respect, sir.
[LEV]
Eh, well... We keep a record of certain incidents. So I do know a little.
[ASYA]
[concern] ...Huh?
[lev2] [mhaway] [MARINA]
Just lay off her already.
[ASYA]
[woah] !...
That’s the first time I’ve heard Marina’s voice since Ira’s merging. It’s harsh and raspy.
[MARINA]
I was there too, you know. Ira came back. I think...
[MARINA]
But it was brief. And she was unresponsive.
[lev1] [LEV]
...Interesting. You sure your own symptoms aren’t making a return?
[mhstern] [MARINA]
I’m not delusional. I tried to make it work. I can’t.
...Not to that degree.
[mhaway] [LEV]
Hm. Good.
[MARINA]
“Good”...
[lev2] [LEV]
Wait. What do you mean, “not to that degree”?
[MARINA]
...Forget it. Doesn't matter anymore.
[LEV]
...
[ASYA]
[concern] Are you talking about the book...? The one
that was displaced?
[MARINA]
...
[lev2] Marina grimaces and closes her eyes.
[MARINA]
...Maybe Ira was onto something. Maybe I should stop taking this crap.
[lev1] [LEV]
Don’t even think about it.
She scoffs in response. Lev pops another pill.
[lev2] [LEV]
What was I talking about... What was I... Ah. The return to stability... Ira doesn’t have anything to do with it.
[lev1] [ASYA]
[neutral] ...?
[LEV]
It’s the whole city. Everything is returning to null.
[ASYA]
[wtf] ...Huh?
[LEV]
Distortions caused by individual people are nothing in comparison to the ones produced by the research complex. They encompass Vorkuta-5's entire area.
[ASYA]
[sad] S-so that means...
[LEV]
The city will undergo correction. Or rather, it's being corrected as we speak.
[LEV]
The process started weeks ago, maybe even earlier - our detection tools aren't perfect, so it's hard to say.
But the local algorithms have become severely unstable.
[LEV]
You must’ve noticed.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[LEV]
We're giving it a week at most with the code's current rate of degradation. At this point, there’s nothing we can do.
[LEV]
But... we can make it easier on ourselves.
[ASYA]
[troubled] How so?
Lev moves a pill bottle towards me.
[LEV]
Everyone will eventually develop the symptoms. Your family should be prepared.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] ...
[concern] (cont'd) But why isn’t the town being evacuated?
[LEV]
It won’t change anything. It’s not about the area, it’s about the causes of distortion.
[LEV]
In one way or another, everyone here is tied to the complex. We’re all complicit.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[LEV]
Please take this medicine. It should help.
[ASYA]
[concern] I...
[um] (cont'd) Thank you.
[calm] (cont'd) But I don’t need it. These
negative effects you mention... I don’t
experience any of that.
[LEV]
You say that now, but it will get significantly worse. Even for you, it’s very likely.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I don’t mind.
[LEV]
...
[ASYA]
[hmm] The things you’re describing...
[neutral] (cont'd) It seems like
you’re really afraid of them. I understand why.
[ASYA]
[calm] But after seeing what happened to Ira...
I don’t think dissipating into the greater
world is all that bad.
[LEV]
...Then let your parents have it.
[ASYA]
[sus] The medication?
[LEV]
Yes. If you don’t want to take it, fine. But let them have that choice.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[ASYA]
[sadaway] They’re probably... already...
[LEV]
Just take it.
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...
I put the medicine into my apron pocket.
2 seconds [clock] Both siblings see me to the exit.
[ASYA]
[blank] So both of you... You knew this was coming for a while?
[MARINA]
...
Lev nods.
[ASYA]
[blank] Then if you knew this was inevitable... why did you...
Why did you try to keep Ira alive anyway?
[LEV]
...
[MARINA]
Wouldn’t you?
1 second [ASYA]
[blank] ...Yes. I would.
1 second 2 seconds 5 seconds
show snow1
show snow2 So that’s how you are. “A winding path that endlessly erases its own curves”. That's how I chose to understand you. But I was wrong, of course - it's an offensively simplistic way of thinking. I believed you were indiscriminately filing down each little imperfection... That every little bump was a slight of equal proportion. Can you imagine? I should've known you're better than that.
I really believed that my free will was an affront to you. As if my actions were worthy of your acknowledgement. So from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought so little of you. How have I not realised it before? At the end of the day, everyone’s existence is full of little insults. We're an ungrateful species - no matter how good we have it, we'll always be thinking of what-ifs. So would you really go out of your way to punish every person on the planet? Smite every conscious lifeform in the universe? Please.
All of these violations are no different from the meaningless barrage of insults I hurl at myself. It's all white noise. It's all just pinpricks. For something to rouse you... it would need to be truly unforgivable. An action... a being that's rotten to its very core. ...The research centre.
The place whose entire existence is a sin. The place that contaminates everything around it like a plague. The town, the people, the reality around... Everything is infected. Everything's impure. Really, you have no choice but to erase it. This city’s not a pinprick - it’s an open wound. Thank goodness it's healing. Thank goodness. Thank goodness...
...Ah... Sorry. Looks like I still... Selfishly, I still wish you'd wait a little longer. I still hope that you let this gash fester some more. It's a horrible thing to say. But... Please, wait out just a bit.
My words can’t reach you yet, you see. They’re close, but they’re still falling short of piercing through the atmosphere. However, my signal has gotten very strong. I feel that from now on, it will accumulate strength on its own. So please... let me look at you for a little while. Let me gather a little more love in my heart. I don't need much. Just enough for my signal to go through.
I know, it's a preposterous request. Especially after everything I’ve done... You have your full right to decline. But I promise, this is the last thing I will ever ask of you.
Please listen to my message.
12 seconds label ep3
3.9 seconds [ep2end]
5 seconds [ep3]
5 seconds 4 seconds 13 seconds intervening script
$ quick_menu = False
$ quick_menu = True “Today is a good day.” Isn’t that a silly sentence? You hear it all the time, but no one seems to realise how dumb it sounds. I guess it’s one of those common tautologies, like “close proximity” or “end result”.
It’s not that I’m irritated by it... I actually find it rather sweet. But even so, you should remember that each day is inherently good. Even if you feel a bit under the weather, it’s a good day. Even if you miss somebody really badly, it’s a good day. Even if everything around you is changing in a way you fail to understand, it’s a good day. The fleeting feelings of a human can’t change the day’s intrinsic qualities, can they?
Still, I think I’m justified in saying that today. Because I’m drawing a comparison, you see. Today is good, obviously, there’s no other way to define it. But tomorrow... Tomorrow will be even better. Tomorrow, from 10:30 to 11:00, the sun will rise. Tomorrow, at 10:30, the polar night will finally come to an end. Tomorrow, at 10:30, I will be where I need to be. I can’t wait. I can’t wait!
1 second [classroom] [CLASSMATE A]
Your friend’s not here today.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Who?
[CLASSMATE A]
Who do you think?
[ASYA]
[calm] ...
[CLASSMATE A]
Your pitbull then.
[CLASSMATE B]
Hahahaha!!
[CLASSMATE C]
Hey, that’s spot on!
...
The bright electric light above my head stopped blinding me. My eyes don’t hurt or water.
It’s white, pure artificial white – but there’s no power in it, no substance to speak of. Nothing to affect me with. It is as good as nonexistent.
[CLASSMATE A]
Yeah, you don't have a boyfriend, right, Shubina? Why's that?
[ASYA]
[calm] ...
[CLASSMATE B]
Dude, look at her. Be real.
[CLASSMATE C]
Hahaha, bro! Come on, don't say that...
[CLASSMATE B]
What, you wanna be her boyfriend? Hey, Shubina, wanna go out with Igor?
There is nothing I can be affected with. The light? No, I’m not looking at the light. There is no light to look at.
The tundra outside stretches for all eternity. But it’s not like a sphere, it’s like a corridor. An eternity with clearly defined margins. Funny how that’s possible at all.
You’re just so full of contradictions. It’s very cute.
[CLASSMATE A]
You know, that’s good. It would be pretty selfish if ya stopped doing your homework altogether, yeah?
[CLASSMATE A]
We all rely on you, you know.
[CLASSMATE B]
Yeah, you’re the best.
[CLASSMATE C]
You're so smart.
[CLASSMATE D]
What would we do without you? Haha...
[CLASSMATE A]
Hear that? The people need you, Shubina.
[CLASSMATE B]
We’ll forgive you this time. Just don’t get used to it.
The tundra is an endless corridor. This city stretches its dimensions to their limit. This means the ceiling is only as low as the city allows it to be. The sky is only as tall as the city’s tallest point.
It’s as if everything was set up for me from the start. Unlikely, but it’s nice to think about it that way.
A bird flies past the window again and again. I used to count, but now I’ve stopped.
1 second I close my eyes and feel the hard wood of the chair beneath me.
I’m Asya. Asya is my name.
1 second It only took two days... It’s been two days since I visited Marina’s apartment. The time flew by so fast, yet each hour felt like a year. I don’t know how it works. A lot of the things I’ve been pushing to the farthest corners of my mind have become harder to deny. Not that I have a reason to deny them. There’s nothing bad about people casting shadows at irregular angles. Or sounds and voices coming from the wrong direction. Or branches moving the exact same way in sync. Or memories replaying themselves differently each time. Or me doing things I’ve already done, but never noticing it in the moment – only after. It’s alright. Everything is falling into place.
1 second [school_night] The schoolyard looks okay. Still cold, still loud, with kids still shooting snowballs from the hill. Though, I’m not sure what they’re throwing them at.
[sch_street_night] The light is slightly off, it’s a little too blue. Was it always this blue? It’s a beautiful colour.
[sch_back_night] Marina and Vadim are just around the corner. They’re both smoking.
[gjneutral] 
[cdaway] [MARINA]
...
[VADIM]
...It’s you.
[ASYA]
[troubled] Marina...
[MARINA]
...
[VADIM]
She doesn’t talk.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I see.
[MARINA]
...
[ASYA]
[calm] How is your family?
[gjsad] [VADIM]
...
...What a pitiful face. I unbutton my coat and pull the small bottle out of my apron.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Here.
[gjdoubt] [VADIM]
Huh?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Mom refused to take it.
[VADIM]
Then force her.
[ASYA]
[calm] I can’t.
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
...What about you?
[ASYA]
[calm] I don’t want them.
[VADIM]
...
Vadim takes the medicine from my hand. He dry swallows two pills right away.
[VADIM]
Marina. Hey.
He taps her shoulder. She looks at him, dazed.
[VADIM]
See this? Okay...
He takes a cigarette out of her mouth and passes it to me.
[ASYA]
[troubled] I don’t smoke.
[VADIM]
Just hold it.
He tries to open Marina’s mouth a bit wider to slip the pill in. For a moment, it seems like she won’t resist.
[VADIM]
Say aaah-
[cdstern] She shakes her head and slaps Vadim’s hand away. He smiles faintly.
[gjsmile] [cdaway] [VADIM]
...
My eyes sting. I give the cigarette back to him.
[ASYA]
[sadaway] I’m sorry...
[cddepressed] [MARINA]
...
[gjneutral] [VADIM]
!...
I hug her, and she hugs me back. Her hand reaches up and pats my hair.
There’s nothing to that gesture. It’s like she moves on autopilot. That’s okay... That’s okay...
5 seconds [tvroom] 3 seconds The television is still on. I hear its quiet murmur from the living room.
It was on in the morning, too. It was on yesterday.
When was the last time it was off?
I stand still by the glazed door. The matted glass makes it impossible to make anything out.
All I can see... All I can see is the bright glow of the TV framing my father’s shadow.
I don’t want to open the door.
I’m not going to open the door.
But... it’s already half-ajar.
Mom isn’t anywhere else in the flat. She must be in there. Yesterday she kept asking me where dad was, again and again... I didn’t tell her.
But her sheets were all over the floor when I came back. As if she crawled out of bed, then made her way towards the noise. Towards the living room...
[ASYA]
[troubled] ...Mom?
................
[ASYA]
[concern] Mom!
..................................
[ASYA]
[sadaway] M... Mom...
.......................................................
.......................................................
[ASYA]
[sad] ...
I should come in. I should come in and talk to her.
To them. My hand reaches towards the handle.
The TV... What’s that program? I don’t think I recognise the sound of it.
It seems familiar, like a regular news broadcast.
But I... I can’t understand a single word. I...
Slam!
I close the door. I can still hear it, faintly.
It’s okay. My breath is a little uneven. Why? It’s okay.
Sunrise is tomorrow. Right? Right. I’m Asya.
Tomorrow is the best day of my life. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
5 seconds My eyes snap open. What’s the hour?
I turn on the lamp.
[asyaroomnight] 2 seconds ...Ah, okay.
I wound up my alarm clock before bed, but that turned out to be unnecessary. In the end, I didn’t get a wink of sleep. My heart wouldn’t stop beating out of my chest, and my head buzzed like crazy... Ugh, what a mess.
It was like that the night before the school trip, too. It’s really inconvenient...
Oh well. I feel much calmer now. I wonder why...
It's day X after all.
Maybe it's a kind of acceptance? Yeah, I suppose... Whatever happens, happens.
[asyakitchen] It’s a dim winter morning. I sit in the kitchen, waiting for the tea to brew.
I’ve already ripped the top sheet off the calendar. December 28th. Just three days before New Year's...
[ASYA]
[calm] ...
Three days. I totally forgot to get a present for my parents. There’s been so much stuff going on, it really slipped my mind...
Bleh, I’m just making excuses. Not that it matters now, but... Ah!
I stand up. Suddenly, I feel inclined to do something I really shouldn’t.
I know it’s bad. But if I don’t check for it now, then... it’ll be very sad, I think.
I grab a stool and drag it out to the big wardrobe in the hallway. I found the spot by accident while looking for something a couple years ago.
Up on the highest shelf, behind the shoeboxes... is where they hide my birthday presents. And the ones for New Year's, I assume.
I’ve never checked the place after discovering it. Even though I was really curious sometimes, I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. But this time...
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah!
I see it! A colourful wrapper...!
For a second, I hesitate. This is it. This is my New Year’s gift. Aaagh, it feels so wrong looking at it early!! But, but, but-
My hand reaches out and grabs the package. I giddily climb down from the stool. To my room, to my room...
[asyaroomnight] I don’t want to tear the wrapping paper, so it takes a few minutes to open. Whatever is inside feels soft...
No, not really... Is it...
...!
Oh. Oh, I see. Haha, it’s both hard and soft. Two whole presents... Wow.
First is a hardcover journal. I peek inside.
Woah, woah... The paper is so good-quality...! It even has a little introduction page for me to write my name on...
Man, I really feel like writing something now! This is so cool...!!
Huh? The first page...
The one right after the introduction... It's missing.
I didn't notice it at first, but upon closer look, it definitely seems like someone tore it out. But why...? Hm...
The other part of the present... I hold a pair of mittens in my hands. They’re a soft cream colour, with a neat red pattern on the cuff.
I put them on. They’re really warm...
I pat my face with them. Hehe.
...I stare down at the presents I’ve opened too early.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
I...
I should write something in the journal. But I don’t...
I don’t have the time.
I can’t come up with a poem this quickly, and...
And it takes me a while to draw anything good. Not that I’m all that good at drawing in the first place...
Ah, what do I do...? What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? I need to finish my tea, I need to go soon-
Damn it, anything!! Anything will do!
I can’t leave the journal blank! Mom wanted me to write in it, she wanted me to have it, she bought it, she wrapped it into pretty paper, she hoped I liked it.
I like it! I really really like it!!
I’m gonna use it, I’m gonna write in it for as long as I can. I’m gonna write about how much I like it. And I’ll write about how cool the hardcover is and how smooth the paper feels.
And I’ll write about how soft and pretty the mittens are. I thought she gave up knitting a long time ago... Well, maybe I just didn’t notice, didn’t care to ask. That’s probably the case. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I never talked to you as much as I should have. Have we ever talked? We have, right? I’m not sure.
I’ll apologise to you again and again. I’ll write two pages of apologies, no, three.
And I’ll write about how grateful I am to you. I’ll thank you many times, there has to be at least as many thank yous as there are sorrys.
I still need to write more. That’s okay, I’ve got more to say. I’ll write how much I love you, too. That’s gonna be a lot.
It's gotta be... I...
I’ll list everything that I love about you. It’ll be a little difficult at first, as embarrassing as that is to admit. But I'll try... I'll really try!
I love your cooking. Well, to be perfectly honest, I never liked the meals too much, but watching you cook always felt so nice.
And I love when you talk about something with a smile.
I can't remember the last time that happened. But I know it did, and it made me happy.
I love how pretty you are, especially when you put on that dress. You know, the flowery one?
And I love how you ask me about my day. And what I would like from the store.
And I... I love it when you...
My face is red from how hard I'm thinking. My head's starting to hurt.
Why is it so hard to come up with this stuff? Isn't it wrong? Shouldn't these things come naturally? Doesn't that make me a terrible child...?
It's like there is this border in my mind I just can't cross. All I can reach is the most surface-level observations.
As if everything beyond my immediate surroundings is swallowed up by an impenetrable darkness. It's like my memories are...
Ah. That's right. Of course, that would make sense.
I look down at the notebook. Despite my reservations, I've managed to exhaust a good dozen pages.
Skimming them now, my grammar isn't very good. It was never that bad, was it...? Perhaps it’s time I stopped.
My hand feels sore. I shake my wrist and glance up at the clock.
...Crap. I really need to go.
Ah, but it did feel so nice to write here. This really is a wonderful present.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
I love you.
Signed... signed... um...
1 second Asya. Signed, Asya. My name is Asya.
I close the book and grab the mittens I’ve left on the bed. They’re really lovely, too. Of course I’ll wear them.
I gotta get dressed... The tea must be cold by now, but that’s for the best – I’ll just down it quickly.
Then I’ll brush my teeth, brush my hair, make myself look decent, and then... Then I’ll be on my way.
1 second Luckily, it doesn’t take long. I slip into my valenki and take a last look down the hallway.
The door to the living-room is still closed. There are no shadows on the other side. Just quiet static. I think that’s okay.
[ASYA]
[smile] Goodbye, everyone.
I leave my apartment. The door closes itself behind me.
5 seconds [skydark] 1 second Everything is so quiet. It’s still pretty early, I suppose... It’s Sunday, too.
I went to school yesterday, which means it’s Sunday. People don't get up early on the weekend. So that's why there aren't any.
That's a good explanation. Even if it's wrong.
Even if I know why nobody's around.
...It's really true.
The wound is closing.
Soon, the world will heal.
[streetlight] The sky is a lovely muted indigo. I wish the street lamps weren’t on so that I could see it a little better.
The sun will have already come up by the time they're off. A pity, but...
There is also a lot of charm to how these streets look at this time of day. Especially with all of the New Year's decorations.
It’s just that I seem to have grown a little tired of the dark. Don’t worry, it’s only a little.
I like how the yellow lights contrast with the blue.
I like how snowflakes flicker under burning beams. I like how snow mounds shimmer when they're just outside the rings of light.
Actually... I want to get a better view.
Can I really do this? I don't see why not...
[street2night] I look both ways, more out of habit than genuine caution. It’s not like we had tons of cars driving through here before. Did we...?
I mean, everything’s pretty close. So the cars driving past were mostly outsiders coming in and out the city.
We didn’t get too many of those, I believe.
That’s how it should’ve been, logically speaking...
I bet that’s how it was.
I’m sorry, my head has been getting pretty foggy. Please, bear with me.
I quickly walk into the middle of the road.
1 second Asya.
I’m Asya.
My name is Asya.
Right. The street... I’ve walked here all my life, but it looks so much broader now. I like this angle. It feels fresh.
Walking down the road like that... No, I don’t want to walk. It’s childish, but my body feels like running.
I’ve never flown in an airplane, but I’ve seen this on TV. They have these long tracks lined with guiding lights. Just like the street ahead, with street lamps on each side.
It’s pretty close, right? And just like a plane, I’m going to ascend above the clouds! Up to the stratosphere – and beyond!
This is my landing strip! I’ll spread my wings, I’ll rev my engine... and take ooooooffffffff!!!!
[???]
Phahaha, what are you doing?
[ASYA]
[ehh] A-ah?!
Poof!
I stumble and collapse into the snow.
What? What? What?
I shuffle to get back up, to see the person who just spoke to me. That voice, that laugh, it can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be-
image tosyacg
[tosyablur]
1 second [tosya]
show tosyacg 3 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.tosya_unlocked = True
[???]
Watch where you’re stepping, will ya?
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah... A...
[surprised] (cont'd) T-Tosya!!
My body moves on its own.
[TOSYA]
Woah there!
I fling my arms around her. She laughs and spins me around.
[ASYA]
[yay] Tosya!! Tosya, you’re...! Ah, I- Hahaha,
I missed you so much!!!
[TOSYA]
Hahaha, been a while, hasn’t it?
I can’t stop giggling, it’s hard to speak at all. Tosya is laughing, too.
[street2night] We settle down to catch our breaths.
[ASYA]
[surprised] I... I’m so happy you’re here!! I-I really
thought... I thought I’d never see you again!
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Hehe, right back at ya!
Man, look at you now, though. All grown up!
[ASYA]
[yay] Pha... You’ve also changed a bit.
[smile] (cont'd)
Your voice is different.
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Huh?! Really?
[ASYA]
[smile] Yes!
[TOSYA]
Woah... That's bonkers, I didn't notice at all.
[ASYA]
[yay] You still say that?
[touf] [TOSYA]
What? “Bonkers”? Ya got a problem with “bonkers”?
[ASYA]
[yay] I don’t, I don’t...
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Thought so.
Tosya... I can’t believe it.
It’s been three whole years. But it's also like no time has passed at all. She looks a little older, but her personality is just as I remembered it.
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
So? Where are you heading?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Oh! I’m going to the research centre.
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Huh? Why?
[ASYA]
[calm] I have something I need to do. It’s important.
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Woah, so serious!
[ASYA]
[yay] Hehe, yeah.
[tuff] [TOSYA]
You’re not gonna tell me what it is, are ya?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Why, it's... It’s not really a secret.
[neutral] (cont'd) I’m
going to send a message to the world.
[touf] [TOSYA]
A message...? Like, “love and peace”?
[ASYA]
[smile] Kind of.
[TOSYA]
Man... We meet at last and you decide to act all cryptic? Gimme a break.
[ASYA]
[yay] Haha, sorry.
[smile] (cont'd) But you can tag along if you
want. See everything for yourself.
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Why not just tell me... Bleh. Sure. Not like I have a choice.
[tuff] 
[tneutral] [ASYA]
[yay] Yay!
1 second [streetnightedit] We walk down the empty road, chatting just like we did when we were children. I’m so happy.
I just really couldn’t...
I couldn’t imagine ever seeing her again.
Talking to her. Hearing her voice. Tosya...
My memory of her seemed so spotty at times, but I’m glad I was right. I remembered her right.
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
How’ve ya been anyways?
[ASYA]
[yay] Good!
[smile] (cont'd) I still write and... and walk around.
And I’ve met a lot of nice people.
[TOSYA]
Yeah? Like who?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Ah, where do I start...
[neutral] (cont'd) First there were the
guys at school. For a while I didn’t have any
friends, well, after you left...
But then they started talking to me.
[ASYA]
[neutral] And, um.
[smile] (cont'd) They joke with me every day.
[um] (cont'd)
There’s this boy, V...
[neutral] (cont'd) Vitya...
We talk with him sometimes.
[ASYA]
[neutral] He, um.
[smile] (cont'd) Last week he bought me soda!
[TOSYA]
...Yeah?
[ASYA]
[smile] Mhm. Then there’s Maria.
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Haha, Maria? You call her by her full name?
[ASYA]
[woah] Ah-
[awkward] (cont'd) No, not really, haha.
[hmm] (cont'd) It just sounded
natural for some reason...
[ASYA]
[smile] She’s very popular! But she still finds time
to talk to me. And we hang out a lot.
And she brought magazines to read with me!
[ASYA]
[yay] Oh, and we went to the cinema the other day.
[smile] (cont'd)
There was a Hollywood film showing.
[twoah] [TOSYA]
Woah! Sounds fun. What was the name?
[twoah] [ASYA]
[smile] It was, uh...
[hmm] (cont'd) um... It was about a star...
[um] (cont'd)
and... uh...
My mind scrambles for anything, even the vaguest memory of what the movie was. But it’s like looking through the glass pane of our living-room - nothing but blurry shapes and muttering I can’t decipher.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...You okay?
[ASYA]
[concern] Ah?
[awkward] (cont'd) Y-yes, I’m fine.
[pout] (cont'd) Sorry, there’s been
a lot on my mind.
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Sure looks like it. But hey, you’re a real socialite now, huh? Who woulda thought!
[thehe] [ASYA]
[awkward] Ah, no, it’s nothing like that...
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
I mean, compared to how it used to be. I’m glad to hear it, really.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I-I guess...
[smile] (cont'd) Thank you.
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Sigh, maybe I shouldn’t have come back at aaaall...
[ASYA]
[ehh] N-no! What are you saying, Tosya, of course
I’m-
[thehe] [TOSYA]
I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Geez, you’re so easy to tease.
She ruffles my hair.
[ASYA]
[pout] Buh. You’re mean.
[TOSYA]
Yeah, yeah. Speaking of... The other kids aren’t picking on you, are they?
[tstare] [ASYA]
[ehh] P-picking?! No, of course not!
[TOSYA]
Ya sure? If I wanted to bully someone, you’d be top of the list.
[tyay] [ASYA]
[pout] N-no! Seriously...
[neutral] (cont'd) The boys can get a little
carried away with their games, but...
[smile] (cont'd)
But my friend never lets it go too far!
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Your friend? You mean Masha?
[ASYA]
[smile] No, not her. Another girl. Her name is Ira.
[TOSYA]
Oh?
[ASYA]
[smile] She’s...
[yay] (cont'd) Ira’s really cool. She’s amazing.
[smile] (cont'd)
She can come across as a little unfriendly
at first... and the way she talks is sort of
rough.
[ASYA]
[yay] But she’s a very kind person! And...
[smile] (cont'd) Um.
Now that I think about it, you two are
pretty alike...
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Ahaha, well, if ya say so.
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Wait, are you saying I talk like a brute?!
[ASYA]
[smile] I didn’t say that. I said, “sort of rough”.
[touf] [TOSYA]
And I’m supposed to be the mean one...
[ASYA]
[yay] Hehe. It’s not bad, though.
[smile] (cont'd) I like that about
you two.
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Uh-huh. Ever heard the words “backhanded compliment”?
[ASYA]
[pout] No, really! I’m a little jealous. I wish I
could talk like that sometimes...
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...You know...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Hm?
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
...Nah, nevermind.
[ASYA]
[ehh] H-hey... You can’t do that! Spit it out!
[touf] [TOSYA]
I said it’s nothing! Forget about it.
[ASYA]
[pout] Come ooooooon. Tosya, please... For old
times’ sake...
[tshock] [TOSYA]
Agh, don't make those eyes at me! Seriously... It’s gonna sound bad.
[tehh] [ASYA]
[smile] It’s okay! You often say bad-sounding things.
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Guh, you- Fair enough. Alright, well... Ugh, it’s stupid.
[tuff] [tbuu] She scratches her head and looks away.
Yeah. Tosya is just as she’s supposed to be.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
You’re kind of a wuss.
[ASYA]
[uff] ...
Can’t argue with that.
[TOSYA]
So when I was away, I kept thinking... “Man, she’s probably having a real tough time over there. Those bastards better not touch her, or else...”
[tuff] [TOSYA]
And then nothing followed. No “else”. Because there was nothing I could do.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
I was so freaking mad. But... seeing you now, I’m calmer.
[tneutral] [ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
You smile a lot more than before.
[ASYA]
[woah] Really?
She nods.
[tyay] [TOSYA]
If those friends of yours are as great as you say they are... I guess I don’t need to worry anymore!
[ASYA]
[pout] Tosya...
[tshock] [TOSYA]
Agh, don’t say anything! I knew it’d come out lame!
[ASYA]
[ehh] It’s not lame at all! I mean...
[concern] (cont'd) Your worries,
they... I really was sad when you left.
[touf] [ASYA]
[um] I don’t remember it very well, but... There’s
this pain in my chest whenever I think back to
that time. I think that for a long while...
it was very hard for me.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...
[ASYA]
[neutral] But then... little by little, I learned to
be better. Because I realised something very
important.
[ASYA]
[calm] That pain I felt when you left wouldn’t go
away by itself. It was my job to mend it.
[ASYA]
[calm] So that emptiness I felt...
[smile] (cont'd)
I decided to fill it with wonderful things!
[TOSYA]
Wonderful things?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Mhm. Anything nice would do. A tasty meal.
A warm blanket. A lovely book.
[ASYA]
[um] ...
[yay] (cont'd) Ah, but I was pretty bad at it when
I just started.
[TOSYA]
How so?
[ASYA]
[hmm] Eh... I guess I was...
[neutral] (cont'd) picky, really.
[ASYA]
[neutral] I kept thinking, “Is this thing good enough
to qualify? There’s nothing special about it.
It’s not beautiful enough. It’s not sweet enough.
There’s nothing wonderful about it at all.”
[ASYA]
[neutral] Nonsense like that.
[calm] (cont'd)
But if I kept thinking that way...
[ASYA]
[calm] That hole inside me would never get filled.
Then I would never have enough.
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
...So you lowered your standards.
[ASYA]
[hmm] I wouldn’t put it that way. I think...
[sus] (cont'd)
I became more aware of myself.
[ASYA]
[sus] I thought about my place in the world.
I thought about what really counts as
“wonderful”.
[ASYA]
[sus] When you think “wonderful”...
What does that word mean to you?
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Huh? Well... Wonderful is wonderful. Something great, or like... extraordinarily good.
[touf] [ASYA]
[sus] Right. See, “extraordinarily”.
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Er... And?
[ASYA]
[sus] For something to be considered “extraordinary”,
there needs to be an “ordinary” thing to
serve as the base of comparison. Right?
[TOSYA]
Uh... Yeah, I guess.
[ASYA]
[sus] That empty space, the one that I wanted to
fill so badly... It was still part of me.
So I came to realise...
[ASYA]
[calm] Me, my mind and body – those are my baselines.
I am the world’s measuring standard.
[ASYA]
[serene] And when I worded that thought to myself,
it was like my eyes finally opened.
Everything suddenly became so clear.
Everything in the world...
[ASYA]
[serene] It all became worthwhile. It all became
“extraordinary”. It became wonderful.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...
I used to live under the impression that I had the right to judge everything by some universal quantifier.
It’s true, there is a median value to everything – that perfect straight line that the whole world balances around.
But what I failed to realise was that this median value, this idea of “average”... It was so far above me, so unreachably high, that the idea of me labelling anything as unremarkable became laughably brazen.
[ASYA]
[smile] I still had some trouble, but... filling
that emptiness became easier. So much easier!
I didn’t have to pick and choose anymore! So...
[ASYA]
[yay] Please, don’t worry about me anymore. To me,
each day is brimming with wonderful things.
[TOSYA]
...So have you filled it? That hole in your chest.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[troubled] (cont'd) It’s...
[um] (cont'd) I... I don’t need to do that anymore.
[smile] (cont'd)
Because you’re back. I have you here now...
And I have my friends, too.
[TOSYA]
...Ha. So I’m not in the “friend” category anymore?
[tneutral] [ASYA]
[ehh] Ah! N-no, that’s not what I meant...
[tyay] [TOSYA]
I'm teasing, dummy. You still take everything to heart, huh.
[ASYA]
[pout] You... You just don't let up!
[thehe] [TOSYA]
Hey, gotta make up for all the lost time. Anyways...
[tneutral] [tstare] [TOSYA]
Asya. Listen, the stuff you said...
Tosya sighs. She looks like she’s about to say something I’d rather not hear. Sorry, but I don’t need this right now.
[ASYA]
[surprised] Ah, look! The complex!
[nii] I run towards the entrance.
[TOSYA]
W-wait-
For a second, I hesitate. What am I going to say once I enter? They’ll stare at me expectantly and I’ll probably blurt out something weird.
I’ll make a total fool of myself.
Then I’ll...
No, enough. That kind of thinking... That’s just a force of habit. I know none of this will happen. Because...
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Huff... Huff... Easy there, geez!
Tosya looks over the door and the building’s title plate.
[touf] [TOSYA]
So... You’re just gonna waltz into the place?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Well... I’ll give it a shot.
[TOSYA]
The windows are all dark...
Click!
[twoah] [TOSYA]
Oh!
[ASYA]
[ah] ...It’s open.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...
4 seconds 1 second It takes my eyes a couple seconds to get used to the darkness.
The hall... I haven’t been here in so long. It doesn’t exactly feel familiar.
[TOSYA]
You think there’s a lightswitch somewhere here?
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...Yeah, let’s look.
[TOSYA]
Found it!
[niihall]
[ASYA]
[kya] Wah!
The room suddenly fills with light.
[ASYA]
[uff] Ow...
[ehh] (cont'd) T-Tosya...! Please give a warning
next time!
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
Oops, sorry.
Ugh... I blink to adjust my vision. Right. I don’t recognise this place at all.
I say it’s been a long while, but... it’s only been three years. Everything from that time is still so hazy.
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Well? Where to?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Um... The top floor. So up the staircase.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
Hm. Alright. How 'bout grabbing a flashlight, then?
I don’t wanna search for switches every time we climb a floor.
[ASYA]
[neutral] Sure, but... Where would you get it from?
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
The janitor should have one.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Hm. I suppose...
The empty janitor booth by the entrance is open as well. Tosya marches in and begins shamelessly rummaging through the drawers.
I skim the key rack. I’ll probably need one to get to the roof... But for some reason, I have this certainty that it won’t be necessary.
All the doors in this building are unlocked – I know this for a fact, but if you asked me why, I wouldn’t have a satisfying answer.
[touf] [TOSYA]
Hm... Not here... Not here... Oh-
[tshock] [TOSYA]
Oooh! Holy crap, check this out!
She pulls out an outdated calendar.
Ah... Every month has a bikini model to go along with it.
[ASYA]
[uff] That’s... great.
[tyay] [TOSYA]
It’s foreign, too! Is that, uh... Lithuanian?
[ASYA]
[troubled] I’m not sure...
[thehe] [TOSYA]
Hehe, looks like Mr. Janitor knew how to keep himself busy.
[ASYA]
[uff] Tosya, we don’t have that much time...
[TOSYA]
Yeah, yeah, I hear ya.
Soon enough, she fishes out a flashlight from a box under the desk. Now we’re as prepared as we’ll ever be.
[stairs2]
Our footsteps echo through the empty building. The first floor is still bright, but crossing into the second feels like diving into a pitch black pool.
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Ugh.
After a bit of fiddling, Tosya shines the flashlight into the void ahead.
The beam illuminates a statue by the wall. It’s thin and wiry, but the shadow cast has a rather intimidating shape.
[TOSYA]
...
[ASYA]
[neutral] Are you scared?
[tshock] [TOSYA]
M-me? No! I just... don’t like this place.
[touf] [ASYA]
[neutral] Hm... I think it’s interesting.
[tehh] [TOSYA]
There's nothin' interesting about it. It's just a big ol' garbage bin.
[ASYA]
[neutral] That’s harsh.
[tuff] [TOSYA]
That's too soft. Honestly, I know you’re kinda... like that. But shouldn’t you of all people be a tad more critical?
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh...? Why?
[tshock] [TOSYA]
They’re the reason we got split up in the first place! Doesn’t that make you mad at all?
[ASYA]
[um] ...I suppose, but...
[troubled] (cont'd) I just don’t remember it
all too well.
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Ah. I see.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I’m sorry.
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’m just a bit surprised, considering...
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
Well, whatever. Maybe it’s for the best.
[ASYA]
[um] Sorry...
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Apologise again and I’ll kick you.
[ASYA]
[ehh] Wah!
We keep going up, and up, and up. The sky outside the windows is starting to brighten, but it’s still too dark to walk without a flashlight. I think I’d be really creeped out if Tosya weren’t here with me. Then again, maybe not. There’s nobody left to harm me, after all. If I’ve made it this far, it means the universe has willed it. And if the universe has willed it, then I’m following a predetermined path. There’s no point in fearing a fate that’s predetermined.
I shouldn’t be scared. I shouldn’t be worried at all. But I watch the halo slide along the stairs, and walls, and railings, and I keep thinking of that scene from a cartoon, a really popular cartoon I can’t recall the name of. The episode when they are stuck in a dark cargo hold, and the bunny makes scary shadow puppets appear in the flashlight. It got me so spooked as a kid... Of course, I’m not afraid of things like that anymore. It’s just a vague memory that keeps rattling around in my head like a coin in the washer. A little irritating, but it’s not worth dwelling on. Which reminds me...
[stairs]
[ASYA]
[troubled] Um... I know it’s probably unpleasant for
you, but...
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Yeah?
[ASYA]
[troubled] Do you remember why you had to leave?
[tehh] [TOSYA]
Ugh, that.
[ASYA]
[concern] Y-you don’t have to if it makes you feel bad!
[tstare] [TOSYA]
Pissed is what it makes me. I don’t remember what they called it exactly... Some scientific mumbo-jumbo.
Osmotic distortion this, osmotic distortion that.
[TOSYA]
I guess the fact that I exist didn’t sit well with them.
[ASYA]
[concern] W-what? That’s terrible...
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Man, it just really got on my nerves. You were all up in arms about it, too.
[ASYA]
[um] I... I can imagine.
[sadaway] (cont'd) Sorry... Seems like I
couldn’t do anything in the end.
[tuff] [TOSYA]
You did everything you could. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised they let you go after all that.
[ASYA]
[troubled] What do you mean?
[tstare] [TOSYA]
Your ability.
[ASYA]
[woah] Eh?
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
You know, willing things into existence.
[ASYA]
[wtf] !...
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
H-hey, don't quote me on that. okay? I'm oversimplifying, and, uh...
[TOSYA]
It was all pretty complicated, ya know. Not like all your wishes came true or whatever.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
But essentially... they said you had the potential to cause big distortions.
!...
Big distortions... That...
[ASYA]
[shock] That’s...
I hold my head. Right. Right, that does sound about right. Something like that... I’ve heard something like that before.
Three years ago? No, not just then. Long after, I’ve heard very similar words. I’ve known someone who said... Someone who wanted to create a distortion, but failed.
Because... because...
[ASYA]
[shock] And they said you were one of them?
[TOSYA]
Distortions? Pretty much. I think I tipped off some sort of radar.
[ASYA]
[wtf] I... see...
...That rings a bell. A bell I can just barely hear.
An office. Wires. Someone talking to me in a friendly voice. Ah...
It’s all so... dark. It’s impenetrable. I feel as if I’m trying to illuminate a ballroom with a matchstick.
Damn it...
[tstare] [TOSYA]
Do you remember anything after?
[ASYA]
[troubled] After you left?
[TOSYA]
Yeah. Aside from the stuff you already told me.
[ASYA]
[um] Well... I...
I furrow my brows. After Tosya left... After she left... What happened right after she left? All I recall is...
All I can remember is the feeling of deep despair.
[TOSYA]
...Geez, it’s fine. You look like you’re gonna pop a vein.
[thehe] [ASYA]
[troubled] I’m...
[um] (cont'd) Sorry, it’s just really hard. I feel
like I’m... I’m just about to grasp it, but it
slips away.
[ASYA]
[sullen] It slips into this awful feeling...
[sullen2] (cont'd)
like I’ve lost all hope.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...Ah, well... Who cares if you don’t remember the details? I’m here now, yeah?
[tneutral] [ASYA]
[woah] Y-yeah! I’m...
[ah2] (cont'd) I’m really...
[yay] (cont'd) I’m really happy
about that!
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Hehe, I got that the first time.
1 second [TOSYA]
Oh! Look.
[mural]
1 second [ASYA]
[woah] Ah- That mural! I...
[surprised] (cont'd) I remember it!
[thehe] [TOSYA]
Ha. So that head of yours ain’t completely empty.
[ASYA]
[pout] Buh. It’s not like I forgot stuff on purpose...
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Can never be too sure with you.
[ASYA]
[uff] Now you’re just being mean.
[TOSYA]
Sorry, sorry.
I approach the wall, my fingers trace the ridges of the mosaic. It’s so cold... I feel like I’m repeating movements.
My eyes are drawn to the large window panes just to the right. Ah, it’s already...
A light pink glow emanates from the far-off mountain ridge. So we don’t need a flashlight anymore. Tosya plops into the armchair, switching it off.
[ASYA]
[um] ...I think I know why they let me go.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
Yeah? Why?
[ASYA]
[calm] Because I wasn't special.
[ASYA]
[um] I can’t tell you exactly how I know, but...
I think everyone is able to do it.
To create these irregularities.
[TOSYA]
That so?
[ASYA]
[um] It's just a feeling I have... My memory is
spotty, after all.
But I figure it works like this.
[ASYA]
[calm] Distortions grow with belief.
So the more people are involved, the easier
they are to stabilise.
[ASYA]
[hmm] Maybe some people just don't need as much
outsider help to make them stick?
Some even cause them unintentionally...
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
Like you?
[ASYA]
[awkward] A-aha... Probably, yes...
[um] (cont'd)
If my ability is what you say it is.
[ASYA]
[calm] But it exists in every living being.
Most just don't realise it for some reason.
[TOSYA]
Hm... Well then, it better stay that way.
[tyay] [ASYA]
[troubled] You think so?
[TOSYA]
Yep. Or else you get this.
[tbuu] She gestures around the hall.
[ASYA]
[um] The complex...
[TOSYA]
The complex. The people. The whole freaking city. Everything just gets twisted.
[tstare] [TOSYA]
There are things in the world not meant for humans.
Most have that mental barrier for a reason.
[ASYA]
[um] But...
[troubled] (cont'd) What about you? You probably...
wouldn’t exist if it weren't for this.
[tmbub] [TOSYA]
What are you talking about? ‘Course I would. You’d just call me by another name.
[tneutral] [ASYA]
[ah] Huh?
[tsonic] [TOSYA]
I mean, I’d still be Tosya. You simply wouldn’t label me as a “distortion”.
[ASYA]
[concern] I-I’d never call you something like that!
[tbuu] [TOSYA]
Well, that’s just the scientific term. Deny it all you want, that’s how the world defines me.
[ASYA]
[ehh] I... I don’t care about that!! You’re a friend
to me! You always will be.
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Haha, sure. That’s nice of ya. But that’s not what I’m getting at.
[tneutral] [touf] [TOSYA]
To be frank, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the whole “distortion” label. I just hate being grouped in with the stuff they’re doing here!
[ASYA]
[pout] Huh?
[tstare] [TOSYA]
The distortions produced by this place are nothing like me. They're too calculated. Too institutional.
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
But I was born from a wish made in earnest. If both of us had never known these rules, what the world deems as balanced or unbalanced... I'd still exist.
[TOSYA]
You'd just call me a miracle.
[ASYA]
[neutral] ...
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Ahaha, ew! Forget I put it like that, okay?
[ASYA]
[pout] I-I don’t think there's anything wrong
with that...
[um] (cont'd) But...
[ASYA]
[um] Did I ever tell you about it? About the world
always rebalancing itself?
[ASYA]
[um] I know this, but...
[troubled] (cont'd)
How do you...?
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...What they’re doing here is a crime. Not just against the stability of the universe or whatever... I couldn’t care less about that.
[TOSYA]
It’s an insult to everyone’s hopes and prayers.
Because whatever change they’re trying to enact comes from a mandate, not the heart.
[TOSYA]
This great distortion, irregularity, whatever you call it... It’s not a sin in itself.
The cynicism behind it is.
Tosya sighs and reclines back into the armchair.
I don't have anything to argue with.
I see.
I thought I’ve reached the very end.
I didn't think I could fall any deeper in love, not at this point. And yet here I am.
So it turns out that you’re quite the romantic.
So pure of heart, huh... Do you have a heart? Not in a traditional sense, of course, but...
Ah, doesn't matter. Whatever passes for a heart in you, I hope my message reaches it.
1 second ...
The glow keeps getting brighter. I check the clock on the wall.
[ASYA]
[calm] Tosya... We have thirty minutes left.
Let’s go.
[thehe] [TOSYA]
Yessir.
Finding the exit to the roof doesn’t take long – just a separate staircase down the hallway. I press on the handle. No resistance.
...Hm. Guess I was correct. There’s no need for keys anymore. Of course there isn’t.
Everything is becoming right, everything is returning to its most natural state. All of the lock values have been reset to zero.
What is the default state of a lock? It’s being open.
[white] 1 second [ASYA]
[uff] !...
Bright. It’s so bright outside.
I blink a little. Whew... If this was summertime, I think I would get blinded.
Little by little, my vision adjusts. I blink again, just staring straight ahead... And then I see it.
1.5 seconds [sunrise1]
2 seconds
show snowup1 There's the morning light.
A pink haze sprawls over the vast horizon - it fades into the softest yellow hue, then into cyan, then into a sleepy purple shade. The darkness is now far behind, retreating back into the icy tundra.
And the city... The city rests below.
What was its name again? I suppose that isn’t important anymore.
The streetlights are already off. The roads are clean and quiet. The windows of the blocks burn pink. Everything’s silent. Everything’s at ease.
And right above me, stretching up into the soft violet sky... is the radio tower.
[tshock]
show snowup2 [TOSYA]
Ah... The snow!
[ASYA]
[ah] Huh?
[TOSYA]
It’s falling upwards!
[ASYA]
[woah] Wha...?
I take a look around...
[ASYA]
[woah] Woah, you’re right!
I didn’t even notice. The white flakes split off from the snowy mounds and calmly float up to the heavens.
...How cute. Everyone’s going home.
I stretch my arms out. The snow coats the bottom of my mittens.
[tyay] [TOSYA]
By the way, you still afraid of heights?
[ASYA]
[calm] Hm? No, not really. They were never that scary.
[thehe] [TOSYA]
Oh yeah? How ‘bout that time at the ferris wheel?
[ASYA]
[concern] I-I was nine!!
[woah] (cont'd) ...Ah!
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
...Hm. Well, look at you.
[ASYA]
[ah2] I... I remembered...!
[surprised] (cont'd) I remember that!
[tyay] [TOSYA]
Ya sure did! Your memory’s real selective, huh.
And merciless...
[ASYA]
[woah] No, I actually...
[wtf] (cont'd) A lot of things are
suddenly much clearer...!
[TOSYA]
...Yeah?
[ASYA]
[wtf] Yes, they’re... They’re not good things, but...
[tstare] [TOSYA]
...
[ASYA]
[ah2] I see... I see. I see, I see, I see, I see.
I’ve used up all the matches Tosya gave me. The dark ballroom, the massive hall I couldn’t hope to ever illuminate in full... Thin morning light began to creep in through the windows. The corners are still drenched in darkness, the shadows cast by the columns, rows of splat-back chairs and drapery are still the same impenetrable black, but... I can finally see around me. I see where I am. The lovely pattern on the marble floor, the beautiful exotic vases, the dozens of paintings lining the walls...
Ha! There I go again. Ballroom? Lavish decor? Who am I kidding? The place that I struggled so hard to see was no more than a stuffy little room. The morning light shines through a concrete crack, not through an arched window. The beam falls not on marble, but onto... There isn’t much to fall on. My own pathetic figure writhing on the floor, crying for Tosya. The smell of gasoline inside a pitch-black body shop. A shattered window leaving painful cuts. Apologising to everyone's parents. My dad getting fed up with my hysterics. My mother's sad, embarrassed face.
It’s all just so... boring.
[sunrise1] [tstare] [ASYA]
[ah2] Ha...
[TOSYA]
Hm?
[ASYA]
[ah2] Haha. Sorry.
[TOSYA]
What for?
[ASYA]
[calm] You asked if I remembered anything from
right after you went away.
[TOSYA]
...So?
[ASYA]
[calm] It’s...
[serene] (cont'd) not even worth talking about.
[TOSYA]
...
[ASYA]
[calm] You already knew that. Right?
[TOSYA]
Yeah.
[ASYA]
[calm] ...
[TOSYA]
...You’re still gonna do it?
[ASYA]
[calm] Of course. That doesn’t change anything.
[tneutral] [TOSYA]
...Glad to hear that. Well then, up we go?
[tyay] I nod.
[ASYA]
[serene] Up we go.
[tower]
I hate to admit it, but looking up through the metal railings makes me a bit nervous. I grab onto the service ladder, and give it a shake just to make sure...
Hm. Seems very stable. Not even a rattle. That’s good.
I mean, of course, it should be safe. This place had to be well-maintained. And relatively speaking, the climb isn’t all that high.
There are much taller radio towers out there. Even if I had to climb one of those, it wouldn’t be a problem.
I’m really not afraid of heights. I wasn’t lying.
I wouldn’t be scared.
[TOSYA]
You alright?
[ASYA]
[neutral] Ah?
[sus] (cont'd) Yes, all good...
What am I doing?
At this point I have no right to hesitate.
I step onto the ladder and begin the climb.
Tosya follows suit.
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
My boots aren’t exactly made for this... Gotta be careful not to slip.
I didn’t think of it at first, but now that I’m a dozen metres above the floor of the roof, the cold in my hands is becoming harder to ignore.
Even with mittens on, it’s freezing to the touch. Must be the thin layer of ice wetting the wool.
Oh well. Letting go isn’t an option, and neither is climbing down.
[TOSYA]
You holding up okay?
[ASYA]
[blank] Yes, I’m fine.
[TOSYA]
Ya sure? You seem to be getting tired.
[ASYA]
[blank] I’m okay.
[TOSYA]
Listen... We both know you’re a wimp, alright? No use in playing tough. So it’s chill if you just-
[ASYA]
[blank] I said, I’m fine!
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
[TOSYA]
...Hahaha. You...
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
[TOSYA]
So you’ve changed after all, haven’t you?
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
[ASYA]
[blank] What do you mean?
[TOSYA]
...I’m not sure. It just feels like it.
[ASYA]
[blank] ...
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
Keep looking up. Up, only up. We’re halfway there already.
I can see the platform getting bigger. Looking to the side is a distraction. Looking down is punishable by firing squad.
If I look down, I will be executed. No, worse – they’ll send me very far away!
No, no, no. I don’t wanna go far away. I don’t wanna look down. I don’t wanna meet eyes with her.
[TOSYA]
You, um...
[ASYA]
[blank] Yes?
[TOSYA]
Do you have, like... a script prepared for your message?
[ASYA]
[blank] ...My message?
[TOSYA]
Yeah.
[ASYA]
[blank] I... No, there’s no script.
[TOSYA]
Ha! So you’re just gonna scream whatever pops into your head?
[ASYA]
[blank] Something like that.
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
My message...
Perhaps I should’ve brought a note.
Not because it was ever meant to be verbose or anything. No, I wanted to make it short and to the point right from the start. At least, it sounds like something I would want, knowing myself. Knowing me...
Ah... The longer I go, and the higher I climb... the more confused I feel.
It’s pretty stupid. I know sometimes I’d walk into the room looking for something, but forget what I came for right away. It’s just like that.
Something that was so obvious to me two steps ago is now a mystery. So I rewind and try to carefully retrace my path.
But I am already two steps above. And while my mind was busy trying to recover missing fragments, more slipped out.
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
I can’t afford to get distracted, so I’ll get back to my point. The point I was making... Right. I don’t need a script.
It would be nice to have a note in retrospect, what with me being all dumb and woozy. But...
Even now, I’m not too worried about messing up the words. They don't matter that much. They’re only vessels.
Those are important for any message, of course...
But when the emotion that overwhelms me is so strong, I’m sure that it can reach its destination no matter the form.
Hm. It’s strange.
It seems like so much is slipping away, slipping, slipping, slipping. But this one feeling hasn’t diminished a bit.
It’s like every cell of my body is abuzz. And in my head...
The blank spaces that won’t stop forming don't remain empty for long. Because the feeling, this warm wonderful emotion comes pouring in and fills them up to the brim.
It’s really, really lovely.
Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank. Clank.
10 seconds [ME]
Oof...
[skygray] I cover my face. It’s so windy up here... I hope my scarf doesn’t get caught on anything.
I crawl up to the platform and immediately slouch against the tall antenna. The ache that’s been numbing my arms and legs for a good portion of the climb has suddenly become very apparent. Ow...
Hey, past me. Would it really be so hard to exercise once in a while...?
[GIRL]
Gwaah! Finally!
The girl crawls out behind me. At least she’s high on energy.
[GIRL]
Man, is it breezy up here or what? Ah-
Her eyes are glued to the view in front. Haha. What’s that expression?
I can’t blame her, though. It’s breathtaking.
[GIRL]
W-woah! Are you seeing this?
[ME]
Yeah.
[GIRL]
This is bonkers... Bonkers! You’re not reacting at all! Come on! Everything’s so tiny... Wahaa, I can see so far!!
[ME]
It’s really beautiful... I’m just a little tired. Phew... Give me a minute.
[GIRL]
Woohoo!!!
Her voice is drowned out by the howling wind. She laughs. The rising snow is viciously pelting her face, but she doesn’t seem to care.
She’s running back and forth around the platform, giggling and screaming profanities as loud as she can. She’s so happy... That makes me happy, too.
I stand up and swipe the snow off the back of my coat. The clumps detach and float into the sky. The sky...
It feels so close. I reach my hand up and... Yeah, no. I’m not tall enough.
Of course, there’s the antenna right beside me. That's the peak propping up the sky. So around five more metres until I'd be able to make contact.
I don’t think I can climb it, though... There’s nothing to grab onto. And frankly, I’m too tired to try.
[ME]
Hey.
I call out to the girl.
[GIRL]
What’s up?
[ME]
Come here. It’s about time.
[GIRL]
Oh!
She skitters closer, still wearing a huge grin on her face. I fix the scarf around her neck.
[ME]
It’s cold. Cover up a little.
[GIRL]
Ugh, you still worry about that?
[ME]
Don’t pout. I don’t want you to catch anything, that’s all.
She lets out a sigh of resignation.
[GIRL]
Are you my mom or something...
[ME]
Haha, I could be. You never know.
[GIRL]
No way.
[ME]
Why not?
[GIRL]
You look too young...
[ME]
Maybe I'm blessed with youthful looks.
[GIRL]
Uh-huh. Where’s my dad, then?
[ME]
Dead. I poisoned him.
[GIRL]
Scary!
[ME]
Hehe.
[GIRL]
...
[ME]
It’s rising.
[GIRL]
Ah!
3 seconds 4 seconds [sunrise2]
5.5 seconds Light. White, blinding light emerges from the endless mountain ridge.
The jagged line of the horizon catches fire. It’s burning high and wide in red, orange and pink – in the most painful shades the human eyes can see.
The flames are caught by the howling wind and start to spread across the melting fields of snow. Closer and closer, closer and closer, until...
I turn my head.
The figure of the girl beside me is bathed in the violent morning rays. Her hair is the same colour as the blazing hills.
Her face is so familiar and warm, it makes my chest hurt.
[ME]
You... Your name... What’s your name?
[GIRL]
Ah?
show snowup2
show snowup3 She turns. I feel as if my body, my entire world has reached a boiling point.
[white] [endneutral]
1 second 3 seconds [ME]
Your name... Who are you?
[endsad]
[GIRL]
Oh, um... I... S-sorry, I’m not sure. And you are...?
[ME]
...
[GIRL]
...I see. That’s okay.
[ME]
...Okay?
[GIRL]
Mhm. It’s alright if you don’t remember.
It’s probably not important.
[ME]
...You really think so?
[endsmile]
[GIRL]
Yes. Because... I feel like I’ve known you for a very long time.
[endyay]
[ME]
M-me too!
[GIRL]
Ahaha! That’s wonderful! Then there’s nothing to worry about, right?
[ME]
Um, I guess... I guess so! Haha...! It’s just that, uh...
[GIRL]
Hm? What’s wrong?
[ME]
We... I feel like I had something very important to do.
A message...
I think I was supposed to send a message.
[endwoah]
[GIRL]
Message...? Like a transmission?
[ME]
Ah! Probably! Yeah. Since we’re on top of a... radio tower.
[endneutral] [GIRL]
...Hm, yeah. That makes sense. What’s the transmission?
[ME]
I... I don’t know. But I can sense it. There's this feeling I need to get through no matter what.
[GIRL]
Oh! O-okay! That’s good. Um...
And who are you sending the message to?
[endyay] [ME]
I... Er...
It's for...
I look around.
1 second The endless tundra wraps around the globe. The western front looks cold and dark, but soon, soon the fire will spread over the surface of the Earth and fill the sky. The little town below is already engulfed. The metal tower is red from the heat, like a blade ready to be laid against an anvil. Little by little, everything burns up. In a few moments the entire planet will combust. The sun keeps rising. The day’s breaking on the searing peaks. The girl I know is smiling at me. This girl I know. This girl...
How many times have I seen her face? How many times has she seen mine? I can’t say. I really can’t remember. But I know her better than any other person on planet Earth. And I think... she knows me better than anyone, too.
I know her eyes have seen me at my worst, and I can only hope they've seen me at my best. Is my best enough to outweigh my worst? I wish I knew. But she’s still here with me. Even after witnessing my lowest, most embarrassing, most disgusting moments, she’s still giving me such an earnest smile. The person closest to me... The person standing in the ring of fire. My best friend in the whole entire world.
1 second [endsad] [GIRL]
...Um... Is something wrong...?
[ME]
No, not at all.
I shake my head. Who is my message for?
There is only one reasonable answer.
[ME]
...I have something to tell you.
[GIRL]
Wh- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!
[endsurprised]
[ME]
That’s right. I have a transmission for you.
So get your receivers ready!
[GIRL]
Ah- Uh- Me?!
[ME]
Yep. Alriiight, transmission starting.
In three... Two...
[GIRL]
Um! Wait, um...! I mean-
O-okay! I’m- I’m listening! I’m on the line!
[ME]
Hehehe... One!!
[white] 3 seconds 6.5 seconds intervening script
$ persistent.endneutral_unlocked = True
$ persistent.endsmile_unlocked = True
$ persistent.endsad_unlocked = True
$ persistent.endwoah_unlocked = True
$ persistent.endyay_unlocked = True
$ persistent.endsurprised_unlocked = True December 28, 1986. The polar night over all districts of Vorkuta, including the towns of Vorgashor, Komsomolsky, Mulda, Oktyabrsky, Promyshlenny, Yeletsky, Severny, Zapolyarny, and the closed city of Vorkuta-5, has officially ended. A complete failure to establish contact with Vorkuta-5 via landline, radio, or telegraph was registered by municipal authorities in Vorkuta during the late morning hours. At 11:00 Moscow Standard Time, a KGB investigative unit, accompanied by a military escort, confirmed arrival at the designated location. No personnel were present at any of the city’s checkpoint gates.
Over the subsequent hours, the deployed unit conducted a comprehensive survey of the area and was unable to identify any trace of human or animal presence. All residential and administrative buildings were found unsecured, with no evidence of forced entry, disorder, or signs indicative of panic or evacuation. Additional military detachments were deployed to secure the perimeter and conduct further inspection. A contingent of government officials and a technical commission was dispatched to retrieve confidential documentation and sensitive materials from the local research complex. All documents related to classified work on structural dynamics have since been transferred to the USSR State Archive.
A continuous radio transmission originating from the town’s communication tower was located and disabled. The intent of the transmission remains undetermined. While the broadcast could be interpreted as a malicious hijacking, the surrounding circumstances prohibit such a conclusion at this time. Public disclosure of the event has been withheld. Close relatives of missing Vorkuta-5 residents have been issued monetary compensation in the amount of 200 rubles per case.
[ADDENDUM] Unverified civilian reports indicate that the aforementioned transmission continues to be intermittently received across various locations in the Komi Republic, despite full shutdown of city infrastructure. The signal is most clearly detected between 10:30 and 11:00 Moscow Standard Time. The transmission consists of a repeated phrase in Morse code, the content of which remains under review.
.-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..-- .-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..-- .-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..--
1 second [studesk]
[STUDENT A]
Okay... E... Then pause... Uh... Y...
[STUDENT B]
Come oooon! You’re so friggin’ slow.
[STUDENT A]
Damn it, gimme a sec... O... Huh?
[STUDENT B]
Shoulda just done it myself... Woulda been faster, I bet...
[STUDENT A]
...You...
[STUDENT B]
What? Ya know it’s true.
[STUDENT A]
... ..... .....
[STUDENT B]
Eh... W-what...?
[STUDENT A]
... ..... .....
1 second [STUDENT B]
Um, well, I... I-Is this a joke or, uh...
Because if you really-
[STUDENT A]
The message, idiot. That’s what it says.
[STUDENT B]
...Oh. Huh. You serious...?
[STUDENT A]
Yes. Look.
1 second [STUDENT B]
...Oh. Pha. Real funny.
[ Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. ] [ I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ]
[zatotitle] [white] 1 second 3 seconds 3 seconds image byebye
[bye1]
0.15 seconds [bye2]
0.15 seconds [bye3]
0.15 seconds [bye4]
0.15 seconds repeat STORY, ART, GAME: Ferry (Nopanamaman)
4 seconds ROYALTY-FREE MUSIC: Abstraction Kirk Osamayo Oleg Mazur Julia Felix WELC0MEИ0
5 seconds INTRO THEME: Out of Love (Instrumental Version) by SCENE CREDITS THEME: Golf by Jay Varton
5 seconds VOICE: Воробушек
3 seconds BETA TESTING, PROOFREADING: Ada Adorabbbit Chives5000 DripMC (Corrode) Воробушек Some Guy TM
4 seconds SPECIAL THANKS: Patreon Supporters Mom and Dad
3 seconds
show byebye 3 seconds 5 seconds intervening script
$ quick_menu = False
$ persistent.game_completed = True
$ quick_menu = True Expand/Collapse Metadata
- Id
zato-script - (Language)
en-US - TitleZ.A.T.O. script dump
- Created
- (Updated)
- Attributes
darkinteractivederivative - Banner
/assets/zato/images/gui/main_menu.jpg - DescriptionProgrammatically generated script dump of the free visual novel “Z.A.T.O // I Love the World and Everything In It”.
